Name: Argen Surio

Gender: Male

Age:1545

Apparent Age: 17

Place of Birth: Rome, Italy

Species: Vampire.

Coven: The Nephim

Appearance: Argen is young looking and slim, His mousy blond shoulder length hair, dyed into a very dark gray and gelled back, to fit his new persona. He wears a black knee length flowing leather overcoat,no shirt(mostly) , Loose ripped gray jeans, fingerless gloves and a pair of sunglasses with silver tint, his blue/gray eyes hidden beneath them.
He has small fangs that slide out of his gums.
Argen wears 3 silver rings on his left hand and wears a silver cross on a pendant around his wrist.

Powers: Apart from the Advanced Nephim strength and speed, Argen is even faster than most vampires, Argen is a powerful mesmer and manipulater. He can also morph his body so that he change change the age he seems. He can also use his silver charm along with his eyes, to hypnotise mortals and young vampires.

Weakness's: Argen, cannot drink, dead blood or handle even diffused sunlight, holy water and the holy symbol do, not effect him, the only effect garlic does to him it give him bad breath. Women could be said to be his ultimate weakness as he will go out of his way to get them. although he is highly weak against fire.

Feeding habits: Argen does not need to feed daily, but he uses his feeding habits to sleep with mortals.

Sleeping habits: During the day, he falls into a comma like sleep waking up at dusk.

History: Argen Surio, born Antonio into a poor jewish family in Rome 462AD, during the reign of the roman empire, Antonio much like his 5 brothers and sisters were small and sickly, their father had died in a fight and only had their mother to care for them.
Antonios mother, was a woman of pleasure for the soldiers to act out their passion, with this shamefull job she managed to feed her 6 children. Antonio had always been a rebel throughout his youth, he would steal from the richer men in town so that he may feed his mother and his siblings. One day when Antonio was 17 during the year that the Roman empire feel, he had stolen a silver cross from a man in the center of town, a man he and his group of friends often stole from they had been for 3 years, but this time they saw him and decided to track him down. The man he had stolen from was a rich man and was easily angered so he sent out his troops to find the boy, Antonio being scared ran and ran until he reached his home, he ran in and found his mother intimately in bed with a man, but unlike the normal this man seemed colder than the rest. The man left shortly afterwards and Antonio noticed the marks in his mothers neck of the man that had come to visit, this man came more often and often with the next week and it was always the same, as nightfall hit he would come, he would pay the mother in silver and they had enough money to eat they were happy, one night Antonio was out with him, his name was Gregorio Maturna he would tell of his travels around europe and the such. Then he stopped coming for a month the family had run out of money and Antoni had decided he must save his family, so he went out to steal again, only this time it was the same man he had stolen the cross from, Antonio stole 4 silver rings and sapphire necklace , he sold the necklace for money so his family wouldnt starve. The man he had stolen from angered by being robbed by the same boy twice tracked him down during the day and found his home, there he brutally raped and killed, Antonios mother and sisters and killed his brothers and he spralled the words across the wall in the blood of his mother, "This woman is sinfull and her sins and your actions have been paid in full by her blood".
When Antonio returned home that night he found his families dead body and started to cry, hours later as the sun had set Gregorio returned shocked and horrified at the seen, he told Antonio that this is sacrifice and he has seen worse in his life. They talked the night away and Greg said that he had to leave for Florence in the morning and if Antonio would like to come aswell, seeing as he had nothing left in the village and he couldnt support himself, aswell as being hunted by his families murder he accepted. In the day to follow Antonio learned that Gregorio was indeed a vampire and asked if Antonio would like to become one and be his assistant, Antonio agreed and Antonio died that night.

In the years to follow Antonio changed his name to Argen Surio, from the Latin words meaning silver and desire. Argen and Gregorio spent years of their life living in and out of Italy where Gregorio taught Argen Vampire Lore. During the first months of 523AD they witnessed the death of the pope and the start of a new ones reign. They left Italy for greece in the hot summers of 524AD, They moved to England and saw the rise of king Arthur and his death in the 540s.

From then on they traveled the world staying at once play a matter of years before moving on feasting on the beauties of the lands and tasting the women. In the 550s they went back to greece, and then the 570s saw them in the middle east where they stayed for 50yrs exploring the deserts and the cities and watching a religon form.

