((Discussions of sex here. Also, Adrian is fucked up.))

It was an attempt Adrian was convinced would be futile, but he would be damned if he didn't at least try. Gaven was the most important person in his life. He loved him with every fiber of his being (well, okay, that was a gross exaggeration, but close enough!), depended on him completely (he refused to believe that this was only because he failed so horribly at self-reliance), and didn't think he could function properly without him. There was no one in his life that was so important, so necessary. He wanted to spend the rest of his existence with Gaven.

He also wanted desperately to get in his pants.

Adrian had been lusting over Gaven as long as he could remember. It probably started around the time he realized he had hormones and they were extremely active. One day Gaven was Gaven, and then the next he was an absolute sex god on a pedestal. The transition was instantaneous. He supposed he may have objectified his best friend a little bit, and perhaps he still did, but fuck.

He supposed as the years past, the idea of having at it with Gaven just for the sake of blind fucking ebbed away to something deeper. He didn't want to just bend Gaven over and have his way (or vice versa; whichever, he didn't care), he wanted that stupid stereotypical connection. He wanted to have that brief moment where he possessed Gaven completely, where, in those delirious moments, Gaven was his and he was Gaven's.

So he was a little fucked up.

So what.

So he sat on Gaven's couch in only a towel, flipped on the TV, and hoped he would show. He could do this. He could wing it.

Gaven was incredibly attracted to Adrian Bastardi. They had been best friends for as long as he could remember, or as long as he could care to remember, and he had never wished it any other way. Sure, sometimes he'd hope that Adrian would straighten up and quit the drugs, or maybe stop bouncing from bed to bed at night, but he never wished that their relationship was any different.

It was just a plus that Adrian was the sexiest person that Gaven knew. It was unfortunate, then, that he wished so hard that their relationship would never change: he had promised himself a long time ago that he would never, ever, under any circumstance, sleep with Adrian. Adrian was fucked up enough as it was and Gaven-- Gaven liked to think that he was safe ground for him, a place where he wouldn't have to worry about sex or drugs or anything else glamorous. He was just The Best Friend, and The Couch To Sleep On When Addie's Too Far From Home, and Gaven was officially okay with that.

It was hard, but he was okay with it.

So when he opened his apartment door and stepped inside to see Adrian sitting on his couch and flipping through channels with nothing but a towel on, he just stared at him blandly and shut the door with his hip. "You've got some clothes hanging in my closet," he said. "Do you want half of my burger?"

He set the greasy fast food sack down on a nearby table and slid his coat off, tossing it over the back of a chair.

The burger was not quite as desirous as Gaven, but because Adrian had taken a hit from his bong earlier (safely stashed in his car, because he knew Gaven would not appreciate its presence in his apartment), it was close. The idea of food momentarily distracted him. The distinctive smell that practically coated his throat with grease simultaneously made his stomach groan. Determinedly, he ignored it.

"I'm fine," said Adrian, standing up. "It's warm, anyway." The towel slunk a little low on his waist. He strolled over to Gaven and offered a quirkly little smile that usually got girls to throw themselves at him. He never really understood that. To him, he thought it looked a little goofy (he tried it out on himself in the mirror this one time, before laughing uproariously and spending half an hour making faces at himself. It was the marijuana), but if it worked, well.

Adrian eyed the burger. It was there. He was hungry. He would also look extremely unsexy eating a burger. It was impossible to look sexy eating a burger. Therefore, the odds were against the burger.

"Sure," said he with a sigh and a sort of helpless smile.

Gaven's eyes ticked down just once - just for a slim, curious second - and not for the first time in his life he wondered how his palms would feel curved around the warm skin of Adrian's bare hips. He liked hips a lot, and Adrian had a pair of very nice ones.

"Warm?" He answered, turning to the sack and digging through it, popping a french fry into his mouth as he unwrapped the white paper from around the burger. "Crazy. It's freezing in here." It was probably a good seventy-eight degrees in the room. Gaven had two shirts on. "Should probably get dressed, you know. Or at least put on some underwear."

He eyed the cheeseburger and made a face - he normally avoided meat on principle, but this had been the least-skeezy and probably cleanest place open on his way between the library and his apartment. He took a bite of it, looked a little grossed out, and then offered it to Adrian, sucking some of the ketchup off of his own finger. "Here," he mumbled. "I think I'll just eat the fries."

