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Friend or Foe?

Have you ever been down in the flag room protecting your team's flag and all of the sudden an enemy hwg comes right up from behind you? You fire hoping to eliminate the intruder and safeguard the flag, but it turns out to be your own team's spy in disguise! Yes, my friends I'm sure by now we have all dealt with this occurence. Teammate spies like the one shown in the picture above have been infecting public servers for sometime, and caused a lot of panic and distractions among defenders who are forced to deal with such a llama act. Due to this constant threat to pubber enjoyment, server administrators have banned together to propose a new bill to congress to reduce the llama spy initative, called Proposition 101. Under Proposition 101 Llama spies who harrass their own team under the guise of defending their team's base will be admin_llama'd to give them the physical manifestation of how they act and play and so other players know ahead of time just who they are playing with. Constant infractions by llama spies can result in more serious methods of punishment including slappage, burying, and even going as far as slaying the offending spies.

That's all the news for now, but we will be sure to pass along any new information regarding this and any future events as they come along. Thanks for reading PMP news.

AlphaBot_ILC here reporting outside of the ADL Academy where a friendly P.E. game of Avanti has turned into something quite different. While a class was doing some training on Avanti one of the students, upset that he was chosen last by his team, killed his leader and began a team killing spree all over the map grounds. We were given this still image of the beginning of the events by the Academy's photographer.



After a few unsuccessful attempts to stop the student through admin slappage, the school had no choice but to send in the Academy's Llama Division of HWguys to kill the rampaging student. He respawned later and is now securely locked away in the Academy's Jailbreak map guarded by auto turrets and Soldiers.

This is AlphaBot_ILC reporting for the PMP Times. We have received word that a lethal virus is going around infecting the friendly community of Well Farm II. The origin of the virus is as of yet unknown, but it's spreading at an alarming rate. Estimates show that 42% of the Well Farm community have been infected. Scientists have given the virus the name, cl_flushpacket virus. The flushpacket virus is said to spread into person's body effecting their nervous system causing them to have fierce epileptic seizures for a period of 8-11 seconds and then vanish leaving only a backpack as their remains. The local photographer for PMP Times has sent us this graphic screenshot of a young sniper who was infected by this virus, just outside his neighborhood's base.



The TFC National Defensive Forces have been sent in to quarantine the Well Farm Community and have issued a warning to all TFC residents in nearby communities to stay away at all costs. For now Well Farm residents have been told to stay in doors, and to slay anyone they see infected with the virus in hopes to reduce the spread. It's not known yet when and if doctors will be able to find a treatment for the cl_flushpacket virus but we can only hope and pray they do.

This is AlphaBot_ILC reporting for PMP Times. I'm here at Dustbowl Elementary where a student has just vandalized school property. As pair of students were leaving their Spamming 101 class near cap point 2, they spotted a young Demoman spraying grafitti over the walls. PMP's photographer was there to capture this picture of the culprit engaged in this unlawful act.



After seeing this the students proceeded to inform their instructor of what the Demo was up to. The instructor promptly subdued the student using his 1337 tranquilizer gun. The vandal was then teleported away and placed in solitary confinement in the school's Cube map, where he'll need to successfully navigate the mazed cube to escape his confinement. Though some have voiced their concerns about the severity of the punishment, the school remains adamant about forcing students to face up and learn from their crimes with the harshest of penalties.

This is AlphaBot_ILC reporting for PMP Times. We have been issued a warning about a new gang around the CTF Academy. According to our reports a group of fatties have banded together under the name 'Big Boned' to cause havoc and unrest for the citizens attending and living around the Academy. Reports say that the group was formed in response to the number of students calling hwguys "gay llamas" and making fun of them because they are a little fatter then normal players. Over the past week a number of scouts and snipers have been reported to have been attacked, bullied, and had their lunch money stolen by Big Boned members. Attacks have been increasing with each passing day, and the gang has acquired nearly 30 members, even furthering its threat. Our special undercover photographer has sent in this photo of a Big Boned member stocking up before setting off to join a fight on campus grounds.

In response to the gang uprising the Academy has asked for the TFC National Defense Forces assistance to help secure the safety of its students. So far no action has been taken but rumor has it that the Defense Forces is preparing to send in it's legendary elite guard of Pyromaniacs to escort students and protect campus grounds from gang attacks. For now the Academy is warning all students to proceed with caution in any areas with fatties present, and to travel within groups to help lessen the chance of being attacked.

