Chapter 1

I lie alone, I’m thinking.
How could this ever happen
Is it real? Am I dreaming?

Nicky sighed as he saw Jess lying there; still and pale, like a broken china doll his sister collected when she was small. A stray tear trickled down his bruised face and dampened his open shirt collar. Questions dashed through his mind, Why her? Why like this? Why did he do it?
“Mr Byrne?” a soft ladylike voice awoke him. “There’s someone in reception to see you”
“Err…ok” he stumbled “who is it?” his voice hoarse and shaky. He looked around to see a small blonde nurse stood in the doorway.
“She claims to be your mum” she replied gently “shall I show her in?”
“Yeah please” he answered turning to face his fiancé again. He needed his mum, she’d know what to do, and she could make it all better like she did when he fell over in the garden or had a fight with the boy next door. He gazed at the cuts and grazes that covered Jess’s face; she looked so peaceful yet tragically awful.
“Nicky!” his thoughts shattered as he heard his mum’s soft voice coat his ears like a comfort blanket. “Oh Love you look dreadful what happened? Are you ok?” she continued. Nicky stared deep into his mum’s eyes, his eyes pricked with tears.
“Come here son” she whispered holding her arms out towards him. Nicky stood up slowly and rested himself in his mother’s outstretched arms, his tears streamed down his face and leaked onto her top. “Let it all out love, what happened?” she enquired. Nicky rose his head from her shoulder and breathed deeply.

“Come on babe we’re gonna be late” Nicky shouted up the stairway, he picked up his keys and coat and set himself down on the bottom step.
“Hang on, I can’t find my card” Jess replied from the bedroom, she was late as usual. Nicky chuckled to himself, when they first met her unpunctuality was irritating but he learned to live with it and how to turn the clocks forward.
He spotted a white piece of card on the table beside the phone, he closely inspected it. In big bold black lettering it read ‘Holles Street Hospital, Dublin - Antenatal Appointment Card - Jessica Byrne’. They had put Jessica Byrne as her name because they would soon be married.
“It’s down here babe” he shouted once more.
“Ok I’m coming” Jess replied, giggling to herself she picked up her bag slipped on her flip flops and inspected herself in the mirror. Her cheeks were rosy from rushing around in the baking heat. Her new pale green chiffon halter neck gracefully fell over her growing bump and spilled over her cream cotton skirt. She placed her hands on her stomach and smiled
“OK in there, little one?” she whispered.
“Jeeeeess!” Nicky hollered at the top of his voice, getting rather frustrated. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily.
“Niiiiiiicky!” Jess mocked as she walked down the stairs to greet him with a peck on the lips.
He opened his eyes and gazed at her “You look… Amazing” he gasped taking his hands around her body.
“Not too bad yourself” she smirked slipping past him and out of the front door.

Chapter 2

“Don’t leave me will you.” Jess sighed on the way home. She looked at her hands before glaring over at Nicky.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Nicky replied, quite taken aback by it all. He glanced over at her trying not to take his attention from the road ahead of him.
“Well, it’s just…” she began, struggling to find the right words to explain. “Well… Gill was left on her own when Mark left her… and I… I don’t wanna be left in the same position… I’ve seen how hard it is… and she…” She stammered her lips trembled at the thought. Three years previously Nicky’s Sister Gillian was 6 weeks pregnant and lost the baby. Distraught, her Fiancée Mark went off with her best friend.
“F*** Off!” Nicky replied shocked at what he’d just heard. “I’d never leave you, whatever happens we’ll always have each other. What happened with Mark and Gill was a mess and he was a right dick!” he reassured her.

And when your heart’s been byrned
How can someone learn?
To get over their fears.

