Yesterday morning, my dad committed suicide. He had chronic depression and physical and mental problems for many years, and I suppose he just couldn't take the pain anymore...

He was 54 years old, and my loving father, always looking out for me and full of wisdom. He loved my mom, and my brother...but all of his suffering was just too much to bear.

To be honest, I could somehow see it...the last few weeks were extremely hard for everyone in my family, because we didn't know how to help my father...he often wouldn't even accept help, and other times he really wanted it, but he refused to take pills or anything...

It's complicated, but I think what he went through was a spiritual crisis. There were some things he felt guilty about in his lifetime, like not being able to make his career in music (he played guitar, the best damn guitar ever,) as well as the death of my godmother (who was his best friend and teacher,) and he felt like he was being punished by God...he was so anguished, I felt like an idiot for not knowing how to help him...

And then yesterday, my mom found his body, hung from a tree branch in the backyard...she started screaming, and I called 911, completely terrified. My mom tried to revive him, but when the ambulance and the police came, they said that there was nothing they could do...nothing left to do...

Today, I still feel like this is just some horrible nightmare. I don't want to see this twisted reality laying before me...though I know I have to...I loved my daddy so much...he was overprotective and stubborn, but he was the kindest, most loving dad I could've ever asked for...I wouldn't have traded him or my family for anyone else.

I've got so much moving through my mind right now, too much to even comprehend right now...so I won't make this post too long...

All I'm asking for...is just, I don't know, maybe something that will make me feel even a tiny bit better, even if only for a second...I don't know, I guess I'm just venting a bit...

Thanks if you read this post, or even just skimmed it..

People go through tough times, and it's really tough to hear about someone who coped with it in the worst manner. I'm very sorry for your loss.

I am sorry, for everything you and your family have gone through.

It is hard, but know that he will still be there with you in spirit, to give you that push to move on and that love and support in your darkest of hours.

Thanks you guys. Sorry this took a while for me to reply, but I've been really busy. (Ha ha, I'm not here that often anyway.)

I got to see my dad before his body was cremated...and tomorrow my whole family and many family friends will be at the memorial service, to say one last goodbye.

The day I started this thread I was emotionaly hysterical, even if it seems like I was relatively calm. It looks kind of stupid now...but that's just how I grieve. I talk. I spew out what I'm thinking at that moment.

But I'm sure no one is interested in how I blurt out all my thoughts at once, so I'm just going to say a special thanks to you two. It doesn't matter how many people have seen this thread or even if you gusy are the only ones that replied...I just really appreciate whatever sympathy I get, even if it's only a momentary sympathy that you forget about soon after you've given it. =3

Thanks.

I'm sorry to hear such a terrible incident has happened to you and your family.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you during this hard time you must be going through. :(