I'm postponing the other story right now, because right now I don't want to mess that plot up with a writing that goes with no completed idea. So, I'm starting this story. Here's introduction. I remind you, I do serious editing. Setting is magical world, not unlike lord of the rings. Yes, there will be a love story, though I'm not sure exactly how to incoporate that into this yet.

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Lliana worked part-time at the Sharptooth Bar, and next week would be her 3rd year. Over that time, she had seen few and far between anyone that would have interested her. Lliana sighed as she carried her drinks to the customers, a man and woman dressed in travelers' clothes, weary and worn out. They thanked her for the drinks, and she gave them a quick smile of appreciation she didn't feel. It didn't matter. They were just two nameless people. After today, she'll never see them again. There's no excitement in meeting people, as she thought would have been when she first applied for this job. Back when she was still...

She noticed a man walking through the door. He was enveloped in a black cloak, exposing only his head. He had brown, mussled hair, and his face was pale, sickenly pale. But suddenly, all that disappeared with a look at his eyes. Sharp, crystal blue eyes that shown with such clarity! In a sudden movement, the young man walked past her and sat at an empty table. Lliana hastened to take his order, but he waved her away with his hand, not even looking at her, but continually staring at the door. Tables scattered across the large, open space, but not one person sat between him and the door. He sat there, unwavering and silent. A customer waved for her attention, and she bustled to get him a cup of water.

Suddenly, the door opened and another man, a huge man, walked in. He was wearing a sort of cowboy uniform, complete with a (small cowboy hat, refill). He strolled over to the blue-eyed man and sat down with him. Almost immedietely, both of them bent their heads low and began talking.

Lliana walked closer, to take their orders. In her few seconds, she heard the blue-eyed man say, "...unnacceptable. The offer is to be..." His voice was smooth, almost singsong, and it was firm and soft. Suddenly, the cowboy seemed to notice her prescence, and stopped his friend with a wave a hand. "Yes, ma'am?" he inquired, eyes full of suspicion. They peered deep into her, and she thought she could feel the entire strength of those eyes pouring into her.
"May I take your order?" she stuttered.

He smiled. "Yes, a glass of water please."

Lliana acknowledged and went to fulfill her duty. When she came back with the water on the tray, before she could place it down, the blue-eyed man jumped up, flipping over the table, causing the cowboy's chair to fall down to the ground, and he rolled onto the floor. "What kind of person do you think we are?" He screamed. He started to leave, but then turned to Lliana, who stood, shaking, next to the where the table had been seconds before. "Pardon me, miss. I'm sorry for causing trouble (rephrase, <charming>)." He took the glass of water out of her hands, raised it as if toasting her, and left, drinking the water, cloak trailing behind him, though Lliana couldn't see what he wore underneath.

Lliana stood, utterly confused at what had just happened before her. She stared after the blue-eyed man. But his eyes weren't crystal blue anymore. They were pure gold.
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Yeah, serious editing, I think. How so far?

PS- Do i make new post or edit to continue story?

Wrong forum, apparently -.-/

Great first chapter. Update soon! :hi:

Very good! :hi:

Attempt at Chapter 2, even though I'm not xactly in my best mood right now, with everything

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Roy walked quickly down a dirty alley away from the bustlings of the streets. Behind him, he could hear shouts and the stompings of the horses, pushing with all their might to carry the heavy weight forced upon them. He walked farther and farther into what seemed to be an unending alley, and the soudns of recked civilizations faded behind him. His gold eyes shown clearly in the dark night.

He growled, and jerked his head. "Oh, shut up. It's not like anyone got hurt or anything..." You overreacted. The voice inside his voice protested.

"To hell I did. That bastard was asking for it." Roy shouted this back to the voice in his mind, and it seemed as if the walls of the tall, brick apartment buildings absorbed it. He finally stopped, and leaned against one of the walls. "200 shinou? What kind of bastard asks for that much for something as simple as helping a single, frickin' guy!"

Just one? A voice mocked, his usual pleasant melody sounded within his mind. You ARE forgetting 5 (decide) other people, are you not? His chuckle could be heard amidst the others.

"Hey, look. I can't HANDLE him. It's not like giving a goddamn location would take much. I swear, he..."

It was probably just a fluke anyway. A deep, wisened voice sounded within him. He probably never even heard of Retch'ka. I could see it in his eyes

"Bastard..." Roy whispered under his breath. "So, now what? If he doesn't know where Retch'ka is, if Reddie is indeed correct, then..."

Silence ensued. No voice responded.

"Oh, you all suck." Roy spat in fustration, and turned back to the streets.
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Just reread. Is crap. Will edit later, if I ever get to it. Most likely I'll just leave it that way and continue though.

I don't think its crap. I'm very interested. ^_^

I don't think I'm descriptive enough.

