Enkil was a great elf descended from a noble Elf family from within Eataine, his father fought and died along side Aenarion as a Swordmaster of Hoeth. His family expected great things of him and as such The Pheonix King sent him and his army to retake the shrine of Khaine from the black armoured grasp of the Dark Elves.

When Enkil's army departed from Lothern, they had no idea what horrors were in store for them on the Blighted Isle of Khaine.The first city they arrived at after crossing the Inner Sea was Anlec, a city beseiged by almost constant Dark Elf incursions. There a regiment of White Lions joined Enkil's force in hopes to stem the Dark Elves attacks.

Enkil's Force departed from the shores of Ulthuan and headed north towards the shores of the Blighted Isle. It was early morning when sight of the war-ravaged isle came into view and the shrine Of Khaine was seen by the High Elves like a dagger in the flesh of the earth.

" Our Army's Strength, Mage? " Enkil Ordered.

"2 Archmages, 40 Spearmen, 20 Archers, 4 Eagles Claws, 5 Silver Helms,
your guard of 5 Dragon Princes, 15 Swordmasters of Hoeth, 5 Shadow Warriors,
15 White Lions, and 4 Great Eagles, Sir!" The Archmage replied.

"What of the enemy?" Enkil asked.

"There strength is unknown my lord." replied The Archmage.

"Alright, tell the Bolt Thrower crews to ready there engines, spread shot, and to fire when I give the single." Enkil Ordered.

"Yes my lord." The Archmage agreed.

(To the other Archmage) "You tell the Archers to fire at the center of the beach, tell the eagles to perform hit and runs on any enemy archers or bolt throwers on the beach, and ready my steed and the Silver Helms and the Dragon Princes."

"Yes, my lord." The Archmage responded.

"One minute, what is your name mage?" Enkil asked

"It's Lukevis, my lord" Lukevis responded

"Good, carry on." Enkil smiled

As the mages performed there duties to ready the soldiers for battle. Enkil shone like a beacon of light at the head of the Elven warships.

"Sire! all is ready." Lukevis shouted

"Good, you and your companion must give us some support in this battle, we will need your skills, Lukevis." Enkil ordered

"Yes, my lord." Lukevis responded

Enkil raised his sword, and the archers and Bolt throwers readied there arrows and the Eagles took to the air. When Enkil's sword dropped the sky went black with arrows hurtling towards the shore, when the arrows crashed down screams of pain echoed across the early morning air from the dieing on the shore and then the cracking and breaking yew of the Bolt Throwers on shore while the Eagles laid waste to the hated enemy. Enkil got onto his steed and steered him toward the mithril door, and ordered the Dragon Princes and Silver Hlems to form lines around him. When the thump of the boat being beached was heard the door flung open and the cavalry rode out into battle as the archers and Bolt Throwers kept up there unrelenting assault on the defending forces of the shrine. Enkil was first met by a unit of 5 Cold One Knights. The sound of steel clashing on steel echoed across the battlefeild as the first real confrontaion began. Enkil cut down 2 within minutes cleaving one in two and releiving the shoulders of the others head, but a silver helm was killed by the talons of a cold one and another silver helm was fatally wounded by the pioson blade of a evil knight. A Dragon Prince cut the black heart from a knight. The tiny battle was won and the The Knights retreated, pursued by Enkil and his entrouge, they caught the Knights and butchered them like dogs in the street.


To Be Continued.........

An enjoyable read, but I it seems I always enjoy reading fluff! :P :P

Other than a few spelling, grammar and capitalisation mistakes it was good. Just a few other points:

• There is used when you're saying "over there", their means "belonging to them" and they're means "they are". Just so you know.
• Why would the leader of the army not know his archmage's name until they're about to go into battle? It seems unrealistic to me.

This isn't a film script, so that just doesn't look right. Change it to something like: "He turned to his other archmage."Please don't take this criticism as too harsh. I just figured you'd want constructive criticism.

Well, I suppose I could say a lot, but I don't know how much you want said :D

I will say this. Vary the lencth of your sentences. It seems to be written in point form. Flesh out your ideas, as it seems to be -mostly- a skeleton for a story, not the story itself.

Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get horses off a boat? They don't simply charge out, onto dry land! The boat is still a ways out to sea, and if docked, they are usually strapped to pullies and unloaded that way. Not a matter of "chargin off the boat into action."

Anyway, I will not be too mean here, as that is not the point :) Just need to work on your writing skills is all :) All in due time! :D

Because he was a new mage to this army. Or because all the time he had only ever called him "mage" and he had only ever replied "sir" or "lord".

He's an archmage. They're not exactly common, so I think Enkil would know what his name was.

It's not like it's a random dog-soldier.

Point, good point. Though we better ask Enkil, if he (or she) still goes here.

