How could he! How could he do such a thing to her again?

Sera was crying without shame on a park bench, curled up in a little ball, tears of blood were running down her face constantly.

But how could he leave her again? How could he simply abandon her once more when he had sworn to her that he never would again?She was only a child... A child that had been through so much, a child who had seen far too many things. Why... Why couldn't she have just lead a normal life? Grown up and had a family...

It was all Ambros' fault. It was all because of him she was crying blood now. Her father might have beat her, might have used her... But he never lied to her, he never gave her the hopes of a family and love, only to snatch it away at the last minute. To abandon her again and again without a single word of goodbye. Her father was never this cruel.

It was just after sunset, Sera had fled the appartment when she first woke for the thirteenth day that Ambros was not holding her as she slept. She had waited as long as her heart could bear it... and now no more. Sera refused to go back to him ever again. He only lied to her, only hurt her and left her alone.

She just wanted a family... Wanted someone to love her and be kind to her... Was that so much to ask? Was it something that was far beyond the reach of a pittiful little fledgling? A poor, souless creature like her? It seemed so...

After another few minutes her sobbing began to quiet, though tears ran down her face and hiccups of sadness came through. She was trying to pull herself together... But it was so hard...

The night was clear for March. It was caught between the eternal pull of winter, and the resolute tenacity of spring. Out of every hundred dead strands of grass, there was one that was green – one that was hope of warmer times to come. Despite the fact that she could no longer feel heat or cold like she once did, Nafretiri remembered places where it was warm all the time; where the sun did not hide its face for months, shrouding the world in darkness.

This place was not Egypt. It was not India, or Greece, or Italy or Brazil. It had a terrain that was different from them all, but it was outside. She had always drawn some measure of comfort from the world, even when she didn’t realize that she needed it.

She wrapped her arms around herself, not because she was cold, but because she needed to appear at least a bit cold. Her scarf – the one Amandine had made her wear – was soft against her face. Allowing a soft smile to cross her face, she regarded the stars even as her breath failed to condense in the evening’s chill. Her world… her world was different. For so long she had taken solace in the mortality of others. Now, she was finding solace in things even older than she was.

Her head turned to the side as pain rippled through her nerves. It wasn’t the pain of torture, or even of a clumsy fall, but of heartbreak or something close to it. A slight frown, more concern than anger marred her face as Nafretiri turned down a different path, listening as the cries became louder and clearer.

There. On a bench. Poor thing.

She did not try to offer comfort yet – she could not know this girl’s mind, only her pain. Instead, digging into her pocket, she withdrew a handkerchief. It was a silly thing, to keep one with her when almost no one used them any more, but she was a creature of habit.

Bending over slightly – she was not a very tall woman to begin with – she held it out to the girl. “Here.” A pause. “For your tears.”

The hiccups were dissapering slowly now, the tears were beginning to dry on Sera's face. She felt and smelt another person, vampire actually, join her and when she looked up with her red streaked face she took the hankerchif without a word. Sera had learned to feel a vampires power, to tell how old they were... But being very young still, she didn't really have any control over it. Ambros left her before he could teach her a lot of things... Even hunting properly she had learned on her own..

But when her fingers touched the cloth... It was almost like an electric shock, making her pull her hand away with a gasp, not even grabbing the item.

She was old... far older than what she looked. Just past adulthood really, but still small, like her. But this vampire was far older than any Sera had ever met before, including the one at her mother's cemetary...

Was she tresspassing now too? Was she somewhere she shouldn't be and didn't even know it? But.. She didn't seem mean, not like the others.

Reaching out again with a quiet "Thank you." She took the hankerchif to wipe away her bloody tears as she sat up fully, her gaze avoiding the woman's eyes. She didn't really know the proper protocal for meeting an ancient, but she assumed that a submisive and silent manner would always suffice.

"I didn't mean to bother you. I'm sorry." She appologized softly, her voice bairly louder than a whisper. She would have left, just stood and run off.... If she had a place to go that is...

Shielding was key when you got as old as Nafretiri did. She did her best not to leak power all over the place. She was not some rusty bucket dripping water everywhere. Neither did she want everyone in the immediate vicinity to know where she was, to be able to track her, or anything of that nature. Despite this, there was very little she could do when someone either concentrated or touched her. Touch especially, since so many of her powers had to do with touch.

