She hadn't slept for the past few days, not since Jason had left her the other night... He had left before she woke up, she had only though he was out hunting, thought he would be back like the two nights before....

He loved her... She was convinced of that. How else would he be able to make her feel so wonderful? But he was gone now, and Kanti was alone and desperate... She had been happy, delighted.... She had known love, and not just the love of a brother... But a true lover. And now that he was gone...

She wanted to die, she wanted to simply wither away in the world. She was convinced no one would notice, no one would care. Her brother hadn't even visited her since he met Jason. Was he that upset that she had found someone? That she was happy? She couldn't imagine why though... But that distance he was making between them made her heart even more hollow since Jason left her...

He wouldn't care... He wouldn't even notice... He had Chi now, what did he need her for now?

It was a soft and mournful song in the language of her people that echoed in the cave as Kanti sat in the furthest corner of the cave. She was rocking back and forth to the sorrowful song, her back to the entrance. Her mind wasn't on anything now... Nothing. Not even the pain in her arm from the gashes she was making with a stone knife they used to cut animal skins. Though her wounds healed quickly she had been doing this since she woke, so there was a good deal of blood on the rock, on her dearskin leggings and vest... Her skin was paler than usual, her body cold as ice.

But still she let her blood flow, let her song echo against the stone.

Chi was out hunting. It was something she hadn't done in a long time. Hunting had lost it's appeal and Chi usually drank dead blood, though oddly tonight she had fed off live blood. She had forgotten the intoxicating taste of it, the was that they warm liquid sped down her throat. It had been wonderful.

Chi shook her head ridding herself of the thought. She had never been a bloodthirsty vampire yet, this was probably a way to start. She soon realized that she had been walking steadily towards the cave where she had first met Kanti. Though the woman had been distant with her and somewhat cold, Chi still hoped that they could be friends.

She lifted her head as she heard a song, it sounded so sad. It made Chi think of all the time that she had been alone. It brought back painful memories. Memories she would rather forget, yet she was curious as to who sang these songs. She followed the sound, gliding through the air, until she reached the cave where Kanti now lived.

She frowned, she could smell the blood, dead blood and that made her worried. She went inside to see Kanti singing as well as cutting herself. Chi felt sympathy towards the girl, she knew what it was like to be alone, to not be loved, to feel as you have nothing to live for. "What are you doing to yourself, child?"

Her mind was aware of nothing... Her mind was blank. She didn't want to think, she couldn't... It was too painful... She just sang... Sang and let the blood flow...

She heard a voice, a voice speaking softly to her... The voice made her song trail off... Fade away and cese to echo against stone.

What... What was she doing? She didn't know... But she did know.

"Waiting... Waiting for... death..." She whispered softly. "Blood... Blood means death... Love means life... Blood brings death." She fell silent again though, looking straight ahead, her body still as a statue, holding the knife poised over her arm again. It was as if without the song, she was no more than a shell. "With no love... No life." She whispered.

There was not a scar on her arm as her head turned to look at it, but it was covered with blood... Bright red and vivid in her eyes, even in the dark.

Chi rolled her eyes. She had often wished for death, but instead had fought to survive, had found friends and had eventually found love. She walked to Kanti and took the knife out of her hands. "You're being selfish." The comment was forward and blunt. If she did end up dying, everyone around would be affected.

"Waiting for death? Death doesn't wait, it simply takes when it wants. If you aren't dead, death doesn't want you, it isn't your time." Chi knew, often she had tried to kill herself and more often then not someone had saved her, someone had stopped her, those simple signs had told her that death didn't want her yet. She still had a purpose in the world.

Chi heard the whisper, though it wasn't loud. "Did Jason hurt you Kanti?" She had warn him, had warn him with the threat of death and she carried out her threats, especially if there was a need to. She knew that Kanti and Jason had slept together and if he had hurt her, he was a dead man.

"There is no love..." She whispered. How was she being selfish? Asku didn't care about her... Jason had abandoned her for some unknown reason... Unknown?

No... Kanti know the reason... It was the only explination... He loved her... But he couldn't see past her body... But... He had given her such pleasure... How could he not? Maybe he had only looked past it for as long as he could...

