This is the first 3 chapters in a novel I am trying to write. See the truth is I like writting but I am not very good. I need input from unbais persons, to see if this is anygood so far. So here it is
All is Quite On The Furry Front

Chapter One: Every Story has a beginning
In are world we have the literal and the accepting, the religious and the unwavering, the blind and the helpful. In are world the words “God Bless.” May be seen as unacceptable while the words “Son of a bitch” are not.
In the old world we had the literal and the literal, the religious and the religious, we had the blind and the blind. In the old world the words “God Damn” would have you hung and the words “God Bless” would have you sainted.
This story starts with a unhappy beginning with an orphan whose parents had passed in a blaze in a barn. He had no name for his parents had so many children that they forgot all the names they had given. For the lack of complexity we shall name this orphan Charles.
Now Charles was peppy, although he appeared awfully slimy. He had a long tough that forks and slide on his belly, he had eyes on the side of his head and a long body that had no legs or arms. Charles had a green skin on his back with black spots he also had a white belly. Now you may either contain the image of a rather ugly little boy or the picture of a snake in your head. If you picture the snake then Charles is a snake if you picture the boy then he is also a boy. For as the reader this is your story and as the character it is Charles whom you control.
Charles live in what seems to be a hallowed tree in what seems to be a vast forest. He lived with two other siblings of his own both also without names, so I will refer to them as, Chip (the bigger one) and Dale (the younger one). Chip was the oldest of the family but Chip had the intelligence and cunning of a over used piece of toilet paper. While Dale the second oldest was both big and smart. While Charles was the smallest and although did not posses the knowledge that Dale had he had a un wavered empathy. Almost saint like in behaviour.
Charles and his brothers were very unpopular in the forest. They are ‘snakes’ they are evil. That’s what they said about them. Charles of coarse cared not of this he only felt pain when he saw the little animals being squished and beaten by over baring birds. Particularly the doves.
“I hate them blasted doves.” said Chip one day after returning with a few dead mice for Charles and Dale and himself to eat.
“I know what you mean Chip. I mean come on you get a little shout out in the bible and they think they own the whole bloody forest.” Dale replied in never looking up from his “Old Testament”. “I mean really come on is that what were basing are hierarchy in the forest on now. Well no wonder there is so much unrest. Can’t the damn birds see that it is all just a metaphor, they are pretty and we are ugly but God made both.”
“We must stand up to them.” annoced Chip triumphantly looking as if he may finally had a good
Idea.
“You idiot we are to divided we three snakes alone can not end this oppression.” replied Dale in a matter of fact sort of manner.
“Why not try to help the ants?” said Charlie in a very quite and empathetic voice. “I mean we can at least bring them over to are cause they probably want freedom from the doves as much as us.”
“Yeah, but what can they do. An ant can’t kill.” said Chip “We need the wolves on are side.”
“We don’t have to kill the doves.”
“What would you have us do talk with them? They hate reason they feel that they are all powerful.”
“Yes, they do but they treat everyone like inferiors. What if we turn everyone against them so then we would not have to fight they would have to give up.” said Dale who had been amazingly up for this whole idea. (he is usually content just reading his book) “But I feel for this to be the most effective we need to convert the owls first for we will need there legendary wisdom on are side.”
“Should we not have the wolves as are muscle so we can force people to are side.”