It came as no surprise to her, then, when the girl – barely more than a child – gasped and pulled away from her touch. Frowning slightly, Nafretiri continued to hold the handkerchief out, until it was taken from her. A less than appealing taste filled her mouth when she realized the girl’s fear, and she thought of a poem she had written once.

I have tasted the elixir of immortality,
And found it bitter.

How very true.

A small smile peeked onto her face. “You are very welcome.” This was followed by a very soft sigh. “You are not bothering me. It was I who approached you, and not the other way around, isn’t that right? Had I found you burdensome, I would have simply walked away.” Nafretiri gestured to the bench. “May I sit?”

Having had some experience raising girls – more than she’d care to think about – she knew that she was beyond being overtly friendly. If she’d been that way once, it had been an act. Time had weathered her until she could manage the quiet compassion she was demonstrating at present. That was the most she could do. Hopefully, the girl seemed to realize that she would not be harmed.

Nafretiri would have thought, Hopefully, she'll realize that I am not dangerous, but that was entirely too close to a lie.

Silently Sera thought that it would be better if the woman hadn't seen her... But... She coudln't exactly say that now could she? Instead she nodded. "Free country..." She said quietly. But... Why did she want to sit here?

Well duh... Because she wanted to talk...

Sitting rather siffly she moved to one side of the bench, her eyes on the path and her hands folded gently in her lap.

It was just... Unsetteling for someone to actually give a damn... Had they met about a month ago, the vampiress probably would have killed her on the spot. A murdering fledgling who couldn't control herself... One who lusted in blood simply because she wished to forget the pain....

"Why would someone create a life... And then refuse to care for it... Refuse to love what they made..." She wasn't just talking about Ambros, or even her own father... But Every day pets, babies, children just abandonded, abused and neglected by their care takers... even killed... She knew she couldn't be the only fledgling abandond... Hadn't Alexandra... One of the ones at the graveyard said she hadn't been with her sire for the longest time? But why did vampires and people alike do such horrible things?

"I just don't see how people can do that..." Sera's voice was just as quiet as before, bairly above the night breeze blowing through the trees.

Hands clasped in front of her, Nafretiri slowly sat upon the bench. She didn’t slouch, or lean against the back, but sat upright like she was wearing a corset that forced her to. Somehow, though, she still managed to look somewhat relaxed, like this was just how she sat.

The truth was if the girl wanted to talk, Nafretiri would talk. If she did not, Nafretiri was perfectly content to sit in silence, and let the girl go on her way to wherever she wished.

Hearing the pain, she looked to the side at the girl next to her. Every emotion was muted on Nafretiri’s face from a… well, a very long lifetime of hiding emotions from others. Nevertheless, there was sadness on her face, and a soft sort of helplessness in her own voice when she said, “I don’t know.”

She looked straight ahead, at nothing in particular. “I have asked myself that question for a very long time. I can understand where circumstances beyond one’s control might be a contributing factor, but even then…” In truth, she was thinking of her own life. So many people left behind to grow old and suffer the consequences of mortality. Her children, left behind when she was taken away.

And, of course, her being left behind.

“Unfortunately,” continued Nafretiri in a quiet voice, “I don’t think it’s something we ever really learn. People do things, and they remain as indecipherable as always.”

Sera had always been able to hid her emotions from others... At least outwardly. She would never cry... Never scream in pain in front of others. Nothing that made her seem weak. With her father, she always had to be strong... Because if he saw that something didn't hurt her, he was more likely to stop trying.

In fact... The only person she had ever cried infront of was Ambros... Sera didn't count this woman... Simply because she had been crying before she came along and had promptly stopped when she felt the woman was there.

"Those aside though... Not having the money to raise a child... Or the patience... Why make a child suffer when there are others who would love them more and be better parents? Of course I understand... But..." Why would a vampire... Who loved a mortal turn her to save her life... If he was going to simply abandon her because he found it too difficult...

Sera shook her head slowly. She didn't understand at all. Everything she did... Every little act had a purpose, had a reason that she could spell out. Buring her house? She wanted to give herself a way out of life... Saving her father even... She wanted him to believe that he had killed his daughter... Wanted him to live with the pain. And from what she had seen so far it was working... He had even begun to straighten himself out, different because she thought he would have just fallen farther into the pit he was already in.