I think its pretty descriptive. But if you want to make it more.. I don't think it wouldn't hurt.

oooh carry on....its differ ........i like it

Yeah, its very good! Keep it up! :hi:

Ok, chapter 3. Changing Lliana's name to Aileen. (ilene) pronounced.

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"Haha, that's true, that's true." Aileen (the waitress) climbed up onto another rock, and looked back down at her friend, Victor. "Come on Vic, you're slowing down."

"Give me some time, Aileen." Victor scrambled up onto the rock behind her. He stopped and gave her a playful glance with his muddy blue eyes. He followed suit as she continued up the mountain. "So how was work?" He asked.
"Oh, the usual." She replied, and jumped onto a large rock jutted out from the slope. "Oh, and there was the most unusual man who came in today. I swear, his eyes changed color!"
"Seriously, you actually saw that?" Victor inquired.
"Well,...no." Aileen stuttured." At first, it was blue but when he left, it was gold. Strange, you know?" Aileen turned around to stop nearby a solitary tree that stood along the pathway.
"Well, yeah but...hey, let's stop for a minute. The sun's getting high." Aileen agreed, and Victor landed under the shade of the tree. "Give it an hour at most." He said, wincing at the sky. For he was a unique friend of Aileen's. One odd friend that she bet no other girl had. For Victor was dead.

An Undead of no extraordinary power, just the fact that he had escaped clutches of death. He was an unusually pale character, almost as white and gray as snow, his eyes were a muddy blue, and he had tossled, dirty blonde hair. Not the most attractive scenery, but...he was her friend.

She had found him at first near the beach, him lying there, like a dead corpse, (which he really was, quite literally), and he had awakened to see her leaning over him. She had housed him in a nearby abandoned barn, bringing him food and such from her family's table until he had become healthy again. But his prescense still remained a secret, for the Undead were always relatived to the dark arts and evil. But Undead were just like humans. THey needed to eat, drink, dispose of wastes, and everything. But however, Victor was unusually strong, he never got sick, could not drown, and had no heartbeat. And his eyes were sensitive to light. He could never look at a candle directly.

"Aah, it's just getting higher." Victor complained. "Let's just head back then, shall we?"

Aileen chuckled. "Of course, right." As they turned to leave, Aileen turned behind her to look up the mountain. And for a second, she could swear she saw a shape move suddenly out of view.

ooooooooooo carry on

Its gr8

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"Yeah, and like, your my goddamn mother, ain't that right!" Roy whispered under his breath. "Look, we have no more goddamn clues. We're out, we're poofed, done for, screwed, forgotten, left out, cursed, jacked, finished..."

Shut up and let me think! Randal shot at him. Randal, the ever cool calculating one, actually almost lost his patience, which shut Roy up.

For a second, Roy's golden eyes flashed a deep red. "Hey, whoa, don't rush me on THAT fast, man." He laughed, rather loudly.

A woman walking near him stared hard at him, and he stuttered a nervous chuckle. Laughter ensued. "Yeah, yeah keep on laughing. For all you know, that may have been a look of looov..." A man in a dark robe pushed into it, with strength. Roy fell to the ground. The robed man bent down in quick apology, and continued on.

"Bastard, wouldn't even help me get up..." Roy muttered, staring after him.

They're here. An urgent whisper from Randal echoed in his mind, causing Roy to wince. "What, no way. I mean, come on, we just got here last night!"

I know, shut up. I'll go tell the others. Lose any of them following you.

Roy complied. He continued as casual as he could, whistling and looking at the window of a nearby shop with fake interest.

Oh for crying out loud, Roy, what are you DOING? Randal hissed.

Roy shook his head. "Wha...?" and realized he was staring intently at women's lingerie. He quickly resumed his pace, slightly increased from nervous embarassment, and gave a quick smile to one of the women who was looking at him with disgust.

Pathetic

"Hey, at least I got her to LOOK at me." Roy surmised. He started slowing down as he passed a black-robed man walking past him.

Oh, for crying out loud, I'm taking over.

"No wait, I..." Roy gasped, and fell to his knees.

People turned to look, and then continued along the sidewalk.

Randal got up. "Ignorance..." he muttered, and started losing himself among the crowd.
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Too much inside talk?

I really like this.. its interesting. :D

Its hooking...

thanx

it is very good, i like it, im hooked as well, i wanna find out wat happens
keep writing!!

Edited: Got rid of my paranthesis crap.

Edited: Changed female to male, which means no female inhabitant. I can't think of a clear way to...bring her out.

Hey, I love this fic! Its awesome...

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Randal gasped for breath, hiding behind boards in a dark alleyway as shadows of robed figures ran past. Given up on secrecy now, the robed men were giving orders clearly, shouting to eachother for confirmation, and scurrying about, searching for their quarry. Finally, the footsteps of the <hunters, syn., add., log> echoed silently, until there were none to be heard.