Hello this is AlphaBot_ILC reporting for PMP times. I'm here at Dustbowl Elementary School where something unbelievable has happened that has shook the very foundations of the TFC world. During a training drill at cap point 1, a demoman and a soldier were locked into a fierce battle. The soldier ran into his team's spawn hoping the red demo would follow him in and then launch a surprise attack upon him. His plan worked fine, as the demoman chased him into the spawn. As soon as he entered the spawn the soldier leaped out ready to fire a rocket in the demo's face....but something happened. The soldier stopped, gazing up at the ceiling in wonder. The demoman, still trying to absorb everything that had just occured, stood staring in curiousity of the soldier. Was this a trap, to lure him off guard again? The demo's curiousity took over and he decided to look up at the ceiling where the soldier stared in disbelief. A look of shock overcame him instantly! OMGOMG it's bird crap, he yelled! Our reporter was on hand to capture this image of the two players staring endlessly at the crap at the ceiling.


The heads of Dustbowl Elementary, ashamed of such filth within their school, has ordered all snipers to eliminate any birds they see passing over school grounds to prevent any such occurances in the future. The engineer training squad has been assigned to clean up the poop and construct some crap resistant walls in case the need should ever arise again.

Hello this is AlphaBot_ILC here reporting for the PMP times. I'm here reporting at TFC's All You Can Spam Academy where an young HW activist is trying to bring an end to all conflicts by way of singing. After seeing a number of his friends getting killed over and over again during some training exercises at the Academy's Murderball field, this special young kid decided to lay down arms and let loose his voice. Standing in front of his team's base in open view of everyone, he sung at the top of his lungs hoping others would stop the fighting and join in. His hopes were semi-realized as the opposing teams stopped the fighting to watch and listen to the Hwguy in wonder. Our special undercover photographer gave us this screenshot of the young fattie during his performance.

After a few minutes however the hwguy's teammates decided they couldn't stand to hear anymore of his rendition of the Jigglypuff song, so they teamkilled him and admin_kicked him from the battlegrounds. The fighting and spam ensued, with no one giving a second thought of the Hwguy's attempts. Though his efforts weren't realized today...maybe someday down the road...with pure hearted men such as our young friend today...a new world of peace may come to TFC.

This is AlphaBot_ILC reporting for the PMP Times. Have you ever had the feeling you are being watched? Do you feel as if each movement you make is being followed by the eyes of a stranger? Well, for the citizens of Well Farm II this fear has become reality. A peeping tom has been reported to be spying on innocent couples around the community as they sleep and engage in sexual activities. Several witnesses have called in to report that they've woken up only to find a young soldier hanging outside their window watching them. This pervert has been running a muck for several weeks now causing lots of unrest among the citizens of Well Farm. The young soldier has not yet been identified but our special undercover photographer was able to take this screenie of the pervert watching a young couple sleeping innocently in their mannor bed.


Though the soldier has yet to cause any physical harm to anyone, the National Defense Ministry of TFC is warning all citizens to keep on guard and watch for any suspicious activity at night. The Division of Llama HWGuys was initially deployed to help safeguard the citizens of Well Farm, but after they began killing every soldier they came across they were quickly recalled. Until this pervert is captured, take care and use any safety precaution you have at your disposal to keep safe. When you lie down with your loved one this Valentine's Day for some nice cuddling action, lock all your doors and cover your windows for you may be this peeping tom's next victim.

Hello, this is AlphaBot_ILC reporting for the PMP Times News. Earlier this morning a violent scene occured at the 2mannor community church. A loving young couple from the red team decided it was time to take their relationship to the next level and get married. They ran off to the church located behind their base that was also being used as their team's flag room. The couple got to the church and upon entering they spotted a blue soldier holding their team's flag behind the podium. Without giving thought to the situation, the couple assumed he was the minister of the church and went up to the podium and demanded to be married. The soldier was baffled, and wasn't sure if the couple were idiots or just trying to lure him into a trap. The couple's demands to be wed by the soldier started to get more and more aggressive, so the soldier decided to confess that he was an enemy trying to steal their flag. Our special undercover photographer took this screenshot of these events unfolding:


This angered the couple as they thought he was making excuses, so they picked up their weapons and began to attack the soldier attempting to force him into going through with the marriage ceremonies. The commotion lasted only a moment however as a red engineer lobbed an emp into the church killing both the enemy soldier and the young couple. When questioned regarding the deaths of his young teammates, the engineer proclaimed he was only trying to stop the flag carrier and had no idea team kill was on. Rumor has it though the engineer was secretly in love with the hwguy, and killed them out of jealousy. Investigators will continue to look into things, and the engineer will be held under close observation until its proven whether or not the slaying of the loving couple was just an accident or out of jealousy. We will keep you informed with new information as it arrives, so as always stay tuned to PMP Times for more news and notes from around the world of TFC.

