The warehouse was calm and deserted, just how he remembered it. Case cracked open one of the double doors in a swirl of dust; peering inside, he looked around, making sure that the place was, indeed, empty. Satisfied at the lack of movement and sound, he pulled the door all the way open and gestured at April. Safe.

The interior of the building was cool, shade marred only by a few splotches of light where the ceiling had fallen apart. Stacks of old, rotting boxes of useless, rotting wares lay in piles reaching high above his head, strewn about almost randomly. But for a building deserted so many years ago, there was hardly enough dust on the floor: a small sign of its frequent use as a meeting place by those of Case's profession. Today, thankfully, there was no one else here.

He wove his way carefully through the maze of boxes, glancing behind him every now and then to make sure April was still following. At one four-way intersection, Case held up a hand to stop him where he was, grabbed a nearby tarp from atop some boxes, and covered something lying to the left around the corner of the intersection. When he came back into sight, he shrugged, holding his hands up.

"Dead guy. Died a while ago. OD'd on heroin." Case had seen how April reacted to the mention of dead bodies in the car: the now-hidden body in question was actually more skeleton than corpse, almost mummified by the dryness of the warehouse, but he figured it was better not to take chances. He thought back to what the boy had said in the stairwell of the apartment, and his complete naive trust in him. It was time to break some of that away. "I'm the one that gave it to him. I watched..."

Shifting the tarp slightly with the toe of his boot, he continued on past it. "Almost there."

April stared at the tarp without seeing it. Under it was a dead boy. A boy who had killed himself with drugs that Case had given him... It was unreal, how two sentences could rock his world as much they had. Case had been right, he knew shit...

'Almost where?' April wanted to ask him as he tore his eyes away and caught up with Case. 'What are you going to show me? Are you trying to scare me so I'll stop caring? I don't want to stop caring...' His confusion was overwhelming; just what was Case trying to prove to him? That he was as horrible a person as he made himself out to be? Andrew... Andrew had explained his world to April, but never actually showed it to him. Case was figuratively taking him by the arm and dragging him into his.
The whole building was creeping April out, everything from its stale smell to the shadows that loomed in every corner; and there were a lot of corners. The place felt haunted. He thought back to the body they'd left behind, and wondered with a shudder how many more of them were lying around here. How many of them had died from drugs? How many... how many were dead because of Case? How was Case even involved in all of this drug business? There were a number of possibilities roaming his head, and he didn't want to believe any of them, but the dead boy they'd left under the tarp was enough proof for them all.
Every step he took following Case, was a step he was taking blindly.

Case took a glance back at April, then turned, one hand resting impatiently on his hip. "Hey. What's your name. Kenny." As April looked up, Case looked away, avoiding the boy's eyes. "He's not going to come back to life. Let's go."

As they moved further into the maze of ceiling-high stacked boxes, the floor soon became littered with syringes, dirty plastic bags, and the stubs of innumerable and unidentifiable cigarettes. Case walked over them heedlessly, each footstep rustling and cracking over the garbage left on the floor; most of it was already broken anyway, ground into the dust by the feet of countless other people over time. The twists in the passageways between the towering stacks were frequent and random; Case let his mind drift and let his physical memory remember the turns.

He stopped in the middle of a large, five-way intersection clearing, and glanced around at the deserted little "room." A few crushed cardboard boxes lay on the floor here, piled up like cushions. Others, upended, lay near them, serving as tables. If he looked up, he could see tiny dust motes glittering in a single ray of sunlight that pierced down to the floor from a hole in the ceiling; if he looked back, he could see April cautiously following him, an uncertain look on his face.

"No one's here," Case reassured him, wrongly assuming that the boy's fear was that of encountering the other dealers. "At least, not yet. Not during the day." He raised both black gloves, palms inward, and swept the area in a grand gesture. "Marvelous, isn't it. A glittering tribute, to civilization. This is where you can buy dreams, or death, whichever you prefer... all your money is good. Sure, a few clients die off now and then, but hell, they're happy, and a guy's gotta support himself."

Then, Case lowered his arms and placed a hand on one of the cardboard walls, staring through it into a world already gone. "It wasn't always like this... but there's nothing you can do, is there?" His eyes refocused, and he beckoned to April. "Sit down, if you want. Nothing to bother you here."

April heard the invitation in a distant sort of way, but ignored it as he slowly wandered through the empty room. "Sure... nothing to bother me... so this is what you do for a living, huh?" He took a raspy breath. "Drug dealing..." Well, didn't that just beat all. He wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or throw up. Of course, it explained perfectly what Case was doing in such a nice apartment while he was still in college. And to think he'd been so happy to find out they lived in the same complex...
After circling around once, he came back to Case, sat down on the floor and put his head in his hands. He felt strange... the fear was gone, but in its place he felt... nothing. The urge to laugh came again, but he knew if he started he wouldn't be able to stop.
"I'm fine..." He said it to assure Case as much as himself. "Just gimme a minute to..."

Case frowned as April sat down, a wisp of confusing rising in his mind. He hadn't expected the teen to take the information so badly: after all, he was a high school student, and students, he'd found, were frequent buyers. Maybe April was a lot more naive that he'd expected. In any case, the boy had to find out and deal with it sometime, didn't he? Better here, alone, in safety, than out on the streets.

