Name: Damien Blackwell
Gender: Male
Age: 418
Apparent Age: 20
Place of Birth: Jamestown
Species: Vampire
Coven: Ishak
Appearence: Damien is tall & skinny. His height is 6' 0''. He has a handsome face, which he uses often to seduce mortal women to feed on. He has black hair, and dark green eyes. His rigid pale flesh is always a topic of talk, but his 'empending doom' sort of attitude keeps them from talking to his face. He is not particularly muscle bound, but he is strong. What people notice about him first, is his srtikingly dark eyes. People have to stop in order to distinguish his eyes from black. Since he does not look strong, people often pick fights that they can't win. When he does win he uses his vampire abilities, such as being able to become rolling mist, and flying freely. The only weaknesses he has are a lack of reflection, direct sunlight, crosses, stakes, and dead blood.
Damien was born in Jamestown. He was born to a priest, who, in those days made alot of money. He lived throug the fail of the Bank of Genoa in Spain, and the landing of colonists at Cape Henry, Virginia. He lived through the deaths of John Popham, Lord Chief Justice of England, Henry Chettle a famous English writer & Allesandro Allori an italian painter. He also lived through the births of John Harvard an American Clergyman, & Lady Alice Boyle an Irish Noblewomen. His parents kept him well informed. His roots are European, and he was raised by a rich family who believed they were of a higher existence. He shared their attitude strongly. His early years were easy. He was born into one of the richest families in Jamestown. When he started school, he didn't do very well. His parents hired a tutor and he turned out to be one of the smartest children in the class. He went through all the education that was required at the time, and passed with good marks. Not many children attended his school, for they were helping their parents. The boys helped their fathers in the fields, and the girls helped their mothers around the house. When Damien wasn't in school he helped his father through his drunk spells. Even when he was drunk, he was still a good man. Everything was fine, until his mother caught typhloid. The doctor came and diagnosed her, and quarantined the house. His father also had it, and they both died, leaving Damien alone. The doctor sais he was lucky not to have caught it. Having no siblings, and his relatives still in Britain, he inherited none of his family's money, and became a servant, for the mysterious man who lived on the outskirts of the town. The man seemed to be very nice, except for when the sun came out. When ever the sun rose, he would go into a storm of anger, if any curtains anywhere in the house were open.
On the day of his eighteenth birthday, he was still a servant, one of the most trusted by his master. One of the other servants in his masters house caught typhloid, just as his mother had. He caught it and was quickly carried to the hospital. Two days had passed, and he was not getting any better, so his master took pity on him. He came to the hospital, just as Damien was about to die, and told everyone he wanted a moment alone with Damien. He then proceeded to drain Damien of all his blood, and feed him some of his own. Damien healed within the next few days, and left Jamestown.
He took a ship to Europe, trying to find a place to fit in. He searched through Spain, Ireland, and Italy for 200 years, and found nothing. When he heard word of Demaitre being an underground city for vampires he immediately decided to check it out.
When he got there he lived in a run down hotel, researching the covens. When he was sure that he would not be killed, he made himself known. At first he was harrassed by the independent vampires. They knew what coven he wanted to join, and took personal offense. When Damien finally convinced them he was a good person they left him alone. Since then, he has been trying to prove himself worthy of the Ishak.
He is a snob, to be frank. He thinks that he is of a higher existence, to everyone but those of a similar heritage. He has respect for authority to those older or stronger than him, but those younger or weaker than him often incur his wrath for no particular reason. This attitude is looked down upon by the Amman. He is some what of a comedian, but most of what he says is only thought funny by the Ishak, for it is usually rude. Damien is not an over all good person, but he has his moments.
Alrighty, first thing first. Your profile isn't very indepth and see that's a real sticking point here at vital. When you put together a character biography it's not a vague discription, we really want to see, hear, and meet your character on the page.