This is AlphaBot_ILC reporting for PMP Times. A friendly game of capture the flag has begun to escalate into a internal conflict between teammates. It all started when a blue sniper thought it would be fun to shoot his teammates off of the sniper deck and watch them go flying across to their death. Finally one blue soldier decided enough is enough and went to confront the teamshooting sniper inside their respawn. Our special undercover photographer took this screenshot of their confrontation with each other:


After a heated exchange of words and shoving between the teammates, tempers flew and the fireworks began. Teammates who were caught in the crossfire joined the fighting and after a few minutes the entire blue team was up in arms against each other. It took over an hour for the fighting to be quelled. The sniper, as punishment for causing such an upheaval, was locked away in a jailcell with two big sweaty hwguys who've been looking for a new friend to play with.

Hello this is AlphaBot_ILC reporting for the PMP's TFC Times. Over the past week a young hwguy at the CTF Academy has been telling his fellow students that he has been hearing a weird voice calling to him in the middle of the night. He claimed that the voice was telling him to fly home...his home on the moon. The students, understandably, had serious doubts about his claims and began to worry about his sanity. All attempts to bring the hwguy back to reality, as he was too overcome with the desire to fly to the moon. As the days passed he became distant from real life, and had to be suspended by his team captain for not paying attention during training sessions. Then yesterday evening his team's spy spotted him going to the top of a cliff. Worried, the spy followed to see what he was up to. Watching from a distance, the spy heard the hwguy carrying on a conversation with himself. Moments later the hwguy starting shouting out loud..."I'm coming mommy, I'm coming home now!"The hwguy began to flap his arms and prepared to jump off the cliff. Without hesitation the spy leapt out and shot the hwg 17 times in the back with his tranquilizer gun to put him to sleep. The Academy issued orders for the hwg to be placed in a psychiatric institution where he'd be locked away and undergo electroshock therapy. Things didn't go according as planned though, as last night the hwguy somehow broke out of the institution and ran to the December Church where the voices said they'd come for him. The guards had no explanation to how the hwguy broke free as the door was still locked from the outside nor where there any openings he may have ecaped from. After learning of his escape, the TFC Defense Ministry sent a detachment of elite guards to capture and detain the hwg for he is considered an potential danger to himself and those around him. When they reached the hwguy's location, they found him floating away through the sky. Our special undercover photographer was there to catch this screenshot of this jaw-dropping scene:


Everyone stared in awe at this indescribable event. As they watched the hwg fly over the cliffside they noticed a red light form on his head. Seconds later the young hwguy's head was blown off and his body was gibbed. The guards looked around in shock of what just occured only to find their sniper giggling while holding his freshly fired sniper rifle. The sniper said that he couldn't resist a chance to practice a nice airshot. To save time in solving all the unanswered questions regarding this case the TFC Defense Ministry claimed the hwguy was an cheap n00b hacker and has since refused to comment on anything regarding the strange events that had occurred.

Every morning before the students in the Dustbowl Dorms awake for their morning drills, Tony Scoutage has already put in several hundred laps in at the 2Fort pool. Scoutage, originally a runner on the Dustbowl High's flag relay team, left the team this winter in order to begin training for the 2008 Olympics.

"I still like running and everything, but there's more to life than time trials and hoisting a flag on your back," Scoutage explained about his decision to switch sports. "I mean, when people look at me they say, 'Yeah, he looks like a sprinter,' and that's where the conversation stops. I want to be more than that. I want to do something that nobody in my class has tried yet."

Scoutage also points out the fact that swimming has more opportunities than competing for the relay team does. "First of all, the margin for error in relaying is tiny," Scoutage said. "It's like all of us runners are cut from the same mould. Everyone on the team runs the same speed, and I mean exactly the same speed. All that sets us apart is how well we use the bhop technique, and honestly the bhop made me a little nauseous."