With a slight rise and fall of his shoulders, Case lowered himself down onto the ground by April, leaning back on the stack of boxes behind him. April hadn't looked up: Case watched him from his short distance away, still wondering at the sudden disappearance of the constant optimism that reminded him of his sister.

"If you want to know, I don't use." Idly, Case picked up a slimy shard of plastic near his foot and tossed it away, watching it arc into the air and fall, imbedding itself into the dirt. "Probably wouldn't be able to afford it, if I did. I don't have rich little parents living in suburbia to pay my way through college and grad school."

After a short silence, he sighed. "This warehouse only shut down a few years ago, you know. Was full all the time." Case pointed down one of the many passageways that converged at the clearing. "There would be guys working in here, and the factory down there, when it was running. I used to play here when I was a kid..."

While Case talked, April crossed his legs indian style and let his hands fall to rest in his lap. He was having a hard time imagining this graveyard of a place as an active industrial unit, but then, he'd never seen it while it was still operating.
And Case as a kid... he couldn't see that either. Fourteen years, he'd said, since he'd touched anybody. Which meant he had to have been between five and seven, maybe eight, when he stopped making contact with people. That was so young... what could have driven him to make such a decision?
Thinking of something, he turned his head to look at Case lounging against the boxes. Running his eyes up and down the pale, black-dressed enigma of a person, he smiled faintly. "You, playing? I can't see it, man. " He laughed softly, then sat back a little and sighed. "I'll bet you were a cute kid, though. Probably smiled more often, too..." Silence passed, then he asked, "Why'd you bring me here?"

A smile hovered around Case's lips as he inclined his head upwards, staring up at the small hole in the ceiling. "Yeah, playing. And yeah, smiling." The smile faded. "Not with the people here, of course. But they didn't mind me hanging around..." Case scratched his head, mussing up his hair. "I hated the outdoor parks, because of the other kids that kept-- you know. Wanting to play. This was like a private playground. I climbed over everything. Especially in the factory... I practically-- no. I did live there."

Case paused, wondering why he was telling April all this. Maybe it was this morning's shocks. Maybe it was because of the atmosphere here, and all the memories this building contained. Maybe it was just that he was tired of being the only one to know. Maybe it was pointless to think about it.

"Why we're here... why not?" And then he was up on his feet again, pushing himself off of the wall, which trembled dangerously in reaction to his motion. "But if you're up for another walk, I'll show you something." Case looked down at April from where he stood, an odd warmth lighting up his usually dead green eyes, then started off down one of the passageways, not waiting for April's response.

His voice drifted back into the clearing as he disappeared from sight, echoing flatly around the cardboard walls. "I'm going to see my parents..."

It had shown itself again, that light in Case's eyes, and it had been aimed directly at April. He'd stopped breathing... And then Case was walking away, booted feet carrying him steadily down a side corridor. Scrambling to his feet, April jogged across the dirty floor until he caught up. "I'm always up for a walk." 'Especially if it's with you,' he added silently. Skipping school to spend the day with Case at a run-down factory warehouse that doubled as an illegal substance exchange center... on a day like this, he'd follow Case anywhere.

((pah. Seeing as it's Case who's giving the tour, I've got nada to say.))

The door at the end of the passageway was rusty, creaking on its hinges as Case pulled it open. He went inside first, groping about in the darkness of the abandoned factory, until he found the light switch on the wall. The huge room brightened as the electric lights whirred into life, blinking at first, then glowing with a steady, if weak, brilliance.

Case looked inside and breathed in deeply. A kind of exhilaration crackled in the air around him; he almost seemed joyous, or at least, content, and a bit nervous and awkward as well, as if he wasn't used to such happiness. Leaving the door open for April, he wandered into the room between the rows of assembly lines, turning slowly in circles and gazing about the ruined factory as if drinking in the scenery.

The place was rusty as hell, and smelled of it. Long-disused assembly lines ran from wall to wall, parallel with the door; empty stools sat by each of them in measured intervals, a dozen for each line. Two parallel rows of steel stretched over each line as well, complete with hanging hooks and magnets for tools and transportation. Along each wall, empty steel frames, bent and twisted with time, lay waiting for someone to fill them with machinery; a giant furnace lay dormant in the far wall, still filled with ash from the last fire it ever held, and next to it--

Next to it, was a titanic, steel-plated arm of some sort, that stretched high above his head and arched over the rounded roof of the factory; Case, even at his height, barely reached a third of the way to the top of its base. The arm's location suggested that it may have lifted the finished products off of the assembly lines and moved them into the empty frames, but it was impossible to really tell what the contraption was originally used for.

Case immediately headed towards it, slowing as he drew close. His eyes wandered over the rusted joints and panels of the machine with a kind of sadness as he reached out and touched it: touched it, in a way that betrayed reverence, and care. Then he turned his back to it, leaning back against the cool metal, and slid down along the arm until he was seated on the floor, looking up at April in the distance. Case's eyes were clouded now, perhaps after seeing the damage time had done to the odd machine he rested against.

"It's rusted now... obsolete. No one to care for it. Left behind by time..." His voice was low, but it carried throughout the room, bouncing from metallic surface to surface. "I was eleven, and broke, and alone, living in here after all the workers left. It wasn't so bad, better than the streets. They'd leave all the machines on to work while they weren't here, so it wasn't too quiet." Case patted the floor next to him with the palm of one hand. "I slept right here."

