Appoline ate her breakfast quickly, and then got on her horse. She had decided to name him after her father, Abiel. She rubbed Abiel gently, while waitng for Faramir. He ate finished soon, then got on his horse. "We're almost in Edoras," he announced. "Let's go."

Haradwen raised her eyebrows. "Are you sure? I thought this journey would take seven days. I mean, we haven't been going THAT fast, have we?"

"Well, we're at least halfway," Faramir said. "I was trying to raise everyone's spirits."

Haradwen's eyebrows did not lower. Raise who's spirits? she thought. She was happier than she'd been in a long time, and Appoline certainly didn't seem upset. Perhaps Faramir was having his own problems... perhaps.

But she wouldn't bug him about it. Not now. She had eventually been open with him, and if he wanted to talk about it, he would. She was sure of it.

"Let's be off, then," she said, grinning at him. She kicked Roc into a quick trot and got ahead of her friends and went about one hundred yards, then waited for them to catch up.

Appoline quickly caught up with Haradwen, smiling. The wind was blowing gently, and it wasn't too cold. It was a very nice day. Faramir soon caught up with them, then he kept a slow, steady pace. He seemed to be thinking about something, so Appolinr didn't bother him. Instead she focused on the land around them.

Haradwen was in a good mood. They had been riding a while, but Faramir did not seem to want to go at a quicker pace. He seemed to be thinking about something, though, so she decided it would be better to tell him to hurry up through actions as opposed to words. She kicked Roc a little to make him go faster, and she didn't slow him down (at least, not intentionally).

Faramir looked up when he heard the sound of Roc's quick footsteps and also kicked his horse to a faster pace. Haradwen glanced at him, but he seemed slightly unaware.

He must be thinking about something really serious... Haradwen thought. She was almost positive that he wasn't tired; how could be be that exhausted? She didn't know how well he'd been sleeping, but he certainly had been sleeping through the night. She would have noticed if he'd awakened.

Oh well, she thought. It's his thing, not mine. I'll let him deal with it for now. They rode on.

They rode on for a while. It got a little cooler and the wind picked up a little bit. Nothing really changed though, except they had sped up their pace. Appoline looked at her companions. Faramir was still thinking, she wondered what he was thionking about. Haradwen seemed to be concerned too.

As the day wore on, Haradwen's mood fell slightly. It was just so boring to ride through the plains all day without stop or change of scenery. When they stopped to rest for the night, she was glad they only had three more days.

She then remembered they got to have a hot meal tonight. She bounced up and down as she tied Roc to a tree trunk again and then began gathering wood for the fire.

"What are we going to have tonight?" she asked. "What should we cook?" She was excited-- a change from what they had been doing for the past few days, and a warm meal at that just lifted her spirits. Normally, it wouldn't have. But it did now.

Appoline couldn't help but laugh, nicely of course, at Haradwen's excitement. Everything was very relaxed. She herself couldn't wait for a warm meal either. She turned to Faramir and waited for his answer.

Faramir smiled. "Let's see what we have." He went through the food and found some meat. "How about some stew?"

((cc(sorry this took so long, and sorry if i can't post again for another 10 or 11 days... it's not my fault...)))

Haradwen could hardly keep herself from clapping her hands in excitement. She felt like a child, for some odd reason. [If she were to be taken to psychiatrist in modern times, she would be diagnosed with bipolar disorder, most likely.] Her moods swings were beginning to frighten her as well, but she simpy brushed it all aside. Why not enjoy life while she could?

She picked up a pot and said, "I'll get water. Stew sounds lovely right now." She skipped off down the hill and listened for running water. Luckily, there was a stream near to the hill, and it wasn't long before she'd got a pot of water.

She ran back up the hill with the water, trying to not slosh it over the sides, and announced, "I've got the water," happy as a lark, almost as if she were a young child proud of completing a task.

((ooc: 'sok, I understand.))

Appoline smiled, and began to help Haradwen after she came back. Faramir seemed to have forgotten what was on his mind, and helped them. Soon they had a fire going, and then the stew was cooking. everything was so lighthearted and fun, that appolines cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing so much.

Haradwen greatly enjoyed the dinner they all had together. It was almost like feast days back at home, when her father was allowed to leave the army, and the whole family would get together and have a big party. It had been so much fun when she was little. Her life had been great until they asked her to go on those stupid missions. She had even been friends with some of the soldiers; they had called her...

