Welcome, as you all know, chuck norris is famous for winning the world wide tournament a few times back, and therefore, there are jokes of him. Heres some I've heard.

--Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a man so hard, his foot came off, went back in time, and hit Amelia Earhart causing her plane to sink into the pacific.

--Chuck Norris once bet a beer to NASA that he could survive going through the atmospere without a suit, NASA still owes him a beer.

--Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Albert Einstein in the face, we know him now as Stephen Hawking.

Post some of your own.

Chuck Norris tutored Bob Barker, who, in turn, beat Adam Sandler to a pulp in Happy Gilmore.

Chuck Norris is a Republican.


Betcha didn't know that one. ;)

Behind Chuck Norris' beard there is no chin, only another fist.

There is no such thing as Global Warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned up the sun.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you CAN'T see Chuck Norris, he's about 5 seconds away from KILLING you.

There is no such thing as Natural Selection, only a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Bruce Lee KILLED Chuck Norris.


Guess which fact is ACTUALLY true?

I'll go with the Bruce Lee one because of what you did in the other topic. :D

According to Einstien's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can round- house kick you yesterday.

At the end of the Guinness book of world records the is a small footnote stating Chuck Norris holds every record there is, and the records in the book are the closest anyone has ever come to his records.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep- he waits.

Chuck Norris doesn't read, he just stares at the book until its gives up its knowladge out of fear.

More Chuck Norris FACTS! (lol)

In the game Street Fighter II, Chuck Norris was going to be in the game, he was taken out of the game due to bad reviews from beta testers, the problem, every button was a roundhouse kick, they assumed it was a glitch. When asked about it, Chuck says "Thats no glitch."

Chuck went to a Burger King one day...Chuck:"Hey! I'll have a burger with a whole cow on it..! Tool:"Sir, I'm afraid we can't do that.." Chuck:"WHAT?!" So in his rage, he roundhouse kicked the Burger King SO HARD that it turned into a Mcdonalds.

LOL! Pleae tell me that's a real story. :lol:

Fake, but funny.

chuck norris, angered at the lack of quality of KFC chicken, roundhouse kicked Sanders (the founder) so hard, his face messed up and he flew off to Japan. The japanese thought he was Uncle Sam.

Some people(I.E Toy makers) REALLY thought that Sanders was Uncle Sam!

These are the actual Chuck Norris' favorite Chuck Norris "facts"

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.


Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V22INb7H1sI
Not ever will I get tired of "The Lever "

WRONG!!!!!!
That was my Ytmnd ^_^

lol at the "chuck norris is the reason waldo is hiding." one.

chuck norris once used a phone booth, we see this phone booth in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

My favorites:

• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
• Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day.
• Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
• When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

• Bruce Lee once perfected the one inch power punch. Chuck Norris doesn't need that big of a swing.
  
  
• Chuck Norris wasn't born in the normal way. He beat his way out.
  
  
• Because Chuck Norris is so tough a 7 Eleven manager decided to put a poster of him in the window to deter crime. The plan worked. So far the poster has beat up at least thirty crooks.

LOL okay that last one was pretty good. Are we making these up or stealing them?

im stealing 'em, lol

Chuck Norris is so good at the martial arts, that he never has to use guns in video games "Slappers only!"

chcuck norris once won an arm wrestling contest with a roundhouse kick

I'm half and half.

Heres one I made: chuck norris uses a chain saw to shave his beard, and everyday he needs a new one.

Chuck Norris can win a staring contest with a statue. In under one second.

chuck norris once ate bear grills to survive

chuck norris once co stared with his son in a christian film called bells of the innocence

I made mine up.

• Steve Irwin's did not die from a stingray. He just pissed off Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris then kicked him into the street, and parked a Corvette Stingray on top of him.
  
  
• Chuck Norris invented the Chuck roast, the Chuck wagon, the drill Chuck, and the up-Chuck.
  
  
• The slang term "Chuck it in the garbage" comes from what Chuck Norris does with nerdy little people like you.
  
  
• Chuck Norris took pity on Teddy Roosevelt, and his men, and let them take credit for digging the Panama Canal, even though all they did was loan him a shovel.
  
  
• Chuck Norris's nipples are tougher than you.
  
  
• The world's first helicopter consisted of a pilot's seat, a tail rotor, landing skids, and Chuck Norris doing a rapid series of roundhouse kicks.
  
  
• Chuck Norris doesn't leap tall buildings in a single bound. He just kicks the buildings and walks over the rubble.
  
  
• Every year Chuck Norris donates hair for making wigs for cancer patients. Last year 36 wigs were made from his chest hair alone. Then some poor fool made the mistake of touching the beard ...
  
  
• Chuck Norris's nose hair is tougher than you!
  
  
• The only thing tougher than Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

I made these ones up too. :D

<<EDIT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8k3uGzgZIs >>

Chuck norris would have become president of the united states, but that would be too easy for him.

chuck norris is the master of reality, he's just lazy so he put god in charge

On the wall above the president's bed is a portrait of Chuck Norris, with the caption, "I own you!".

Chuck Norris tried sky diving so he could cut the earth in half. He did it. But then scientists Duct Taped and Super Glued it back together.

One day chuck norris walked up to god and shouted "Get a Job!" so god created earth and the human race

funny, not sure if richie approves though.

If your race in Morrowind is Chuck Norris, you win the game as soon as you breathe on the enemy.

Only chuck norris can prevent forest fires. (allen has a shirt saying that)

There is nothing to fear but chuck himself

chuck norris walked up to a apple II and was displeased with it's lack of graphic technology. So he roundhouse kick it all the way to Washington. Bill gates found it, we know it as Windows.

Instead of a chin, Chuck Norris has another fist there.

Dude, thats been repeated over and over in this topic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grg0Yfz8k2A
as much proof as one needs

More of Manny's favorites.

• Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
• Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
• Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

There is no such thing as Necromancy, when you see something come back to life, it is because he was dead just by the presence of Chuck, but he willed him back to life.