I feel a bit awkward writing this but, after much thought, have decided that it would be negligent not to. Therefore...

For the past three years I have been living with debilitating facial nerve damage called Trigeminal Neuralgia. Several months ago I decided and planned to end things this Thanksgiving holiday while my family is gathered together and has one another to lean on for support. (As well as having already booked travel days, time off work, etc.)

I've been more of an observer than a regular poster here at the forum, but I regularly show up to read the latest. I'd like you all to know how much I'll miss your intelligence, passion, relatively well-tempered egos and consistent hilarity. Put simply, my visits to the Fall Forum have made these three years more tolerable. Special thanks to Stefan and Conway for the many hours you put into this worthwhile project.

May the universe bring you all new and beautiful things and may those things include many more Fall albums.

With love and warmth to all,

"Jesus Christ in Rah-verse"
:)

Oh my God.

I've just been reading the wikipedia entry on Trigeminal Neuralgia. It sounds truly awful. Your life must be pretty tough.

So (gulp)... you're going to commit suicide? Is it really that bad?

tsirhC suseJ, please read my PM.

I have no idea how difficult your life is and so I won't make any glib comments.

I'll only say, you never know what is going to happen in life - the best times in your life may be just around the corner.

Life, even with whatever shit it throws at us, is a gift.

Think carefully JC, you will be missed by those who love you and us, here, who barely know you.

He's disappeared off the active users list...

Oh God.

When is Thanksgiving?

November 26.

That's because there's only you and me here and we're boring.

Come on Zoot, think of something interesting to day to entice him back.

Some more literiture here:
http://www.patient.co.uk/health/Trigeminal-Neuralgia.htm


It does sound really horrible, but there are drugs/medcations to ease the pain which are apparently quite effective.

Surely that's a better option than ending it all?

Do think long and hard, tsirhC suseJ, before doing anything silly. :o

[Comment deleted]

:( Shit.

I've no idea what you've been going through over the past three years, but it sounds pretty bad.

From the sound of your post, you've given this some thought rather than it being a spur of the moment decision, although as Claudia says above, you never know what's around the corner.

If you do change your mind I'm sure there'll be many, not just on this forum, but friends and family who will be very happy to still have you around.

Like I said, though, I don't know the extent of your condition, and if living with it has become truly impossible, may you find the peace you couldn't find in this world.

I'd sooner you stick around though. :cry2:

I don't know you at all but wish there was some way for you to keep going.
Having read the link above i dread to think how badly you've been affected by it.
Please stick around!

Christ, this is awful - I had it diagnosed a while ago but was very lucky it turned out to be something else; if that's what TN is like it is a terrible agony but please don't kill yourself, there may be a better treatment just around the way after all.

ts (or should it be JC?),

It is such a desparate path you want to take, I can't imagine myself making the same decision if I was in your position. Yet your post suggests that you are well informed about your condition and the chances of respite.

I do hope you can be persuaded otherwise. Strength to you and your family.

Please think long and hard, poor health is very hard to live with, but as has been said here you really don't know what better times might come in the future.

Take care.

Please don't end your life. Are the painkillers not working?

Don't end your life. Please.

I can't imagine what you are going through, but I can only echo the above posts in asking you to reconsider. There has to be another solution. You are very much in my thoughts.

i have a friend with this condition and it isnt pleasant at all, and causes her horrible pain.

i also had a friend that committed suicide a couple of years back and it its like dropping and emotional bomb on your friends and family. i'm not ashamed to say that i hated him for a long time for what he did.

please think of the effect on those around you before you take such drastic action. you wont be around to help pick up the pieces afterwards.

i hope its not too late for you to reconsider.

This board is more than any one of us, but I do know I've had a real laugh and it's pulled me through some difficult times, too.

It'll do the same for you. Please reconsider your decision then become an active member.

Stephen did you hear anything from your pm?
This is dreadfull :(

Yes this is dreadful, please don't end your life. I don't understand your illness but please hang in there if you can.

There's a German poem speaking of »the last of all doors.« And then: »But you’ll never have knocked on all.«

Don’t know if that is of any help, but this came to mind when I read your story, ts.
Wishing you and your family strength and thinking of you.

I'm so sorry for the pain you must be experiencing & I feel pretty bloody helpless & sick at reading your post. I wish there was something to say or do to make you change your plans ts.

