Okay, ITT We play DnD on TFS Because noone fucking uses the roleplay ring any more (which I 3/4th enjoy, 1/4th hate)

Name:
Race: (Human, Dwarf, Elf, Gnome, Half-elf, Half-orc, Halfling)
Class: (Barbarian, Bard [CHA], Cleric [WIS], Druid [WIS], Fighter, Monk, Paladin [WIS/CHA], Ranger [WIS], Rogue, Sorceror [CHA], Wizard [INT]
Stat priorities (STRength, DEXterity, CONstitution, INTelligence, WISdom, CHArisma. Prioritize them.)
Appearance: (Description or picture. Whatever.)
Preferred equipment: (Weapons/armor. Non-magical. Doodads and general equipment are fine too)
Favored skills: (just say what they're good at)
Cliffnotes: (Shit I should throw in for feats, skills, etc)

Stereotypical fantasy setting.

Go.

Rules: lol none

Name: Devias Septimus
Race: Human
Class: Paladin
Stat priorities CON STR INT DEX WIS CHA
Appearance:
Cliffnotes: You still know the fucking drill.

Name: Portpolli Vinezzeli

Race: (Scottish) Dwarf

Class: Bard

Stat priorities: CHA, DEX, WIS, INT, STR, CON

Appearance: Curly red hair, braided beard, and a set of wide shoulders. Then there's his big tummy. He's around four feet tall.

Preferred equipment: Leather armor, fancy green capes, short swords and some type of instrument. He's a wizz at the bag pipes.

Favored skills: Pickpocketing, singing, dancing, playing music, and lying. (Especially lying)

Cliffnotes: Anything that involves not getting hit and lying. He likes to not get hit. And to lie.

Name: Dirk Murderface
Race: Halfing
Class: Barbarian
Stat priorities: STR, CON, CHA, DEX, WIS, INT
Appearance: Short and blood thirsty
Preferred equipment: The heaviest metal known to halfling. And a sword.
Favored skills: RIP AND TEAR
Cliffnotes: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

Name: Dai Quan
Race: Human
Class: Monk
Stat Priorities: STR, DEX, WIS, INT, CON, CHA
Apperance: Large curved straw hat, prayer beads, jade colored robes, a simple white villager's shirt and tan pants.
Cliffnotes: Stupidly rich, and nobody can figure out where his funds come from. Lives in a large mansion on the top of a mountain. A devout follower of the "Wonderous Path of the Hundred Spirals," a powerful and swift martial arts school. Oddly, owns a small tea shop.

Two humans and two halflings. Sounds like a Hardcore Sonic Spock slashfico.

Name: Jain Gragonith
Race: Female British Elf
Class: Paladin [WIS/CHA]
Stat priorities INT, WIS, CHA, STR
Appearance: Right Here
Preferred equipment: White Paladin Armor, Gold Rapier, Cloak of Holiness
Favored skills: Peace-Bringing, Swordplay, and Love-Making.
Cliffnotes: This is a Yu-Gi-Oh Card. Sue Me.

I shall.

GG, Full party.

We'll probably start some time soon-ish.

(Even though I haven't done Dangerous Dave McGrew's stat block yet WOOPTY FUCKING DOO)

The desert surrounding quaked with heat mirages. Like the earth just wanted you to get out. The small thorp ahead, Clyde's hill had 8 and a half buildings. The half building was one with no walls. Just sticks, a roof and patterns drawn in the ground for where the walls should be. You've all been hired to take a caravan there and back. What's in the caravan? Confidential. Who hired you? Who knows? What you do know is you're getting paid a good sum of 5 gold pieces for your work-- More than you've made in the last month.

Hell, the wagon was bigger than a few of the buildings.

Dai Quan sighed, as he lifted up his straw hat, surveying the surroundings. The heat was quickly becoming unbearable, and the entire world seemed to be... wavy. Ugh. He too another glance to the caravan, a great sense of wonder lingered, as he contemplated the size. "Hm" he said, turning back to the winding road ahead of them.

Far from the comforts of his house, shop, and village, his travel funds had long run out. This whole series of travels was a terrible idea, he thought. Hm... how much tea do I have left with me? I wonder if I can convince the others to take a break for some tea. He nodded to himself. I'll wait until I can throw the blame on slowing us down on another member of the party. He lowered his straw hat again.