"That was close." Randal whispered.

You bastard Roy yelled. Force me out like that again and I swear I'll...

"Be quiet, Roy. I saved us from certain...<meeting, syn., log.> with the Hunters."

Oh, pshh, yeah, like I couldn't shake them off either. Roy shot back.

"Listen hotshot, I can..."

ENOUGH! A raspy voice shouted, immedietely breaking up the argument. I am trying to rest here, despite you monkeys,...SCREECHING,...LIKE,...ANIMALS!" It's raspy voice enunciated the last words, until Randal winced at the volume of the screech.

Er,...um, my bad...we were just um..."

Randal, equally shaken, stuttered just as bad as Roy did. "We, yeah, we...apologize for the inconvinience."

They meant nothing by it. Please, forgive them for now, Drake. Tarth said, his melodical voice playing with the words. Go back to sleep.

Roy's pride immedietely stepped in. Hey, look here, I don't need...

SHUT UP.

Roy's voice drowned in the scream, and silence ensued. For several minutes, no one made a peep, until they were certain Drake had gone back to sleep.

Touchy one, ain't he? Roy chanced, attempting a laugh he wholeheartedly did not feel.

Randal shrugged, and after a while, Tarth stood up, and started to leave the small haven Randal had made for themselves in temporary hiding.
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Ok, updation as far as I can go. I think i named many chars. So far...

Aleine= waitress

Victor= Undead, friend of Aleine

Multiple Personalities

Roy- Gold Eyes- quick-witted (as much as i could make him), and open-mouthed

Randal- Red Eyes- cool, collective, tacticful, and silent

Tarth- Blue Eyes- melodical voice, as far as shown (btw, he was the one waitress first saw)

Drake- ?? Eyes- Rarely sighted, temperamental, (as shown thus far)

great update, thanks for clearing that up for me, i was slightly confused if it was multiple personalities

yhe i like this one...its great!

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Aleine and Victor walked down the street, talking in low voices of the various things, like the war. Suddenly, a robed man pushed pass Aleine, and in the process dropped a small pendant. The man rushed through without looking back. Victor grabbed Aleine before she could fall. "Thanks. I don't know what's HIS problem but..." She stopped as she suddenly noticed the pendant on the ground. "Hey...he must've dropped this. Wait!" Aleine rushed through the crowd, waving the pendant in the air. As Victor tried to follow, a mass crowd of people blocked him, leaving Aleine to run farther and farther. Typical.
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"Hold it."

Tarth stopped, and looked back. A robed man stood alone, his robe shown of deep red, with an emblem on the shoulder, in the shape of a triangle within a circle. Suddenly, out of the shadows appeared black-robed men, each with a rune in their hands. Tarth turned to run, but saw 3 men blocking the way out of the alley, each with their own runes.

"Ra keh ta rhi, sho la tec kah..." They chanted. Immedietely, Tarth felt himself fly and ram right into the wall. Grimacing in pain, Tarth struggled to break free.

"Hahaha, you cannot escape us this time." The red robed stated, taking his position in the center of the group, where Tarth once stood. "So, tell me." He said, and waited.

Tarth spat at him, but instead the spit flew back and hit him in the face. The men laughed. "Pitiful." The red robe said. "You cannot even..."

"Excuse me." The men turned to face a young woman who suddenly entered from the streets. "Um, you guys dropped your..." The woman suddenly noticed Tarth trapped against the wall, his own spit on his nose, and the robed men forming a half circle around him. "Uh...what is going on here?" She demanded.

"Aah, there's the pendant. Looks like you will not suffer punishment after all, Gree. TAKE HER AND THE PENDANT."

The two men grabbed her from the arms and pulled her in, and the men formed a circle around her. "Hmmhmm, and a fair prize we have recieved." The man mocked, pulling her face towards him, and grabbed the pendant from her hands.

What the hell? How could such a hottie like her score that pendant? Hey, wait a minute, that's the... Roy slowly quieted, as he realized what they were about to specate.

"Take her." The red robe said, and turned to face Roy, who's gleaming gold eyes shown with pure disgust and hatred.

The men behind him began to eagerly grab at her clothes, and she gave a shriek and resisted. There was a rip as her robe was torn, when suddenly a huge blur knocked into the group, knocking them to the ground. The man bent down to the woman. "Are you alright Aleine?"

The woman nodded. The man stood back up, towards the men who had regained their <balance, positions? -phrase->. "What are you waiting for? Cast the runes!"