"Have they always been like that then?" She asked. "People I mean..."

Nafretiri closed her eyes. She was far more still than any creature – save maybe a lizard or snake – had any business being. Hiding her emotions had become second nature to her, and her first defence mechanism, apart from simply eradicating whatever was assaulting her (if physical). But she could see where this girl was coming from, all too clearly.

Part of her wished she couldn’t.

“People seem to feel a sense of entitlement.” Opening her eyes, she looked at the girl over her shoulder. “Why should someone else get their child? It is, after all, their child. Having created that child, why can’t they do as they wish with it? Many people seem to become confused in the distinction between possessions and people.” Her eyes were sad. “Which is terribly unfortunate.”

Settling into herself, Nafretiri felt the urge to brush away some of this girl’s hair the way she would her girls’ at home. Realizing this was not the place, she refrained. Instead, she summoned up the will to be the bearer of bad news.

“People… don’t change. Individuals might change as much as they are able, but there will still be a bit of them lurking underneath. People as a whole, however, simply keep repeating the same mistakes. Their reasons might differ over time as the world changes, but people will always remain people.”

It was perhaps one of the saddest realizations she’d ever come to.

"It's still not right..." She uttered as she continued to stair at the sidewalk. But it was fortunate for the both of them in one way or another that the woman didn't touch her hair. She never liked being touched really... Not even by Ambros. She wasn't one for physical affection unless for a special exception. A kind word would mean more to her than a hug...

People didn't change? Of course they did... Not always for the better though. She knew, she had memories of being a happy child... And wondered why had her father done all that to her to change it. But happieness was far behind her now.

And her father too. He had always been a nice daddy... He had always been tender and loving. Before the accident he had never hit her, yelled at her or even said a harsh word to her... People did change...

But Ambros... He couldn't have always been like this... Afraid maybe? But fear was a difficult thing to loose because one could fear so many things. She no longer feared death... That vampire, Raven, he had cured her of that fear. Pain, her own father freed her of that one as well. But the fear of running through life alone... With no one to teach her and guide her... Being lost and alone for all eternity? That terrified her.

"I just don't know what to do anymore... Where to go or anything..." She whispered.

It was a good thing that she hadn't touched her then. Nafretiri, no matter how much she tried to pretend otherwise, still retained much of her maternal instinct. Said instinct including providing physical support for others - which she refrained from doing when it was at all possible. Especially with strangers. With her girls at home, she was much less stoic. People who knew her merely as a casual acquaintance may not even recognize her.

Had the girl said these words out loud, Nafretiri would have shrugged and held her tongue. Inside, however, she knew that people did not change much. While she had read up on Nature vs Nuture, she still, instinctively, believed in Nature. External things could change you, but not beyond what you were always capable of, deep down. Looking at her own past, that had been hard to deal with - the fact that she was capable of murder. She had learned, however, that it was simply best to accept yourself, dark bits and all.

But she wasn't about to share this. It was all rather depressing.

Nafretiri nodded at the girl's words, almost absently. "We all have, at some point in our lives, been where you are now, or at least somewhere close." There was something close to a smile on her face. "I cannot say for certain that we have been exactly where you are - that would be presumptuous of me. We have all felt lost at some point, though. For some of us, we have felt lost many, many times."

The smile reached puberty, growing larger. "My name, for the moment, is Nafretiri Afrikaisi. May I ask yours?"

Why did adults always say that? Of course a lot of people had been in her position. Did this woman honestly think that She thought she was alone? That no one understood? Of course she knew she wasn't alone.

Sera tried her hardest to keep the frustration, near anger, off her face.

But really... Cliches never helped anyone.

"I know I'm not alone. I'm not completely stupid..." She muttered softly. "But a bit of advice or guidance might help a bit more..." She looked the opposite direction of the woman, down the path. "What am I supposed to do? My sire's abandoned me without any warning or reason. I have no clue about the world he threw me in to and-" She stopped abruptly and fell silent. And no desire to live in... Ambros had given her hope when she was at her weakest. He had given her love she had forgotten existed... But now that it was torn from her again...