He looked. Score one point for Adrian. Not that it was a particularly counted, but hey, he looked.

And then, of course, Gaven ruined it all by telling him to put clothing on.

"Why?" Adrian may have scoffed a bit. Gaven, if nothing else, was his best friend, and Adrian was prone to get sassy and sarcastic with him. "Not enjoying the scene?" He reached over and plucked the burger from Gaven's hand, before leaning forward to give him a purposefully sloppy kiss on the cheek. This, in retrospect, probably didn't help his seduction mission one bit.

In fact, Gaven doing the whole finger sucking thing in front of him was most likely seducing Adrian more than Adrian would ever be able to seduce Gaven.

"Maybe if you ate more, you wouldn't be so cold all the time, crazy." He turned and headed towards Gaven's room, waving a hand and taking a bite from the burger.

"What did you do today?" he asked, slightly muffled, mouth half full. He used his free and not greasy hand to pick through Gaven's closet for something to wear.

Okay, so Adrian wasn't the greatest at seduction. Usually, he never had to put in that much effort. Him + Girls + E = Easy. Gaven was anything but.

Gaven really wasn't that surprised when he came home to find Adrian nearly naked and on his couch. Adrian made little comments, come-ons sometimes when he was stoned, and it really didn't shock him at all that he'd shucked off his clothes to wait for him this time.

Incredibly unromantic, he thought blandly, then sighed and picked up the bag, following Adrian to his room and eating fries from the bottom of the sack one by one. "I eat enough," he argued, and winced when as he watched the greasy hamburger come in a worrying proximity with all of his clean clothes. "And I went to the library today... did some studying. Took a nap in the park. Nice day outside."

He trailed his eyes up his best friend's back (and perhaps, perHAPS observed his ass curiously through the towel for just a second), letting them rest almost sadly on the back of his head.

"What about you?"

He wondered how much money Adrian blew a week on drugs, and then worried for a moment - like how he always worried for a moment - that tonight he'd get something bad and just not wake up. He shook it off.

"Do anything interesting?"

Adrian didn't have a romantic bone in his body. He probably didn't even know the definition of romance, aside from 'harlequin'. He knew about Fabio making out with the neck of a girl who's clothing was falling off. He'd heard the descriptions 'flowers' and 'throbbing member', but tended to associate those things with gardens and something painful. To him, sex was sex. There was something artful about it in its own way, sort of like a song or the feeling one got after succeeding in a project—satisfactory—but sex was easy and required little work. Just aim and fire.

"Oh yeah. As you eat like, three fries." He pulled out a brown hoodie and a pair of jeans. He finished off the burger and licked his fingers, before wiping his hand on the towel.

"Shit, man. All you ever do is study. Got another test?" He crumpled up the wrap and tossed it at the garbage can. It hit the rim but thankfully fell in. "Turn around," he instructed. Seducing Gaven was one thing. Flashing him was another. As comfortable as he was with his body, and as prone as he was to stroll around naked, he knew that would not only make Gaven uncomfortable, but probably totally turn him off.

"They taste like grease," Gaven defended, and his tone seemed to suggest that grease tasted something like moldy dog shit. He chewed up one more fry for good measure, then rolled his eyes and turned his back to Adrian when instructed. "Oh, no," he deadpanned, "I might see your butt."

He refrained from cursing when he could. Not like he was offended by it or anything: he'd just been whooped every time he said a 'bad word' as a child, and the impression stuck.

Gaven sighed and stepped forward, leaning his forehead against the wall and closing his eyes as he waited for Adrian to change clothes. "No, no test.. just trying to stay on top of everything. And I'll be finished with school soon enough." He paused, then hummed softly, almost sleepily to himself. "Well, I guess I'll be teaching at one, too. Should be nothing like college, though."

He was secretly hoping that Adrian would crash out soon. The idea of curling up beside his half-conscious friend and popping some awful slasher movie in the DVD player to veg out to was unusually appealing.

Is that weird? he pondered to himself, realized it was, then decided he didn't care. "You done yet?"

Adrian rolled his eyes and pulled on his sweater, dropping his towel to tug on the pants. "Well, if you really want to check out my ass, by all means." Commando. He zipped carefully. Adrian figured he should be putting on pajama pants, since it was nighttime and all, but sleep was the last thing on his mind. At night, Adrian tended to become a little more alive. Electric. His body demanded to move.