The 620s took them towards Asia, they enjoyed it there, the the women were nice and to the taste of the 2 men. Gregorio and Argen had become close, in the 100+ years they had been together one comforting the other and the joy of each others company, until Argen wished to leave the Islands of Japan as he had grown bored of its sight and the sword fighting, he wished to travel more, Gregorio well over 600 at this point in time was bored of travel and wished to stay, they said their goodbyes and how they would met again. Greg told Argen to seek out the Nephim their brotherhood, so one day they could unite by it.

Argens youth, made hims arrogant he had no idea where he was going, the next 20yrs he wandered around looking for a place that would not bore him, he back tracked through the middle east and on towards Africa.

It was the year 672 when Argen reached Africa, where he met and fought many men of dark skin, and was then seen as a God for the people, Argen enjoyed his life here, he stayed for little more than 300 years, his unchanging form and his great strength made them worship him, and his lust for women and blood made them fear him, aswell as he had only came out at night. After the years Argen grew once more bored this people were simple and could no longer fuel his passion, so he travelled again.

Argen went north to higher points of Africa towards Egypt and settled in Cairo.
In Cairo he met another vampire, all other vampires he had come across were friends of Gregorio. This Vampire was a woman by the name of Anita Darazi she had been newly turned and abandoned by her Sire, She became Argens lover and then they spent the next years together he gave her one of his rings, these rings sparkled so much that Anita said it caught the stars itself within its gem.

They Migrated from Egypt to the lands of Europe once again, it was the year 1099 when they settled in Europe things had changed a the world was different now from what it had been 500+ years ago when Argen was a child. In Ireland Argen built a large castle, it took him 20+ years to finish it with the aid of men, and the money he had saved through the years. He and Anita live alone from the world in their castle, feeding on the villages at night. Argen had come to the point in his life, that Gregorio was when he left, one night Anita, disappeared , she had been complaining of being tied down, just as Argen had oh so many years ago. This made Argen regress into Boy and he broke down crying, crying for his dear love. Argens persona changed , for the better or the worst is unknown but he changed. Argen burnt down his castle one cold night and went on a search for Anita.

Argens search lead him all over the world again, following tales of the Golden woman.
His travels lead him to Holland, and Sweden but no luck. The year was 1312 and now he seemed only a few months behind her, he didnt know what to do when he met her , whether to kill her or embrace her, he would decide when it came to it. weeks passed, months and even years went by and the leads were beginning to thin.

In the 300 years to come, Argen became sick of life he traveled often, never making new friends he said it was because of his journey, but truly he had died inside.

1619 france, Argen had finally overcome his state of self hate, became much like himself again, everynight even though not needed her would sleep with women and feed, to as you say feed his lust and bloodlust alike.

350years later: Argen spotted in Romania after dissappearing for the past few years, in fact he had decided to learn more Vampire lore, to cover his boredem, he learned about the great covens and more about his vampire abilities that Greg had not taught him. After these long years secluded and alone became slightly insane, in the fact that right, wrong and good or evil seemed all the same to him. He had in these long years been to Romania, Greece, Egypt, Israel,Italy and all over the world again learning and gathering information every so often he would hear word of people that could be Anita, but his newest venture was to a place called America.

America 1969: This place was new and bustling with people, Argen began to look out of place, although he changed his look to match the era, a teenager as well defined as he was out of place. To gain money he began to word at night as a factory hand.
He would make sure the machines worked to the correct standard, these machines he had seen change through the ages. This America was not a fun place to be he had stopped countless time over his years there, by people wanting to steal his rings and his cross, they were quickly stopped though. In America one draws attention to ones self easily and Argen had to move around alot, he witnessed alot of things and little signs that showed of vampire life, he made new vampire friends but these guys were new and young. Argen although old, was easily tricked by talented men, once he had ended up in a mans dark basement for days without his clothes, the man was so dirty after Argen killed him he couldnt even drink from him despite having not fed for 2 weeks.