Holy gods! Haradwen thought, cursing herself. I can't remember what they called me...

A sense of panic filled her; her life was being taken from her. She tried to remember her father's name... she couldn't. She knew her own, she knew she came from the Harad, but what was the name of the town? What was the bloody name?!

Haradwen began twisting her hands on themselves, rotating her wrists, flexing her fingers. She was racking her brains, trying to remember details from her childhood... had she had siblings? She couldn't remember. Had she lived with her mother in a home or with her father at the training fields? She couldn't remember...

She moaned softly, rocking back and forth a little. What was happening to her? She didn't know why or what was going on, and she didn't know when it would get better, if it ever did...

She cursed Sauron, she cursed her childhood, her father, even, for starting her on this path of what she now knew to be evil. She cursed herself, hating herself for getting sucked in. Her life was as good as ruined.

Appoline looked at Haradwen. she was moaning softly and rocking back and forth. "Haradwen, what's the matter?!" she asked, alarmed. She went over to her friend's side quickly. Faramir stood up. He seemed to be concerned about Haradwen too.

((ooc(sorry i've been gone for so long!)))

Haradwen looked at Appoline, her eyes wild with fear, anger and despair. She glanced at Faramir, and his apparent concern only made her feel worse. He had only known her a few days, and he was concerned! She felt like she was letting them down by having this breakdown of her own.

So instead of telling the truth, she lied and said, "I did something to my wrist, it really hurts. Ow!" She yelped at the end, really doing something to her wrist. She had learned how to hurt someone subtly, so they wouldn't notice until the pain hit them. She'd used one of those tricks on herself, subconsiously. Her face was wrought with pain, as was seeming, and there was no hint of a lie in her voice. She'd also learned to do that during her training... she was falling back to some of her old ways, but she didn't care: she didn't want to let her friends down. Her memory wasn't that important after all... Yes it was! she almost yelled aloud, fighting herself. She began to cry.

((ooc: 'sok. hope you had a good time!))

Appoline believed Haradwen about her wrist, untill she started crying. "Haradwen," she asked, "Are you sure that you're alright?" She was very worried now that something was wrong. Faramir seemed to be unsure about what to do. He watched Haradwen worriedly, unable to do anything else.

Haradwen swallowed. "It really hurts!" she said, trying to stop her tears. Fool, stupid fool, you'll give it away! Stop your bawling, you idiot! She cursed herself silently, but her tears did slow. "I think I did something to it again, that's what made me start crying. It's hard to tell where and when new pain comes in," she said wryly.

Somehow, Faramir did not think so. He didn't know her well, so he felt awkward making assumptions, but he thought that her inability to sleep and her mood swings added up to something more than just a high-strung person with insomnia. It was hard to tell, but he thought she was fighting some inner battle. He'd always been relatively good at telling that kind of thing. But his suspicions had no true base yet, so he kept his mouth shut. Maybe when Appoline went to sleep and Haradwen was taking the watch, he would talk to her about it.* But for now, he would pretend to believe her.

Haradwen began massaging her wrist a little, wincing sometimes. She knew exactly how to make it feel better because she had know how to do it in the first place, but let them think it was something she had been unaware of. The pain was going away, though. Apparently, she had done it too subtly, and it hadn't worked as well as it should have. "I'll be okay as long as I rest it a bit, I think," she said, trying to face it brightly, as someone who had been enjoying a nice dinner would.

*((ooc(if you think this is something we should do, you can play Faramir during it, if you want)))

((ooc: Thanks. I think that we should.))

Appoline nodded her head slowly. Although she was a little doubtful, she believed Haradwen. "Well," she said, "Make sure you take it easy. If you don't mind, it's been a long day, and I think I'll go to sleep." She stood up and went to bed.

As soon as Faramir was certain that Appoline was asleep, he went over to Haradwen. He wasn't sure where to begin, but he tried. "Haradwen," he said, "I'm not entirely convinced that you're telling us the truth. Is something wrong?"

Haradwen bade Appoline good-night. She decided not to go over near the horses this night; her wrist truly was hurt, and she didn't want to risk any sort of injury trying to calm them or something.