“Would you wake up. Violence doesn’t bread loyalty, besides the wolves will have to be the last to convert because they are the species best treated by the dove and they will not turn easily without much of a choice not to.” replied Dale angrily. “You must understand Chip that although some doves my be misguided there will be others that have never harmed anyone, there are others that may also be turned.”
“Fine, then we’ll take the owls, but I feel it is a mistake to take this out into the open without any protection.”
“Why not the ants they will be loyal and they have suffered so much you know what the doves push upon them.” this seemed to be a point that almost brought Charles to tears.
“We can’t the doves watch the ants to closely to bring are coo out into the open this early in the stages would be a mistake.” replied Dale with the feeling that he answered the question truthfully and finally. “We MUST CONVERT THE WISDOM OF THE OWLS FIRST.”
“Yes but aren’t the owls also beloved by the doves as well?” asked Chip.
“Yes but they will understand that equality is the only way to end the unrest in the forest.”
“Fine, but who will go to talk to these wise owls.”
“I will of coarse, because who are we kidding I am the only one here intelligent, and therefore the only one able to communicate with these creatures.”
“Fine but you must take the kid too.”
“Why is that?”
“Because look at how pathetic he looks.” as both Chip & Dale turn and look at Charles he is cuddled in a corner looking very troubled, probably still thinking about the ants. “Without a doubt the owls will be sympathetic towards are cause and will understand the pain we feel by just looking at the pitiful lump.”
“Wow”
“What?”
“That was almost and intelligent statement I have ever heard you say.”
“Umm are we just going to talk about this or are we going to one day start this thing?” said Charles a rather bold statement coming from the apparent ‘pitiful lump’.
“Alright let’s go kid.” Dale said just as he left the tree followed by Charles, sliding what seemed reluctantly.
When they left the tree they saw the forest homeless, the squirrels, who out of the kindness of all the snakes hearts. They let live in there trees. The squirrels were kicking out the snakes across the road. Charles stopped and asked “What was going on?” and Sammy the Black squirrel stopped what he was doing and replied “Well see my parents use to own this house back when I was a baby Sammy Squirrel and I was explaining to these heretics that Sammy the Squirrel will not put up with the mistreatment of the squirrels any longer I am taking my home back.”
“But it’s the snakes home.” Said Dale
“No it’s the squirrel’s home see my parents use to live here.”
“Yeah USED TO. I USED TO live in an egg you don’t see me preaching that.”
“No this is different because squirrels are better then the snakes. The snakes are evil.”
“Listen you furry little antelope. We of the forest should all be equals have the snakes not supported you and all of your squirrel friends for years? When the humans came in and started to systematically kill you for little to no reason who hid you? The snakes and this is how you thank us by saying were evil.”
“This is my home.” Then Sammy returned to the eviction and mistreatment of the poor snake family’s living in the Enitselap’s tree.
“Forget this Dale let us talk to the owls first the squirrels will be converted one day.” said Charlie pulling his brother away from the tree.
As they left all they could hear was the howls of revenge spoken from the mouths of the snakes and the laughing of the squirrels. There would be an extreme blood feud in Enitselap and it was for nothing really. These thoughts and the thoughts of the poor ants circled in the head of Charlie as they walked to meet the Owls. How could anyone creature that claimed to be a creature of God treat the other creatures who worship this god differently be exiled and mistreated like this? Why is the whole forest suffering? If beauty were peace the forest would be the most tranquil place in the world. How can so much beauty be the home of so much pain? Will I ever be heard?





