What else would Morose being doing during the time that Jex is working and he can't find Enyo besides sitting in a cemetery?

Well, not that he'd looked very hard for Enyo. They've formed something of the begining of a friendship and the end of their extensive arguing at the expense of both of them making many compromises of sorts. But this friendship seems very fragile to Morose and he wants to do nothing to mess it up. After telling her what little he had told her about his past, which amounted to next to nothing compared to all that he'd asked and gotten answers to of her past, he wanted to steer clear for a short time, let himself settle down some.

But now his memories were all fresh, everything. Not that the sadness had ever left his eyes in the first place, but that was only sadness, feelings that he was stuck with after so many years of learning to cope. But this was new, or at least,fresh. This was pain that had caused that sadness in the first place. No parents because something was wrong with him. No friends, because the only one he'd had had disappeared. The only one he has will die and He'll have to watch, the one he's potentially making is still a rocky sort of friendship. Add that he's having faithful issues and he's doubting what he's believed in all his life and you've got a very unhappy vampire.

Morose is sitting in the cemetery in front of a headstone he's passed many times before, stopped at quite a few times, and he's touching the stone. Words, Silas' name, they'd been chipped away. Not that he'd known the man ever, but he'd read his book. Morose was dressed in baggy pants that fit his waist, riddled with zippers and chains and bondage type straps. Over his chest was a fishnet shirt, showing how terribly thin and ghostly pale he was. Around his throat is a single leather cord where his cross once lay but now was in his pocket instead. There are a good amount of bite marks around his wrist, hand, and his arms. Vampire bit marks. His radiant red hair was spiked, the long bangs hanging to his shoulders on either side of his face, and even folded over and kneeling as he was, he was obviously tall.

He's not fed in nearly a month, not since he'd fed a week after he'd fed from Enyo. But at least his taking care of his appearance once more.

Vivienne could feel him two blocks away. She never had gone back and fully explained things to him. She didn't with Enyo either but the vampiress was a bit different than Morose in nature. Besides Enyo had been willing to rescue Viv from being left to die in that freezer on the roadside.

What is it about Morose and the cemetary anyway? she really does wonder. Vivienne is exceptionally lucid since having her magic balanced again by Dan and Cheddar. Cheddar was another thing. Something told Viv she'd better not bring up the demon and Enyo living together if she did mangae a conversation with Morose. that was their business. She wasn't about to put her foot into it.

She parked the truck a little ways down the street and got out to walk into the cemetary. She knew there were things she should say, even if she is terrible at apologies. Apologizing, the very idea seemed feeble anyway, there weren't any words that could take back the things she'd done.

It was a nice enough night. She wore workboots, carpenter jean shorts and a plain blue t-shirt. For once her hair isn't braided she'd let it down a little while ago so the wind would play with it while she had the truck window down. It's messy a little from that but not too aweful. She straightens it a little distractedly while she walks towards Morose.

He feels her, but not the nearness of her. He can feel her constantly. Every night, all night long, she's there at the very edge of his awarness, joined by Jex and Enyo in his senses. It doesn't matter how far away from him they are, he can always feel them, always know their feelings, their pains, the emotions, and now he knows he can always call out to them, though he's not figured out how to shout at one without shouting at all three. Demonstrated by shouting at Enyo and Viv and Jex both hearing it.

And he'd been feeling her being cold. He couldn't feel tempreture but he could feel the general idea of being cold comeing from her, and then, just a few days ago, it was gone. Just like that, and she wasn't cold.

Not that he cared. If he could, he'd be rid of her in his mind. He'd grown used to her, stopped moping about what she'd done to them, what it had lead to between he and Enyo. But her sudden change from cold to not cold had reminded him she was there.

What is it with Morose and cemeteries. Who knows. It had started with him searching for his friend's headstone. After being sired, maybe it's some sense of comfort to him. I'd have to say that mostly, because his life has become hectic and wild, it is a normal place for him. It's the one thing that just rarely changed. And here it's changed. Poor Silas's headstone has been ruined, his book stolen.