When Faramir approached her and asked his question, Haradwen berated herself for not expecting this; he seemed amazingly-- and almost annoyingly, she thought savagely-- perceptive to others' moods and feelings. She was sitting near where the fire had been, and he sat down next to her.

She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, wondering if she should lie and say nothing or lie and give another reason for the feelings he seemed to feel emanating from her.

Then she sighed heavily, saying, "Well, to tell the truth, I'm a little scared about going to Isengard. A lot scared, really. I've heard that Saruman is supposed to be the most powerful wizard in the world, and what if he's not on our side? What if he decides he needs to get rid of us? I don't want to die."

Hopefully, this would pass. Since her true feelings did include fright-- though fear for losing herself, not her life, per se-- maybe he would be content. She hoped he would.

Faramir nodded his head slowly. She did seem afraid of something, but he wondered: was it really a fear of going to Isengard? "I know it's dangerous," he said, "But I would not have had you come, if I did not think that you could do this. Is there anything else that's wrong?" He asked her, still not entirely convinced. Fear didn't seem to be the only thing on Haradwen's mind.

Haradwen thought for a moment, trying to give the impression she was trying to identify other feelings. "Well, mentally, no. My wrist is still bothering me, but that just needs time, I guess. Not much I can do for it, really, since I don't know how I did it in the first place." Slow down on the lying or he'll figure you out! "Oh well, I'll be fine. You should probably get some sleep," she added, wondering if it would work to make him go away. She wanted to be alone to try to remember...

But what if she couldn't remember? What if she never remembered? It was like she was looking at her life through foggy lenses; she could remember having conversations with soldiers, but she couldn't remember what about, or who with, or where... and they had been her friends. They had liked her and she had liked them. She had to try to remember.

Faramir nodded his head and stood up. He could see that he probably would not get far with this, at least not tonight. But he wasn't going to give up, not yet. "Alright," he told her, in a firm voice, "But if anything else is wrong, I want you to tell me about it. Good night." He said, and walked to his bedroll. Perhaps tpmmorrow he would try again.

Haradwen called softly after him, "Good night."

Then her thoughts went inward. He was suspicious, she could sense that. She had to come up with some sort of cover story, some way to keep them convinced of her fright and pain. Absently, she removed her belt; it really served no function, except to hold the dagger she had taken. But she could keep it up her sleeve... she'd have to practice getting it out quickly.

The belt was made of a stout cloth, not leather, and the buckle wasn't really a buckle, but more of a twisting of the cloth upon itself. She wrapped it thoughtfully around her hurt wrist; what she had done to herself was dislocate it. She could fix it easily with almost as subtle a movement as she had hurt it with. But it would be best to keep up appearances. In the end, it made her wrist look a few inches thicker, but it kept it still, so it would serve.

She had already decided on her cover story: she would claim that whenever her mind did wander, she had visions of Saruman doing horrible things to them, and while she was sure they weren't real, they frightened her just the same. She spent the rest of the night practicing with her dagger.

Faramir walked off to sleep, thinking about how he could find out what was really wrong. He fell asleep almost instantly.

The next morning, Appoline woke up. It was windier today, and she had to tie her hair back to keep it from flying into her face. She saw that Haradwen was up, and walked over to her. "How's your wrist?" She asked her.

Haradwen put on a pained smiled and held up her arm and wrist as she rose from the ground, her knife still up her sleeve. "It doesn't hurt so much anymore; it'll be fine eventually, I guess, but until then, I'll have to keep my belt around it." She was trying to act like someone who had had an enormously good time the night before, like she had before she started trying to remember what she had forgotten.

"We can have a hot breakfast too," she said, suddenly remembering. She feigned excitement as she began building up the fire again. "What should we have this morning?"

Appoline smiled. "Well," she said, "I'm glad to see that you're doing better. As to a hot breakfast, it does not matter to me what we have." She looked over at Faramir, who was still sleeping. He seemed to have a lot on his mind lately. "Do you think we should wake him up?" She asked Haradwen quietly.

"Sure," said Haradwen. "You can do that, if you want; I'll find something to cook." She began searching the food bags and procured some salted meat she could cook, and some bread for toasting; that should serve. They had kept a few of the better sticks they had used the first night with a fire, and so she pushed them through the various food items, and then held them over the rekindled flames. The small amount of moisture in the meat made little sizzling noises, and the bread quickly turned browner when exposed to the heat. Haradwen divided the food into three equal portions and then brought out the canteens.