"And this," he said, pointing a thumb backwards over his shoulder, "is what I used to sleep against. It was warm, and when it moved it would move me too, in a nice way... you know. They even had a name for it. They called it Bertha, like the cannon in World War I. I used to think of as my mother..." A half-embarrassed, half-wistful smile tugged at the corners of Case's lips. He leaned his head back against the base of the machine and closed his eyes. "Sometimes, I still do."

"Did you think of this as home? For a little while, at least?" April asked, running his fingers over the small gears on a conveyer belt behind him. He briefly wondered what used to be made here. It smelled musky, and the dust particles in the air made his nose itch, but Case was leaning against the giant metal arm with the most peaceful look on his face. The memory he was recalling may not have been concieved in an easy or secure time in his life, but it was strong, and good. And he was smiling.
It was nice to see him smile.
"How'd you get by? Eleven's a young age to be on your own."

"Yeah, home." A fleeting frown crossed Case's face, perhaps at a bad memory. "I got by any way I had to. Used to steal things, a lot."

He lowered his head, regarding the still-open, rusted door in the far wall with the distant gaze of memory. "Once, some guy in there offered me a few dollars to take something somewhere, no questions asked. Hey, I was hungry, so I said sure. He got to trusting me, after a few times of that... he let me into the business. Nice guy, had two kids..." The smile returned, briefly, then disappeared for good. Case pointed to a chair right beside April. "But he used to use his own wares. Went into a seizure in that seat right there and died while he was talking to me. I was twelve. That taught me my lesson pretty good. Never touch the stuff..."

Case laughed, an almost painfully awkward sound, and scratched at the back of his head. "Everyone dies."

The chair Case pointed at was covered in a thick layer of dust and dirt. It looked innocent enough, but apparently it had a malicious history. A man had died sitting in it... April suddenly felt uncomfortable standing near it.

Earlier, in the storage room, surrounded by the the hard evidence of what Case did with his time, April had almost hated him for it. He'd just found it so difficult to believe that anyone would choose to live their life that way. But after hearing Case's story of how he got started in the business... April couldn't hate a homeless twelve year old kid who was just doing what he could in order to survive. And he couldn't blame Case for wanting to continue surviving. He didn't completely agree with his methods, but that wasn't really his business, no matter how much he thought Case should stop.
His feet were tired of standing, so he came to sit next to Case, resting his back against the machinery and stretching out his legs. For a while he was quiet, considering Case's comment, then answered, "Yeah... I guess that's true. But not everyone dies at their time. Sometimes they die before they're supposed to and leave you behind..." Tilting his head so he could see Case, he offered a lopsided smile. "Thanks telling me all this... it means a lot. So don't you go and die on me, ok?"

"I'm trying not to. I've had a few close calls, but nothing serious." Case pulled his legs in, careful not to touch April's. His voice rasped with his typical dry humor. "My life's one long sob story, really." Then, in a sudden burst of movement, he turned sideways and looked at the boy, eyes alive with not light but something like... pride. "But don't you dare fucking pity me. I haven't ever had to need other people, and I don't need them now."

A sudden yawn broke Case's fervor and he leaned his head and shoulder sideways against the towering arm, shifting into a comfortable position. He looked down at the top of April's head. "What's your deal with bodies, anyway? Never seen 'em before?"

"I... no, that's not it." He fought the lump that was suddenly inhibiting his voice. It was a sensitive subject, one he hadn't vocally acknowledged in months. "I mean, I saw my dad in a coffin when I was eight, and that was pretty rough. But he... they cleaned the body up so you couldn't really tell he'd been in an accident..." It had been a rough time for his entire family, his mother especially. His sisters had been too young to understand, and they hadn't come to the calling hours and had to see their father all pale and unmoving and packed away in a box...

Realizing he'd been reminiscing instead of talking, he laughed, but it came out sounding dead and forced. "Sorry... It's just- Andrew was everything to me. He was the greatest boyfriend ever: intelligent, a total comedien, absolutely gorgeous... I loved hearing him laugh..." He choked, and dug his fingernailds into the denim of his jeans while continuing bitterly, "I found him stone cold dead in an alley a year ago, with a bloody bullet hole in his stomach."

"Why?" Case asked quietly, breaking the silence that had lapsed for a few seconds between them. "I mean, why did someone kill the guy? Random shooting?" Then, immediately, he waved the question away. "No, don't tell me. I don't want to know."

People were always shooting each other over the smallest things, especially people he was acquainted with; on top of all that, drug wars were always raging in the city, hiring rival gangs as street mercenaries... If this Andrew guy was somehow associated with that, Case thought to himself, he himself might even have been involved... and somehow, the idea bothered him.

"That's one thing I've never had to deal with," Case began again, pulling his mind away from his previous train of thought. "Or maybe I have... I don't remember." He frowned and pulled at a wrinkle in his pant leg, unwilling to meet April's eyes. "Everyone just kept dying, and there was nothing I could do, so I stopped caring. That was it." He stopped, dropped his hands, and glanced at April with a thoughtful expression. "How do you still-- why do you bother?"