The years 2003-06 America.
Argens style had changed greatly to match up with this new era and his new friends. he now supported leather and dyed gray hair, he loved life and life loved him. his personality also changed at times he was serious, but he would often be lazy, rude and arrogant, the lifestyle of modern America was bad for him, it could be said there was something in the food. Then one day one of his friends came and told their gang of this city in Canada where all the covens populated, this sparked interest abit but not much, Argen turned on his television and to learn more about this area, an on the news was an article about one of the 4 lost rings of the Sacramosa family that was stolen 1500 years ago, each to be worth an approx $2m each was spotted in the possession of a known criminal "Anita Dairam as she atempted to steal from a pawn shop last week the owner had enough time to make out the ring on her left hand, to be genuine according to the scratches, they showed an image of the woman and what the ring looked like, the oh so familiar face and ring.
When Argen saw this, he left strait up, and decided he was going to Canada, why to find his eternal love, Anita...

Firstly, I would like to apologize again for the length of time it has taken for someone to get around to looking at your stats.

With that stated, down to business. :heh:

1. Your biggest problem is spelling and grammar. There are many comma errors, run-on sentences, verb tense confusion issues, and mistyped words in general. Some of these problems can be caught by using the grammar check in a word processor such as Microsoft Word. Others can be detected by thoroughly proofreading your work; reading aloud helps considerably when trying to pick out comma errors and run-on sentences.

For example:

This is a run-on sentence, with comma errors, and some missing capitalization. I’ve corrected it below:

“Argen Surio, birth name Antonio, was born to a Jewish family in Rome in the year 462 AD., during the reign of the Roman Empire. Antonio, much like his five brothers and sisters, was small and sickly. Their father had died in a fight, and they only had their mother to care for them.”

Can you detect that the corrected form is much easier to read? Try reading both aloud, and see which feels more comfortable to say.

2.

Are you implying that this silver charm actually has magical properties, or is it just a tool that he uses, like when a hypnotist uses a swinging pendulum to hold someone’s attention?

3. You have a colossal paragraph at the start of your history. Please try to break it down into smaller paragraphs.

4.

The covens did not exist until the 1500s; Greg could not have known about the Nephim at this time.

5. Where in Africa did Argen settle? Why did he suddenly decide to wage war upon the natives?

6. Where did Argen and Anita come by the money to build a castle? Up until that point in his history, the only mention of money that you have made is to reiterate how poor his family had been.

7.

I would like to see some explanation as to why this description fits Anita.

8. Why didn’t Argen go to North America earlier than 1969? The rest of Europe was headed there much, much earlier than that; wouldn’t he wonder if Anita had joined them?

That’s all for now. Again, the biggest problem is the grammatical and spelling errors. Focus most of your energy on trying to correct those.

Ok will get to work on that :)

2.

Are you implying that this silver charm actually has magical properties, or is it just a tool that he uses, like when a hypnotist uses a swinging pendulum to hold someone’s attention?

The Latter


3. You have a colossal paragraph at the start of your history. Please try to break it down into smaller paragraphs.
Will fix

4.

The covens did not exist until the 1500s; Greg could not have known about the Nephim at this time.

Also will fix



5. Where in Africa did Argen settle? Why did he suddenly decide to wage war upon the natives?


He himself didn't know where in Africa he was, so decided not to specify , but will change also. The fight with the natives was provoked by them as they saw a strange white man in their land, the took up arms and fought with him. Will also fix


6. Where did Argen and Anita come by the money to build a castle? Up until that point in his history, the only mention of money that you have made is to reiterate how poor his family had been.



In the 600+ plus years he had been alive, he had saved all the money he owned, as well as the odd jobs they did and the money they pillaged from those he feed from, but will also elaborate


7.

I would like to see some explanation as to why this description fits Anita.


This was two reasons one he was obsessed and had plenty of time to waste, and secondly he was always a few steps behind her. I would think that an Egyptian woman as young as her, wandering around from place to place would be enough for the locals to remember and with that he followed stories of people seeing her.



8. Why didn’t Argen go to North America earlier than 1969? The rest of Europe was headed there much, much earlier than that; wouldn’t he wonder if Anita had joined them?


One of two reasons he wanted to finish his learning and at the time, he wasn't interested in common affairs and left for America when he felt like it. Secondly before he reached France he had given up on searching for her, I had implied it. Argen wasn't looking for her anymore but when he saw her on the news he decided best not to waste a good chance.


Ok I will attempt to fix all the grammatical errors in due time. Thank you for reviewing.