"Breakfast is ready," she announced to the campsite.

In the time that it had taken Haradwen to get the food ready, Appoline had managed to wake up Faramir. It had taken her a while, he seemed to have a lot on his mind that had caused him to sleep late. When Haradwen had called out that breakfast was ready, Appoline joined her. Faramir took a moment, but he came quickly afterwards. "It looks good." She told Haradwen about the breakfast.

Haradwen smiled broadly. "I hope it's good, it'll be our last hot meal for three days. Well, till we get to Edoras, maybe, right? We've only got a few days left, don't we?" she asked, looking at Faramir.

"Three days, maybe four," he said slowly and deliberately. "Most likely three, though. It depends how hard we ride and what weather we encounter."

"Okay," she replied brightly. Inside, however, Faramir's manner troubled her a little. Did he mean something by speaking like that? What had it meant when her father had spoken like that? She remembered him speaking to her like that, simply because he had done it often... had he? Now that she was trying to, she couldn't remember. She nearly cried with frustration, but if she did that, they would find her out. She concentrated on eating her meat, hoping the look on her face would imply she was just busy with her breakfast rather than busy with controlling her emotions.

Faramir's answer confused Appoline. His answer had been slow and deliberate, as if he himself was not sure. And right now, Appoline wanted to have some certainty in her life. She was already worried about Haradwen, but now Faramir seemed to have something on his mind as well. As she ate her food, she looked around them, occasionally looking at Haradwen. She was vbery worried about her friend lately.

Haradwen finished her breakfast and went to deal with the horses; she left the fire for now in case her friends wanted it. She untied the horses, giving Roc an extra pat, and led them over to her friends. "Are you guys ready to go?" she asked, mounting Roc.

Faramir nodded, giving her a quick, questioning glance, before putting out the fire and packing up one of the bags, then slinging it over his horse's back. He too mounted, and then began riding. Best if I give her some space, she'll be more open if I allow her that, he thought. Had Haradwen known his thoughts, she would have disagreed with him immediately: she would never open up. This kind of thing you couldn't tell the world.

Haradwen waited for Appoline, letting Faramir get ahead of her. Best if I avoid him for today, at least for a while, she thought. Then he'll think there isn't anything more wrong with me than what I told him.

"Are you ready?" she asked again, pretending to be excited to be off again. Not a chance of that.

"I'm almost ready." Appoline told Haradwen as she got up on Abiel. She noticed that Faramir and Haradwen seemed to be avoiding each other. Maybe something was wrong. Appoline was determined to find out, and she decided that she would talk to them both when they stopped for the night. "I'm ready," she told Haradwen with an adventurous smile on her face. "Let's go."

Faramir nodded his head slowly, and began to lead them. He seemed to be deep in thought.

The threesome rode at a quick trot all morning and then slowed down around lunch so they could eat properly while in the saddle. Haradwen's trained suspiscion had come into full gear, and she told herself that avoiding Faramir would only make Appoline wonder what was going on, and she didn't feel like answering questions. While she was smiles on the outside, her inner face wore a worried scowl. She ate deliberately, making sure she concentrated on what she was doing to ensure she didn't try to drink her bread, or eat her water. She was just so occupied with trying to remember what she could. But she had to stop ignoring Faramir so much; she rode up a little closer to him, but decided that if he wanted to talk, he would have to start the conversation. She certainly wasn't going to.

Faramir noticed that Haradwen had come closer to him. Perhaps there was something she wished to speak about. He looked back, and she seemed to be waiting for him to say something. He moved back so that he was riding next to her. "Is something wrong?" He asked her.

Appoline watched them. As she saw Faramir say something, she wondered if her thoughts were wrong. Perhaps everything was fine after all.

Haradwen had anticipated this; she knew it would happen, and she cursed herself for not having a ready answer. "Nothing," she said, raising an eyebrow slightly. She was falling back on her old tricks of appearing to feel however she deemed necessary. And now she thought it would be necessary to be slightly surprised by his question. "I already told you what was bothering me," she added in a low voice. She decided not to ask Don't you believe me? because that question was never answered the way the asker wanted. It seemed to be a rule of life-- questions like that were never answered as desired.