Chapter 2: the Wise Owls?

Finally after what seemed like an eternity of thought . Charlie and Dale arrived at the land of the owls. Ironical they called this land Hooters who all humans reading this story might find a little funny. Before I receive any criticisms on the name I have to say hey I don’t right the story I just report it.
As Charlie and Dale approached the tree of the Great Owl, they noticed something strange about thee owls. Charlie noted a couple of the owls that seem to be odd. Like one who flew out of nowhere and went head on into the tree next to Charlie. The owl getting up shaking his head said to Charlie “I am a philosopher and I think I came up with a great new philosophy. To hit a tree at a high velocity hurts a lot.”
Dale then replied “Oh wise Owl I think you are mistaken for that wasn’t a philosophy at all. It was a fact and a pretty obvious fact at that.”
“Listen it is really hard to be a philosopher nowadays I mean really the old ones had it easy ‘What goes up must come down’ ‘What goes around comes around’ ‘Don’t eat the funny looking vegetables’. I mean really think about it for all we no the second coming has already come and gone but we wouldn’t no about it because if some man in a loin cloth walked around saying he was the second coming we would have him locked up.” ranted the owl in his defence, “Then it is obviously harder for a philosopher to make a narrow minded public look at something differently without being called a radical and locked up. Like really, couple bad seeds and all of a sudden being called a radicals is not a good thing.”
“Wow we are having that same thought. We are trying to start a coo to over through the dove oppressors and create equality in the forest. We’re here to enlist the Owls to are cause since you are so wise.” Said Charlie excitedly actually hoping that there problems would be heard by the owls.
“Holy crap.” Said the owl
“What?” Charlie said quickly and almost in despair.
“You guys are crazier then I am.” the owl said laughingly as he flew away.
Another situation that Charlie noted was quite odd was a couple of owls. They were bickering.
“Peanut Butter is not better then real butter because, if you are what you eat, you would then be a nut.” said owl #1
“As apposed to just butter.” replied Owl #2, “I mean really think about it rather be known as a seed then a wade of animal fat.”
“Man I hate arguing with you that’s why your known as the wisest owl.” said the first owl completing what seemed to be a heated debate with owl #2 who later introduced herself as Penny the Great Owl of the forest.
Penny heard the plea from Dale about how they should over through the doves and make all forest animals equals. He explain that the economy is much healthier when the people are happy and that this unrest brewing can only cause a source of anarchy if this isn’t changed now. Then Penny ask “What is anarchy?” and then Dale explained Anarchy to Penny and Penny responded “Wow that doesn’t sound very good I will ask the doves what we should do to prevent this.”
“No don’t do that the doves won’t like the thought of people trying to over through them.” said Dale in astonishment in the find that Penny the wisest of the wise was unable to grasp the fact that the doves are the ones he was trying to get rid of.
“Well if the doves don’t know about these problems then we should tell them about it.” replied almost as if she had made a genius comment.
“The doves are the problem.”
“But the doves are the owls friends they give us the ants and foxes to do all the simpletons chores so we owls have time to talk about philosophy. If the doves aren’t in charge anymore what grantee will we have that the ants and foxes will continue doing are choirs.” Asked Penny with a very confused look on her face.
“Well they would, not for free anyways. I mean don’t you forget that God created all of us as equals.” said Charlie who scared both Dale and Penny because well he was very quite the whole time.
“Equals, EQUALS I am better then you. I Penny the GREAT Owl am much better then ants and foxes I am the WISEST of the wise and I think I have been nice enough to forget that owls eat your kind. So do not comment on my memory or it just might return.” Penny said very aggressively obviously she realized that she wasn’t as wise as everyone told her she was, but she did seem to be quite impressed with her reaction and seems surprised even that she was so quick.
Noting the statement that she may remember that she eats animals such as themselves Dale decided to take his leave and of coarse was followed by Charlie. As they were leaving the Owl that talked to Charlie before approached them and he said, “Well, what you guys are doing is completely insane and it looks as though you have embarrassed my poor grandmother. And to that I say thank-you. I would like to join you.”
“I am sorry, but I was mistaken I thought all owls were wise and since this is the mental capacity of your leader, I don’t think we can handle one of the followers.” Dale replied almost as thought he has given up hope.
“Please, I am Jonathon Hobbes, I am the High Inquisitor of the owls please take me.”
“What!! Inquisitor doesn’t that mean you torture squirrels and all those who oppose the Doves.”
“Nope, that’s what the High Inquisitor of the wolves does, I am strictly the maker of the forest I.Q. Tests, and marker.”
“Wow, I think we should take him we need all the help we can get Dale.” said Charlie as he slithered up beside Plato and cuddled with his new friend.
“Fine but I do not see him as the brains of the group that I.Q. test was far to easy.” replied Dale.
“I know I would have made it hardier but I had to make it easy enough for the Doves to score the Genius level, still only half did.” stated Plato as they continued on there journey. “You guys should have freed the foxes first, there conniving and oppressed. They would have been easy to turn and a good asset.”
“You, know what you are absolutely right lets see the foxes next.” said Dale almost as though it was his idea, Charlie foresaw that there may be a problem brewing between these to and he should start a way to remedy it.