She shook her head at Chi's question. "No..." She whispered. He had never hurt her in any way. He had never been cruel... "He loved me.... He did..." She shook her head. "He couldn't see past my curse though..." The knife fell with a clatter to the floor of the cave as she looked at her hands, one covered in blood, the other clean. Both so small and delicate...

"He cursed me... I should have died... I should have." Her voice was devoid of emotion as she spoke, but a seething rage that Chi would be certian to feel was rising in her body. "I'm no more than a child... A child in the eyes of anyone who looks... No one can love me. He tried... But my curse drove him away..." No... She couldn't blame him.

Was that why her blood covered the ground?

"No love... No life... Even the one who cursed me has abandoned me..." He was the one who had hurt her the most. He was the one who was the root of all her pain now.

A trembling hand reached down to pick up the knife again, another slice on her arm, going nearly all the way around half way between her elbow and wrist... She watched the blood trickle down her arm, watched as the would closed a moment later with a satisfaction...

Chi yanked the knife out of her hands and threw it across the cave, embedding it in one of the rock walls, it would be stuck there until she withdrew it. "You think Asku doesn't care for you? You think he cursed you? How do you think those younger then you feel? Knowing that they can never grow up, can never feel love like we both do. They are cursed, they will always be seen as children, no matter how they act."

Chi was astounded by the close-mindedness of Kanti. "You are being selfish and I will tell you why. You think that you are the only one to feel pain? Every strong telepath will feel your pain, but unlike them, I understand it. I was in your shoes for so much longer. I tried to commit suicide. I hanged myself, let myself be trampled by horses, let myself fall from high and every time, I stood up and walked away. It was frustrating, I know the feeling, yet I eventually decided that life could be more entertaining by living it."

Chi glanced at Kanti and continued. "If you die, how do you think Asku would feel? Simply because he isn't around doesn't mean that he has forgotten you or doesn't love you. He loves you just as much, life simply throws curve balls at you and you have to be able to deal with it." She brushed her hair out of her eyes and over her shoulder. "Besides he thinks you can live without him, now that you have Jason."

Kanti made no reaction as Chi took the knife and threw it. She didn't even look to see where it was.

Her face was impassive as Chi spoke as well. "I want to die... Let me die in peace..." She whispered. "Asku would not care... He did not care for Jason, he did not give his blessing... He left without even saying goodbye..." And in her mind that severed their ties completely. He was gone, and he would not be coming back to her.

"He should know... I have been in tourment for three days now... He should know... He has not come to me... He does not need me. He has you." She said quietly. Her finger traced the blood on her arm, drawing pointless circles and shapes as her mind went blank.

Blank... Her life.

She had nothing no one. Her brother, her sire had turned his back on her. Her lover. The one man to make her know what it was like to be a woman had left her in anguish. What else did she have in life? Nothing... And she could not die... What... What if someone would kill her? Someone strong and powerful... But she doubted anyone would do such a thing...

But...

What if she killed mercilessly? What if she forced one like Chi to kill her... That might work... Jason had said there were those who did such things. Ones who killed to keep the secret of their world... She could turn to them for help.

Chi growled, her eyes narrowed. "You are more selfish then I thought. You think you are the only one in your situation, you spend three days alone, and you decide to end it. You are pathetic as well as selfish. I thought that you were stronger then that. So Jason left you, who cares. Find someone else, there are a lot more fish in the sea, there is one that will love you for who you are. Or, if you don't like that idea, go look for Jason. You obviously care for him." She waved to the opening of the cave. "go look for him."

She snorted. "Here you stay, upset and willing to kill yourself, yet perhaps, he is busy or in trouble. Has that ever crossed your mind? Maybe he can't be here?" Chi was amazed, really. You always had to think of every aspect, before simply giving up. Kanti was taking the easy way out. End her life no more torment, life was never that easy.

Chi rolled her eyes now exasperated. "I won't let anyone hurt you. Starting now I will be your body guard. I will stop you from harming others and stop some Ammans from hurting you." Chi wouldn't give her death, Asku would be devastated, completely. She didn't want him to feel pain. Truth to be told she didn't want Kanti to feel pain. The girl had been through so much already.