6 days to track the ISP address and alert the authorities me thinks

What Claudia said.

You are obviously a long way down this road & I hope you've considered all the options including surgery. My brother had a tumour under his ear which had to be surgically removed buggering the facial nerves down one side of his face (leaving it 'dropped') and leaving him deaf in that ear. His response? He jacked in his job & trained to become a primary school teacher. He's an inspiration to me (and loving it).

I can't imagine what you are going through but if you have not explored all the options, PLEASE do. Are there support networks where you are? It seems that there are here (UK) an international phonecall away.

I'm inevitably being glib, but it is not intended as that.

My thoughts are with you.

Peter

I'm really sorry that things seem so hopeless for you. Do you really want to hurt your loved ones so much? There must be another way please don't do it.

------------------------------

I just replied to Stephen and thought I should add it here:

Thank you Stephen. In hindsight, not sure my posting was the best decision. Meant as a thank you, but of course no one took it so simply. My family knows I've been suicidal for 3 years. Meds have cut down the pain from the first five months (when the tiniest breeze on my face would cause a chain reaction of electrical pain). For technical/medical reasons I am not a candidate for the newest laser surgeries. I am not afraid to be no longer living but can no longer will myself alive simply to keep from hurting others. (Fortunately, I have no children.) And this is certainly no rash decision. And I do appreciate your humanity and concern and wishes for an alternative in which I complete the "story" of my life. The human body is a fragile vessel and mine is no longer capable of keeping me here. Take care of yours. I've had to outgrow my ego's view of a world from my own perspective to see past its mourning of my own "personalized" death. I am one little man whose life will be 42 years instead of 80-ish. "It", the Universe, existence, God will continue to live on past this individual, this romantic creation of our egos, our "cellves". Affection,
CJ

PS - Perhaps I should post this on the site too.

Again, I apologize if my posting was the wrong call. The choice seemed A - another Fall fan who found other interests or B - giving thanks and reminding all what a special place this is. In hindsight my post is surely upsetting and naturally inspires others to want to help/change the situation. I have had several long conversations with three close friends about this subject in the past. And I have investigated my medical options. Family and friends will never truly be ready, but I feel overdue. Take care of yourselves and keep the humor coming. Love, love and more love!

Thanks for the response.

Love, strength, & love.

P

JC, PLEASE explore other options!

There must be another way to overcome the pain you're suffering.

It's really not too late to think about this. :(

I don't think I can fully comprehend the intensity of how you feel, and the processes which have led to your decision, which at this stage, can be changed.

Maybe a way of looking at this is not to consider it a straightforward choice to end your life or not.

Maybe you can make the decision, that yes, you can end your life but you won't at this point. Maybe one month or one year at a time. There may well be all sorts of things that are worth sticking around for. You perceptions may change in the future, and that's worth considering.

I urge you to reconsider your decision.

Best wishes.

Oh man, my thoughts are truly with you.

Look, please don't do what you're saying you might do. The fact that you're here shows that you have people who are on your wavelength and who care about you. Just don't do it.

I too have little idea what to say to you. I wish you'd show your post to your doctors although I'm sure you've made them aware as to how desperate you are. Please don't go through with this.

You've obviously looked into all the options but is there really no way around this at all?

Please hold on. Or at least discuss these thoughts with a professional.

Good luck :)

76 posts in 3.5 years with no apparent intimate connections with anyone on this board and he chooses to dump this on us?

it just doesn't ring true at all

And to blow ones brains out at thanksgiving dinner so the family can support each other-sheesh

wow that was quite disturbing to read all of this but i wish the person who wrote that the best of life.

I dont feel confident you're right but I hope you are :(

Are there any protocols about what mods should do when a suicide is announced? There have been some cases on other sites where such announcements haven’t been taken seriously and the person has taken their life on webcam with forumites goading them on. The terms of use refer to behaviours that could have the place shut down etc-one liability might be if the mods haven’t taken the threat seriously by alerting the authorities

Generally, the media here takers a silence is the best policy (but that is changing with the absurdity of the head-in-the-sand approach being debated).

That would be a big thing to put on the mods, cha; they don't have any real power except to stop someone posting.

Anyway, this must be a horrible decision for tsirhC suseJ to have made. I can only wish him the best - what he thinks is the best.