Vomiting so bad I couldn't keep water or ginger ale down for 12 hours.

Diarrhea so watery it's like piss coming out of my ass.

I'm struggling to breathe. It's like my lungs are down to 1/3 the size.

Let's not forget pains in my chest, neck, and head. Of course, chills and heat pop up too.

I'm pretty sure I got a double dose of food poisoning and whatever the newest bug is. If only I could go to a doctor. Haven't been in 5 years. I'm getting scared here. I really hope this doesn't kill me.

To top this all off, my boss still wants me in.

Sounds like a standard flu. Bed rest is the only real cure. Tell your Boss that you'd get everyone else sick, and try to stay home.

Yeah going to a doctor would most likely do you some good, if you haven't been to one in 5 years, you no doubt haven't had the necessary shots, which you need.