"He's gone!" Kanti screamed suddenly. "He can't look past my body! He tried though! He did! But because I'm like this, he can't think of me as a woman instead of a child!" She stood up and turned to Chi. "He's alive... I know he is, you would have said otherwise by now. You know him. I know you do..." The sudden standing made her dizzy and her body swayed.

But she still stood.

"And Asku would not come because you were with him. He is happy with you. He doesn't need me anymore. He turned his back on me the night he came when Jason was with me... He left without a goodbye. No hug, no kiss... Not even a backward glance. It was his way of severing the ties... He thought I was happy at last... So he thinks I'll be okay..."

But she wouldn't be okay... Not without someone who cared for her holding her through the nights... "He has you... He will be fine." She said quietly. "He doesn't need me Chi... No one needs me." Her body was growing weak, she could feel it. "Then just let me sleep..." She pleaded. "I won't feel any more pain... I won't be afraid to be alone anymore. And maybe I can wake up to a world that will accept me for who I am..."

Chi didn't want her to die, and a part of Kanti herself didn't want to die. But certianly one could not live thousands of years without sleeping some time for a while...

"I want to be with him Chi... I want to see him again... Feel his arms so much... He... I... I could sleep when he held me. I felt at peace and safe in his arms. I want him back so much... But I have to wait for him to come back... Searching after him... It won't do any good for the reason he left." She shook her head and knelt onto the floor of the cave. "But it hurts so much without him... Maybe... If I sleep, I will forget... Maybe I will wake with hope... Maybe I will wake up in his arms... I don't know. But it's better than this... Anything is..."

Chi shook her head. "It's still the easy way, life was not meant to be easy, Kanti. I would know, I've lived long enough to feel the cruelty of time, the cruelty of life, yet I survived. You have to be strong, to face the future without doubt. You are frighten and alone, I once felt that way. I know what it is like to have no hope, no wishes, no dreams. I was so desperate once ago." She had been. Ready to die and to not remember her pain, rather fade, then be saved. Someone though had saved her, someone had tried to bring her back and had succeeded.

She sighed. "If I had been dead, I never would have found Asku. I wouldn't be here, perhaps you believe that that would have been better, since he would still be here, then again you wouldn't have felt like a woman." She passed a hand through her hair, while the other smoother out her skirt. "Life has surprises in store that even you can't see. You might find something or someone that could see past your child-like body. I do see the woman in you, men are simply oblivious."

"You have to believe, to see that there is a better life, to see that your life can get better. I believed and I know, I saw." She smiled at Kanti, sadly. "Belief is sometimes the only thing to hold on to. If you think Jason will return, believe that he will and hold on to that."

"I wish I had never known!" She said strongly. "If I had never met him... If I didn't love him. I've never been strong, never. I'm weak, I always have been, you can ask Asku." She hung her head. Kanti had never been a fighter, she had only been one to let the changes she didn't understand sweep her away...

She wished with all her heart she had never met him. Wished that they had never made love... But what she wished most.... Was that he had never left.

"I don't care if it's not the right way as you see things Chi. This is my life, not yours. Can I not make my own decisions?" Or would Chi order her as was her right? There were tears of blood leaking from her eyes... The last of her blood escaping to trickle down her pale face. She had not drank anything in those past days since Jason left... She had refused. Whether Chi approved or not, Kanti would soon fall into a deep sleep.

"You say yourself men are oblivious... What hope is there for me sister? They can only see the child I appere to be... What hope is that? Why should I cling to a beliefe that is false? He will not return... He would have done so already..." She shook her head and moved to stand again, but she was too weak. So instead she crawled, covered with dried blood to the furs where she lay down. The hunger coursed through her, but she ignored it... There was nothing to do now... Nothing but sleep

She knew what Chi meant... She understood the woman's words. But she couldn't believe. Not when everything pointed to the contrary. It was hard for her to believe... So hard. She had never met a man, vampire or human, who hadn't thought her a child. Even her brother, who knew her better than any, still treated her like one. Brother...

She shut her eyes tight against more tears. "Tell Asku that I am sorry for being weak and foolish. Tell him also that I will love him even if he does not feel the same."