Instead of spending the winter months practicing handoffs and running wind sprints, Scoutage looked for something different. "I was walking up Avanti hill when I saw that fountain and I knew I had to jump in it," Scoutage recalled of his first impulse to take up swimming. "It was amazing. If you've ever seen that fountain, you know it's not much, but I must have spent two hours swimming around in that thing. I knew from that point on that swimming was something that I could be very good at."

Although Scoutage may have found his calling, he still had to persuade his captain to approve his request to leave the team. "That was hard for me," Captain H. W. Guy remembered. "Tony was a big part of what we did last year. I can't tell you how many times he came through in the clutch and single-handedly carried our success on his back. I tried telling him that it would be better next year, but I think he was tired of the other teams' tactics and the beating he would get some weeks."

Scoutage understood the position he was putting Capt. Guy in, but he had a dream to follow. "I asked Capt. Guy to make a hard decision, and luckily it came out in my favor," Scoutage explained. "I wasn't happy on the team. I love everyone on it like they're family, but I wasn't happy. When he released me from my relay duties, I told him that if I reach my goal of getting to the Olympics it would be due in a large part to his training."

Soon after being cleared to begin his swimming conditioning, Scoutage ran into a new set of problems. "No self respecting swimmer would practice in the Avanti fountain, so I had to find a new place," Scoutage said. "You'd think the school would have its own pool, but it didn't at the time. I tried using the CZ2 canals, but I kept getting lost in them. Then I tried the Rock2 pool, but I was told that it was designed as a diving well and not a racing pool. After that I got radical and trekked over to the Mulch_faf creek. It turns out that the creek was too shallow for me."

Finally he came across what he saw as the most obvious solution. "I literally fell into the 2Fort pool one day as I was walking between the buildings," Scoutage said. "Once I found my practice spot, everything else was easy. And really, who uses the 2Fort water anyway. I rarely see anyone swimming in there more than a few seconds before they jump out."

Scoutage's routine calls for an early morning practice every morning, and an evening practice every other night. "I had to find a captain to make me go through with some of those two-a-days," Scoutage admitted. "I'd get in the pool and be so tired during those second practices that I knew I was running out of life."

In order to solicit a personal trainer, Scoutage hit the recruitment boards and started scouring the IRC network. "Finding Coach Snip (Carl Snipera) was almost harder than finding the practice pool," Scoutage recalled. "Really, who wants to coach a guy in an event there isn't an organized league for yet? Luckily, Coach was crazy enough to do it. He'd been stationed over seas for a while and lost connection to his old team a while back, so he was thrilled to have anyone recruit him."

Coach Snipera's bag of training methods holds some that could be seen as unorthodox. "Sure, I'm different than most of the guys out there," Coach Snipera admitted. "Not everyone is willing to put a charge into their player's back every once in a while. And not everyone is willing to force his player to stay under water until his life almost leaves him. But I make no apologies for the way I do things. I'm trying to coach a winner here, and four years might not be enough time to do it."

In order to assist Scoutage's efforts, the school constructed an indoor pool for him to practice in during the evenings. "They [the administration] really has my back," Scoutage said showing his appreciation for the new facility. "They brought a mapper in here a few weeks after I moved into the 2Fort pool, and he asked me what I needed. I told him I needed shallow but wide box with some water in it, and that a roof would be nice. Coach added that he needed a roost to spot me from. The next day, the mapper had it built."

Armed with a new facility, a headstrong coach, and a desire to compete, Scoutage still has his work cut out for him. Most Olympic swimmers start training in elementary school-not high school. While there are alternative techniques Scoutage and Snipera could use instead of their intense training regimen, neither of the two are willing to push the boundaries of the Rules Organization. "Sure, I could use that TimeRefesh stuff," Scoutage said of the exploit. "I wouldn't even need to practice if I was willing to do that, but that's why I left the relay team to begin with. I had enough of all of that special bhopping, chophopping, and TimeRefresh stuff. I want something where if you win, it's because you trained harder and better than everyone else. That's what swimming does for me."

If he does it well enough, it would not surprise Capt. Guy to see Scoutage in the 2008 Summer Olympics. "That kid can target a goal like a bot when he wants to. Sometimes I swear he doesn't need to eat or sleep between training sessions. He's that driven."