She stood several yards away not sure what to do. She wanted to speak, but was afraid that if she did he'd try to get away. That wouldn't accomplish anything. She took a few more steps towards him. Was the grave someone he knew? Now she was hesitant to interupt him.

She pushed strands of hair from her face and sighed. He wanted to be rid of her from his head, and she would if she undo what she'd done to him. All of it. she steeled herself to move to the grave. She's actaully nervous as she crouches down there near him.

"Get away from me." He didn't move, didn't turn. He'd heard footsteps in the cemetery, he'd felt her hesiation in his mind, conected the two togather and just knew that it was her now sitting very near him in the cemetery.

"I don't want your blood. I'm on a diet," he sneered bitterly. Diet was an understatment. He'd gone anorexic vampire now. He simply wasn't feeding at all. Her turned to look at her and his eyes held none of the bitterness or spite he was speaking with. Becuase he wasn't spitful, just bitter. They were sad, as they'd alwasy been, only now they were beyond what any mortal could truely feel.

"That's not what I'm doing here." she said quietly, "But I will go if you want me gone." She wouldn't blame him at all. Viv doesn't exactly like herself. She can see why others wouldn't want her around and Morose had a lot more reasons than most everybody.

He felt abashed for a moment, maybe a little bit ashamed of himself for jumping to the conclusion that she'd come to force feed him for her own entertainment again. Last time he'd run from her, he'd left with a very embarassing tent in his pants and had had the fact thrown in his face a few days later by Enyo when she'd been weird. Weird because of, yet again, the blood mage. That thought made him get a grip on himself again.

Morose let his hand fall off the headstone, dust coming away on his palm, turned his blue eyes away from her to look at his hand, the bite marks.

"Then what do you want?" He tried to sound accusatory, only managed to sound like he was trying to sound like it and came out sounding more reluctant then anything.

What a confusing question to ask her right now, it varies minute by minute, to be.... dead, normal, not a colasal fuck up....probably some of the same things Morose wants. "To apologize, but I already know I can't." she said simply. Her words aren't weak, just a simple statement. He didn't run, so her nervousness over that has passed.

Her eyes are mirrors to her regrets.

"Apologize for what, exactly?" Now he's getting better at sounding bitter, but while his words sound so very acuasatory, he doesn't sound it in the very least. He'd like to, it just doesn't over ride how miserable he feels. "For making me feed? Or makeing me feel like a complete fool?" He's talking about being aroused now. Yes, that had made him feel very mush like a fool.

"Or are you talking about what you did to my sire? The things she said to me! Because of you!" He had to look away now. Those things, he'd not forgiven her yet. He'd told her not to mention it but that it would take a long time to forgive and forget. He'd never forget. And she'd always regret.

He's right to be angry, but she's still frustrated. What the hell can she say, and yet she must say something. "All of it. I can't fix it though or rather undo it. I'd fix it if I could." she said. "I'd fix a lot of things if it were so easy to simply turn back the clocks and do so." she said softly.

She'd change most of her life actually she'd just bumbled through it hurting people, and when she hadn't bumbled it was when she was deliberately hurting people. Parts of that made perfect sense to her now, and she understood that some of her actions hadn't been her fault, but most could have been prevented. She wasn't at all happy about what had been done to her.

She felt sorry, felt frustrated. "Why?" Not why are you sorry, he knows she is, that's what counts, even if he can't just accept that she's sorry anymore then he can accept that Enyo was sorry for saying some of the things she'd said. The difference is, he has eternity to get over what Enyo had said, an eternity to remember but also and eternity to forgive her. As far as he knew, which wasn't much, blood mages were mortal and she only had a mortal span for him to forgive. Did she even care if he did?

"Don't be frustrated with me. None of that was my fault. I fought you, and you pressed me."

She isn't frustrated with him at all. She says so. "I'm not frustrated with you, more like trying to communcate with you, which also isn't your fault. I know I'm the problem."