"Can't help it, I guess," he said whistfully, feeling incredibly lighter after exposing such a personal piece of his past to Case. "It's just who I am. I want to see people happy, I want to take away everyone's pain. My mother told me once that I shouldn't try so hard, that I can't cure the world's ills... but I'd sure as hell like to." He sighed, and slackened his deathgrip on his pants in favor of folding his arms behind his head. "I can't just not care. I feel people's pain, and it hurts me, too..." It had been that way when he met Case. Not initially, of course, but the attitude had draw him in, and the pain he found in Case kept him there.

"Huh. Never would have expected something like that in your past. But you're still from a different world, aren't you?" Case glanced around at the crumbling factory, seeing it in his mind as it used to be, full of brash workers, sparks, and steel. "You certainly aren't from mine. I never found a reason to care. Care could have gotten me killed, if I hesitated or thought too much, or--"

He trailed off, leaving other, supposedly similar, options unvoiced. "Your mom was right, you know. Some things are impossible, no matter what you do... and I was sure as hell glad that I learned that while I had time to deal. I was lucky."

Case stood and wandered over to the assembly line, leaning back on it and placing one boot on a rung of the stool upon which his first benefactor had died. He stared at it for a moment, then gently pushed the stool away, watching its legs make furrows of rust in the ground. "Haven't had any hopes for a long time, except maybe waking up tomorrow and still being alive... I don't know where I'm going, where I'll be, what I'll be doing. I don't know if I even care..."

"I'm not unhappy, but..." Case shook his head and smirked, more at himself than at April. "I don't know what I'm talking about. "

"I care." April regarded him with a light but sincere gaze. "And if you want something to do, you can teach me. About your world. I'm sheltered; I won't deny it, it's a fact. As much as I'm grateful for growing up in a home where I was loved and protected... it's not enough." Self-conciously, he broke eye contact and tipped his chin up to stare at the holes in the ceiling. "There's more out there, things I don't understand. My mom's a surgeon in the largest hospital in this city, and my dad left us a nice sum when he died. That's what's paying my rent. Once I graduate, I'll have to move out of that building, because there's no job I can take while I'm in college that would make that kind of money. Well... no job I'd be willing to take," he added, giving Case a slanted look. Idly, his fingers played with his ponytail as he leaned back. He considered pulling the band off it; his hair felt better hanging free against his neck.
"But I'm serious about this. I may be naive, but I'm not stupid. I've seen what the real world can do."

"I'm sick of them." Case sighed, turning and lying back flat on the assembly line and gazing at the ceiling. "Don't you ever get sick of them? People. And their stupid ideas..."

Case tugged at the neck of his shirt, pulling out a small silver chain and wrapping it delicately around his fingers. "There isn't a 'real world,' I'll be the first to tell you that. There isn't a 'real,' and there isn't a 'fake,' there's only 'your' world, and that can change at any random moment, leave you wondering what the hell went wrong... or right, sometimes." For a second, a stray beam of light caught his necklace, illuminating the dull metallic triangle that hung from it. "But you already know that."

Case dropped the chain, stowing it safely away beneath his shirt again. "If there is a world out there that's 'real,' it's the worst one imaginable. I wouldn't want to see it." He glanced at April out of the corner of his eye. "And no matter how much you like feeling other people's pain or someshit, honestly, neither would you."

Another yawn broke unexpectedly from Case and he pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, stretching. He bent one leg, one boot flat upon the surface of the conveyor belt, and let the other hang at an angle off of the tabletop, just barely brushing the floor. He closed his eyes, drawing his arms back and pillowing his head with them. "Hmm. I'm tired..." Case opened one eye. "What time is it?"

April stared at Case with his mouth open in disgust and disbelief. "When did I say I liked feeling other people's pain?" He pulled his arms out of their casual position and drew his knees up as though preparing to stand. "Godammit, Case!" Instantly he was on his feet, striding over to the conveyer belt and slamming one hand down on the cool metal on the opposite side, trapping his companion. He was careful not to let any part of himself come in contact with Case's body, but he stayed close enough that in order to escape, Case would have to push him away. "I'm sick of listening to you be so calloused! You won't open up to anybody, and I think it's just becuase you're scared!" His voice shook with intensity. "I've seen you, the broken you, when I tried to touch you in the car, remember?! Do you think I like watching you hurt so much, then just cover it up as though it isn't there?! It's not going to go away!" he rasped. He felt like kissing him and punching him at the same time. "And neither am I!"

"I didn't mean that you enjoyed pain--" Case froze, his other eye opening wide, as April trapped him on the conveyor belt. "Don't," he started, then stopped as his voice cracked immediately. He swallowed hard, trying desperately to keep his cool. It didn't work.

Case stared up at April, stared up through April, and began to whisper quietly in absolute submission. "Yeah. I'm scared. I'm-- terrified. Whatever you want. Anything." He glanced from side to side in a panic, a panic which only grew as he found no way to escape. Closing his eyes resolutely, pressing them shut as if April might force them open, he tried to calm his breathing and failed miserably.

"You're right-- I'm broken-- a failure-- a defect--" His voice rose in pitch, teetering over the edge of hysteria. "They were right-- I'm insane-- I need help-- anything-- oh God, help me--!"