AlphaBot_ILC here reporting for TFC Times. I'm here a CTF Academy where a young sniper is trying to bring the funk back into TFC. That's right, this groovy cat has been dancing his way from battlefield to battlefield showing us all what he's made of. The sniper is said to be a self proclaimed master of disco who has been secretly planning on using the power of funk to take over TFC. His manipulative moves are said to be able to hypnotize anyone who watches him dance. The light footed, disco dancing funkster has managed to take over the minds of several civilians to join his efforts of restoring the funk. Our undercover photographer took this screenshot of the funkmaster in action:



The TFC Defense Ministry attempted to take on the enemy funksters with their lethal Sniper Division but after the funkmaster's hypnotic dance movements took control of their bodies, the Defense Ministry was forced to take drastic measures and send in their new experimental [FoxBots]. Equipped with aimbots and wallhacks these mindless automatons were sent in to overthrow the funk movement. Despite the efforts the funkmaster and his funksters put up they could not fight off the overwhelming power of the bots. After the funkmaster was defeated, his funkster army returned to normal but were quickly killed by the FoxBot army. Evidently the Bots' lack the proper A.I. needed to discern between friend or foe. Despite the deaths of over 30000 innocent civilians who were taken over by the funkmaster at the hands of the FoxBots, the Defense Ministry proclaimed them a complete success. They promise to continue development and refinement of the bots for future needs.

This is AlphaBot_ILC reporting for the TFC Times. Move over Girls Gone Wild, we've captured some footage that will make you blush. A day ago we heard interesting rumors about a civilian hiring a young 16 year old sniper to be his bodyguard. This caught our attention as snipers and civilians have always been mortal enemies. Ever since the initial massacre on Hunted over 4 years ago, snipers have sought to exterminate the entire civilian class all together. Once we received word that the two were meeting for the very first time near the pocket holes of Poolshark, we sent in our special undercover photographer to catch the scoop. The images we got back were not very pleasant to behold, and definately not like anything we were expecting. View the following image with care, and try to keep minors from viewing this image:



Apparently the civilian had more on his mind then just having a bodyguard. After seeing this image and reading the report we did a background check on the civilian where we uncovered several interesting and disturbing facts about him. It turns out he is a 52 year old civilian who still lives with his mother just out side TFC Academy for Youths. His record shows that he has been convicted on 6 seperate occasions of sexual assault on minors and has been seen many times stalking children as they leave the Academy to go home. Allegedly the civilian met the young sniper in a chat room, where he sweet talked the youth into enlisting himself as a bodyguard. The youth jumped at the chance, as it made him feel more of a man to be protecting someone in armed conflicts, but little did he know that he was going to be a victim of this sexual predator. The TFC Ministry of Defense has ordered the civilian pedophile to be castrated and placed into solitary confinement for the rest of his life. After a medic healed the sniper after his assault, he was promptly put to death as they Defense Council determined the mental trauma the sniper endured would prevent him from being an effective soldier in the war.

This is AlphaBot_ILC here reporting for the TFC Times. We've just received some terrible news from the TFC Academy. Around 9am this morning, the Defense Ministry was attacked by hostile forces from Valve.
A day ago Valve came to the Defense Ministry and demanded that they upgrade their network with their new software called Steam. After a test run of Steam, the Ministry determined that it was completely useless and would circumvent their entire security so they refused to downgrade from their current WON software.
Valve didn't take kindly to the Ministry's decision and decided to force Steam upon them. Valve came at the Ministry with everything they had. They outfitted their troops with speed hacks, noclip, weapon exploits and tried to tilt the odds even further by enlisting OGC using CS hackers to support their speed-hacking troops. The battle was fierce and went on for several hours. Both sides suffered devasting losses during the assault as the casualty count rose by the hundreds. The Defense Ministry finally managed to overcome the Valve hackers, by sending in their task force of [FoX]Bots but by that time the damage was already done. A scout from Valve noclipped past the Defense Forces into the main base and gained access to their computer main frame. He inserted a CD containing Steam and placed it into the network infecting all systems throughout the community.
Though claimed to be an upgrade, Steam has acted more like a harmful virus to those of the TFC Community. Servers are constantly crashing, personal information from unsuspecting members of the community are stolen each day, and many have claimed to have suffered severe memory loss since the Steam take over. TFC Academy has been closed for the time being as students and instructors try and cope with the recent events. The Defense Ministry, while still in disarray following the attack, has reported that damage to their facilities and the community in general may amount to as much as $16,585,846 and may take several years to be able to fully recover.

