Character's Alias: Tommyspud

Character's Actual Name: Tommy Caldios

Age: 21

Class: Twin Blade

HP: 63/63
SP: 20/20

Armor:

Head: Bandanna - Repth(10sp)
Body: Leather Coat - Gan Zot(20sp)
Arm/Hand: Wristbands - Juk Rom(10sp)
Leg/Foot: Sandals
Weapon: Amateur Blades - Blade Dance[Single Target](10sp)

Appearance:
In 'The World' Tommyspud has short red hair that is spiky in the front but straight in the back, and dark brown eyes. He is five foot eleven inches, and weighs around two hundred and fifteen pounds, just like in real life. He doesn't have any distinct scars or markings on his tan skin.

His clothes, however, are the main attraction. Not very many people would wear a blood red leather vest over a standard black T-Shirt, but oh, Tommyspud has. Also, on the back on his vest, he has a silver X on his back. No one knows for sure what that is, but it brings him good luck. Also, he actually wears pants, but they are just the standard black pants affair. They are a little bit cut and torn near the bottom. He also wears standard red gloves as well.

Personality:

Tommy Caldios is one of those people who like to take things one at a time. He rarely focuses on the failures beforehand, always looking for the next thing to happen. However, he sometimes can be a bit over his head, and a tad bullheaded, doing stuff without thinking it through. Ah, but you gotta love the guy for trying, don't you? Always gives it his all, and wants to be of use, helping his friends.

Story:

He was a professional wrestler. The crowd began to roar as the brown-haired man, known as Tommy Caldios, began to climb up the turnbuckle. Just seconds away from ending what had been close to a thirty minute match with his opponent, his very own brother, Nick. The crowd was wildly chanting for Tommy, obviously wanting to see the 450 Splash. Tommy looked at his larger brother, with his short brown hair, and then slowly pointed to the sky. He took a gulp, this jumps could actually injure, people, but it was too late to be scared now. He jumped off, flipping in the air as everything seemed to head into slowmotion. One flip brought him back standing up, but he then turned the remaining ninety degrees and landed, chest-first on his brother. The crowd was going insane as Tommy quickly hooked one of the legs, and the ref quickly went down to count the pin.

"ONE.... TWO.... THREE!!!!"

Tommy slowly rolled off of his brother, and looked up, seeing the suspended lights above the ring. The ref came over and asked him if he was okay. Tommy replied with a small nod and turned over on his chest, slowly pushing himself up. He quickly grabbed hold of the ropes, and slowly pulled himself up to his feet. Worst thing he could do is pull something now, after that match. The ref walked over to him and raised his arm, declaring him the winner, as the crowd roared with appreciation. His brother, however, was stirring, and he was soon back on his feet. The two brothers looked at each other, as the ref grabbed the company's World Title from a nearby cameraman. Nick quickly took the belt from the ref, as he looked at his shorter brother, with a stare in his eyes. The crowd went silent, and then, Nick handed him the title. Tommy looked at Nick, in confusion, and accepted the belt. His brother raised his hand high, giving Tommy props on his match. They exchanged a hug, and then they both left the ring, heading to the back.

In the back of the locker room, there was an interesting discussion, however, they both had been about videogames. Nick knew how Tommy had gotten bored with standard MMORPG's, and gave him a suggestion.

"I know you may not like it, but there's always The World. I think it's the best choice, if you want to have fun with other people. I have in my bag a disc that I think has the game on it. I haven't gave it a try yet, because I'm not interested in RPG's, but I think you would like it more."

Tommy looked over at his brother, a tad bit confused. Nick was never the one to give presents on non-present giving days. Tommy slowly replied as Nick pulled the disc out of a standard black gym bag.

"Why would you give me something like this?"

Nick chuckled as he placed the disc on the table, and rubbed his hands through his short brown hair. Nick was obviously amused at this question.

"Let's just say it's a present for beating me in the ring, champ. Do me a favor and at least try it out? Tell me how it goes, ok?"

Tommy slowly gave a nod, and had a bit of discussion with the other wrestlers. However, the arena closed soon after, and he drove back to his apartment building. Slowly going up a flight of stairs, he came to his white wooden door. Putting in the key and turning it, the door slowly opened. He looked around, at the relatively clean room, and turned to look at his computer. Shutting his door slowly, he put his gym bag next to the computer seat. Tommy then installed the game, when he noticed a small box next to the computer. He looked at it, and opened it. It had a note.

[Oh, sorry, I almost forgot to give you this.

-Nick]

The package inside was one of those Virtual Reality headsets. Tommy gave a small smile as he put it on and began creating a character. This game looked like it was going to be interesting.

- Make sure you read through your registration aloud to yourself (all of the writing bits). You've got some parts in your character description, personality description, and story that are redundant and just feel really awkward.
- Watch out for subject-verb agreement. If he's one of those people, he likes to take things one at a time (the subject is "one," not "people").
- Pay attention to your comma usage. There are a couple, instances, where you have commas that don't need to be, there.
- Run this through a grammar check to catch some of the simpler errors I'm seeing scattered throughout.

Edit your corrections into your first post, and then post again once you're ready for us to look at it again.