Case lunged forward, grabbing two fistfuls of April's shirt and pulling the boy's face inches away from his. His hands burned; his face burned; his entire body burned with agonizing pain where he knew the boy was close, but Case had no choice-- he couldn't move-- trapped-- just like-- even his thoughts were beginning to break up--

Wild green eyes, shining with near-insanity, stared into April's. "DON'T DO THIS TO ME-- YOU'RE JUST LIKE I AM--"

Case's hysteria escalated so quickly that it didn't give April time to think; he reacted fully on instinct. His mouth was instantly on Case's, swallowing whatever desperate screams he was about to make.
Then he fiercely pulled away, and, gripping the hands holding his shirt, hauled them both off the conveyer belt, trying to diminish Case's feeling of confinement. It clenched cruely at his heart, looking into those beautiful green eyes and seeing so much fear. Fear of him. He'd gotten what he wanted; Case was openly expressing emotion, but it was of such size and magnitude that April felt near panic himself. He hadn't wanted to... He was going to have to hurt himself for this later. God, it was so much worse than he'd imagined...
"Case..." he tried softly, evenly, holding the gloved hands in his and stroking them softly with reverence. "Case... come back to me..." He kept his hazel eyes determinedly on Case's green. "I don't want anything from you... you're safe... I'll help you, I will, it'll be ok..." Desperately, he placed a kiss on the terrified young man's forehead, all the while murmering nonsense, anything he could think of to soothe the insanity that had taken hold of his friend. "Come back to me, Case... I'll keep you safe, they can't hurt you... you're not a failure, Case, you're not... you're just alone. Please, come back to me..."

The intrusion into his personal space had been far more than casual this time: his eyes filled with sights and ears with sounds that Case had never wanted to experience again. It was almost more than he could bear; he felt as if he could explode at any moment. Far off, in the back of Case's mind, he knew that he was safe, in the warehouse, alone with a boy he could easily physically overpower, but in the front of Case's mind...

"Do whatever you want." The words burst from him automatically as Case froze where he had landed. He knelt by April, still staring through him and rocking slightly back and forth, babbling to himself. His expression never changed as April tried to calm him down; Case only looked up at him, drawn by the sound, with an absolute lack of recognition.

As April kissed his forehead, Case leaned into it, eyes shut, and began to talk in a flat, monotone voice, rapid words that meant nothing, lies that tore painfully from his throat. "Yes-- I'm yours. I need you. I like it... Please..." He clutched at the other boy's hands in desperation, growing louder and louder with each passing moment as he spewed out his lines with less and less believability, practically shouting over April's soothing words. "I want you. I'm yours. It feels good-- Do whatever you want!" Then, his shouts quieted into desperate, racking sobs as his grip on April's hands tightened with enough force to cause the other boy pain. "It hurts-- oh god, it hurts--"

Case straightened, and his pained, confused eyes pleaded at someone behind April, far off in the tunnels of memory. "Do whatever the hell you want... I don't care anymore. But please... just... don't tell Nancy."

His crazed, wandering gaze locked onto April's, held there, for a second, and focused--

And then Case tore his hands away, leaving his gloves lying limp in April's grasp. Falling onto his elbows, he crawled a short way backwards in a state of blind panic, not stopping until he hit his head on the towering arm behind him with a sharp cry of pain. Reaching behind him, clutching at the wall as if reassured by its solidity, he curled himself up into a ball and stared out at April for a long moment before he covered his face with his hands, almost able to hide the fact that his cheeks were burning red.

"Fuck, I just-- I can't believe I-- What the hell am I doing?" He bent forward so that his hair curtained his face and began to shake, swearing intensely at no one in particular. "God damn you, you fucking asshole. I hate you. I fucking hate you... why couldn't you just die like everyone else...?"

With a long, shuddering inhalation, Case lifted his head and stared down at the palms of his hands, which glistened with what may have been tears. He wiped them away on his pants, then let his arms hang limp at his sides; only the friction between his bootheels and the ground were keeping his legs up to his chest. A giant tear showed in the back of his coat, where it had caught on the assembly line; the ragged edges dragged along the ground as Case sat up. Feeling suddenly drained, both mentally and physically, too empty to be angry, Case turned an exhausted gaze on April.

When he spoke, his tone was one of utter defeat. "What the fuck did you have to do that for, you fucking son of a bitch...?"

April's voice wouldn't work. It just wouldn't. He wanted to say something, he wanted to tell him- what? What could he say after that? Case had been petrified when April trapped him to the conveyer belt, so what the hell had made him think kissing Case would make it any better? Why hadn't he just let go? The throbbing in his hands from where Case had clutched them too hard was distant. He couldn't think. The words Case had said to him when April tried to calm the fear and pull him back to reality... They made him feel sick. It had been like listening to a machine recording, flat and emotionless and... The things April remembered feeling when he'd seen the dead boy back at the apartments, it was nothing compared to how he felt now. He had to bite his tongue to keep from hurling.

Case was watching him. He had to say something... anything... 'Answer him, dammit!!'

"I-" It came out thin and off-pitch, but broke the barrier holding his words back and he continued, "Case I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." His voice was cracking. "Oh, shit..." The gloves dropped to the floor as he clapped a hand over his mouth and stared at them in horror. "I don't want to hurt you, Case, please, I don't want to hurt you... I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have... I'm sorry I..." The tears came down in a torent, and his teeth clenched in fury. "What the hell happened to you...?" For a moment, all he could do was stare at the ground and listen to the sound of his own shallow and irregular breathing. Calm... he needed to be calm.