With Gaven's back turned, Adrian tossed back half a pill of E. Not much. Just enough to take off the edge of sobriety (even though he was far from sober). Seeing Adrian take drugs would probably offend Gaven much more than his bare ass. Well, he couldn't be sure, but he didn't want to take any chances.

He found another pill in his pocket and instinctively popped in his mouth. Hm. Mint. A bit linty, but effective.

Adrian slunk up behind Gaven and snaked his arms around his waist in a backwards hug, resting his chin on his shoulder. "You're going to work yourself to death one day, I swear. You should just run away with me." Adrian was solid and warm and smelled like aftershave and himself, clean from stale air from parties.

"Maybe I should run away from you," Gaven bantered quietly. He gave a pleased hum when Adrian looped his arms around his middle, and even pressed back against him a bit, relishing in the warmth and clean smell. It was a treat to be near Adrian when he didn't stink of parties and smoke and sweaty bodies, and he turned his face to the side a little bit. He pressed a fond kiss to the tip of his nose.

He seemed content to stand like there for a moment, leeching warmth from Adrian, before he pushed himself forward, trying half-heartedly to escape the hug.

"Gotta work myself to death," he said patiently, as if he were explaining a simple math concept to a small child. "Don't want to get stuck in some dead-end job, you know? Might as well do something I enjoy." And now he was charmed, completely so by the warm, physical affection at his back. "Where're you headed to tonight?"

He was still hungry. He turned his thoughts from Adrian's warm arms and almost feminine hands to the box of Cheerios in the cupboard.

"Yeah right. You'd miss me too much." Adrian placed a light kiss on Gaven's neck. "Besides, I'd chase you and annoy the fuck out of you until you give in." Which, he supposed, was what he was doing now. He figured, if all else failed, he would eventually wear Gaven down into having sex with him. He could wait. He just didn't really want to.

"I don't get how you think teaching would be enjoyable. Fuck, man. That's like a suicide job." Adrian relunctantly pulled back from the hug, letting his hands slide across the material of Gaven's shirt. The E still had quite some time to kick in, but he liked the feeling of Gaven.

"Nowhere." Adrian raised his eyebrows. "I was just thinking about hanging out with you here. Got somewhere to go?" Adrian's smile was a bit hazy on the edges, but his eyes may have narrowed a bit.

"Not a suicide job," Gaven argued quietly, pulling away from him with a tiny bit of reluctance himself and sitting heavily on the side of his bed, staring over at Adrian. "I like kids. And I like history. I can deal with both." He closed his eyes and shrugged again. "And I get summers off. It's not so bad."

He seemed to remember to kick off his shoes, then, pulling his feet up with him on the bed as he started to peel off his socks.

"No, don't have anywhere to go. You're just not normally in at night is all." He resisted the urge to shrug another time. His shoulders were going to fall off. "We could order a movie off Pay-Per-View," he suggested, and then continued blandly, "or some porn." The last part was completely not-serious, by the way. Gaven had seen porn a handful of times and had laughed his ass off each time.

Seducing Gaven was hard. Everything he was doing to his best friend was pretty much normal. With Gaven, there was really no such thing as personal space. Casual touches and embraces and even light kisses were nothing out of the ordinary. It was as if they were already in a romantic relationship, except for without the sex. And, well, the romance. Lord knew how many times he's heard someone quip about how he and Gaven bickered like an old married couple.

Being in a relationship with Gaven, sexual or otherwise, was natural. Now he just had to get Gaven to realize this.

"No summer classes? Right. How're you going to pay bills without working for three months?" Adrian grinned and sprawled out beside Gaven, looping an arm around his chest to yank him down with him. "Oh well. Don't worry. I'll support you with my million dollar check."

Adrian wrote because he felt like he would shatter to a million pieces if he didn't.

"Yeah, well, I wanted to hang out with you tonight." He kept his arm draped around Gaven's chest, idly tracing patterns on Gaven's arm and watching his own motions with a distracted sort of intensity. This was the E. That was okay, though. Gaven might not be wearing velvet or silk, but it was Gaven, so it was just as good. He scoffed. "Yeah. Let's watch porn. And then you can spend the rest of the night laughing. What movie do you want to watch?"

He could think of better ways to spend their time, but wisely kept his mouth shut. Adrian trailed his finger up Gaven's arm to continue drawing on the crook of his neck. His touches were feather light. He liked the feeling of Gaven's skin better than his sweater.