Did she care, if he forgave her? I'm not even sure Viv knows. How can she accept forgiveness from another, when she can't forgive herself?

"Comunicating?" All the bitterness went away from his tone in a slip of the moment. He'd been startled by that comment. Was he making it harder for her to speak to him? To apologize for the trouble she'd caused him, the snowball effect she'd made? Good. She should have trouble. She should have to have a hard time after the hard time we've had. We being Jex, Enyo, and himself. Mostly he and Enyo, but anything that happened to him somehow always effected Jex too. Morose normally isn't so spitful.

"Explain," not a request. Because he wanted to know if he was right about her having trouble talking to him. The reasons for it.

And where to begin with that explanation? She can't even try to sort that one out she just starts blurting things. "I'm not good at talking to people, I try to stay away from them when I'm on my right mind. I'm not healthy to be around, or I wasn't for a long time. I can't often manage to convey what I'd like to."

Is he making it difficult, not entirely most of her stimbling blocks come from within her. Knowing what sort of abomination her father mad her into only serves to make her feel more profoundly inept. She conceals it well most of the time. While some might take comfort in knowing just how powerful they were if they were Viv, she hardly found it comforting. It simply proved what she'd always told herself. She really was a monster.

She was a monster, on that Morose would agree. But not for the same reasons. If he had to be a monster because he was what he was, she was a monster for makeing him do what he'd been trying so hard not to do.

He scowled at her, looking at her once again. "Obviously," he agreed when she said she wasn't helthy to be around. He managed to sound a little bitter again. "Why her? Why, when you...you could have talked me into it again, beat me into doing it. Why did you go for her?" Yeah, he'd have fed from her to keep her away from Enyo.

"You must think I'm stupid on top of being an asshole!" she blurted. That had struck a nerve. Viv didn't go after Enyo, in fact she'd warned Enyo away several times. "She was looking for me. She lost it when I got a nose bleed." Viv said.

He didn't comment about thinking she was stupid. He didn't know her, she'd shown no sign of being stupid or otherwise yet. But he knew she was an asshole. At least, from his perspective she was. So he said nothing either way.

"Nose bleed?" He'd known Enyo had been trying to find Vivienne, after he'd told her not to, to just leave the woman alone. He'd known that, that had been the initial start of his being angry with Enyo, because she'd been looking for The mage. Remember how it seemed that Morose was the sire and Enyo was the child?

"...."

"Nosebleeds and blood from my ears were one of the early side effects. It got out of hand too quickly. I tried to warn her off. She seemed hellbent on some sort of confrontation though, and once I had my back up over it I was in a shitty mood myself.

It wasn't a premeditated thing. Neither was what happened with you, the first time. The second time was even worse. I was getting too out of control." she said. There's something she won't ademit to readily in most cases, she wasn't completely in control of herself, the needs of her magic in many ways drove her actions as did her own madness.

On the topic of madness none dances in her eyes now. They seem rather clear, perhaps a little too bright and more aat peace than they have been during the times she made Morose feed. They do still swim with regret but not so deep as the drowning sadness in Morose's eyes.

Morose frowned at her. He was having trouble making any sense of all of this, mostly because he wasn't sure if he wanted to believe it and partly because he could feel from her that it was the truth, but that would mean that the mage hadn't meant to do what she'd done, and he's been mad at her because he'd thought it was all purposful. Not that it changed the fact that he'd fed from a human.

Sighing when he didn't have too, Morose put both hands on either side of him, still squating on top of the grave, and grasped two handfuls of grave dirt, pulling up the heavily packed dirt.

"I believe you."

She sat for a few minutes collecting her thoughts. She wasn't at all sure what to do next.

"I know I can't fix it, but can I do anything?" she offered. She wanted to at least try. Feeling his contempt in the back of her mind certainly did wear down on her on top of all the faults she had with herself. She doubted Morose would ever like her, but if the loathing abated she'd welcome the change.

