Ok normally I wouldnt do this but I feel like I need to be talked down bad and being alone at home isn't helping.

I've been told I have depression and anxioty(sp?) they say it's bad enough that I shouldnt work. Well when your not working you think, thinking is making me worse though. I'm at the point that I believe I'm going to die alone, wanna make things bleed, I think and feel like I'm usless. Well not to mention I'm imagining peoples deaths as a past time these days and quite a few make me smile. I slowly think I'm losing my mind latly. I feel like people arent safe when they are with me cause of it. I guess I'm turning into what most of you call emo minus the dark close and hair over one eye.

People notice some small issues that dont look back but thats basicly because I hide behind this joker personality where it's like I have to make stupid jokes to make people laugh, or at least try to make them laugh. Hey I just did it in this post with that emo thing... At least people see me as annoying instead of losing my mind.

I'm hopeing this is just a phase in my life. That way I can go back to the normal amount of annoying joker type of person I am and feel like it's safe for people to be around me.

Update: I neglected to mention I lost my apartment a few months earlier and I'm just about homless. Now that I think of it I think that's where I started this new state of mind. At least I have family to look after me... meaning I'm now a freeloading moocher...

Well dark I don't want you to feel bad, but happy birthday. Hope you get your life back on track.

Thanks for the happy B-Day. I'm feeling a little bit better since I put this topic up, but not well enough in my opinion.

Well, I have the emo persona, yet I'm pretty happy, so you can never judge a book by it's cover.

As for what you're going through, I'm sorry about that man. I know what it's like, to not be doing something, and feel pretty worthless. I even know what it's like to not have a home, so you're not the only person who's had to go through something like this, you aren't alone.

You really should talk to your closer friends about this, and if worse comes to worse, a therapist. I have trouble trusting a lot of therapists, because they're either thinking your a baby, or checking their clock to see when you can leave. Not to say all are bad, I have a very nice one, you just have to search around a bit.

I can honestly say, if you haven't had this problem before, once it passes, you will get over it. Just start believing in yourself, believing things can and will get better. Who knows, it might just work.

See that's why I shouldn't joke about emo personas, cause alot of people have an emo side to them but sadly I'm a joker. Even worse of one latly lol.

I know other people go through this and heck I tried helping all of the people I know that went though it, I'm just not use to this mind set.

As for the therepist, I already got one for my depression and she's pretty damn good to talk to about things so If I chose to get help from her on this then ok but not sure about that yet.

Of course I'll get over it just hope it's soon but I have a feeling once I get a home again that's when the pressure on my mind will be lifted and the normal but annoying Robert will be back.

Also it's good to know I'm not the only one but also sad cause well I'm not the only one so that means other people have problems like mine. Thanks for the support.