So, yah. This is the noval I'm slowly writing. I know its going to take me forever. I Know I posted some of it in the other section, but I thought I would post the completed (for now at least) part 1. Let me know what you think.
P.S. I apologize for any spelling mistakes or grammer erros.
Part 1: September
Hayden lay on her bed staring up at the ceiling. It was a Saturday night and she was, again, alone. This seem to have become her usual routine.
Her brother, Cody, was away at university, her other brother, Toby, was now living in Venice, Italy with his new wife, Sapphire, and her menacing twin little sisters, Rain and Dakota, were off reeking havoc at their little menacing friend’s house. Her parents? They were always travelling for work and were hardly ever home. And as for her so-called posse of friends? Well, they were all too busy with their boyfriends to pay any attention to her. She could try the boyfriend thing. Only problem was the guy she was interested in, Riley, was sending too many mixed signals that she had basically given up on him.
She let out a sigh. She was so sick of this. She could go to that party across down, but she really wasn’t much of a party girl. She had been drunk a few times and it had been okay, but not something she was raced to do every weekend. Frankly, to her most of those parties seemed like a huge hormone and testosterone fest. She hated the idea of the one night stand, and for that, she thought, she would forever remain a virgin.
There was only one thing that Hayden was truly passionate for - her dancing. When she danced, she felt fully free to be her. Nothing else mattered when her body moved to the beat in her head. However, now she couldn’t even dance due to the car accident last year when she fractured her right hip. She had been doing the physical therapy every day vigorously, but the eyes of her physical therapist didn’t lie - her hip would never been the same again.
“Damn it!” she cried out exasperatedly, “what the hell is wrong with me?” she continued as she jumped off her bed.
She pulled her favourite sweater over her head, slipped on her fuzzy purple slippers and made her way down from her loft in the attic to the kitchen.
Once there she made herself a chai latte with the cappuccino machine, heated up some left over chicken casserole grabbed her backpack and made her way back up to her room. Maybe she’d try and get a head start on her English essay.
She sat down at her desk and clicked her computer on. She sipped her chai as she watched the computer come to life. She frowned at her English assignment sitting on her desk.
“Screw the assignment,” she thought, “I think its time for some mindless chat,” she said licking her lips as she logged onto her yahoo account.
She talked to a few friends that she hadn’t talk to in a few weeks and a few new people in the chat rooms, but no one stuck around long enough to have a decent conversation. She was about to log off and maybe have a bath when a message popped up
lizardboy2001: Hey! asl?
cookies_n_cream: 16 f Canada, you?
lizardboy2001: 21 male Australia
cookies_n_cream: cool, cool
lizardboy2001: What are you up to on this rainy Sunday afternoon?
cookies_n_cream: LOL, actually, #1 its Saturday night here and #2 there isn’t a cloud in the sky.
lizardboy2001: Oh, yeah, I guess I should remember that we are on opposite sides of the world. You didn’t answer my question though…what are you up to tonight?
cookies_n_cream: *Sigh*…not a whole heck of a lot. My family is all of having their own life, my friends are all busy with their boyfriends and really there isn’t much for me to do….
lizardboy2001: L Aw! That’s too bad…couldn’t you find a party to crash or something? Your probably a pretty girl, I’m sure you’d be the life of the party.
lizardboy2001: Hello??? Where did you go?
cookies_n_cream: LMAO…sorry, I had to stop laughing first.
lizardboy2001: Oh, yeah? What’s so funny?
cookies_n_cream: Me trying to picture me as the life as the party…I’m not a party girl. Everyone has one night stands at those things and maybe it makes me sound like a bitch, but I’m just not for it. I’m not saying I’m waiting for marriage or anything, but I want it to be a little more meaningful than that.
lizardboy2001: Yeah, I hear you on that. So, you don’t have a boyfriend?
cookies_n_cream: Nope
lizardboy2001: How about potential boyfriends?
cookies_n_cream: Oooh! Something I do have! Yeah, a guy from the camp I go to every year. You have a girlfriend?