Yvonne rubbed Nicky on the leg as he paused. “I’ll give you some time alone” she whispered rising from her seat and pacing towards the door slowly. He sobbed hard and watched his fiancée’s chest rise up and down in synchronicity with the machine beside her. He gently rubbed her eyelids as she did when he was sleeping, her eyelids fluttered slightly. Shocked, Nicky stood up and stared at her.
“Jess? Babe?!?” he blurted out, praying her beautiful sparkling eyes would open and gaze back at him. A few minutes passed and Nicky had given up hope of Jess coming round. He wanted this nightmare to end, he wanted to wake up to the fresh scent of eggs and bacon. He wanted to open his eyes and see Jess sat there above him telling him it was all just a bad dream... He wanted her to open her eyes!
“Mr Byrne? May we have a word?” A strong Belfast accent spoke dressed in a long white coat and blue shirt.
“Yeah, what is it? Is she gonna be OK?” he replied frantically. The man motioned his hand towards a room across the corridor marked ‘Relatives Room’ Nicky’s heart beat faster and faster. He had watched TV, he knew what happened in there. He slowly sat down on the green leather chair, his whole body tense and shaky.
“ I know this is a hard time for you Mr Byrne, we are doing all we can to save your girlfriend. It’s come to a point where she isn’t responding to treatment anymore.” The Doctor began nervously. Nicky’s eyes welled up once more, he didn’t want to hear this he wanted to block it all out. She can’t leave him, they had the rest of their lives to spend together and they had a new baby to raise. His whole meaning of life was being snatched from beneath him in one grasp.
“This is a very difficult decision you need to make. Basically the baby is being kept alive by Jessica, but the baby is also using all of Jessica’s energy to stay alive. We have a choice of either losing Jessica by letting nature take its course and wait till the baby is ready to be delivered. Or to undertake a emergency caesarean section and risk losing the baby and possibly Jessica as well…” Nicky’s heart stopped. He couldn’t take it all in, he needed Jess but they had tried so hard for this baby.

Chapter 3

He buried his head in his hands and broke into tears. How could they expect him to make this decision? He lifted his head to see Shane stood there with his wife stood firmly by his side.
‘Nico, ye alright man?’ Shane asked him his eyes wide in shock.
‘Wha? Don’t look at me like that!’ Nicky exclaimed determined to act like he was fine.
‘Nick, ye look like shite! What the fuck happened?’ Shane blurted out.
‘Shay!’ Kala whispered sternly.
Nicky stared deep into Shane’s eyes, he could see how concerned he was, and he’d always been there when he needed him. He blinked several times to hold back the tears. Shane gradually edged his way around the glass coffee table to sit himself down next to his mate.
‘It’s gonna be fine Nick, don’t worry’ He said looking at Nicky who looked completely forlorn.
‘I can’t, I can’t do it!’ Nicky protested trying to fight the tears with everything he had left in him. ‘I…I just caaan…t’ He wailed rupturing into tears. ‘Oh god Shay, what the fuck am I gonna do? They can’t take them away from me; we’ve worked so hard for this. And, and…’ He stammered burying his heavy head deep into Shane’s chest.
‘Shane? Let’s get him out of here for a minute, a bit of fresh air might clear his head a bit.’ Kala whispered pointing towards the door suggestively. Shane stood up still holding Nicky tightly to coaxing him to rise; he stirred his head and adjusted his puffy red eyes to the bright lights of the Hospital.

Shane scurried reluctantly off with Kala to fetch some ‘soothing’ tea. Nicky pressed down hard on the fire handle, opening the door slowly. The heat immediately hit him.

‘So what’s for dinner then?’ Nicky shouted flopping himself down on the silky soft fabric couch. He reached down to the floor for the remote and flicked on the TV.
‘Can’t we just order a takeaway, I’m shattered.’ Jess called back from the kitchen exhaustedly heaving herself up onto the kitchen stool. No one had told her being pregnant would make her worn out from the slightest menial tasks. It had its perks though.
‘We ordered one last night and I haven’t any cash on me, what about the pizza in the fridge? Throw it in and come lie down.’ Nicky suggested finally settling on watching the latest Man U match on RTE1. Jess sighed and smiled, is this what it’s going to be like for the rest of her life? No, he’d probably want her to make a Sunday Dinner next time.
‘Ok then, did you call Skinner to come and fix the oven?’ she asked unaffectedly. She grabbed the cold tesco pizza from the fridge and laid it on the work surface and started to remove it from the box.
‘Riinnng!’ The phone began to shrill deep into her ears.
‘Nix, get that would you?’ she sighed
‘Yea, hang on…’ he replied. He picked himself up of the couch and made his way into the hall to the phone ‘Yello?’ he called down the receiver.
‘Wrong number’ he said placing it back on the handset. ‘D’ya want me to do that?’ he asked wrapping his arms around Jess’ waist and kissing her neck tenderly.
‘No, it’s fine, I’ll do it’ she smiled walking over to the oven dragging Nicky behind her. He stepped back and sat on the stool gazing at an open book on the counter, ‘Pregnancy – The 7th Month’ it read.
Jess stood back up and proceeded to turn the cooker on.
‘Nix, this bleedin oven isn’t working again!’ She screamed and kicked it…