"No," he replied, letting go of the dirt and taking up the same handfull again. "There isn't anything anyone can do. About anything." What? Yeah yeah, he sounds just a little bit pesimestic right? He turned away from her. Can you already feel the hate for her evaporating slowly, pitifully? But can you feel in it's place, that emense self lothing rising upward?

Nothing happens without it being replaced by something where Morose is concerned. If he doesn't hate her, he can't blame her. So he blames himself.

Maybe the hate was better, what she's getting now feels too much like her own feelings. "I'm not convince entirely of that." she says quietly as gloomy as Viv can be, she's not a pessimist. If she were she would have simply laid down and accepted what Mac meted out.

She can tell he blames himself, and that's not right either. "How can you stand it?" she asked softly. "How can you stand to make yourself go on if you're so miserable? And dare I ask what made you so miserable? I don't think I can take all the credit."

He didn't look at her. He didn't even try to disagree with her. He's found that after Jex and Enyo, arguing that things can't be fixed was just pointless, they both said things could be fixed...yet Morose doesn't see anything actually getting fixed.

How can you stand to make yourself go on if you're so miserable?

"I love somebody. Two someones. I do it for them." And he frowned at her. "But when my mortal dies, I don't know how long the little part of me that still fights will keep living." Basically, only one things makes me keep living, Jex. Enyo he loved, but she'd made him this, regaurdless. She'd created him to be what he didn't want to be. And she would live forever, that was fine, but he didn't think, after talking to Asher, that he could 'cope' with eternity.

And dare I ask what made you so miserable?

"A life time of disappointment. Orphanages, being hated, my love being taken, my only friend. The only one that ever cared until my mortal now. (He says 'my mortal' only in place of Jex's name, not as a possession.) Being made what I despise against my will, the need to feed on mortality to remain immortal. The understanding that my mortal will grow old and die and I will watch and once again have my love be taken. Be forced to feed, my sire mocks me and throws spitful words at me because I would not let her run under the lust of your blood. I now question the faith that I've always survived by." He scowled at himself. She's not even got the details, just a good basic outline. He very rarely goes into details. In fact, he very rarely says that much.

"I think you would find it very depressing as well. It isn't that I want to live. It's that I've promised someone I would."

"People need me, I nearly let go when I first came here. Then my brother needed me and it's just gotten more complex since." she says quietly. Not much detail there either. "I would have never started to lose control if I hadn't started using my magic to protect him. I thought I could get away from what I am here, instead I only seem to learn more things that I need to know. Things I wish I never had to learn." she told him.

He frowned. Why was she telling him this? He doesn't hate her, and she doesn't need to explain. He doesn't hate her, will he ever mind her pressance though. Or even like her at all? With Morose, it's impossible to tell.

"Why did you make me?" Feed, that is. Is that a random question? In a sense, it fits right in along with her explination.

"The magic was building up too fast, I had to stave it off with pain. It got harder and harder to do it and keep sane as my pain threshhold increaesed. My magical capacity kept increasing too, but more than I could handle. The energy was imbalanced. At least i's ben restored. I needed you to hurt me, and drain me though, or the build up would've kiled me. In my right mind I would have asked, and probably someone else. I didn't fully understand what was making me that way though, I thought I was just turning evil completely." she told him.

"My other alterrnatives were hurting other people and doing things to them with the energy build up. It was very confliciting. Most of it still is." she said very softly.

Hurting other people? Isn't that what Morose is trying to prevent from happening? So he'd fought against her, tried not to give her the pain that she'd needed. And if she hadn't have suceeded in pushing him as far as she had both times, then she'd have hurt someone else. It would have been his fault that someone got hurt...even though he didn't really know any of this in the first place.

Did she ever realize that not only had she hurt herself by pushing him, she'd hurt him too...and eventually, because of that, he'd caused Enyo and Jex pain too? Yeah, everything he can make into his fault.

"You....if you'd asked....." I wouldn't have anyways. "I'm sorry." For what?

"You shouldn't be sorry you didn't make me this way. Like Frankenstien, some freakish abomination that normal rules don't apply to. You had nothing to do with it till I fucked up and involved you unwillingly. " she knows she hurt him, given all the details I'm sure she could follow the domino effect on her own.