Ch. 3 Cunning Fox Raging Bear and Ravaging wolves


“So Hobbie,” (This is what Charlie called Plato) “What convinced you to join are cause.”
‘Well my slimy little friend I am self proclaimed craziest creature in the forest.” Hobbie replied with dignity, “If I missed out on this faecal could never hold my head up in this forest again.”
“Of coarse if are plan is as bad as you say it is you won’t have a head to lift up anyway.” said Dale laughingly.
The conversation continued on till we finally reached the Fox Lair. This was were Chicken Little body was found. What an idiot. Anyways since that event took place chicken were band from the forest and the Fox Lair was named The End. So when the trio reached The End of The Forest they were feeling kind of scared. We all know the story of Chicken Little and the trio was expecting something graphic. When they arrived though they found instead something incredibility beautiful.
There it was a giant cavern lit by torches as light that seemed to be natural gleamed below. As the trio entered it all they could smell was incense. They enter a grand hall and saw hundreds of foxes kneeling before an alter where there stood a giant bear.
As they entered they tried not to make any noise to interrupt they worship but Hobbie bumped a rock and all the kneeling heads popped up and glared at the intruders. “We’re dead” Hobbie said with a gulp. “You really need to be more optimistic.” said Dale almost in a gulp himself.
Then the bear roared and with a grand deep and commanding voice he said to the trio, “What da hell you doin’ ’ere yo?” And none of the trio said anything. The bear then yelled again, “You ain’t ’ere to recruit nobodies are ya? Always pressin’ us yous forest folk. Always makin’ it impossible for a damn and bear and his damn foxes to do anythan’.”
Then Charlie trying to stop the on coming hate barrelling towards him and his friends decided he need to start negotiating now, but he seemed to try to sell his plan instead of bring people toward it, “Are you tried of animals pushing you around?” “Are you kidding me? Is he seriously asking this question” replied the bear. “Animals telling you to clean up your tree, beat the lumps out of there coats.” “Dats it I’m gonna leave.” “We bring to you a solution that will end this scourge that plagues your people forever.” “Say wha” “Yes that’s right we of the forest rebels ask you bear and yous foxes to join are cause to overthrow the doves put into effect a democracy and bring forth equality of all animals but of coarse chickens.”
This seemed to work pretty well for the bear and the foxes signed on immediately under the conduction that the bear was given the right to be put into counsel and be ambassador from the foxes. They also did not want much violence.
After the talk the bear who had now identified himself as Tinram decided to escort the trio back to Charlie and Dale’s place where they decided to house Hobbie as well. As they walked they came across a dove. The dove yelled at them “What are an owl and a bear doing with the likes of you two?”
Tinram then replied “I had a dream. A dream where a bear could walk with an owl and they would never be questioned. A dream where a fox could be a lawyer. A dream where these two poor creatures would be seen as equals in the eyes of you doves.”
The dove then replied “Really because last night I also had a dream. A dream where those two creature’s village was on fire. A dream where the doves uncovered a scheme that there was a uprising being planned. A dream where the High Inquisitor of the Wolves Torquemada had an afternoon full of heretics being tortured and killed. But you know the what makes my dream unique from yours?”
“What is that?” asked Tinram
“My dream has become a reality.” the dove said with a grim laugh and then flew away. The group looked at each other and ran to the suburb that Chip was still in. When they arrived there the trees were set aflame. Snakes and squirrels were being dragged out of them by wolves and thrown in cages and shipped away on a deer drawn carts. Then Charlie saw his tree, it was lit on fire and he saw a wolf tail wagging outside of the tree. They he saw the wolf recoil out the tree with a blood covered nose and Chip slithering out of the tree.
“You want me your going to have to bring more then just one wolf. Bring them all you will not take this creature alive.” Screamed Chip.
“Oh my god brother.” Howled Charlie with tears forming in his eyes, as he watched four huge wolves line up ready to charge at Charlie, there dark fur and yellow eyes and bloodied fangs and claw all directed towards Charlie’s eldest brother. “We have to help him.” With that said Charlie lunged forward only to be held back by the giant paw of Tinram as he turned to Charlie and said, “if you get popped dere be no one to fight foe yo. Let me take da heat instead anyways I‘m bigga.”
Then with a horrific roar the giant brown monster that Charlie knew as Tinram rushed forward. This taking the wolves off guard, made two of the wolves flee. Tinram then rammed one wolf throwing it against a tree killing him instantly. Then Chip thinking he wouldn’t be able to get to see any action charged forward and clasped his poisonous jaw around another wolf. By this time the two that had fled recovered there courage and lunged at Tinram one grabbing hold of Tinram under his neck, the other batted away by Tinram’s great claw. The wolf that Chip had bitten collapsed. Chip then jumped at the wolf who had his jaw around Tinram’s neck. This startling the wolf forced him to let go of Tinram and flee.
Tinram then fell to the ground in exhaustion and pain and chip went alongside him to aid him. Just as Chip let his guard down he was snatched by an owl. Then two wolves netted Tinram and they were both thrown in cages and carted away.
“Dear, God nooo.” cried Charlie who was now being comforted by Dale.
“Don’t worry he is still alive we still can help him, but first we have to get the hell out of here, apparently there are owls around.” said Dale. Then Hobbie stood up and said, “I should go ahead and find out where there taking Tinram and your brother.” With that said Hobbie stood and flew away.
“Come on, kid we have to leave, before we’re caught.” Dale said as he dragged Charlie away from the tree they were hiding behind.
What was to happen now? Charlie thought to himself. Was this really a good idea? What is it we have to do next? Will this be the end? What are we fighting for to begin with? All these questions are flying through Charlie’s brain, but no answers. Was this the beginning of madness?

