1. Name of Character in The World – Kitten
2. Name of Real World Player – Tatiana Pastright
3. Age – Teenager
4. Class – Wavemaster
5. Eye Colour – Pale Blue
6. Hair Colour – Brown
7. Height – 5’2”
8. Clothing – Kitten wears dark-coloured clothing in hues of bronze, blue and mauve. She has on thigh-length Gothic-style boots with studs on the top of the toes and across the knee. It is mauve in colour, with navy blue belt-strapping. She wears a skirt that reaches to just above her knees, it is black with a mustard-yellow and bronze pattern around the edges. She has on a tight, low-cut top in black with a leather brassier in mauve, with the straps in navy blue and studded. She has a crimson Ouroboros tattoo on both her shoulders. She has a cat-paw tattoo on her right cheek, and an upside down ‘F’ mark on her left cheek.
9. Personality – An easy going, shifty kind of person. She is steady in her goals, but regularly realizes that she should drop them if it is an impossible goal. She is quick to temper and hard to please. Her attitude can be slick; she has a hard time playing anyone but herself in games. Although not quite as apparent, she too has the same mental defects as her twin sister but finds herself more capable in managing them. She also suffers from a mild bi-polar disorder and jumping to conclusions without explaining how.
10. Weapon/Armour and Skills
• Cypress Wand (Rue Rom)
• Bandanna (Repth)
• Wristbands (Juk Rom)
• Leather Coat (Gan Zot)
• Sandals
11. Writing sample:
Tatiana crept down the hallway and glanced in the direction of Judy’s bedroom. She could hear the all too familiar music of the games that her twin sister enjoyed playing. This time was different though. She pressed her ear to the firmly closed door and listened. She could hear mumbled words and her sister’s slight laughter. Soon her curiosity grew too much for her and she turned the doorknob slowly and pushed the door open. Inside she found her sister, staring at the computer’s monitor and inattentive to the world around her. She crept up behind her slowly and pulled loose one of her hair bands. Stretching it between her thumb and forefingers, she pulled it back and held it close to her sister’s head. She let it loose and snap. Her sister’s head jerked forwards and connected harshly with the monitor.

“Tatiana! What are you doing in here?!” Judy yelled in her surprise.

“I…I, I just came in because I heard the music, and then you laughing. Oh! I just knew you were playing a game!” she replied.

Judy sat down on the edge of her bed and put her hand to her head in annoyance and to relieve the pain.

“It’s fine” she said with a sigh, “just PLEASE remember not to surprise me like that the next time!”

“Okay,” She was curious about the game that her sister was playing. Ashamed for barging in, but still curious. “The game, is it new?”

“Yeah, I got it in the mail a few weeks ago. I just started this session about ten minutes ago too.”

Tatiana edged closer to her sister’s desk and ever-closer to the box that lay atop its mess.

“May I play it?” she asked. She was in need of information; to know if she could play and perhaps have such a game for herself. Judy stared at Tatiana and got up to walk to her desk. Hesitation showed in her creased brow. She heaved a sigh before replying;

“Yes, you can have a copy. Here, take it to your room, but bring it back when you’re done and don’t think about asking me for any help.”

Judy handed her the box. She took hold of it and quickly left the room, slowing her pace in the hallway. She couldn’t help but think to herself, how happy she was that her silly sister, her silly insane sister, would give up her game for her to try! Oh, how she could not wait to play this game on her own, away from her sister! She went into her room and stopped in its center, staring at all before her. She had a goal now. Perhaps she could just be better at the game than Judy. No, she thought; it would not be a goal. It would be a promise.

Cool deal. Post again once you're done with your registration, and we'll take a look. ^_^

Finished.

The first thing I'll point out is that you have a handful of sentence fragments throughout your registration. In creative writing you are allowed to bend the rules slightly from time to time, but for now I'm going to ask that you correct those.

A lot of your sentences are also structured in the exact same way, too, which tends to make reading monotonous. Try rewording how you say things every so often, and it'll make your writing a lot easier to read (it'll have better flow).

There are a few awkward sentences here and there that just have really weird phrasing. I recommend giving it a thorough readthrough to double check on these for yourself.

You've got a few capitalization errors throughout your registration.

I'm seeing a lot of dialog in your story, which isn't a bad thing (that's the primary means of character interaction), but generally, we try to flesh out our dialog a bit. Since your story technically does need to be a little bit longer, I think this would be the best way to go about it. ^_^


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