lizardboy2001: Yeah, I have a girlfriend…don’t know how much longer I will though. Lets just not touch that one though…tell me more about your potential.
cookies_n_cream: Eh, its kind of complicated. We’ve been going to camp together for the past four years. I only started to like him at camp last year. It even seemed like he could maybe like me. Then at my birthday last year my friends made me tell him in an email that I liked him. He said he just wanted to be friends and I accepted it. We don’t go to the same school, so I only see him at camp. I didn’t seem him again till camp this year. And he was very flirty. The guys and girls were telling me that he had to defiantly like me now. I really don’t know though…
lizardboy2001: Well, I’m a guy…maybe I can help
cookies_n_cream: Help me how?
lizardboy2001: Tell me about the signs that indicate that he likes you.
cookies_n_cream: Okay, thanks. Well, he always wants to sit with me on the bus, be in my group during camp activities, etc. We spend so much time together that people actually thought we were a couple last year. One of the girls even went up to him this year and asked him if he and I were still dating! He is always sending me mixed signals. Its frustrating. I mean, I already told him once that I liked him and he basically rejected me. Then he goes and does something that confuses me! I hate it!
lizardboy2001: Wow…I hate it when people do that…it sounds like there is something your not telling me about the situation though. Has something happened recently?
cookies_n_cream: Yeah…sort of…
lizardboy2001: Care to fill me in?
cookies_n_cream: You know those chain emails that you send to your friends that ask stupid questions, like: “am I hot?”, “am I sexy?”, “am I annoying” and “what song would u dedicate to me?”, etc.
lizardboy2001: Yeah, I know those. I hate those! You always wind up offending someone, or someone offends you.
cookies_n_cream:[/B] Or you wind up confusing someone, or someone *cough* Riley *cough* confuses you! I sent one of those out a few weeks ago as a gag to a couple of my friends, because they always write funny answers and I didn’t even really mean to send him a copy…but I did…big mistake. He sent it back fully filled out.
lizardboy2001: …..
lizardboy2001: And? What did it say? Come on don’t keep me in suspense!
cookies_n_cream: Am I hot? YES! Am I sexy? YES! Am I annoying? NEVER! If you could dedicate a song to me, what would it be? “Don’t want to miss a thing” by Aerosmith. If you could give me a new name, what would it be? The name of the star I wish on at night. Oh, and this is the best part. Do you like me? YES! Have we ever been b/f and g/f? One Day! Arg! And it goes on like that!
lizardboy2001: Well, I can tell you from my perspective of being a guy that it seems like he likes you.
cookies_n_cream: Then why did he reject me last year?
lizardboy2001: Maybe he was just scared, or wasn’t sure of his feelings for you at the time. I think you should give him another chance.
cookies_n_cream: Well, I’ve been thinking of doing that since I got the response to his email about a week ago. I’ve been working on writing him an email. you want to see it and give me your opinion?
lizardboy2001: Sure. I’ll do what I can.
cookies_n_cream: Okay, So I know we've both been kind of avoiding the topic...and I'm not really sure why. I told you that I liked you last year, and you said you just wanted to be friends. I was fine with that, really. Then at camp this year everyone was saying that you had to like me (again, because that’s what everyone was telling me last year too). And I wasn't too sure what to make of it.
cookies_n_cream: It seemed like sometimes you did and other times you just thought of me as a friend. Then I got that first survey from you at the beginning of September and I didn't really know what to make of it. I mean you could be saying that you like me, but I could have just been reading it wrong. I just wasn't fully sure and I didn't know how to bring it up with you. Then last week you sent me that other survey and you said yes you liked me and yes you have had had a crush on me. And I did send you that same e-mail back filled out on you, I'm pretty sure you got it, but I don't know.
cookies_n_cream: But yeah, if you didn't, yes I did have a crush on you and yes I still like you. But, I know, that doesn't necessarily mean you want it to go any further then that. But, if you want give it a try, we could. Even just hanging out or going to a movie. It doesn't have to be a date or anything, just, you know, a movie. You know the last few times we've talked online and we've been kind of skirting the issue.