My advise is to look at some of the accepted profiles and see what site wide expectations are...then come back and work on your character to get everything up to par.
p.s. It doesn't matter if anything "interesting" happens in a particular time period, we simply want to know what your character was doing during that time, be it secretly manipulating events, living in the wilderness or simply sleep centuries away.
Alright I can tell you put a lot of effort into this, but you really do need to amend this profile's style. You see, like in your intro-history, all the things that he'd lived through and gives me an idea of the places he's been, but you don't clearly give me a record of your character's life.
You see that's what the history is all about; your Early Years is on the right track, but you have to expound on things and make them a fluid whole.
I suggest that you just ditch the sectioning that you're doing with the history and just have all of his story fit together into a single piece. It just usually works better, kind of like editing a movie or a book, you have to make all the scenes into one piece. Just tell me who Damien Blackwell is; how does he feel about the world, the new one, the old one, how does he feel about himself, does he have any current loves, any lost loves, is he bitter and why are his reasons for who he's turned into or if he hasn't changed, why not?
Those are the kinds of things your history should explain and bring to light. Every person is influenced by the world around them, even if we don't know it, sometimes especially because we don't know it.
My main problem is still the biography; it just doesn't give a viable look at the character's up bringing. I'm not sure if it's the grammar or what, but it's just still not fitting into place.
It just doesn’t flow like it should. I think it might be because it jumps around a bit; I still suggest looking at some of the other bios so that you can understand what I’m getting at.
Here's an example, from one of my newer characters. He's only about twenty or so, but look how his bio unfolds...I know it seems a bit much, but your character's bio needs to do the same, more so actually because he's a vampire with more than four hundred years of history behind him. Still I look at this and see where you're coming from, good job. Just keep working on it. Also remember that you're free to RP on site as long as you're actively working on your profile.
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History: Born on the White Mountain Apache Reservation in Arizona, the first few years of Jonathan’s life was among his mother’s ancestral homeland and her family.
Jon’s father, an African immigrant from the nation of Ethuiopia, had been living in the U.S. for more than ten years before deciding to join the military and subsequently get his degree in engineering and design. Indeed it was during a brief stint in Arizona’s Yuma Proving Ground as a weapons testing specialist that Jon’s parents met.
His mother had been with her sister in an area mall and his father had been on leave. They dated until Jon was conceived, then were married before he was finally born. However Jon’s father was called away soon after to be transferred, and while Jon and his mother could have accompanied him on the military’s dime, Jon’s mother chose to stay for a while with her family to get her son accustomed to “his people” and his family.
So it was that under the Arizona sun, young Jon took his first steps and said his first words without the benefit of his father. Of course his father visited when he could and sent many post cards that Jon remembered his mother keeping bound in a photo album that he would go through often and thoroughly when he grew older.
For now however Jon was passed amongst his family like a gift from the heavens, when he was five or six, he would often walk the desert trails with his Grandfather, an aged though never broken man, with deep age lines and a sure and constant smile. He was a man that delighted in his grandson’s natural curiosity and could often be heard telling him stories of the old ways and old times and traditions. Jon remembered his grandfather had always been a lover of the traditions. Almost as much as he’d been a lover of his family, almost...
Indeed with his grandfather, Jon could remember spending some of his best moments. Listening to his fantastic tales or simply walking together in complete silence. No matter what it was, it was always fun with grandpa as the young boy dubbed his grandsire early in their relationship.
There were only two people as dear to the young boy.
One was his mother, whom he soon found out was the reservations Education Director, something that was made especially clear when he noticed how much his teachers all respected her as his formal education had gotten underway a few years earlier.
The second of course was his father, a man he only rarely saw and yet still loved with all his heart. Jon could hardly wait when his postcards arrived. And the whole reservation knew when he was coming home.
But it was around Jon’s eleventh birthday that things changed, that he learned his father was retiring from the military and that he had even found another and surprisingly better paying job as an engineer for a large corporation.