Faramir nodded. "Yes, he said in an equally low voice, "you did." He still wasn't sure that she had told him everything, but either Haradwen was a very good actress, or she was telling the truth. He could detect nothing in her expression or tone of voice that suggested that she was lying to him. He looked ahead of them, still thinking. He was still planning on speaking to Haradwen later that night.

Haradwen was glad that Faramir had accepted her story-- at least for now. She was also glad he didn't push the matter, because she would not have been able to take it at this point. Satisfied, she distanced herself from both her companions, for a while.

She now rode furthest ahead, scouting the trail before them, looking for any kinds of possible pitfalls. Keeping her brain working and running helped keep her awake; it also provided an escape from dwelling on her memory loss. It kept her from breaking down or falling out of the saddle again, so she did it. She had always hated scouting, preferring to follow where she knew it was safe, but she did what she had to. Like she had in the years past.

Faramir watcvhed Haradwen ride ahead, then turned to his own thoughts. He wanted to come up with a way to get Haradwen to tell him the entire truth. He knew that some of what she had told him was true, but he wasn't sure about the rest.

Appoline was glad that everything seemed to be getting along well. She loooked at the landscape around them, and then saw that a light rain had begun to fall. It became misty from the rain, and harder for her to see. She rode ahead quickly, so that she would not get separated from her companions.

The rain interfered with Haradwen's scouting. It annoyed her greatly, but there wasn't anything to do about it. Fortunately, the rain didn't come with a thunderstorm; if it had, they surely would have had to stop. As it was, they would have to find somewhere to camp that night that had been sheltered from the water.

They weren't riding very far from the mountains-- they were at most five miles away. Of course, Haradwen knew that was still an unwanted detour, but they couldn't sleep on the wet ground; they'd get sick, and that would slow them down even more. The wind began to pick up.

But the rain wasn't letting up; it wasn't getting worse, but it was still falling from the sky. Haradwen glared at the clouds overhead that stretched in all directions as far as the eye could see. Even though the sun was gone, Haradwen thought it was getting on in the afternoon, and they could not safely travel at night in the rain. She reined in Roc and waited for her companions to catch up; "What do you want to do for resting tonight?" she asked over the wind.

Appoline reined in Abiel once she had caught up with Faramir and Haradwen. Faramir looked around them, viewing the conditions. After a moment he spoke. "Well, since it is still early in the day, and the mountains are close by, we should probably ride until we reach a cave. But we should ride quickly, in order to avoid worse weather." Appoline nodded her head slowly in reply, and looked to Haradwen, to see what she had to say.

Haradwen nodded tacitly; at least, she couldn't come up with a better plan. They began riding again, just a little faster than they had been before.

The only problem was that there did not seem to be many caves-- at least visible ones-- in the White Mountains. The wind picked up, blowing her wet, stringy hair into her face in a most abominable manner. It was really getting agitating, but she didn't think she was the only one annoyed. Poor Roc was soaking, and his mane was hanging in his eyes a lot. She stroked the side of his neck. "Not much longer, boy," she murmured. At least, she hoped not.

Finally, after at least half an hour, Haradwen thought she spotted a darker spot near the base of the mountains. It didn't necessarily mean it was a cave, but there was a good chance it was. And even if it wasn't, it was at least sheltered. She turned Roc and cried over the wind, "I see something! Let's go check it out!"

Appolione aquinted through the pouring rain, and her wet hair to see what
Haradwen was talking about. "I see it!" She shouted excitedly, and caught up with Haradwen. Faramir had been lingering behind, but he quickly caught up them. He couldn't tell if it was a cave or not, but at least it seemed to be sheltered, and shelter was what they needed. "Let's take a look at it." He said, and began to lead them to the spot.

Growing heedless, Haradwen raced Roc to the cave. It took probably fifteen minutes over a few miles, but it felt like eternity, being wet and cold. The ground was slick with rain, and the rocks made it worse, but she didn't care; as far as she could tell, neither did Roc.

She pulled him up short at the mouth of the cave. She almost flew over the top of his head into the cave. It was a cave, a good shelter, and it looked like it went far back into the mountain. Normally, that would have been a danger sign to her, but she didn't care; they could make a fire in it, and that was all she was concerned about.

She walked Roc into the cave and then turned around, standing in the 'doorway'. She held up her hands and waved to her friends; she had no wish to compete with the howling of the wind.