When writing a story, try to stay as far away from the game as possible. Dont include things such as combat resolution type fight winning. Dont have literal numbers involved, and if you are, dont write them as 1, 2, 3, 10 etc. Write them as one, two, three, ten. It makes it look more like a story.

On staying away from the game, dont have an army made up of spearmen, archers, silver helms, dragon princes, white lions etc. Call spearmen elvish warriors. Call the white lions "the hunters from chrace" or something. Otherwise it sounds too much like a warhammer table, and not like a real battle.

Try and make the numbers bigger, 5 cold-one knight isn't much good if they were real. Try to stay away from naming numbers, just say stuff like "a large company of hunters from Chrace". You don't have to be so exact. It's a story not a maths test.

The reason I put number to the HE army is cause it’s the army that I use during the game, that’s why. Oh and since this is my story just accept the whole boat thing, besides they're elves if they can figure out magic, I'm sure they can figure out how to invent a that has a reseal able door used for an invasion so just accept that it’s there. I know I should stay away from the game as much as possible but I mean that whole outline for the story is based on a scenario I and my friend played so . . . im updating the story and adding a little bit! criticize as much as you want . . .

Enki was a great elf descended from a noble Elf family from within Aden, his father fought and died along side Aeration as a Sword master of Heth. His family expected great things of him and as such The Phoenix King sent him and his army to retake the shrine of Chain from the black armored grasp of the Dark Elves.

When Enkil's army departed from Leathern, they had no idea what horrors were in store for them on the Blighted Isle of Khaine.The first city they arrived at after crossing the Inner Sea was Alec, a city besieged by almost constant Dark Elf incursions. There a regiment of White Lions joined Enkil's force in hopes to stem the Dark Elves attacks.

Enkil's Force departed from the shores of Ulthuan and headed north toward the shores of the Blighted Isle. It was early morning when sight of the war-ravaged isle came into view and the shrine Of Chain was seen by the High Elves like a dagger in the flesh of the earth.

" Our Army's Strength, Lukevis? " Enki Ordered.

"2 Archmages, 60 Spearmen, 40 Archers, 4 Eagles Claws, 30 Silver Helms,
your guard of 20 Dragon Princes, 20 Swordmasters of Heth, 5 Shadow Warriors,
20 White Lions, and 4 Great Eagles, Sir!" Lukevis replied.

"What of the enemy?" Enkil asked.

"There strength is unknown my lord." replied Lukevis.

"Alright, tell the Bolt Thrower crews to ready there engines, spread shot, and to fire when I give the single." Enkil Ordered.

"Yes my lord." Lukevis agreed.

(To Aerous) "Aerous, tell the Archers to fire at the center of the beach, tell the eagles to perform hit and runs on any enemy archers or bolt throwers on the beach, and ready my steed and the Silver Helms and the Dragon Princes."

"Yes, my lord." Aerous responded.

"Good, carry on." Enkil smiled

As the mages performed there duties to ready the soldiers for battle. Enki shone like a beacon of light at the head of the Elven warships.

"Sire! All is ready." Lukevis shouted

"Good, you and Aerous must give us some support in this battle, we will need your skills, Lukevis." Enki ordered

"Yes, my lord." Lukevis responded

Enkil raised his sword, and the archers and Bolt throwers readied there arrows and the Eagles took to the air. When Enkil's sword dropped the sky went black with arrows hurtling toward the shore, when the arrows crashed down screams of pain echoed across the early morning air from the dying on the shore and then the cracking and breaking yew of the Bolt Throwers on shore while the Eagles laid waste to the hated enemy. Enkil got onto his steed and steered him toward the mithril door, and ordered the few Dragon Princes and Silver Helms within the boat to form lines around him. When the thump of the boat being beached was heard the door flung open and the cavalry rode out into battle as the archers and Bolt Throwers kept up there unrelenting assault on the defending forces of the shrine. Enkil was first met by a unit of 12 Dark Knights on their ferocious beasts. The sound of steel clashing on steel echoed across the battlefield as the first real confrontation began. The maelstrom of blades ended with a silver helm and three of the their ugly brethren lying bloodied on the field. The tiny battle was won and the evil Knights retreated, pursued by Enkil and his entrouge, they caught the Knights and butchered them like dogs in the street.

When Enkil and his knights reared their steeds back toward the battle, Enkil could see the entire beach head and witnessed first hand the carnage of battle and he knew at that moment that this battle would last the day and possibly into the next. At this moment Enkil was at a point of advantage and knew he must take his men and flank the enemy and with some luck capture or scare off the enemy.

"So my Lord, what are your orders?" Lt.Faireas requested

"Hmmmm . . . well we seem at this point have the ability to flank the enemy but we must get more men, Telsis!”

“Yes, my lord?”

“I need you to ride into the battle and retrieve as many free cavalry as you can without drawing too much attention, can you do that for me?”

“Yes, my lord”
With that Telsis rode off down the beach toward the boats already beached on the shore.