All songs about self abuse, self pleasure or the joys of self love.

Pick your favourite 3

Done before I think.

Anyway, Pictures of Lily or I Touch Myself.

It didn't say Pick 3 at the top, so I just voted Buzzcocks.

The one you left out that I like is Gary Numan's "Everyday I Die."

I forgot about that one.

Was Down In The Park another one?

Down in the park
Where the machmen meet the machines
And play `kill-by-numbers'
Down in the park with a friend called `five'

Get Off - Dandy Warhols

Ya Ya - Lee Dorsey

Solitaire by Neil Sedaka isn't about masturbating. For God's sake!

The one you left out, by the way, is Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band's 'The Lo Yo Yo Stuff', which is a superb wanking song and some may say the best of its genre.

I wouldn't have voted for it, but I wonder why one of the notorious songs from this category is missing. Darling Nikki by Prince which significantly contributed to the use of "Parental Advisory" stickers:
"I knew a girl named Nikki, I guess u could say she was a sex fiend. I met her in a hotel lobby masturbating with a magazine." :o

Oh yes, it so clearly is...

And keeping to himself he plays the game
without her love, it always ends the same
and by himself it's easy to pretend
he'll never love again
A little hope goes up in smoke
just how it goes, goes without saying
There was a man, a lonely man
who would command the hand he's playing

Neil Sedaka has confirmed this :)

No he hasn't. :rolleyes:

Where oh where is GG Allin's meisterwerk, Ass Fuckin' Butt Suckin' Cunt Lickin' Masturbation.

He so has :)

That's like saying something's "most unique" - it's not technically possible.

Where?

WHERE?

There could be four of them, working in close formation.

Yes, but - technically - is it still masturbation if there are others "working in close formation"?

turning japanese is about masturbation? i'll keep that in mind next time i play the minipops cover.

None of Devo's masturbation anthems like Uncontrolable Urge, Whip It or Jerkin Back and Forth?

'Grinning like a wanking Jap'

There was a magazine article, which I can't bloody find, but in it, the interviewer alludes to the original meaning of the word solitaire, meaning, something done without the influence, or hidden, from another. (it's a common allusion in French Literature, although i had no idea about this until I read the article in question) Sedaka, who is an incredibly well read and articulate man, admits that he was very aware of this meaning and that is why he was angry with Andy Williams when he changed some of the words in his version, making the female connection explicit.

I'm waffling.

But the meaning and the intention was clear. :)

I suppose it could be masturbation if he is watching (for example) an episode of a hypothetical late night C4 reality TV programme in which ass fuckin', butt suckin' and cunt lickin' are being performed by others for his enjoyment.

There's a ska song by Mustard Plug I really like called "Miss Michigan"

I recently learned that "dating Miss Michigan" is a euphemism for masturbation.

Here's a picture of Michigan to help you understand why (the lower part)

Oh, I remember it.

Wasn't it in Made-Up Monthly?

Karen Carpenter would not have sung a song about that sort of thing. :devil2:
Kindly wash your mouth out.
Thank you.

I like the Longview bass riff.

My fave would be Robyn's version of Jack U Off though.

"I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
And it does me good
Like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
And I wank wank wank wank...."


© Men Behaving Badly.


{Sorry, carry on. :D }

Florida looks more like a wang...

"And sometime around 2am you end up taking advantage of yourself..." :lol:

That was by Tom Waits, by the way.

I am so right about this.

And the words of the song, even without Sedaka's interview related confirmation, are surely enough to convince most people.

It's about wanking.

You are so right. :applaud:

So chuffed someone else has heard this and loves it :)

Michigan is a hand though :)

great song, I thought it was about being a selfish lover but I just read the lyrics and I think you're right

That's a good question. I've heard "Down In the Park" many times, and I just figured it was some demented futuristic paranoia like many of Numan's songs... you could be onto something though. It's certainly not as obvious as "I smell the lust in my hand..." :unsure:

i have a question.

if you whack someone off, is it still, technically, wanking ?

Not if you use a baseball bat

I think - and I may be wrong - technically "wanking" should only refer to the solitary vice.

So the phrase "wank me please, mother" would be technically incorrect? :confused:

I thought just rubbing genitalia was wanking iregardless of who was doing the rubbing?

Apart from Pixies B sides, yes.