"Case..." The words came more softly this time, and he uttered the name like a prayer. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry I scared you and I'm sorry I k-kissed you..." Blood rushed to his cheeks with shame as he said this. "But even if you want me to leave and never come near you again, I can't..., I don't want to, Case... I don't want to leave you alone." Shuddered as he swallowed. "Even if it's not with me... I don't want you to be alone."

"I tried to kill him." Case spoke slowly, as if every word drained him of a bit more life. His sentences were broken and stunted, rambling on in random directions. "I tried to kill him, in his sleep, and he just wouldn't die. We shared a room, in their house. That made it easy. For him. I tried to stay in the basement as much as I could. Sometimes he'd come down-- but it was okay, no one could hear me-- us--"

"He fought me. He used to play football, and he was sixteen. I was eleven, but I had a knife, from the kitchen. I stabbed him... He wouldn't die, but I hurt him..." A vicious, righteous gleam appeared in his eyes as one hand clutched at his shirt and the necklace beneath it. "I hurt him, bad. Blood, everywhere... mine, too. He won't hurt anyone ever again... not like me."

Case trailed off and stared down at the floor. "They thought I was insane. No-- they thought I was insane the whole time, but now they had an excuse. Accusing their perfect son of-- he had a girlfriend, and a whole bunch of adoring female fans, why would he ever-- and with the crazy adopted kid--" He stopped short, turning his face away. "They wanted to lock me up, so I ran. I couldn't tell-- no one believed me-- and I couldn't explain. I couldn't ruin it for Nancy. She was so happy there, after they placed us... she wanted to stay."

"We were the perfect family... everyone was smiling. All I had to do to keep it that way was keep my fucking mouth shut and my hands in my pockets and I couldn't. I tried. I tried so fucking hard, but I failed. I was weak. I snapped. I ruined it... I could've kept everyone happy..."

"But that's back then. This is now. I kept that knife..." Case's eyes met April's, challenging, full of wounded pride. A small trickle of blood oozed between his fingers as he tightened his grip on the triangle around his neck, a triangle that could quite possibly have been the broken, dulled tip of a blade. "There isn't anything stopping me anymore. Touch me like that again, and I'll gladly try and kill you too." Somehow, though Case didn't seem like he was in any condition to carry out his words, it was clear that they weren't a threat: they were a declaration. A cold statement of fact.

He held his gaze steady for a few seconds, then unwrapped his hand, leaving dark stains on his shirt where it had been, and looked down at the blood. Case drew his hand across the metal of the towering arm, leaving a streak of red across its base. "But don't make me do that." His expression softened. "You remind me too much of her..."

At April's next words, Case clenched and unclenched his hand, closing his eyes and immersing himself in that small pain. "Alone? No. You're wrong. I'm not alone. I never have been. There are other people out there, outside me. And there's nothing I can do about it, though I wish I could..." He was still slumped against the wall, and the exhaustion in his voice only grew clearer as he spoke. "Sometimes, I want everything to die, even me... I want to feel nothing. I want to be empty. It's the only answer, don't you see...? If I hadn't cared-- if I hadn't hurt-- if I could have just been dead inside-- a machine-- Damn this pitiful humanity--!"

He sighed, lapsing back into his own regrets. "All I had to was ignore it... and I couldn't..." The next sentence, when it came, was an almost inaudible whisper. "And I never have been able to since..."

"I think I really am going to hurl..." April mumbled, pulling his legs up to his chest with his arms wrapped around them and pressing his forehead to his knees. He took a few deep breaths, then suddenly started laughing. Case had sacrificed his sanity for one little girl. "Bloody hell... and here I thought I was selfless... you've got to be the least-selfish person I've ever met..." It was hysterical, undeniably and absolutely hysterical. He'd been so sure his only motivation for following Case around had been to help him. Load of crock that turned out to be; if he'd really cared one bit about how Case really felt, he would've been able to hold himself back. He would have been patient. He wouldn't have kept trying to convince himself that if was him touching Case, it would be ok.

If he'd cared at all, he never would have pinned him down and kissed him.
By now he was laughing so hard he was crying.
"I've been so... goddamn... selfish..."

"Get out, Case... get out and never come near me again... I'm a liar and I don't really care about you at all... get out and stay away from me before I hurt you again. Get out and go find someone who really deserves you."

Tired. It hurt to hold his head up, to keep his back straight, to stop himself from just lying back and closing his eyes. He should get up and go, he thought, and he swore to himself that he would have, were he not so goddamned... tired. He would have left, immediately. Really.

But he was still here, watching April half-cry, half-laugh, sitting motionlessly to one side. The room was quiet now after the boy's outburst; only faint echoes of the words drifted about, bouncing along the machinery. Case shrugged himself out of his torn, ruined coat, and threw it off to the side, then leaned forward, crossing his legs, resting his elbows on his knees.

"I meant it when I said you were just like I am." He hugged himself, bare hands sliding up and down his uncovered arms, as if to warm them somehow. "I try. You try. We all try, best we can. It's all we can do... isn't it?" Case lowered his eyes, staring at the sides of his boots. "I should probably thank you for even bothering to try and help me. No one has in a while... didn't recognize it for what it was. But maybe I was right. Maybe I'm just defective beyond repair."