cookies_n_cream: Not that I don't love talking about PS2 and its games, but we need to figure out where we stand and where we go from here. I hope I'm not freaking you out too much by saying all of this, but one of us had to bring it up eventually and its just easier to say it in an e-mail. So, e-mail me back, or talk to me on AOL or call me if you really want, but I'd like to figure this out. And, Riley no matter what happens we will always be friends.
cookies_n_cream: ….what do you think?
lizardboy2001: Yeah, that’s pretty good. Your not painting him into a corner or anything. Your upfront, most guys like that.
cookies_n_cream: I’m still nervous about sending it. I mean, I already put myself out there once, I’m not sure if I’m ready to do it again.
lizardboy2001: I can see why your scared, but do you think you can live not knowing if you don’t try? If you don’t do it you’ll always wonder what could have been.
cookies_n_cream: I guess your right. I’m just going to send it and get it over with.
lizardboy2001: Good for you
cookies_n_cream: OMG! I did it! Ack!
lizardboy2001: Ack?
cookies_n_cream: Its just an exasperated expression. Its like saying, “all the colour has drained from my face and I’m going to faint”… but not quite to that extend…I’m exaggerating.
lizardboy2001: LOL. I figured as much. Don’t worry, I’m sure everything will be fine.
cookies_n_cream: *Sigh* I know it will. Thanks for your help though. It was sweet of you to listen to me babble
lizardboy2001: Pah! Its no problem. I’m glad to help. And you have cute babble, its not that bad to listen to.
cookies_n_cream: LOL. I didn’t know someone could have cute babble. But, anyway, I think that really did help. Not just sending the email, but getting an outsiders opinion on it. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
lizardboy2001: I’m glad.
cookies_n_cream: We’ve been talking about me for nearly an hour and a half though. Tell me something about yourself.
lizardboy2001: There really isn’t much to stay. My life isn’t that interesting. I life, I work, I come home, I sleep, I shower…maybe have a beer with some pals.
cookies_n_cream: Your life already sounds a lot more eventful than mine. God I hate boys sometimes. “Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them!” Except for you, your nice
lizardboy2001: Well, thank you, I try. You seem like a sweet girl though, I don’t know why boys don’t seem to see that. Do you have a picture?
cookies_n_cream: Yeah, on my profile I have a link to website that has some of my camp pictures. You can check it out if you want to. Do you have a picture too?
lizardboy2001: Cool! I’m on my way to check it out. Yeah, I do. Mine is just on my profile.
cookies_n_cream: Kay, I’ll go look.
lizardboy2001: Which one are you?
cookies_n_cream: Guess!
lizardboy2001: Oh, I hate doing that. Um, are you in the first picture?
cookies_n_cream: Yes.
lizardboy2001: Are you on the far right, the one in the black tank top?
cookies_n_cream: Wow, you got it on your first guess. Yeah, that’s me. Its really not my best picture though.
lizardboy2001: Are you kidding me?!? You’re a cutie!
cookies_n_cream: LMAO! Your just saying that to make me feel better.
lizardboy2001: No, I’m serious and I’m not just saying that. Your very pretty. Any guy would be blind not to see that. Maybe that’s why guys don’t make a move on you. Your too pretty for your own good.
cookies_n_cream: LOL. I guess its possible, although I still don’t think its very likely…but whatever. Oh, and by the way your girlfriend is lucky. I think your quite hot.
lizardboy2001: That’s sweet of you to say and I thank you for the compliment ma’am *curtsy*.
cookies_n_cream: I do believe you are mocking me.
lizardboy2001: Who me? NEVER!
cookies_n_cream: Uh, huh…sure, sure. LOL. Anyway, its getting late and I want to have a bath before I head off to bed. Thanks for talking to me though.
lizardboy2001: Hey, like I said, no worries. Can I add you to my buddy list? I kind of like talking to you *blush*.
cookies_n_cream: Aw, sure, I have no problem with that. Talk to you soon. Night.
lizardboy2001: Night? You mean afternoon don’t you?
cookies_n_cream: Time difference!
lizardboy2001: Right…sorry I forgot. Night.
cookies_n_cream has signed off.