"Hey," Gaven complained when Adrian pulled him down against the bed, only it was less of a complaint and more like a bland statement. He didn't mind when Adrian kept the arm around him, and actually lifted his head a little bit to allow him better access to the crook of his neck. "Tickles," he muttered, but it felt nice, too. He liked the callouses on Adrian's hands. They were tangible, real, reassuring.

He shifted a little bit, turning his face to look lazily at him. "Like heck you'll ever make a million dollars," he murmured, and impulsively leaned forward to press a kiss to the side of his mouth, something he typically reserved for when Adrian was asleep. He pulled away in just a split second, though, refusing to let it develop past what it was. Whatever the hell it was.

Gaven pushed Adrian's arm away and sat up, leaning forward to grope for the remote on the bedside table. He twisted, his back to his best friend, and rested on one elbow as he turned the TV on and started flipping through channels. He really wanted to crawl under some blanket about now-- his fingers were starting to get cold.

"I don't know," he said. "There's some new kung-fu movie out."

"Oh yeah?" Adrian hummed, following Gaven with his hand to continue with the designs. He let a finger trail down Gaven's spine, tongue flicking to the side of his mouth to catch Gaven's taste from the kiss.

Adrian enjoyed Kung Fu movies. He liked them like he liked the Rocky movies and B movies and eighties flicks. He grinned. "I wonder if we can find King Kong versus Godzilla right now."

He ran his tongue across his teeth and stood up, grabbing the comforter to throw it over Gaven. "I'm gonna go brush my teeth." If there was anything Adrian was secretly obsessive about, it was his teeth. Perhaps it was vanity. Perhaps it was because he had seen what drugs and STDs had done to people's mouths. Adrian shied away from the drugs like those, and got himself tested on a regular basis. So far, so good. It helped that he was careful, even when he was at his worst. Thankfully, there were not many people who would even think to try and take advantage of a six-three ex-hockey player.

Instead of hanging out in the bathroom, though, Adrian brought his toothbrush into Gaven's room, scrubbing his teeth. And, because he was nice, he handed Gaven his own toothbrush, complete with toothpaste on it.

Gaven blinked and crossed his eyes at Adrian when he hopped up from the bed and fled to the bathroom. He caught the comforter and draped it over his own shoulders a little bit gratefully. He hated freezing to death in his own house, but there was woefully little that could be done about it.

"Um," he said when he was handed the toothbrush, "thank you." It was kind of cute how dedicated Adrian was to keeping his teeth clean. He put so much junk into his body that it was hard to imagine him caring too much about his teeth. Well, no. It was hard to imagine a normal druggie caring so much about his appearance, but he knew firsthand how vain that Adri could be.

Gaven jammed the toothbrush into his mouth and scooted over on the bed a bit, lifting his arm to let Adrian have a place beneath it next to him. "My breath stink?" he asked around a mouthful of toothpaste, and then "Scream is on."


He had been terrified of that movie when he was younger. He was trusting Adrian not to remember.

Adrian remembered. His memory may have been selective, but there were some instances that just sort of stuck out for him admist the haze. "Mmm." He wanted to tease Gaven ruthlessly about the movie, but his mouth was full and to open it would to drool. So he scrunched his nose at him and tried to somehow indicate that he knew and that he would give Gav shit for it, later.

He held up a finger and disappeared to the bathroom again, before reappearing and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Had he taken more drugs, he would have probably spent the next two hours brushing his teeth. Or washing his hands. Instead, he crawled in beside Gaven and tucked the comforter close.

"Yeah," he said. Minty. "Reeks, man." He shot Gaven a cheeky grin. Okay, so he was deathly afraid of rotting teeth. It just made him squirm.

"Scream? Didn't that movie scare the hell out of you?" His eyes were brighter. Maybe from the drugs, maybe from laughter. He pulled off his sweater. Adrian might have crap circulation, but Gaven's house was warm and the comforter with the additional body heat made it hot. Besides, he liked feeling everything on his oversensitized skin.

And he was seducing Gaven. The barer, the better.

Gaven squirmed out of bed and padded over to the bathroom, making quick work of the foam in his mouth. He dropped his toothbrush back into its cup before turning to head back into the bedroom. He had seen that look from Adrian and knew he was about to catch hell. Hey, the movie still got to him: Gaven still got chill bumps whenever the guy with that mask popped on screen.

