Two days after he said he'd go looking for Erik and still nothing. He didn't know where to find him and the flower shop was closed. Closed, would you imagine that. Lucifer didn't have to think on that for too long. Was Erik really gone? He was dreading telling Callie. He couldn't, though. He simply didn't have the heart to. Why did this have to happen?

This was all his fault! No... he realized it was Callie's fault. Or was it? She had said she'd upset him, but... no! Callie couldn't be at fault, she was too nice of a girl. Besides, Lucifer couldn't blame his "best friend"s (as Erik had only called them friends) death on her. It would be wrong. It hurt so much, though. It was hard not to blame her and he already knew she'd immediately blame herself. Oh, hell. He didn't want that. He just wanted everything to be okay and he wanted nobody to be hurt. He didn't want to have to hurt like this. He didn't want Callie to hurt like he knew she was going to. Was this what Erik wanted? For them to hurt?

Gott in Himmel he thought in frustration. He couldn't blame Erik, no matter how much at fault he was. He was just too... perfect. Nice. Lucifer adored him. That man couldn't be at fault for anything in his eyes. But here he was, thinking himself in circles. It hurt too much to think. His head ached but his heart did even more so. He had to tell her, though. He promised. No matter how much he didn't want to or how much pain it caused him he planned to tell her. He promised to tell her what had become of Erik and he planned to keep that promise. That didn't mean he had to like it, though.

Nothing had been done with his long, dark brown hair to keep it out of his face and his beautiful green eyes were bloodshot. He'd thrown on a drab, ugly, wrinkled black t-shirt that obviously didn't fit him and jeans to match the style. The wheelchair was also not very stylish and he knew it. Lucifer would never look the same again.

You could practically see the pain in his eyes when he wheeled himself into the hospital, asking for the patient by the name of Callie. He'd visited frequently so the particular nurse knew who he was. With a nod she cheerfully got up. "Right this way, sir." she said sweetly, leading him to the room Callie was in. She was fortunately awake but still in pretty bad shape. "Thank you," he said in a low almost whisper to the nurse as she walked away.

He rolled his wheelchair up to her bed with a frown.

Surprisingly for Callie the two days had gone by relatively quick for most of the time she was sleeping. She hated sleeping so much, but at least it numbed the pain, physically and emotionally. The medication was making her sleep undisturbed by her normal nightmares which were the only good thing about it.

However when she was awake, time seemed to drag on as if time had almost stopped completely. Each minute seemed like it was a year or more of laying there in that awful hospital bed. She hated the food that they gave her when she was awake. Most of the time it involved meat of some kind which left her baffled staring at the strange food. Of course she’d never had it before, so she would just push it to the side and usually only have the roll or whatever soup they brought (if it didn’t have meat in it).

Eating was another chore all in itself as her hands didn’t want to cooperate at times. The motor functions to her fingers were limited and pain occurred whenever she moved her hand. A nurse was having to help her most of the time in some aspect or another.

Attention turned to the door as she saw Lucifer enter with a rather large frown upon her face. That definitely didn’t do anything to help her already low spirit and it felt like her heart just sank lower and knots forming in her stomach again.

”What’s wrong?” Wait. Maybe she didn’t want to know why he was so sad. Did he find out about Erik? If so she wasn’t liking what she might hear so far.

"I... don't blame this on yourself, but..." She probably already knew what he was about to say. He shook his head and continued on anyway. "This is hard for me to say... Erik.. he.. he's.." He looked away, biting his lip. That would definitely confirm the fact that he was dead.

Lucifer just couldn't handle the fact that he was really gone...

The more he stumbled on with the words the more her eyebrows furrowed a frown of her own appearing abruptly on her already sorrowful face.

”No.” It was barely audible as the girl shook her head back and forth in disbelief. Her world just came crashing down in front of her mind; like all the air had been sucked out of her body and heart cut into thousands of tiny pieces.

The tears started again after a few moments of disbelief went by painstakingly slow. Thoughts suddenly drifted to that moment after the first attack when he was standing over her and telling her she needed to rest. The warmth of his hand in hers as she drifted off to sleep. If she had known what he was planning to do, if she had known that that moment would be the last time she’d see him, she would have never fallen asleep; never let go of his hand.

”He…..can’t be.” She choked out the words in between sobs.

"I..." didn't even get to say good bye. "I..." didn't even tell him I loved him. Never got to clear things up, never got to be the friend I should've been. He swallowed hard, wanting to retreat somewhere dark where he was by himself. He'd been fighting back the tears but now had to even moreso. He near choked. "I..." don't know what to say...

"He...'s.. gone.."

Why did he want someone to blame? Why was he not more caring with her? Not more gentle in the time she needed it most?

He swallowed again.

"I'm so sorry..."