Chi kneeled down next to the bed. "Most men are oblivious, but not all of them. What about vampires that are in your condition, male vampires stuck at an age, that they cannot deal with, yet they do, don't they? I'm sure you met a few." Chi had met a few and had been so shocked yet some of them showed that they had such strength, such power, such desire to live, that it had promoted Chi herself to prove that she could live too.

"Prove him wrong, Kanti. Show that you can be strong, show that you can live to find another that will value you, for who you are. You are beautiful, but so many are short sighted, and stay to the physical. Some will look and see the woman in you. You have to believe in that. To believe that everything will be fine, because in the end it will be."

She could feel the blood leaving the yougn woman she stayed by and that more then anything caused an ache deep in her heart. She didn't want Kanti to die, quite the contrary. As much as Kanti had been an obstacle in her relationship with Asku, the woman didn't deserve death. "Asku does love you, he simply finds it hard to believe that his little sister is all grown up. It's as hard on him, as it is on you. I know that without knowing that you are ok, he will wither away. You are a part of him, he needs to know that you will be fine."

She closed her eyes, shutting away the tears. The fear to lose what she had found. To try to find love again seemed beyond her own strength at the moment. "Life is like a pond, every rock that is thrown in causes ripples, affecting every part of everybody related in any way to you. Your death, will affect Asku, affect me, affect even Jason, when I tell him." She opened her eyes, the pain of losing one person that could destroy three lives with one shot. "Your life is valuable to me. I want you to live, because there is someone out there, that could value you."

Kanti shook her head. "Perhaps when I wake up... They shall see different..." She said quietly. "I will not die... For Asku's sake and yours... But I do not wish to feel. Let me sleep sister. I will be okay." Her body, her heart... She needed this sleep, this rest. "I will wake when the time is right. I will not die... I will just sleep." Her blue eyes closed slowly. She didn't have enough blood to stay awake much longer, and the little she had now would keep her alive. But if she were to wake, she would need more blood, fresh blood.

"Will you tell him for me sister?" She asked softly. "Tell him that I will wake soon, that I love him...?" She forced her eyes open once more and turned her tatooed face towards Chi. "Please take care of him..."

Jason... What of Jason though? Should he know of her condition? Would he care? "Tell Jason that I still love him... And if he loves me to come and wake me..." He would come wouldn't he? "I will wait for him... Even if he does not come." Without him... What would be the purpose to wake again in this world?

Her eyes closed again and her body relaxed on the furs. "Tired... So tired..." She whispered. "Can you hold me Chi?" She asked. "Just for a little while?"

Chi sighed. Kanti did look tired, she should sleep. "Alright, young one. Sleep, forget your pain and dream, dream pleasantly and I shall tell Asku." Chi gently brushed Kanti's face and hair.

Chi nodded. "I will tell Jason, when I see him next, if he wants to see me, I will tell him. You do not have to worry, I will remember to tell him." Chi continued to brush Kanti's hair, her maternal instincts kicking in.

Chi laid down next to Kanti and wrapped her arms around Kanti. Chi held on to her. "Sleep Kanti, I will stay until you sleep."

(OOC: Crappy post sorry...)

"Thank you..." Kanti whispered after Chi spoke. She could feel the arms of the woman around her, holding her gently. Chi truly cared about her... She could feel it in the way the woman held her. But she could also feel her body slowing down... Her heartbeat was weak, sluggish... Only another vampire would be able to tell she was still alive. Her body stiffened for a moment to relax completely the next as the last bit of air seeped from her lungs in a soft sigh.

Her mind went dark as she fell into a deep sleep, deeper than she ever had before.

She looked like a corps, her skin so deathly pale. And with the blood that covered her arms and clothing, the body of a little girl that had been beaten and used, dumped in a cave to his her body. But she was in a deep and dreamless sleep, her face peaceful and calm, untroubled and free of pain...

Chi felt her slow down, her entire body slowed down. Only a vampire would be able to tell, only a vampire would be able to wake her. She released Kanti and sat up, putting Kanti down and covering her with the furs. "Sleep well, little one."

Chi got up and walked to the edge of a cave. She looked back at Kanti's sleeping form and smiled. She woud be at peace for now. She turned into the night and fled.