"Used to be scared of the movie," he drawled quietly, climbing back onto the bed and slipping into his place next to Adrian. "You've got bony shoulders, I think," he observed quietly, turning up the movie a little bit.

He was getting drowsier than he had meant to: not a true sleepiness, just the kind of warm laziness that made him feel like a content cat. "We haven't done this for a while, have we?" He realized after a moment, content to lean in close against Adrian's side. His body was thankfully warm, and even in the warm apartment under the blankets, he wasn't going to complain at such a tall, comfortably heated body. "Watched a movie, I mean."

He wasn't being nostalgic, just observant.

The killer popped on screen and he tensed, then yawned under the pretense of just being sleepy.

Adrian lazily slung his arms around Gaven's waist, tucking the comforter closer around them. He let the Scream bit slide, more content to enjoy the warmth and the cheesy horror movie and remember days past when they were a kid. He couldn't remember all the details except for random, bright moments that stuck in his mind, but the flow of memories he shared with Gaven were sweet and warm and happy.

"I wonder," Adrian hummed, sliding a warm hand under Gaven's shirt to rest on his hip, "has it always been like this? I mean, most friends aren't so intimate." He wasn't trying to seduce Gaven right now. This was just an idle thought. Holding Gaven was completely natural. Usually, after he had sex with someone, he would turn over and go straight to sleep or have a cigarette. Usually he forgot about them after sex. He tried to remember when he and Gaven started holding each other. He had vague memories of crawling into Gaven's bed when he spent the night at his house, usually under the idea that maybe he could help warm his friend up, but maybe his mind was playing tricks on him. There was a likely chance he made these memories up.

"My shoulders are just fine," he sniped, but there was no malevolence to his tone. He tried to keep his body nice, even though it was deteriorating from the inside out, and sometimes he just couldn't bring himself to exercise (aside from a few, half hearted sit ups. But he had played hockey his entire life and the definition was still there.

He smiled when Gaven tensed, tightening his hug just slightly. "You know," he said teasingly, "I'll protect you from scary guys in weird masks. And from scary nightmares."

Gaven knew they weren't an exactly normal pair of boys. Firstly, he had never really known a pair of friends to stick together so closely for so long. Most friendships waxed and waned: there were fights and arguments and periods where people drifted toward other people. He couldn't remember that ever really happening with Adrian. He was pretty sure it was because it hadn't: he couldn't ever consciously remember a time when he hadn't wanted to be by Adrian's side. Secondly, he had never really met anyone like himself or Adrian. Oh, he was sure that like souls existed-- he just hadn't met many yet.

"No," he answered in a lazy murmur and leaned back gratefully against Adrian's chest. "Hasn't always been like this. We're kind of freaks." He lifted his hand, sliding it down the length of Adrian's arm and turning his face to the side to look at him. "And how do you plan on protecting me from guys in masks? Offer them a blunt and hope they get distracted?"

The arms around him and the chest beside him were gloriously warm, and not for the first time in his life he had to resist the urge to lay a hard kiss on him. He resisted because he knew how Adrian would try to take it and-- well, they'd been friends for so long. He refused to admit to himself anything deeper than friendship, because how could he ever expect Adrian to truly remain commited to any one person?

"But, mm.. thanks for the offer anyway." He grinned drowsily at him.

Adrian slid his hand up a little higher, resting his palm against Gaven's ribs. He never really understood Gaven's objections to them taking the sexual route to their relationship. To him, it made perfectly logical sense. They were closer than some married couples. With Gaven, he considered himself the model of restraint. That carnal desire for unhealthy relationships with people and drugs was tamed if only out of respect and love.

But sometimes he wanted to roll over on top of Gaven and pursuade him in a messier way.

He hummed and bumped his chin against the top of Gaven's head in an affectionate manner. "Well, I'm not complaining. I like it as is."

The feeling of Gaven's skin was intoxicating. He brushed his fingers back down. It was like silk. Little sparks of pleasure shot up from everywhere on his body, but most predominantly from the hand resting warmly on Gaven's body, and the places where Gaven was pressed up against him.

"And I'll chase him off with a hockey stick. Duh." His grin was crooked and sweet.

"I'll get you a chainsaw, then," Gaven murmured, and his hand slid down the length of Adrian's arm again. He covered Adrian's hand with his own, curling his fingers slightly between Adrian's. "You'll really be the stuff of nightmares, then."