Her fist clenched for a moment, then stopped, relaxed.

"My name's Seraphina... but it's not like that matters... Call me whatever you like." She mumbled now, her eyes back on the path. "I'm dead to humans and worthless to vampires. That's all that really matters." Had she bothered to even look at the wona's face, the smile might have relaxed her... But of course Sera had no intention of doing that.

The problem with being an empath was that when other people around you suffered from severe emotions, you, in turn, felt it. It was for this reason, more than any other that Nafretiri felt growing irritation with her, winding her insides up like an elastic. With one slow breath, she inhaled, exhaled, and pushed the irritation away from her. It wasn't hers to deal with.

Eyebrows almost to her hairline, Nafretiri said, "Did I say you were stupid? Did I say you were not alone? In many ways, I expect you are." Those eyebrows descended again. "I wasn't aware that you were looking for my advice, and I didn't want to seem so forward as to give it when it wasn't wanted. When one gets to be old, meddling seems to become something towards which we are drawn. I try to refrain from it when I can."

Now, it really became a frown, but it wasn't a frown at the girl next to her. "Yes," came Nafretiri's voice, sounding distant to her own ears, "being abandonned like that could cause some confusion. It sort of rips your heart out, doesn't it? Especially when it's someone you love, coupled with someone you depended upon. To just leave... you might as well be a babe set adrift in the world by yourself." She looked at Seraphina, despite the fact that she knew that she might not get face-to-face contact. "Yes, I know. I remember."

Doing something rather unladylike, Nafretiri snorted. "You wish for my advice? You are only worthless if you let yourself be worthless. This shouldn't be pulling you down, it should be lifting you up. In many ways, our world - not the mortal world - is the harsher of the two. There is no one here to help you if you won't help yourself. It is a cruel reality. It should make you strive harder, to fight for your existence."

There was a pregnant pause. "You are not the first to be abandonned by a sire."

"Sorry... Never had anyone care enough to meddle in my business, so I don't really know what it's like." She said simply with a shrug. Without a mother, a father or any relitives who actually gave a damn... Well she'd been left to figure things out on her own... Not so different than now... But at least as a human... One little mistake wouldn't always cost you your life... Besides, couldn't she at least get a little break? Have a time in her life where she didn't have to struggle by every day? Maybe one day then... When she didn't need it really...

"Sort of rips your heart out?" She gave a little huff, a lot more polite than the snort that she wanted to really give. "I wish he would have simply kill me if he couldn't stand to look at me... Or felt burdened by me..." She bet her lip as it began to tremble. "Or at least told me why he didn't want me anymore. To know what I needed to do to please him. To..." She hung her head slightly with a sigh.

Don't let herself be worthless? How was that even possible? She looked up for the first time, her brown eyes taking in the woman carefully before looking away again.

"I'm just a kid... I haven't lived much in either world... And in my short time I've only learned two things. Serving other people, obeying their orders. Doing what I have to do so I don't get beaten. Or how to slaughter innocent people and how to feast on their blood to make all this pain go away... And from the little I know... Both of those are only going to get me killed here..."

She looked at her hands... So small... Innocent looking... But she had killed just the night before in a fit of rage and loneliness.

"I was never meant to be a vampire." She said as she looked up with a sad, helpless smile. "And because he loved me for a little while... I have to suffer every night. Because I know there's nothing I can do about it."

Of course she'd probably heard sob stories like hers a hundred times, hell, maybe she had one of her own... But you know... It always seems easier looking back on things doesn't it? Sera knew that not every vamprie had been turned willingly or even out of a claimed nessecity. But she never spoke a word to anyone about this before... It just happened to be Nafretiri's lucky night huh?

"I wanted to have a family... To be a a good mother like my mom had been before she died. I wanted to at least be seen as an adult to the world. But because he was so selfish, I have to suffer when he knew I would have rather died." And of course he had known that... They had talked about it at great lengths. He knew that she wanted to grow up...

Again, she refrained from offering physical comfort - the sort that always made Nafretiri feel better when she was upset. Instead, she folded her hands in her lap, looking very much like someone out of place in time. "Sometimes death seems like mercy until you get old enough to develop hindsight. It has been my experience that, well, if things don't turn out well, they at least don't turn out as badly as you think they will."