Portpolli scratched his beard, muttering to himself. He would have considered shaving had eh not been a dwarf, but then again, he wouldn't have wasted all his money on prostitutes and ale. Then again, he may have anyways. Portpolli couldn't seem to ever quench his thirst for women. He scratched his beard again, noticing again that he didn't have any good drinks. Sighing, he tapped the nearest person on the ass and headed for the caravan- five gold would get him a good deal of hookers, ale, and maybe a new cape.

He was whistling something patriotic.

Dirk walked towards the caravan, and looked up. The thing was easily far taller than he could ever hope to be. But size mattered not, only how well things bled in front of you.

Two other men were near the caravan. Dirk assumed these men were to be his partners. As long as they didn't get in the way, he would be happy.

"So, any fuckfaces here know what the hell is in the cart? Or what kind of trouble we'll be getting in?"

"STOP RIGHT THERE, LAW BREAKER!" The echoing voice of a true Crusader sounded out, nearly filling the entire village! All eyes would be turned to him as he made his way to the caravan, pointing to the Dwarf and drawing fourth his Hammer of Great Justice. "Thy tab has not yet been payed off! Pay the fines, or pay with your blood!" He dropped a firm boot to the ground, performing a lunge thrust so that he could be at eye-level with the Dwarven womanizer. "You are a sneaky one, I'll give you that... Your stature allows you to cover up for your INCREDIBLY LARGE MAN-HOOD! When word got out that the whores were being pulverized, but not payed? We all suspected a human man. Or perhaps a half orc even. But a Dwarf? HAHA! It was laughable! OR AT LEAST IT WAS LAUGHABLE TO THEM!"

He stood up, firm and proud, placing his free hand to his chest. "I, Devias Septimus, can proudly say that I was not one to be fooled by such close-minded thoughts! A-" He slumped down and put a hand to his mouth, muttering now in the dwarf's ear. "Hey uh... You wouldn't happen to be the guy, would ya? I mean... Maybe you could just say you are and I'll take you in... Y'know. I'll get my rewards, maybe I'll even get my badge back? And then I'll let you out for good behavior in say... A month or two." Just as he pulled away and smiled at his plan born of pure "brilliance", the Captain of the Guard walked up to stop his little charade. "Devias, that will be enough! You are no longer a Crusader here!" Devias let out a small whimper at the booming voice of his ex-official. "But I wanna go on the caravan in his place!" He whined. "NO! YOU WILL BE KILL BY DEMONS! You are not ready."

Devias put his head down, and let his hammer slump down. It began to drag as he walked away from the caravan, the Captain of the Guard placing a hand on his back and walking away with him. "Carry on, my good men." the Captain signaled as he waved at them, and brought Devias in to the nearest Guard station. Not a moment sooner, however, Devias was creeping out. The Captain was no where to be found, and ex-Crusader seemed to be biting his bottom lip, a look of satisfaction as he held back the immature giggles of an adolescent. "Hey guys! I'm back! The Captain said I could come along. :;D: " Two Guards could be heard in the background, barking at each other. "WHAT!? The Captain fell asleep, face first in his wife's pie?! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!" "HABEEB IT!" At that moment, the Message spell connected with one of them. He signaled the other guard, and they began a search, but not before the other asked "Who was that?" "Dunno."

(THEN WHO WAS MESSAGE?)

Dai Quan sighed, shaking his head. "You're truly a testament to our law enforcement system. Bravo."

"Eh, alright now, that was a little awkward . . ." Portpolli muttered, reaching for his pipe but finding only air. He wondered how the crusader had known he'd had a large manhood, but then again, whores never did keep secrets well. He chuckled to himself, and fingered his beard.

"Anyone know who our employer is?"

An elven face popped out from the caravan wagon "Tha'd be me. What can I do you for?" Short blond hair. Pierced ears. Full beard. And what looked to be an eyebrow missing.

"Well, I was mostly wondering just two things. What's in the cart, and what kind of trouble are we expecting?" Dirk piped up. Easily the shortest of the group, he had to speak loudly for anyone to hear him.

"Aye, that'd be nice to know. Also, when c'n we be expectin' to leave? I've got a terrible thirst as it is . . ." Portpolli announced, eyeing the violent looking yet well spoken halfling with intrigue. He wasn't quite sure on the man's beard, but he did look RIP AND TEAR.

Jain Watched the Men Ask the same questions over and over, and yell at each other.

Men...

Jain too secretly wondered what the purpose and contents of the Mystery cart.