Eyes couldn’t even focus on Lucifer. The tears built up in them made her vision blurred. No don’t say it. But he did. That he’s gone. He couldn’t be. Erik promised he wouldn’t….wouldn’t leave her alone in the darkness. She had messed up horribly. Why didn’t she just stay outside the flower shop in sight? Why?

She felt light headed at that point unable to cope with what was being said. Words could not describe how she felt at that moment. Nothing would be the same ever again. Damn it. She couldn’t even bring her hands up to cover her face and hide herself from everyone. It hurt too much. Everything hurt, but her heart hurt the most.

”Why…why did….” It was so hard to get anything out that might make some sort of sense to another person. Eyes blinked, causing tears that were blocked in the ridges of her eyes to fall down her cheeks. Hazel eyes staring at Lucifer with so much grief for the sudden hole in her heart.

”I…I loved him.” She still did to, even if he was….gone. Nobody could ever fill the void that was suddenly present in her life.

"I know you did... I... I know it hurts." God... God damn it all. It's... it's... this is your fault... but I can't... I can't say it. It hurts. Why does it always have to hurt? Why is it always the ones I love... Never gonna love again. I loved him too. But you'll never know that.

His fingers tensed as he threaded them together.

"I can only say I'm sorry," he whispered sadly.

What sucked the most was that she couldn’t even move anywhere or try and move away or crawl into the corner and want to rot for the rest of her life. Nope. She was stuck in this wretched bed and not even able to move onto her side and turn away from him.

And yet at the same time she didn’t want him to go anywhere. She didn’t want to be completely alone. But she didn’t know him that well, only through Erik. It was so hard to comprehend that she’d never see him again.

New thoughts creeping into her head. She didn’t want to get better anymore. All that would do is get her better to go out into the world alone and remain alone. Even though she was still living at Cecily…oh gods. Was Cecily okay? She had completely forgotten about the angel taking her place back with that demon man. Would anybody be there that she loved?

”I….I want to die. I’m tired of the pain. And now….now he’s not here anymore.” What was this? She was starting to think the way she promised herself she would never think. Think about bad things, things that she could do to end the suffering.

”I….just don’t care anymore.” Of course she was still crying through all of this. She wasn’t thinking straight; too much grief encompassed her to think rationally. Maybe this was how Erik felt, what drove him to end the suffering. The pain was too unbearable, more emotionally than anything else. She turned away from Lucifer as the more crying ensued.

All of the blame subsided and all of the hurt and sympathy and pain amplified by a times table far more than two or even five. His wide green eyes almost widened, you could say. Tears were still evident in his eyes. They glistened on his cheeks. The hot, salty tears turned to ice as they made their way down to his chin. He didn't feel right in his own skin right now.

"Don't say that. Please don't say that, Callie! Don't..." his voice was a pleading whisper. "Don't think like that..."

Really, Callie was the only thing he had left of Erik. She couldn't go. She couldn't leave. He wouldn't let her. Under no circumstances would he allow her to take her life.

Head rolled against the pillow so she was looking back at him now. Face was red once more from all the crying she was doing. Why? Why did Lucifer not want her to think like that? It seemed like the only way that the pain would finally end. Pain in her life had gone on for so long and now with Erik gone…it didn’t seem like a battle to fight anymore.

”Why?” It was in the same soft spoken whisper as before. Eyes pleaded with him for some reason that was worth wanting to stay here for.

”There’s no reason to fight anymore.” This week had to have been the worst week in her entire life and the news of Erik being dead only made her mind and body snap. It was tired of putting up a fight.

"For me." He swallowed thickly, hardly. It hurt his throat. He was still crying. "Please. For me. For Erik. Don't leave me. You're all I have left... of him." She shook his head, as if trying to shake the tears from his eyes, to will them away. He didn't want to cry. He didn't want to hurt anymore.

"Please don't think like that. Don't die, Callie... please. I'd give anything for you to be happy again. To take the pain away. Just not that..."

For the record Lucifer has completely snapped as well once more in his life. All he has left is Callie. And perhaps Alia, but moreso Callie. He'd... He'd die if she killed herself as much as he'd die if Bo did.

Gods...

For a moment she was rather stunned when he said that she shouldn’t for him. The only times she had really gotten to know him, if only slightly, was while she was at the hospital currently. Other than that she had only spoken with him briefly on the streets before Erik….before he went over and spoke with him. Just thinking about Erik was enough to make her sick to her stomach with pain, guilt and that feeling that it was all her fault that Erik had caused him to take his own life.

”I remind you….of him?” This baffled her. Was he only wanting her to stay alive, because she was the closest thing he was going to have of Erik? Like a little piece of him in a way?

”The pain never leaves. It’s always there and will always be there now.” There was no way she could ever be truly happy. Not anymore.