Hello and good morning! This is AlphaBot_ILC reporting for the TFC Times. Earlier, a health director at the TFC Medical Institution sent down to the TFC Academy to oversee and inspect student trainings and workouts. While looking over the students to see if they were physically fit to be able to safely compete in the hefty training that TFCers are forced to endure, he spotted a young hwguy that seemed to him to be grossly overweight for a boy of his age. Unfortunately for the hwguy, the inspector had no idea that heavy weapon guys are genetically fat nor did it help that he was standing in a class filled with scouties and snipettes that helped him look ever so "curvy" than normal. Disgusted at the hwg's poor conditioning, the inspector demanded that he take part in a rigorous training that would help him burn all the calories and extra fat put on by his 14 meal a day diet. Academy supervisors suggested that he be taken up in the desolate jungle region 15km south of the Academy, with no food or supplies, and force him to journey all the way back to campus grounds. The inspector agreed with the idea and the hwguy was immediately wisked away.

Having no prior knowledge of the environment, the young hwg soon got lost and started to wander further and further into the jungle depths. It didn't take long before the hwg started to grow tired and hungry from the walk so he started exploring for anything edible to devour. After an hour's worth of his journey, the hwg's hunger began to get the better of him and he started to hallucinate. Trees soon became candy canes, logs turned to burritos, and poor innocent turtles were devoured in the thought that they might have been hamburgers. It was not a pretty sight. Soon the hallucinations dispersed due to a strong smell coming from the far off distance. Something was most certainly burning, and smoke could be seen slowly raising high into the warm afternoon air.

"Someone must be cooking some FOOD," thought the hwg and soon he was running off at scout-like quickness toward the flames. Following the scent, he soon came to a small river with 4 tall pyramids surronding the area. Deep within was a fire burning, with flames searing into the sky. He quickly ran toward the pyramids in hopes of finding some delicious animal or food cooking within.

After reaching the fire, the hwg coward away and shrieked like a sissy girl in terror. Lying in the flames were two adult hwg who looked as if they were ripped to pieces and left to burn in the blaze. Now fearful of what might lie in the darkness, the hwg ran blindly back into the jungle. Just as he was reaching another but larger river, he began hearing odd sounds emanating from all around him. The hwg froze, petrified with fear as to what may lie in the darkness. He turned and looked about the immediate area to see the source of the sounds. Right then flames came at him from all sides and three figures appeared from shadows. Now out in the light, three hideous pyros stood before the lone fatty.

The pyros were a rag-tag group of hoodlums who called themselves, the 'Flamer Boys'. They had been kicked out of the TFC Academy two years ago after they beat a fatty to death on school grounds for eating the last 9 slices of cheesecake. Since then, they have wandered in the darkness slaying hwguys, young and old, who wander out alone. It was obvious to our young hwg friend that with the smoke still steaming out of their flamethrower barrels that his heavy weapon guy counterparts were killed by these thugs, and that he soon would be next. The hwg quickly turned to make a quick dash back into the jungle depths, but by then it was already too late. Nobody has manage to escape the Flamer Boys wrath, and he was no exception.

As soon as the fatty turned, the pyros spammed a stream of napalms before him cutting off his escape. They then rushed forth with their flamethrowers pumping, dosing the hwg in hot flames. He did what he could to fight off his attackers, but in the end he fell to the ground with his body burning to a cinder. By the time investigators got there in their attempt to locate the young fatty's whereabouts, there was nothing left of the hwg's body but charred bones and ashes. Nearby the murder scene, investigators stumbled upon this photo of the pyros confronting the hwg before their assault.




Apparently, the Flamer Boys pay a undercover photographer to take screenshots of their victims before they are slain so they may have left it behind as a calling card to claim the right of their kills. The TFC Defense Department has sent out assasin spies to hunt down and kill the pyros without mercy so that it will bring an end to the wave of helpless fatty murders.