Its sort of like our actualy first few converstations (that my bf and I had) the stuff about the family being all over the place definatly isnt me. And I'm not a dancer, I'm an actor. And my vocal cords are parcially damaged...so thats where that point came from. Hayden is basically me, but i changed her enough so it isnt too much like me.
Okay, I have another part to the story.
Part 2: October
Dear Harley,
Sorry it took me so long to respond to your email, but I’ve been busy with stuff. Listen, I really like you too, but right now I’m just not ready for a girlfriend and frankly I just don’t have time. We’ll talk more on line later.
Your Friend Riley
Dear Diary,
Haven’t reported lately, so I thought I’d give you an update on my life. Grade 12 really sucks. It is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I think history is going to kill me…slowly that is, very slowly. *Sigh* Indigo seems to be struggling too. We both failed the last math test. I haven’t failed something since I was in grade 7! GRADE 7! I use to think I was fairly smart…not genius smart, but smart enough to get by in high school with decent grades, go to a respectable university, get a good job, meet a nice man, settle down (get married have kids), grow old, and retire with my hubby…*Ahem* well, maybe I’m getting just a little ahead of myself. All in do time…most of it isn’t going to happen for a few more years, hopefully.
Its official, Riley has rejected me again. He said he didn’t have time and that he wasn’t ready for a girlfriend. He is so weird. He is graduated from high school and he isn’t going to university. He doesn’t even have a job yet! All he does is karate! I don’t regret sending the email, because now I know for sure: Riley will never be for me. He is the one that has to live with regret, he’ll always wonder, “what if we’d given it a try.” Sure, I’ll wonder that too, but in a different way, because I was actually willing. He was too much of a chicken shit. Breathe, Harley, breathe. Okay, I need to move onto something new. This topic pisses me off too much.
In other news my 17th Birthday went by fairly smoothly. I don’t think anyone was left out at all, well accept for me when I got mad at Jade for not telling us where she was going when she went to the store to get some smokes. Honestly, I love her, but sometimes she can be a little beotcha. I got some good gifts though. Some DVDs, a few books and my favourite: MONEY!
And perhaps my biggest news of all is that I’ve sort of met someone. Don’t get too excited, I don’t think anything is going to come of it. I met this guy named Tristan in a chat room a few weeks ago. He was really sweet. He gave me advice on the whole Riley thing. He said I was pretty. I think that is the first time a male, outside my family, has said that to me. Since I first met him we’ve talked every weekend. I have no idea how he feels about me though. Nothing is going to happen though, because did I mention, he lives in AUSTRALIA! He is across a freaking ocean! He broke up with his girlfriend last week, not for me, so get that thought out of your head right now. He did it because he claims they have been drifting apart for a while. They barely see each other during the week because of their different job schedules and they just don’t seem to be right for each other any more. Apparently, this was their third break up and he said this time, its permanent. Can I admit something to you? I was secretly excited when he said that. I don’t know why though. I’m seriously he and I can’t date. How would that work? Sure, we’d have the whole emotional part of the relationship down, but the physical part? And he is a guy, a 21 year old at that. I know he has needs, and I wouldn’t be able to fill any of them. I guess I have needs too, but I’m so inexperienced that I don’t even know what those needs are. Indigo was over the other weekend and she and I talked to him together. They’ve exchanged details too, so they’ve talked a couple of times as well. He talks to me a lot more though. A few times he has told me not to tell her that I’m on. He has problems talking to more than once person at a time online. Its so weird…I’m feeling emotions I never knew I had. I’ve had crushes before, but this feels different. I don’t know, my emotions are all over the place right now. As soon as I figure them out, I’ll let you know. I should gets some sleep its late.
Harley
