A friend of mine asked me to write a little about the world I created on another forum, and I did. Now I'll copy/pasta here 'cuz I can.

IGNORE SPELLING MISTAKES

*ahem*

Devon's Story

Anyway, basically, Devon was a soldier (14th squadron, also know as newbies) who was captured alongside his best friend by a totaliarist government. His friend had a motto that "you must smile when things are bad" Devon got this wholeheartidly. Eventually the enemy soldiers captured a small, unnamed, girl, and decided to play a game beetwen the prisioners. They gave a gun with one shot to Devon, and told him that one of the prisioners had to die, only:
- It could not have been Devon himself.
- If he refused to shoot the gun, both would die.
As much as Devon liked his friend, he couldn't bring himself to shoot the girl. Also, don't think those are one of those "It's alright, Devon, I can live (lol) with it" scenes that are oh so common nowadays, no, in the last moments, when things were REALLY bad, his friend threw his philosophy out the window and cried like a condemned, because in all aspects he was one. The girl seemed too young to understand, and besides they already seemed to have tortured her a lot (you can think whatever you want from that last estatement).
Devon ended up shooting his friend in the head, trying his best to smile, so much he believed in the words of the corpse lying near him. Another gunshot was heard, and the girl fell dead near Devon, who just realised he had killed his friend, after all, for nothing. The guards also intended to kill him, but decided not to, because, somehow, they got uneasy to kill someone who, even if crying, was still smiling and not begging for his life. They decided they'd keep Devon around and break his spirit first, besides it was another little game for them to play.
However, at this point Devon was already in an state of semi-madness. He feared for his life, he hated himself for shooting his friend, he pitied the girl who died because of his foolishness, but, above all, he knew that the only think that kept him sane in the world was his smile.
In the next weeks, his smile became a sort of a defense. The guards would stop torturing him when they saw he wouldn't stop smiling. Laughing when the guards dissed him or his late friend made them unneasy, uncertain. These guards are those who were good at their job: They liked people groveling, crying, begging, bleeding, and Devon only bleeded, at best. The harsher the treatament, the more Devon would smile, and eventually Devon seemed like someone inverted: The happier he was, the less he would smile, and vice-versa.
Eventually, word of Devon, or rather, the words of the tortures got to the ears of a Commander in the enemy army, called Sheng Tzu (more on him later). Sheng was the Commander of the elite sharpshooting crew of said totalitarian government, but he was also an closet revolutionary. After hearing about what Devon wa going through, he decided to free him, though politically speaking that proved to be impossible. Sheng then decided to sneak Devon outside the military base.
Devon didn't trust Sheng at the first time, as some of the guards often tried to trick him in false hope, but eventually agreed to go with him.
Luck would have it, though, the security suddenly rised in the military base because of an unrelated event. A thief (you know where this is going) was discovered to be trying to sneak into the base and steal a new weapon prototype. This caused the guards to be on alert, and much sooner than expected, Devon's escape was discovered. Sheng and Devon were both chased down in the military base, Devon unnarmed and Sheng running out of bullets.
They eventually ran into the said thief, Grandy, who was managing to stay hidden, until both Devon and Sheng appeared with about 30 guards running after then.
A turn into a room and an high security cardkey from Sheng managed to separate themselves from the guards by an solid steel door, but also trapped them into this room. A quick glance made Grandy realise that he had found the prototipe weapon he had been looking for: a pair of gauntlets. This pair of gauntlets allowed the wearer to constantly shoot out in high pressure and higly flammable gas, which instantaniously burned in contact with the air, in short, it was portable flamethrower. Along with the gauntlets there was also an prototipe armor, which covered only the top-back of the wearer (thus why it was still an prototipe) but which doubled as an jetpack.
Grandy tried to wear the gauntlets, however as he was putting them on, the door behind him exploded, throwing all three of them in the ground.
The gloves fell near Devon, who, without thinking twice, put them on.
Syaing it was an perfect fit was streching it. The gloves was designated to be an perfect fir to anyone who wore it, and once they did, it was actived by certain muscular contractions that, at first, Devon didn't manage not to do. The gloves went hayware, burning everyone nearby. Devon was scared, and as he aways did when he was scared, he laughed. The burning figure and the laughing made an great impression on the guards, who just stood there, too shocked by the burning demon to notice he was as scared as they were. Sheng, who was currently unnoticed, managed to throw a grenade at the guards. As the explosion followed, Devon lost conciousness, and as he stoped contracting the muscles, the flames stoped.
Grandy grabbed the jetpack armour, and Sheng grabed Devon, all three of them managed to get to leave the place, however Devons gloves were designed to give a hard time for enemies to copy their technology, and were programmed not to leave the hands of an corpse. As the gloves didnt know the diference beetwen a corpse and an unconsious man, Grandy didn't manage to remove them. Devon woke up, in a forest, a day later, with a burst of flames. He sat perfectly still not to do it again.
Sheng was nearby, and Grandy was trying to use the jetpack, which just wouldn't work. Sheng explained that, as both were part of the same project, most likely both were to be used at the same time. Devon eventually proved it true, and the amor, too, ended stuck into him.




If the above story seems not to have an end it's because it doesn't. It's only a part of the total story, which could fill up a few books if I ever got around to writing it all.

Should I continue or nobody cares?

The story so far seems interesting, but before you should continue it, you should touch it up a little and probably get a second person to proofread it. Basic grammar and spelling mistakes should be easy to fix, so that shouldn't be too hard. But, the main problem with the story that it seem a little rush and a little blunt (Ex. the first sentence on the first paragraph was too formal, as if the reader knew you and what going on, which they don't, and the part with the Taadaaah was really unnecessary). You can either explain how they was capture in flashbacks or touch it up the beginning a little better. However, I'm like this story and I say you should continue it.

Well, it was written in a rush.

The "Taadaah" part was an inside joke from another forum. I forgot to remove it.

And thanks about the compliment.

Okay, I understand. However, next time you may want to take your time before posting something rushed like that, people here will hound you for it.

Heh, well now you just answer my curiousity. I have been wondering what that was about.

You're welcome.