"And I'm selfish as hell. Just because I'd give my life for one person doesn't mean I give two shits about the rest of the world. I'd gladly rid the world of the rest of them. Can't really classify that, can you? I wish it were one way or the other..."

It was almost an apology. To whom it was directed was unclear. April? Himself? The world? "I am what I am..."

"I can see why he wanted you." It was out before he could stop it. "The guy, I mean, the one who... I understand why he went after you, because you are what you are." He twisted his head to the side so he could be heard better, but without having to look at Case. "You're gorgeous." Dreamily he closed his eyes. "I'm not just talking about your face or your hair or your eyes... even though you do have really beautiful eyes. But you've got a light somewhere underneath all that crap that's built up over the years, and it's magnetic. You've covered it up, hidden it, so it's hard to see now... but I'll bet that at eleven you just glowed with it."

Grinning bitterly, he unlocked his arms and legs from their fetal position and fell back to lie on the ground. "Of course, just 'cause I think I may understand the guy's reasons doesn't mean I wouldn't shoot the bastard if I saw him on the street. But then I'd have to take myself out, too, because I've gone after you just the way he did, only more subtle. Hell, I don't think I even knew I was doing it."

"But I did, and that's all that matters. I ignored everything you told me, every single hint there was, and went straight for your weak spot and exploited it."

The light coming in from the cracks in the walls and ceiling were getting dim... how long had they been in here? His mom had probably already gotten a phone call from the school asking why he wasn't there. He wasn't looking forward to explaining it.

"Then again, maybe I'm wrong, and the guy was nothing more than another thick-headed jock who was in denial about his sexuality, didn't want to ruin his stupid puplic image and took it out on the only person availible." He yawned. "The idiot."

Case burst out laughing at the thought of April armed and ready to kill on the streets, though his laughter was tempered by his next, sobering words. It didn't stop, though; it rolled through him like rain, leaving him shaking slightly in his seat. He kept laughing quietly as April continued to speak, ducking his head between his crossed arms: laughter that was half-good humor, half-insane.

"You think he wanted me?" Case finally gasped. "You don't do shit like that to people you want, trust me on that-- it didn't matter what I looked like... or whatever light I had... people don't care about that." His laughter subsided into a series of hacking coughs. The hurt was gone; the emotion, hidden. He knew April saw through it, but it was easier to talk this way... and he knew that April knew that, too. "I think he just liked to hear me scream..."

He followed April's gaze toward the dimming light outside, realizing that it was far later than he had expected. In fact, he thought, they should probably be getting out of here soon, before people started to arrive. His eyes traced a beam of light that fell from the ceiling onto the floor, then rose to rest on April's face.

"You're not like he was." It was out before he knew it, and in a way, he was glad. Case shook his head. "I..." His teeth grated at the admission he was about to make; he levered himself up into a standing position and turned his back, staring at the rusty door to the warehouse in the distance. He thought about the museum, the coffee shop, his apartment, the car...

"I could have stopped you, if I had really wanted to..."

April was quiet, eyes still on the ceiling but his focus inward. It was what he had wanted to hear, wasn't it? But did he even deserve to hear it anymore? He didn't think so...

"But you didn't?"

Case's barriers were back up... his expression was guarded again. But it didn't hurt so much to see it now.
Suddenly April didn't want an answer. It would be too much. He was exhausted, Case was exhausted, and the latter of them had been pushed too far today already. Pressing him to finish what he'd begun to say, it didn't feel right.
"We should leave," he said quickly, before Case could respond, and stood. "School ended hours ago, so I can give you a ride back to your apartment, if you want."

"Yeah. You wouldn't want to be around here after dark..." Case threw a glance at his coat, lying to the side, and decided that it would be too much effort to go and pick it up. It was torn beyond repair anyway; besides, not many people ever wandered into the factory anymore.

He took one last, long look around the room, smiled briefly, and nodded to April. "Apartment sounds nice. Think I'll pass out as soon as I get back." He yawned. "Maybe sooner."

Then, he realized that April was waiting for him to navigate them back through the warehouse maze. He waited for the boy to stand, then headed back through the towering walls of cardboard boxes. The trip was quick, though they stopped a few times to coldly, civilly greet the few people already wandering about inside; they were standing outside the warehouse doors in a matter of minutes, surrounded by the orange haze of the setting sun.

Case looked up and inhaled deeply, letting the air back out in a long sigh. "It's only been one day..."

"One extremely long day," April added. "Feels longer, though, doesn't it? More like a year..." He took the deep breath one step further and lifted his arms high to stretch. It felt safer, being back out here where there was sunlight and fresh air. Less dead... more alive. "Wasn't that bad of a day... probably not the best, but at least it wasn't boring."

He started towards the car, waving behind him in invitation. "Come on, crazy man. Stand there to long admiring the sunset and your taxi leaves without you."

"No, it wasn't boring..." Case followed April back to his car, climbing into the passenger's seat and strapping himself in. The straps of the seat belt felt strange against his skin; it had been a while since he had been in a car with his coat off. It had been a while since he'd been anywhere with his coat off, actually.