The next four years, well to say the least to Jonathan and his mother both, more accustomed to a more modest lifestyle, they were fantastical and dreamy. As it turned out, Jon’s father was an instant success at his new job. He gained a legion of promotions, early on and while he was loyal to his original employer, he also gained lots of independent contracts that gained him a reputation and wealth beyond anything he could have imagined. Suddenly Jon’s father was wearing the sharpest of suits and his mother the nicest of dresses, Jon himself was going to private school and just like that, they had become a part of high society.
Fifteen year old Jonathan just didn’t fit in. Every day he went to school in his itchy uniform with its hot jacket, stuffy tie, and stiff pants. Went to a classroom full of people he didn’t know and didn’t want to get to know him really, even the teacher seemed to preoccupied to give him the time of day and gym class. Ah, gym was the bane of his existence.
Not because he wasn’t good at it. He was, really good, maybe too good.
It never failed, the comments about him cheating, or being nothing but a glorified laborer or some such. Jon never paid the words much attention. He just knew the other boys in his class didn’t like him. He never cared that he was better than them at sports or that he could climb the rope faster, do more push-ups. None of that mattered. Or at least not to him, but for some reason it mattered to the others and like most bullies they made his life a living nightmare.
Twice he’d gotten sent home for fighting. Not that it was ever his fault or that he even ever threw a single punch. Never, his mother had always warned him against fighting, told him that the only time he should fight was when he was in danger, real danger. She’d even gotten him martial arts classes, so that teachers could help him know when it was time to fight.
Yet always there were boys that came after him, always they were slower, more clumsy. So he never had to fight, trip them, let them over swing, these kinds of tricks had become Jon’s specialty. But always it was him that got in trouble. He just couldn’t understand it and every night he told his mother so.
It was a year later that it happened. Jon was so tired, so angry. He knew he shouldn’t have been, should have as his mother was always telling him, not gotten involved in such foolish things. But it had been a year, and well the same boy, and well Jon couldn’t control himself. He’d had enough. So he’d hit back, he knocked the other unconscious and actually broken his jaw. It was that same night that Jonathan was taken by his mother and put on a plane headed for “home.” And it was that night that Jonathan saw something he’d never tell another soul about, and learned what was the most important secret of his life…
Yet tomorrow came and it was as if it had all been a dream. His mother, his grandfather, all those he’d saw, not one remembered the night as he remembered it. Or at least they said as much when he asked.
Jonathan has since wondered if he was crazy, indeed he’s thought it quite often since that day and yet he doesn’t fight any more. He hasn’t not since that night, even as he went through college and got his engineering degree like his father before him. Even in the worst of situations, it was from that night forward that Jon seemed changed and yet he felt so different.
Even more so as he had the dreams, the dreams of running in the forest, dashing through the woods or over desert sands, then the endless concrete of a city. All of them he’d run in his mind’s eye, experienced with senses much more acute than his own. The dreams persisted and still do persist.
Jon’s father never knew about them, but his mother will never talk about them. And so was the childhood of Jonathan Nicon.
It was shortly after his graduation from college that Jonathan moved to Canada and started his internship with an up and coming engineering firm in the city of Demaitre, however in order to occupy his time he’s even taken up a second job at a local coffee shop. Where he works nights, well most nights… except for a selected few that share a certain lunar event.
Oh, yes, Jonathan Nicon is a strange bird indeed. |
Alright, first you really don't have to PM me. Okay. Any responses to your profile can be posted right here. Now secondly, I really want a bit more of the character in his bio. He's four hundred and eighteen years old, he should have some interesting things going on. That not to say that you can't skip ahead in time. But an instant two hundred year jump is a bit much.
What did he find during this time, how did it affect him?
Why is it that he's been looking for others of his own kind?
What about his sire? How did your character feel about him? Why didn't he track him down? And if he did, what was their meeting like?
These are just a few things to possibly touch on in your bio and character points for a more full character. In a few ways your bio is the record of your character's life. I'd just like more, alright?