It wasn't exactly the most comforting of recommendations, so far as they went, but it was the best she could do. She would not lie.

"Hey now," she continued, her voice soft but stern, "I am certain that it is nothing you did wrong. Perhaps some personal - pardon the phrase - demons caught up with him. You have no way of knowing."

Dark eyes looked down at her own hands, and she unintentionally clenched them closed, so that her hands turned white. "We are not so different, you and I, I suppose in that regard. Losing one's self in bloodshed numbs the pain for a while. You forget yourself. People become chattle." Little by little, her voice was getting softer, more distant. She turned and placed a hard stare on the other girl. "But it doesn't last. One day, you wake up and you find that you're a monster. I don't think you want that."

Mouth becoming a thin line, Nafretiri struggled to overcome her anger - not at Seraphina, for she'd done nothing wrong, but at the injustice of it all. "No. You need not suffer every night. Suffering, like pain, you bring upon yourself. You can choose to accept what you are - and all that it entails - and try to find some good in it.

"You think that because you are a vampire, you cannot be a mother? True, you will never be able to bear children that carry your DNA, but that is not needed to be someone's mother. I have a house full of girls - mortal and vampire alike - that can attest to that. Unlike you, I had children of my own while I was alive, and I have foster children now. My love for them, my maternal instincts, aren't any less because I never gave birth to them."

She paused then, wondering if she should go on. "I suppose, then, that you have not heard of the previous Tarepha leader? She looked about your age. And the new one? She looks less than half it, yet no one who has talked to her - truly talked, without blood or games - would claim she is a child. Do not let how the world sees you define you. You can be more than what eyes see."

"But that's what kills me... Not knowing... I'll never know if it was me... Or something else... But something tells me that it was my fault... That it was something I did that made him leave me." Maybe he had seen deep into her heart... Those words she spoke when he caught her murdering those people... She had hated him. Deep down she resented and hated him for what he had done to her.

"I don't want to be a vampire. I don't. I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want to just accept it. I want to be myself again." She even wanted to go back to her father... Maybe he was better now... And if he saw her alive, maybe he would get even better quicker. Maybe he could be like he used to be again...

And maybe... Eventualy there could be some cure, some way to turn her back to normal.

This woman was older than Ambros... Maybe she knew a way...

"Is there a way? To be human again I mean. A way that I can go back to normal?" She knew it was a weak and desperate attempt, but she just didn't belong in this world."I don't wanna be a monster any more Nafretiri... I can't stop the nightmares. All the people I've killed... I just want them to go away."

She didn't say a word about having children... After all, it wasn't the same. She wanted a real family, her own children, a husband. She had wanted a normal life. She didn't say a word either as Nafretiri spoke of others not seeing her as a child. It might be that way for a while in the vampire world, but that would change. But in the human world, that would never change... They would always see her as a kid.

"Ambros didn't know anyway... But... Maybe you do?" She asked hopefully.

Her face just about melted in something an inch away from being pity. Knowing that this would probably be detrimental to the - the pseudo-relationship they seemed to have, Nafretiri settled on keeping her face as blank as possible. It seemed the only safe course of action.

All she could do was a small, helpless sort of shrug. "That is something you have to work out for yourself. I could give you tried and tested lines, about how you'll get over it, but I don't think that's what you want - or need - to hear right now. It will most definitely take time, and it will probably hurt more than I can put into words. I have no fear, however, that you won't make it. People, while they have many faults, have never lacked for resiliency."

Nafretiri blinked. "Have you stopped being yourself? Really, truly, stopped being the person you were as a mortal? Have your morals changed? Your fundamental beliefs?" She shook her head. "You have been thrust into circumstances you could never have anticipated. That means that your reactions will be unlike any you could have thought yourself capable of. It does not mean that you are a completely different person." As she had already said, people don't change. She believe in that completely.

She had to.

Sighing, Nafretiri shook her head again. "There is no way to go back. If there were, we would have discovered it long before now. You have lost your internal organs - if we could return to you your mortality, you would be dead before you had a chance to live again."

It hurt her heart to say it, but it was the truth. Nafretiri did not believe in lies.