‘Oh god she’s gonna be ok isn’t she?’ Nicky cried to the paramedic as he watched his fiancé being pulled into the back of an ambulance.

Nicky held his head down and sobbed, If only he’d called Skinner to come and fix the oven. He would have had it fixed before they even got home, instead he didn’t bother and it cost him his kitchen and more importantly his girlfriend and child!

Chapter 4

you told me I should be strong, oh I’m trying, I feel I can’t go on

Shane pulled up outside releasing the door. Nicky stared at the big house in front of him, he slowly unfastened the seatbelt and commenced to open the door.
‘Are you gonna be alright, Nicky?’ Kala asked laying her hand on his shoulder. Nicky nodded, climbed out of the car and shut the door behind him silently.
‘He needs some rest, he won’t get any alone. Shane go in with him, make sure he gets some sleep.’ Kala suggested glancing between the two friends, Shane forlorn over seeing his friend in such pain. She climbed over to the front seat and laid her hand on his thigh ‘Go on’ she urged.
‘Wha? What about you? I can’t just leave you.’ Shane replied
‘You’re not flippin’ leaving me, it’s for one night. He needs someone with him, someone to drive him to the hospital if necessary. Please Shane! For Jess’ sake, she won’t get better with him moping around.’ Kala reasoned with him.
‘Well…’ Shane paused for a second ‘… as long as you promise to take good care of yourself’
‘I will baby, don’t worry’ she smiled. Shane wrapped his hand around the back of Kala’s head and leaned in, he kissed her lips softly but passionately. ‘I love you’ he said gazing amorously into her glowing blue eyes. He got out of the car and handed her the keys. ‘See ya tomorrow’ he called.
‘Look after yourself, get him some sleep’ she called after him. She closed the door, turned on the ignition and slowly backed the dark blue Mercedes across the gravel.
Shane walked up to Nicky who was staring at the front door as if he was on a total other planet, and he laid his arm on his shoulder.
‘Come on Nico’ he said grabbing the keys from his cold hand and placing it into the keyhole.
‘…Today’s latest sports news with Bryan McKeagan. Manchester United lost for the first time this season to Liverpool at Old Trafford. At half time they were up 2-0, crashing down on the 80th minute when Liverpool scored an amazing 6 goals in 15 minutes…’ Nicky ears rung, the sound of the television flowing from the sitting room.
Shane observed Nicky as he stood rigid, his arms down by his side, like a wounded soldier,
‘I’m going to bed’ He whispered softly his voice more hoarse than usual. Shane glanced at the clock on the table, ‘3:29 AM’ it read.

Nicky lay on the bed staring at the high ceiling. He slowly moved to his right to see the clock. It struck him, she wasn’t there. He couldn’t just wake up and it all have been a bad dream, this was reality and he had to live with the fact that he had the hardest decision of his life to make. He had to choose between his girlfriend and his own flesh and blood!

You left me here on my own…

Rain lashed down at the windows surrounding him like machine gun fire. He limply rose from the bed and shuffled across to the balcony doors, watching he rain driving against the glass it reminded him of when he’d proposed…
He reached out to the handle and swung the door wide open. The driving rain soaked his skin and blood ridden clothes, drenching him in a few short seconds. He let out a loud yell and reached for the bottle on the nightstand.

*post edited*