This is AlphaBot_ILC reporting from the City of Mecklenburg. Several years ago Mecklenburg was once the capital for business and economic growth in the TFC community. Eager young entrepreneurs and up and coming businesses flocked to Mecklenburg to begin their ventures in hopes of reaching the forefront of business upheaval and worldwide notoriety. Companies blossomed overnight and stocks flourished and reached new heights. They say all good things must come to an end, and the same held true about the economic surge in Mecklenburg. The war between red and blue started to heat up forcing several enlisted soldiers to leave their jobs and set off to partake in war efforts. With the majority of the security task force off to fight the war, crime quickly escalated. The city bank was robbed through an underground tunnel leaving most companies without the economic backing they once were provided. Economic recession hit the TFC community hard and several businesses were forced to close up shop or lay off the majority of their workers. Even the 1337gamers' office building that once housed hundreds of hard working employees, now stands empty in a city growing more desolate with each passing day. Abandoned children, whose families left to fight the war, roam the streets and dumpsters looking for a few leftover scraps to feed their aching bellies. Some of them, like this pubescent hwg shown below, stand in front of the last remaining pizza parlor in town for hours at a time waiting for the trash to be taken out so they can rummage through looking for some crust, pepperoni, or leftover pastas just to fill their starving stomaches.



Cannibalism is growing quite common among the desperate. With no money to buy food, starving youths have turned to killing others just to devour their flesh. A new bill was passed through the TFC Council asking to provide food and funds to help rebuild Mecklenburg and provide shelter to the children and homeless sleeping out on the streets. The TFC Council, though sympathetic to the plight of Mecklenburg, elected to use their funds to build a new Starbucks Cafe around the Canyons of Badlands instead. For now the once eager citizens of Mecklenburg, who were once atop the world, are forced to lie on the streets and pray they can hold on long enough to see tomorrow.

Hello this is AlphaBot_ILC reporting for the TFC Times. Untrained, unexperienced, and just plain stupid seems to be a fair description of employees of Mecklenburg these days. With the economic recession continuing to hit the TFC community hard, shop owners have become desperate for cheap help at their shops with hopes of cutting back costs to help turn a profit. Adolescents scouts who have never worked a day of their life have been quickly rounded up and hired at nearly every shop around the city. The scouts were more then willing to join the work force to earn a few bucks to help themselves and their needy families. Owners were projected to save a bundle as the scouts were coaxed into working 14 hour shifts at 12 cents an hour plus a free sticker. Things soon turned for the worse however, as the scouts had no idea how to do the simpliest tasks. Resturants had cooks who never cooked a day in their life and clerks who couldn't clean or work the cash register. Lines would last for hours as people waited to be serviced to no avail.
Our special undercover photographer took this screenshot of a scout employee trying desperate to open up the cash register in the pizza parlor.



Shoppers soon stopped coming to stores around Mecklenburg causing profits to drop to nothing. After a chain smoking scout hired to work at the city's gas station dropped his cigarette next to the fueling pump and set the place ablaze owners decided to lay off the scout workers from each of their stores. With their store's reputation severely damage, shop owners began stagging gimmicky promotions including give-a-ways of t-shirts, pins, and 28 free hours of AOL 9.0 CDs. The scouts soon found new homes as well. The 'Pleasantly Plump Gay Bar' for hwguys, happily hired the scouts to perform special services for them and their many happy regulars who come looking for a good time.

With a flick of a switch, thousands of volts of electricity are sent through a man's body killing him within moments. During this time, the man is filled only with unspeakable pain and anger until the last spark of life leaves his body. Death by electrocution it was called....an all but too common practice in the city of Mecklenburg. Thought the body may die through this punishment, it is believed that the soul is separated from the body and left as a phantom in the physical plain to wreak havoc upon those that caused its suffering.

Faced with rampant crime and violence on the once peaceful city streets, the council within Mecklenburg needed to make a decision on how to regain control of its population. After a week of debate the city council decide the best course of action was to strike fear into all who dare oppose the law by punishing them with the maximum possible sentence. Using the prison's electrocution chamber, all inmates found guilty of any crime would be executed immediately. The first in a long line of executions was one that the TFC community would remember forever.