He settled himself comfortably when his friend's head came to rest gently on top of his own, turning a little bit to press his lips affectionately against Adrian's bare clavicle. Which reminded him.

"Hey. Why weren't you wearing any clothes when you got here?"

Sometimes he wished he'd allow himself to get messy between the sheets with Adrian. He had the feeling that it'd be good for him in some ways, and if he could get past the wincing, disgusted feelings he had toward sex with anyone, it would be with Adrian.

But he wouldn't give in. He had given in to a lot of things- he hated conflict, thought life was too short to spend arguing about petty things. But this was one thing he wouldn't break down and agree too. Well. Probably wouldn't.

"Please. I'm as harmless as a fucking rabbit." Adrian operated on the mindset that everyone needed to slow down, relax, not be so stressed about everything all the damn time. It was possibly because he couldn't logically imagine a future for himself. He had nowhere to go, and was taking his time getting there. It was perhaps one of the only character traits he shared with Gaven - that perpetually laid-back attitude. Except, of course, Adrian was much more associated with the sin of Sloth. Gaven was doing something with his life. Adrian was lounging.

Gaven's next question caused him to fall quiet for a second. "I was making a fashion statement, dumbass." He blew into Gaven's hair because he was childish.

Adrian was totally and hopelessly in love with Gaven. Adrian, however, did not know how to be a good boyfriend. He was aware of this.

But he really, really wanted to try.

"I was scratched by a rabbit once. They're not freaking harmless." And he had been, too- a class trip to a park with a petting zoo when they were both in second grade. The lady had handed the sweet-looking rabbit to an earnest Gaven, who hadn't held its back legs. The thing had panicked and kicked his feet hard; Gaven dropped it and got to enjoy watching the lady run around after it for half an hour while he nursed the long, red welts on his forearm. He shifted a bit, then closed his eyes and actually laughed when Adrian blew into his hair.

"I was just going to say," he continued after a moment, "if it was because your clothes were dirty, I could put them into the wash before we go to bed."

Practical Gaven. Practical, pragmatic Gaven.

He squirmed away from him, sighed sadly at moving away from the contact, and opened his mouth to say something. The killer popped up, unexpected, on the screen. Gaven yelled and twisted himself back up against Adrian's chest. "I'm fine with other movies," he scowled softly, turned to the side now, one hand pressing flat against the side of his best friend's stomach. "I don't get why this one scares me."

Adrian was surprised out of any response about evil rabbits and dirty laundry by Gaven flinging himself back into Adrian's arms. He exhaled a breath and hugged Gaven, grin twitching at the corners of his lips. He laughed a bit and caught himself, quickly trying to smother it with a cough. He turned his head away to try and control his facial muscles, fingers spazzing a bit in his amusement.

"Gaven," he said, voice throatier than normal in his attempts to not laugh, "we can change the channel, you know."

Then again, he deeply appreciated Gaven throwing himself in his arms. "Not that I'm complaining about our position."

Adrian was not above making lewd comments. He did this on a regular basis.

"..shut up. We don't need to change the channel." Gaven took a bit of Adrian's skin between his thumb and forefinger at the comment and pinched it in retribution, but immediately stroked the area with the pad of his thumb as if apologizing. "It's not like I'm really scared of the movie. Or, you know."

He trailed off and shrugged. It was hard to think perfectly clearly. Adrian smelled nice, smelled clean. And he was so damn warm.

"That picture has just always given me the creeps. The one that mask is based on." He shrugged his own shoulders, which really were a bit on the bony side, and immediately blew a raspberry into Adrian's chest.

Adrian jumped a little at the pinch. His skin was sensitive - not quite as sensitive if he had taken the whole pill - and the pinch sent a little shock up to his brain. He threw an offended look at Gaven and pinched his side lightly in retribution.

"Oh, come on," he said, grinning teasingly. "I'm Adrian. You can tell me when you're scared of crappy movies. I'll still love you. Make fun of you ruthlessly, but love you nonetheless."

He laughed in surprise at the raspberry and did not groan, no, but he might have wanted to, and maybe squeezed Gaven a bit from the sensation.

"Bastard!"

"Bastardi," Gaven shot back lightly and had to stifle the urge to lick him. He rubbed his side where he was pinched out of reflex and turned to settle again next to Adrian's side, rooting his eyes with purpose on the television set. "And no, I'm a big boy. I can take a slasher flick."

