Warning: Some of these are mildly disturbing. (Particularly to parents.) You may skip over the ones in red if you do not wish to read them.I am now doing
something really, really bad. (BTW, you can ignore this line. I'm done. :D )
Procrastination.
-----------------
I can jump buildings.
I can leap from roof to roof.
It's my excellence.
People stare at me.
They scream and run far away
when they see my claws.
I'm so not like you.
Huge wings, sharp teeth, claws, green scales,
I'm so not like you.
One of us is dead.
I survived the war you made.
I'm better than you.
Flames lick at my back,
and I writhe in agony.
I made the fire.
My children are dead.
Although I will miss them all,
Everybody dies.
If you're not happy,
you have the right to rebel.
Smash the State with Love!
-----------------------------------
I'm walking along,
and I fall into the sky.
Something bad, I think.
My dog is so weird.
I made him join a forum.
Typing, he ignores me.
My lunch box is full.
It has my rock collection.
All my teeth are chipped. :(
I just made a square.
I left it out. It melted.
Now it's an oval.
My dentist pays me
to yank out all my teeth.
He's the tooth fairy.
I enjoy Ice Cream.
It is tasty but messy.
I need a new shirt.
I found a huge rock.
I cracked it open and
Inside were some rocks.
I have this theory,
that I am asleep right now.
Stop pinching me please.
This is my last one,
so do yourself a favor,
and read it slowly.
* Bows *
OMG, More!!!!1!11!1!oneoneoneeleven
The Dragon And The Knight
By oldclothesKing.
A hate-filled knight met dragon bold,
both hearts as black as night.
They knew the instant that they met
they had an urge to fight.
"I think that dragon needs to die,"
the knight growled, without fright.
The pale thin moon was visible,
competing with the sun,
this even though the brilliant day
was far from being done.
"This battle will be glorious",
said the knight, "It will be fun!"
The knight's boots trod the fragile blooms
he crushed to reach the cave,
A small and mindless sacrifice
for one so bold and brave.
As he approached he sharply yelled,
"Come face me, scaly knave!"
The dragon widened sleepless eyes,
"So now we meet again,
Our battle all the earth will shake,
Your blood the ground will stain.
The victor captures all the spoils,
the loser will be slain."
"You putrid thing, O follish knight,
for you I've long prepared.
I've chewed on sulfur forty years,
my fiery breath beware!
I've sharpened barb and fang and claw,
your curses flesh to tear!"
"Your fought my father, snake." knight cried.
"And you fought mine," it spoke.
And lesser crimes have mayhem caused
and slaughter did provoke.
The knight showed fury without bounds,
the dragon spouted smoke.
"To hear a dragon howl and die
will be a wondrous thing.
To spear its hide and lance its hide
and tear its widespread wing.
To slash and bash and make it thrash
and steal its golden ring."
"You think you'll pierce me with your lance?
That fragile, puny dart?
I'll melt your clanking iron pants
and rip your limps apart.
I'll toast your bones with gleeful rants
then eat your blackened heart."
"My scales are gleaming silver, and
white hot my breath of fire.
I'll mount your head upon my tail;
to this I do aspire.
And oh, I can assure you that
your death I do desire."
"Your fire may be white and hot
but I don't even care!
Oh, you don't scare me, not a jot,
for I am well prepared!
Beneath my armor I have got
asbestos underwear."
"Bah, I do not like the taste of iron,
I will not fight today.
Besides, I have to go inside,
my children want to play.
My wife makes me play catch with them.
She always gets her way..."
"Forsooth, a damsel's in distress!
To rescue her, I must!
I'll have to fight the monster there,
I hope my sword won't rust.
I do so hope there will be some,
which there will be, I trust."
The hate-filled knight left dragon bored,
both hearts emptied of might.
They knew the instant that they left
they had no need to fight.
"That dragon sure is big," he said,
and rode into the night.
Thank You.
*Bows*
... OMFG! What's this? MORE, You say!! .. Well, Yeah. :P
"They're Made Out Of Meat"
By Terry Bisson.
This is a very interesting story I read recently. I typed it up to share it with you guys. Stole 20 minutes of internet time, but it was well worth it. I hope you find it quite funny. You'd better. :P
"They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"Meat. They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."
"That's impossible! What about the radio signals? the messages to the stars?"
"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come form them. The signals come from machines."
"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."
"THEY made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."
"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat!"
"I'm not asking you. I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat."
"Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."
"Nope. They're born meat, and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take long. Do you have any idea what's the life span of meat?"
"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma breain inside."
"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."
"No brain?"
"Oh, there's a brain all right. It's just that the brain is MADE OUT OF MEAT! That's what I've been trying to tell you."
"So... what does the thinking?"
"You're not understanding, are you? You're refusing to deal with what I'm telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat."
"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"
"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?"
"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."
"Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."
"Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?"
"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual."
"We're supposed to talk to meat."
"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. "Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home." That sort of thing."
"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."
"I thought you just told me they used radio."
"They do, but what do you think is ON the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."
"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"
"Officially or unofficially?"
"Both."
"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the universe, without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."
"I was hoping you would say that."
"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"
"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello meat, how's it going?' But will it work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"
"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."
"So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe."
"That's it."
"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they won't remember?"
"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so they we're just a dream to them."
"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."
"And we marked the entire sector UNOCCUPIED."
"Good. Agreed. Officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"
"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen-core cluster itnelligence in a class-nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."
"They always come around."
"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone..." 