The night before the council's decision was passed, an hwguy committed a series of grizzly murders inside the local pizza parlor. Evidently, he came in response to the 'all you can eat' for $10 special. After his 15th pizza of the night, the store owner refused to serve him stating that he has exceeded the parlor's quota of how much they will serve one customer. This infuriated the hwguy whose stomach was not yet satisfied. He pulled out his auto cannon, killed the shop owner and then turned on all the customers as well....eating their food as he blew them away. It took 10 spies and 170 clips of tranquilizers to bring the hunger raged heavy down. Given the maliciousness of his crime, the city council believed him to be the perfect candidate for their first execution.

The hwguy was granted a last meal, that turned out to be a 36 course dinner, after which is was dragged down to the execution chamber. His arms and legs were latched down in place and the first ever Mecklenburg execution was underway. When the switch was flipped, an unusual light went through the hwguy's body. It was bright red and looks as if he was surrounded by the fires of hell. Our photographer was on hand to take this screenie of the execution in process:



The hwguy screamed in agony, swearing revenge on all who watched his suffering. Then the red aura surrounding the hwguy's body slowly disappeared, and the hwguy's screaming ceased. The hwg had perished, living behind nothing but a burned up corpse. Officials thought nothing of the events that had taken place, and ordered the next round of executions to begin. After a week over 64 inmates were put to death in the name of justice.

On the one month anniversary of the hwguy's execution, fear would soon sweep throughout the city of Mecklenburg. When city officials came down to the station to oversea the next round of executions, they found everyone had been slaughtered. Inmates, soldiers, and innocent civilians alike were tore into pieces. The officials quickly turned to run away from the scene, but it was too late. A flash of red light flew across the room killing them instantly. The hwguy's life may have ended but his spirit still roamed free to carry out his revenge. Now free of his material form, the hwguy made haste to track down every last one of the individuals responsible for his death.

Traveling through the city, killing all in his way, he set forth to the TFC Defense Force's Headquarters to slaughter the spies responsible for his capture. A scout recon party, while surveying a red encampment on the outskirts of Mecklenburg, saw the hwguy's ghastly spirit flying toward the DF's HQ. One of the scout's quickly rushed off to take his team's teleporter back to Headquarters to inform everyone of the on coming assault. After learning of the approaching menace, the TFC Defense Forces initiated their super secret plan Alpha that was created in the unlikely event that a mad vengeance seeking hwguy spirit goes on a rampant killing spree and comes to attack the DF's headquarters. They erected a photonic shield around their base and equipped all active soldiers with proton packs that were designed by a crazed engineer who feared that the Boogie Man would come and take him away. When the hwguy approached the headquarters the photonic shield reacted to his ectoplasmic energies and pulled him in. Despite the phantom hwguy's best efforts he was not able to pull away. His body was being flooded with protonic energies rendering him motionless. While this occurred the HQ's soldier detachment sprang a ghost trap below the hwguy and began blasting him toward the trap's energy pull using their proton packs. After a few minutes they were able to finally capture the hwg. The phantom hwguy is currently being stored inside their Ecto Containment Unit where they are hopeful he will not be able to escape and continue his wrath of terror.

Are you planning a visit to the city of Mecklenburg? Looking for a good time in a place with a very friendly atmosphere? Well we have the place for you! The city of Mecklenburg has just opened up a great new bar called, The Hwguy's Homoerotic Pit! Here you can hang out with some friends, meet the man of your dreams, grab a few drinks, and dance the night away!

Owned and operated by HWGirl publisher, Fatty McQueer, we guarantee you'll never experience a bar quite like this one. Fatty's dream was to make a place where men everywhere could meet, socialize, and explore what it means to really be a HWGay. Though the Homoerotic Pit is made for HWGs, they gladly welcome all types of people who wish to come in and share their wild sides with others. There is no dress code for entering the bar so you may wear as much or as little as you want! They do have a no weapons policy in case a cat fight or two breaks out, so please leave your weapons with the Demoman at the door.

The Pit's bartender is known as one of the best mixers in the TFC community so he is guaranteed to fill your mouth with some juicy liquid refreshments and sometimes in more ways then one. Along with the great drinks, The Pit offers other ways for you to enjoy your stay. A dance floor, jukebox, pool tables, a stage for strippers to entertain and pleasure during happy hour, and even some beds upstairs in case things get really wild during the night!

Already a big hit through the community, The Pit has yet to disappoint, bringing in HWGs from servers across the world. So if you are in need of some cheering up, feel free to drop your autocannons and head on down to the HWGuy's Homoerotic Pit, located just south of Mecklenburg's all you can eat Pizza Palor!