I have half completed chapter 4 but I have sort of run into writers block. Chapter four is about the inlisting of the Deer, and Rabbits who since they are always on the grass always high.

I think it's a cute story, so far. :)

A lot of typos, though...

I know I have always had bad spelling and grammer I am very sorry. I was very nervus showing this I have never shown any of my work to strangers before, except this one time I wrote this poem full of sexual indendoes (sp?) and gave it to some random grade 9 girl god that was funny. i still have the poem if anyone wants to read it.

Pm it to me. I am curious! :P

The hotter then my tv is alluding to the fact my tv is stolen not how sexy it looks.

:lol:

I was wondering! :P

Don't be sorry, do something about it. Words and grammar are the tools of the writers trade - you need to master them if you are to progress.

Some very good ideas, and interesting style of dialogue. I would suggest that you try to vary the form a little. You have very high proportion of dialogue, and little by way of descriptive passages or externally viewed plot. You have enough going on that you can afford to stand back a bit and add detail to the setting.

I know how hard it is to put creative work up for criticism - congratulations for taking the plunge, and whatever you do, keep writing!

I've been wanting to ask but I don't want you to take offense, is English your first language?

For me, my spelling isn't the best and my typing is even worst. However, I just keep going back and editing my posts until they are reasonably clear. (somedays it can take a while ;) )

yes English is my first langue. The reason my Grammer is so bad is that I was nevr taught the grammer rules, see I lived in Wasage Beach Ontario, until half way through grade 4. We had not reached grammer rules yet because my teacher had a stroke and we fell behind. When I moved to Nanaimo BC, my class had already passed the grammer rules and had moved onto reading, which is why I know some much about history, i am a fast reader and can not master the grammer laws.

Once again I apoligize for any confusion.

PS- Thank you so much for your advise Al I am going to go back and become more discriptive when I make a second copy I am just trying to get in done, the only problem is this damn writters block lol.

Are you still on the island, CBs?

No about 4 years ago I moved back to Ontario and now reside in a some villiage called Creemore.