"Ra keh ta rhi, sho la tec kah..." They began. The man just stood there, and laughed. "Haha, it doesn't affect me!" He jumped through and bashed one of them in the head, knocking him unconcious. The next man closest to him thrusted a blow at him, only for the man to grab his hand and twist it, and a large crack sounded as the robed's wrist bent in a position that should not have been natural.
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The red robed grew tired of the spectacle, and drew out his sword. He approached the Undead, for surely that what he must've been, as the dispicable creature cracked another one of his men's arm. Dissaus tapped with his foot, and the Undead monster turned to him, its form resembling a man. A monster behind a mask. Dissaus thrusted his sword into the atrocity, and it fell to its knees. "VICTOR!!!" The woman shouted, and she gathered herself from the floor and ran to the creature.

Victor, so it had a name...

The monster made movements as if to gasp, if there was any breath to give out, and wrapped both hands around the sword, in attempt to pull it out.

Pity, if Dissaus had come with the proper equipment, he can put this spectre to eternal peace,...in hell.

The woman ran and fell to her knees, and wrapped her arms around it, crying. From the rip torn, Dissaus could see her finely shaped legs, and the tear reached almost to her thigh. Another tear showed an amount of cleavage no woman would dare wear in public. Pity, she has to die. Dissaus withdrew a dagger, and began to approach the two.
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Apologies if anyone got offended by the attempted rape.

awesome update, i liked it a lot, keep writing!!

great chapter!

Chapter 7

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THAT IS IT. HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO HAVE PEACE AND QUIET?

And Drake awoke.
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interesting, keep going!!!

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"Victor, are you ok?" Aleine cried as she shook him. Vincent kneeled there, all but motionless as he shook. "Vic? VIIC?"

A shadow fell over her. Aleine looked up to see the towering man in red robes. She screamed.

"Hey, you." A dark, raspy voice sounded, and Aleine was chilled to the bone. The man, turned around, to face the one who called him.

Aleine saw him. It was the man who changed eyes. But this time, there were no eyes. Just blackness, and inside that blackness, Aleine saw what she thought she would never see. She saw hell.
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In one swift motion, Drake formed his hand into a claw, and slammed it against Dissaus's stomach.

Dissaus arched in pain, and from the back of his robe, blood squirted out onto Aleine's face.

His hand still stuck inside the man, Drake threw him to the side against the wall. He heard the waitress screaming. But she wasn't the only one screaming.

Drake turned around, to see a group of people huddled at the entrance into the alley. The women were screaming, and the men were standing there, petrified, to see black-robed bodies everywhere, and one red-robed man huddled in blood and pain. They saw the man with a sword stuck through him, and the woman who had obviously been the target of attempt of physical abuse.

"Monster!" The women screamed, and one fainted. Drake backed up, growling.

Soon, two people pushed through, the city guards, each carrying a large spear they were brandishing, waving it at Drake.

Drake let a roar, and heard the whimper behind him. In an instant, he was behind the woman, one hand around her waist, another wrapped around her neck. The woman was choking, barely, and Drake allowed a slight reprieve and let her breathe, just a bit. "Come closer, and the only body you'll get with these men is HERS." He hissed.

Hey, hey man...she's just a...

"SHUT UP!" Drake shouted. "FOR ONCE, KEEP YOUR DAMNED MOUTH SILENT."

And Roy did.

Listen, Drake...
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Tarathiel watched, amidst the crowd. The man who held the woman as his shield continued shouting, at particularily no one, telling them to be quiet or to stop telling him what to do. Never had he seen such a spectacle. The red-robed man had no chance, to even SEE what happened to him. The monster was fearsome indeed. Its black eyes were unmoving, there for no purpose. Tarathiel was not sure if it even could see, just merely sense or hear or maybe feel. But it was not human.

And there was the other man. The one with a blade stuck through him. He was shivering, and shivered even more since the woman's life was threatened. It was frightening how he was even alive at all. If he WAS alive. Suddenly, the man gave a great shout, and jumped up to attack the monster and save the woman.

In an instant Tarathiel could barely follow, the monster's hand left the neck of the woman, and swatted him away. The man slammed into the wall, the blade piercing right through the thick cement, and penetrated his body further. And he gave a scream.

"NOOO." The woman cried, sobbing, and abrubtly stopping as the monster tightened its grip on her neck. It slowly backed away into the shadows, where it was certain to disappear.

Tarathiel grabbed his daggers. It was time to intervene.
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u finally posted, awesome update by the way, great job, keep going!!!

its missing something

i think im conna reconfigure the last chapter. It didn't exactly stress something I wanted to. And I've decided...not to reveal Drake exactly yet.

ok...so when u gonna do that?

sometime later

awesome!!! more, more more!!!

i dont know what's wrong with my fic. Something's not there though, that should be.

uh jason, can u plz like add more to this?
i know its been like a really long time since u updated but i totally love this, its really good
y dont u finish it?