AS EARLY AS MIDDLE SCHOOL, YOUNGSTERS MAY BE HAVING ORAL SEX
By Linda Goldston and Nicole C. Wong
Mercury News
With his dark, baggy clothes and grungy hair, the chubby eighth-grader doesn't stand out in a crowd and would never pass as a heartthrob. But he says he scored a first.
He says he was the first of his buddies at Mountain View's Graham Middle School to have oral sex last year -- when he was 12.
``We weren't even friends,'' said the boy, now 13. But his female classmate was as curious as he was, so they went to a friend's home after school and had oral sex in the living room.
Oral sex in middle school?
It's more common than many parents would like to think, although researchers and kids themselves say it falls short of an epidemic. What is setting off alarms -- and so much talk among parents -- is how preteens and young teenagers view oral sex and the social and emotional impact such views have later on.
Many adults think oral sex is one of the most intimate acts two people can experience, but for some middle-school and many high-school kids, it is not ``sex.'' To them, it is a harmless pastime; they say it's cool because you can't get pregnant and many mistakenly believe they don't have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).
The casual attitude and the fact that it's mainly girls performing oral sex on boys trouble many experts.
``Middle school is the time when you're really tracking your sexual fantasies and laying the groundwork for your sexual life,'' said Dr. Lynn Ponton, professor of child and adolescent psychiatry at the University of California-San Francisco, and author of ``The Sex Lives of Teenagers: Revealing the Secret World of Adolescent Boys and Girls.''
``If you begin with sex that doesn't involve intimacy, you're not going to develop a healthy attitude about your sexuality.''
Or a healthy attitude about your sexual partners, for that matter. Although some young students said they engage in mutual masturbation, the prevalence of girls performing oral sex on boys is reviving old sexual stereotypes, placing boys in the dominant role and young girls in the role of servers or sexual objects to be used.
As the Graham Middle School eighth-grader explains, ``it's not like it's all passionate and stuff. You don't even have to have feelings for her.'' Certainly ``you don't have to look at the girl's face.''
Rumors rattle parents
A recent study by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy reported that nearly one in five adolescents (age 14 and younger) has had sex before his or her 15th birthday; the study did not ask questions about oral sex. But just knowing that some middle school youths are having oral sex has rattled many parents. Rumors are rampant.
``Everybody talks about it,'' said Cecilia Rodriguez of Palo Alto, the mother of two boys, including a son in middle school. ``Everybody seems to know a story that comes from somebody else but doesn't have the experience personally. It's widespread to the point it's something we all talk about all the time.''
Children talk, too, said Rodriguez, and ``what is appalling to me is that they talk about this so openly and freely.''
For all the talk, no one knows if more seventh- and eighth-graders are engaging in oral sex or if children and adults are just talking about it more.
Ironically, while many parents think they've had substantive talks about sex with their children, young people report that such talks have been non-existent or cursory.
This could be because adults don't like -- or don't want -- to think that middle schoolers are sexual. Indeed, most of the research has focused on teenagers 15 years and older.
Together with the report by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, ``14 and Younger: The Sexual Behavior of Young Adolescents,'' a new survey of 1,800 young people across the country released by the Kaiser Family Foundation suggests that there is ample reason for alarm.
On the positive side, condom use increased, and teen birth rates have declined slightly over the past decade, according to the Kaiser study, the ``National Survey of Adolescents and Young Adults: Sexual Health Knowledge, Attitudes and Experiences.''
But nearly one in four sexually active young people contracts a sexually transmitted disease every year, and one-half of all new HIV infections in this country occur among people under 25.
Nearly a third of adolescents in the study said they had experienced pressure to have sex, and about one in six said having sex occasionally without a condom is no big deal.
``When it comes to STDs and HIV/AIDS, young people are really at the center of those epidemics,'' said Julia Davis, a senior program officer with the Kaiser Family Foundation and one of the authors of the report. ``There has been some progress, but the stakes are too high to just let that coast.''
Students in the South Bay and on the Peninsula estimated that about one out of four middle school students engages in oral sex, a figure repeated by Lajai Elliott, senior health educator for Planned Parenthood Mar Monte.
Pastime of the popular youths
``Since we've been putting so much focus on protective sex and pregnancy, it's to the point where students say, `1. oral sex is not sex and 2. I'm not going to get pregnant,' '' said Elliott. ``They think OK, we're safe.''
But several students said only the cool, popular students are involved.
``The popular kids are known for doing it, but they just broadcast it more,'' said a 16-year-old female student at Gunderson High School in San Jose, who said she waited until she was a freshman to have oral sex. ``Everybody's doing it.''
At Jordan Middle School in Palo Alto, it's ``just a few of the really popular people'' who are engaging in oral sex, said a 12-year-old girl who attends the school. For her, ``it's sort of hard to understand why someone would want to do it now,'' rather than wait for ``somebody you'll actually be going out with for more than three weeks.''
Ponton worries about the impact on female youths. ``Ninety percent of these situations are not reciprocal, and I don't like to think of girls having their first sexual experience in the role of a sexual servant,'' she said. ``They drop from popular to slut very, very quickly. That part is extremely negative.''
For now, many youths wonder what adults expect, because young people are bombarded with sexual images and references in movies, television shows and music videos.
Elliott, Davis, Ponton and others say the scientific and anecdotal evidence makes the need for at least one thing very clear about the sex wars of the new century: better sex education for young teens and their parents, and better transmission of values by parents.
Specifically, parents must give their children information early and often.
``I knew it was happening in high school, but we didn't think it was happening in middle school,'' said Nancy Juarez, whose daughter attends Jordan Middle School. ``But it is.''
And to think a pre-teen or teenage mind IS like that in public schools. It's all about the peer pressure deal. "Everyone's doing it." As we all know, it's not an excuse and a witty cliche response usually follows after. "Oral sex is not sex." C'mon give me a break here. :rolleyes:
Naive kids these days have no idea what on earth they're getting themselves into. Especially the young females because it's going to hurt their reputation in the later years. It's going to affect their emotions personally. To males, it's just something to boast and be proud of. Funny how people at an early teen age can be so easily manipulated...
my ex gf at the age of 14 had sex / oral sex 3 times in 1 night on the same guy
10pm - 3am
....
so yea, nothin surprizes me anymore
Before in grade 8 I was a good girl, but I've made a lot of mistakes. At the age of 14, something similar like this did happen. Although I went to a Christian School, whatever these kids are doing, wouldn't be something to boast about. It'd be a disgrace, and forbidden. Parents would be contacted immediately if teachers found out and the parents would be STRICT. I usually only know about half of our grade, the other half I wouldn't have a clue...but I bet they did do the obvious.
God, I even read about 12 year olds having sex already...a person who posted up on the forums sharing their experiences. I'm thinking: "Little dink got fun?" It's horrible, you go to some sorta kid or rated everyone forum (ex. dbzmail.com) and you get what? elementary kids still in diapers wanting cyber sex or hooking up...and 5 replies down saying "send me your picture" It's pathetic.