As they pulled out of the parking lot, Case closed his eyes, propped his arm up on the door, and listened to the comforting drone of the engine, watching the flashes of street lamps and neon signs that flared against the backs of his eyelids. The seat was soft against his back, perhaps worn from other occupants, and the wind that rushed through his hair from the slightly-open window was actually quite pleasant. April was saying something, talking to him, most likely, but he felt himself drifting off, losing touch with his surroundings. He hesitated; there was definitely some reason why he shouldn't allow this. There was a reason... a good reason... a reason he couldn't remember...

His head slumped forward onto his arm as Case fell unobtrusively asleep.

It took April a few minutes to realize that he no longer had an audience, and was merely talking to himself. Shaking his head, he spared a glance at his passenger, who lay slouched against the car door with his arm for a pillow.
'He's not going to be able to feel that arm when he wakes up,' he thought, but didn't disturb Case's slumber. Little whisps of dusty black hair were whipping about his face, and for the first time that day, April noticed the lines under his eyes. But at the same time, Case looked truly at peace. No tense muscles in his jaw, no angry expression on his face, and his mouth...
April flushed and directed his gaze back to the road. He still couldn't believe he'd done that... just like he couldn't believe Case hadn't decked him for it once he'd overcome his hysteria.
Maybe he was waiting until tomorrow, after he'd gotten some rest.
"Well, since you're asleep, I guess you won't mind me turning on some of my music," April told his unconcious companion. "And don't think I didn't see that look you got on your face when I turned it on the first time." Punching in a few buttons on the dashboard, he leaned back and flexed his grip on the wheel as a song from his CD began to play.
"You just wait, Case... I'll convert you to April's Mix yet."

~*~

The sun had set when they finally pulled into the complex parking lot. April retrieved the CD from the stereo and looked over at Case. Still out. Great. How was he going to pull him out of dream land without good old-fashioned shoulder shaking?
"Hey, Case, we're back, buddy," he said loudly. "Wake up."

"Mmm...ph." Case awoke with a start, hitting the back of his head against the window, and winced, rubbing at the spot with an arm he couldn't feel. He glanced outside: they were back in the parking lot of his apartment, the same as this morning except a bit darker and now marked off with a few strands of bright yellow police tape. Case blinked once or twice, waited for his vision to clear, then looked to his left at April sleepily, rubbing at his eyes. "Mmm...f. Thanks."

He pulled off his seat belt and got out of the car, shutting the door and leaning back against its side, hesitating in half-asleep contemplation. Case reached out with two fingers and flicked idly at a piece of yellow tape that ran at waist-height in a straight line to the elevator doors. He could almost imagine his floor: tape everywhere, detectives collecting fingerprints, a crowd of gawkers--if the whole place hadn't already been corded off completely.

It was times like these that he wished he smoked, anything to forget for a minute about the little, trivial details of life. Thankfully, he had brought his wallet with him. He could feel it in one of the big pockets in his pants, a light, comforting square weight. Even if he didn't have any cash, he was sure he had a debit card or something tucked in there.

"Know of any hotels or anything around here?"

There was an answer to that in April's head. A very obvious answer. He knew exactly where Case could stay, free of charge, a place that came with a complementary breakfast.
He also knew that after what had happened between them that afternoon, it could quite possibly be the most inconsiderate thing he could say.
Oh, heck; might as well toss it out there.
"Well- uh..." he glanced uncomfortably to the side. "I've got a couch in my apartment..."

The thought hadn't even occured to Case; when April suggested it, he couldn't help but turn and stare at the boy with unshielded suspicion before catching himself and whirling back around. Right, he remembered, April was a high school senior, definitely no longer a minor under his parents' guardianship. But even after he'd remembered it, Case couldn't imagine it: April, living alone, without a family?

One hand rose and unconsciously grasped at the piece of metal around his neck as he stared down at the police tape on the ground, gritting his teeth in indecision. It would be a waste to stay somewhere else, and it would also leave a mark to trace him by, especially if he used one of his cards. He looked down at the front of his shirt, which was twisted around his hand: it was covered in splotches of his own blood where the necklace had cut him, with several tears in plainly visible places. Hurriedly, he let go and examined his hand: that was going to need some attention, as well.

Still, he couldn't-- he just couldn't--

But he said "alright," anyway, softly at first, then once more, louder. "Alright." He shoved the worried part of his mind aside, and glanced over the top of the car at April on the other side. Case's expression was a strange one: pride, pain, fearlessness, and terror all rolled into one. He stood, just looking at April for a moment in silence before murmuring a quiet "Thanks." He didn't know if he regretted the decision.

His arm was finally beginning to wake up; pins and needles danced across his skin as he rubbed at it with his other hand, beginning to move away from the car. "Where exactly do you live, anyway?"

Relief flooded April. "Seventh floor. I'll take the couch, you get the bed; there's a lock on the bedroom door, and you can pile as much junk in front of it as you want."
After locking the car doors, he opened the trunk and retrieved his backpack and swimbag, both unused. They reminded him of the huge devient from the norm today had been. Sure, both the school and his team were going to give him hell for it, and he was going to end up with a detention for cutting his classes, but somehow he couldn't care less. The detention would give him time to make up all the homework he'd missed, anyway.
Ushering Case to the elevator, he pressed the button going up, then stepped inside when the elevator car came. Fumbling with his belongings, he managed to get a finger free to press the number seven, and leaned back against the wall when it started to move upward.

[fin]