He twisted himself so that he could rock his head against Adrian's shoulder, tangling his fingers in the comforter and trying to keep as little heat as possible from escaping the two of them.

Gaven was quiet for a second. He licked his lips. "You taste good," he said.

He didn't know why he did it.

Adrian usually didn't intiate kisses with Gaven. At least, not on the lips. He always kind of saw it as overstepping Gaven's boundaries.

But Gaven said he tasted good and, well, Adrian thought why not give him a better taste?

So he tensed for a second. So all those damn doubts and reasons why it would be a very, very bad thing to do this came rushing to his mind in a split second, but he still pulled back, he still reached down to tilt Gaven's head up, he still kissed him gently on the lips. He still teased Gaven's lower lip with his teeth.

He knew he shouldn't do this. But he couldn't not.

Gaven returned the kiss. Responded to it with what could almost be called hunger, actually, but he wrenched himself away in the middle of things. He was red from the bridge of his nose to his ears. He started to settle on Adrian's shoulder again out of habit, then sat up straight, fingers still clinging to the material of the blanket.

"Don't do that," he said, and it was a soft, reprimanding deadpan. "You're stoned."

He shivered a little bit. It had been a long time since he had been kissed like that and, well, it was Adrian, and this time he tasted like toothpaste, which wasn't an altogether unpleasant experience sensory-wise.

Adrian sat up slowly, eyes narrowed. He grabbed at the blankets, knuckles white. There was an unfamiliar feeling settling in his stomach, and it was making him nervous.

"Why not?" he said quietly. "You kissed me back."

"That was a mistake," Gaven said patiently, though his throat felt strangely constricted. "We're not--.." He looked over at him, speaking slowly, almost pedantically, as if he were speaking to a child. It wasn't on purpose. "..we can't kiss like that. We're just friends. I shouldn't have kissed you back, I'm sorry."

He twisted hard, hunching his shoulders a bit and rooting his eyes on the television screen, hoping that would be the end of the matter.

"So please don't do it again."

Oh. It was anger.

Adrian was not an angry person. He rarely got angry. And he had never, ever been angry at Gaven. The anger was accompanied by dread, frustration, fear. He stood up, suddenly not wanting to be so near Gaven.

"Why the fuck not?! I don't get it! I don't fucking get it, Gaven!" He raked his fingers through his hair, yanked it a bit. "You - you're attracted to me goddamnit!"

He froze, eyes still narrow in anger. Was it true, though? Adrian could be reading into things.

"What's wrong with me? You've been with other people before, why the fuck can't it be me?"

"Of course I'm attracted to you!" Gaven shot back, and heard his voice rising slightly in frustration. "Who isn't?!" He looked sharply over at Adrian and realized that he wasn't exactly cold anymore.

He burrowed a little more deeply into his blanket anyway, as if he could shield himself with it.

"And I can't be with you because you're Adrian, for crying out loud! I won't-- those have always been serious relationships, and you wouldn't-- you can't.." He shivered violently. "Just drop it, Addie."

"Why don't you have any faith in me?!" Adrian pressed his hand to his face. Closed his eyes. His skin felt prickly, hot. He felt like screaming. He inhaled and slammed both hands on the bed.

"Don't you get it? I love you. I don't just love you I—goddamnit, Gaven!" He closed his mouth. Didn't know what to say. He could write for days and days but couldn't express himself to the one person who meant the most to him.

"Which is nice, except for all of the things that mean more than me," Gaven shot back. He didn't mean to. The words were bubbling up from his chest and spilling out, spewing thought he didn't know he had from his mouth like water from a dam with a bad, bad leak. "We're friends, Adrian! We take care of each other, watch movies together, and sometimes I do your fucking laundry because you're too strung out to do it! But don't ruin this!"

He wasn't able to look at him during his tirade.

"Don't try to turn it into something it's just not, okay?"

Adrian snapped back as if slapped. He took a couple of steps back. Swallowed thickly, looked away.

"Fine."

And then he turned around and walked out of the room.

Gaven watched him go and willed himself with everything he had to get up, to follow him. Chase him down and explain that he was sorry, he was just scared, that he wasn't ready to do anything like that yet. That he wasn't sure he'd ever be ready.

Instead, he just lay back down and tossed the blanket away, finishing the movie. He shook just a tiny bit for the rest of the night.