"Unwillingly." He repeated the word. "Why me? Because I was available," he answered his own question bitterly.

(Gah!!!! sooo short. *dies* x.x <----like that))

"Literaly, I happened to bump into you. I was out for trouble I didn't care what sort at the time. Had I resisted the urges driving me at that point though, I would have died, the negative energy would have consumed me." she answered. She doesn't point out he saved her life, twice. She's sure that wouldn't help matters at all.

No. He'd not meant to save her life. And even if he had, it still would have meant that he'd done what he saw as an ultimate sin and fed from a human.

"Twice? What about the shadow? I hid. I was hiding and you found me anyways. How?"

It's at least something to have his questions answered, not that they made him feel better.

"I thought at the time it was something my magic let me do. Actually it's my demon blood that let me do it." she said not very happy about it. She had thought she was a normal human until very recently. "It wasn't just the magic in my blood that made you act the way you did, it was the other things too." she told him.

Act the way you did. "Like a fucking ho..." Never mind. Ignore the outburst. Can yyou tell being aroused by a mage because he fed from her, let alone being aroused at all, was not on his top ten to do list?

"Demon blood?" He chose to question that instead.

"Yeah, some sort of demon angel hybrid really, but my human blood was all replaced along with a lot of other things. I wasn't joking about the Frankenstein thing." she admits very softly.

Morose stared at her for a long time, his eyes showing disgust. He wasn't disgusted at her but he wasn't sure if he was disgusted by her or about her being like that. He couldn't hide the look so he stopped trying to.

"Who did that?"

It's not surprising, it disgusts her. Because it was done while she was a child, so obviosly other children had to die to act as donors. It definitely disgusts her. "My father, it started not long after he killed my mother." she said. She won't look at him while she says it.

Morose scowled. Even that terrible thought that a father could do that to a child disgusted him, and even that didn't make him wish any less that he'd had a father growing up. But that was terrible, harsh. Poor woman. Pity? A little bit. More self loathing. He'd treated her like it was all her fault, all on her own will that she pushed him like she had, none of it was her fault.

You can't win either way with Morose. He's always going to blame himself, because these are the only things he can think of that his parents didn't want him. Bad things had to be blamed on him.

"..."

He was at a lose for words and simply turned his eyes to the headstone and shook his head.

"People suck." How young he was truely showing through just then. He's a year old vampire. Only 20 years alive at all. He'd been made at ninteen, just a baby.

Vivienne wishes she had a daddy, a bit different, but a relatable wish. "What are you doing here anyway?" she asked softly. "You come here a lot." She leaves unsaid that she can feel him moving around the city.

(Short *hides*)

(*pets* so was mine.)

What had he said when Enyo had asked him that question a year ago in the cemetery before being turned into a vampire? She'd asked him why he was in the cemetery two nights in a row. What was he looking for.

"I lost a body."

Flat reply. It's hard to tell if he's kidding or not, unless you can feel him in your mind. But he's so sad that even then, it's hard to tell. As soon as she'd commented on his being there often, he pushed up a wall, a sheild in his mind, cutting her off from him. It's almost like he just disappeared. You can simply, no longer feel him. And he can't feel her in his senses. The problem is, he had to think so hard about that wall to maintain it, and he's so weak right now.

"I'm running in circle to find it, even thoguh it wasn't here last time and it won't be here this time." He smiled faintly, a harsh, unhappy smile. "Maybe I'm insane."

"That is how they define it repetition when you already know the outcome will be unfavorable. Still losing a body seems like a signifigant event. Who's body?" she asks quietly, completely aware of what he's doing with his mind and to himself.

"I don't think it makes you insane though, it makes me think you lost more than just a body....." The frustration has crept back, and with him and herself. Of coarse he can't feel it.

She falls silent. Would he even let her feed him the way she'd fed Enyo when she was hurt? If there was not blood just energy, would he even believe that was possible?