1. Name in The World-

Officially: Loki White

Also Known As: Jack the Ripper

2. Name of Player- Ryan Sin

3. Age-

In Game: 31

Real Life: 17

4. Class- Twin Blade

5. Eye color- Dark red

6. Hair color- Dark red, like his eyes. It's also about shoulder-length

7. Height- 5'11

8. Clothing- A design that is almost entirely his favorite color, Loki wears a red button-down overcoat that falls to his ankles, white cloth gloves that button around the wrists, and a wide-brimmed red top-hat with a salmon-colored cloth band tied around the base of the top.

Underneath the overcoat is plain black clothing, nothing more than necessary to cover his shame should the coat open or come off for any reason. His shoes are the basic style, in plain black as well.

9. Personality-

In game: Loki, or as he prefers to be known, Jack the Ripper, tends to stay quiet and stick to the corners most of the time. When he does communicate with others, the conversation is generally very short and to the point. He greatly dislikes having to deal with fools, and has a very short fuse when he must be involved with them.

He doesn't make many friends, nor does he try, and so he is often seen alone, or with a very select group that he hand-picks to be his "allies," rather than friends. Even with them, though, he always seems like he's willing to cast them aside at any moment should they lose their value to him.

He's also very driven, and goal-oriented, so much so that he doesn't care what it takes for him to get what he wants. Player-killing, monster slaying, kill stealing, it doesn't matter what the process involves, if the end result is what he desires, he will do anything to achieve his goal.

Loki LOVES the color red with a passion, and so has a habit of seeking out anything he can find in the World the bleeds for the sake of, as his pseudonym states, "ripping" it.

Real Life: Ryan is VERY talented and intelligent, that much can be said with no doubt. Able to absorb information seemingly through osmosis, he generally sleeps through most of his classes, and is still able to get top marks. He's also very good at most everything he does, from computer work, to the two or three weeks he spent taking swordsmanship classes.

However, he's quite unambitious, and so tends to under-achieve most of the time. His job is the perfect example of this. Despite his high grades and many offers from various doctor's offices and other higher-class workplaces, he's taken up a part-time job at Wal-Mart, where he feels his workload will be the smallest.

Once he gets home from school and work, the first thing he usually does is pop in either a slasher or a horror movie. He claims to have watched nearly every scary movie in existence, from classic slashers, to foreign psychological-thrillers. This influenced his decision to take up the World. As he puts it, he "wants to make the World a much scarier place."

He, as transferred to his character, loves the color red. He's also a risk-taker, and lover of roller coasters and the like.

10. Weapon/Armor and Skills-

Head – Bandanna (Repth)
Arm – Wristbands (Juk Rom)
Body – Leather Coat (Gan Zot)
Feet – Sandals

Kai (Saber Dance)

11. Stats-
PAt: 2|PAc: 2|PDf: 0|PEv: 0
MAt: 1|MAc: 1|MDf: 8|MEv: 24
Earth: 4|Water: 4|Thunder: 4|Body: 0
Wood: 4|Fire: 4|Darkness: 4|Spirit: 12

12. A writing sample on how you found the world.

"I've seen this movie twenty-something times... It's starting to get old." It was a typical Wednesday night for Ryan. He was lying on his bed, all the lights out, watching a movie he'd seen countless times, mimicking the lines of every character with perfect timing. The routine was starting to lose it's appeal to him. Go to school, go to work, come home, watch a movie he'd seen a millions times, eat, go to bed. He needed something new, something to shake things up.

That was when the fateful call came through. His cell rang at full blast, scaring the crap out of him and sending him sprawling onto his bedroom's hardwood floor. After fully waking up from his stupor and regaining his senses, he grabbed his Verizon Dare off the dresser where it was charging.

"I really need to change my ringtone..." He muttered as he checked the caller ID. It was the LAST friend Ryan wanted to talk to over the phone, because he always spoke incredibly quickly and his voice was rather annoying. Ryan sighed, and pressed the 'Accept Call' button.

"Hey, Ryan, you have GOT to check out this awesome new game I'm playing. It's an online game that came to the states from Japan, and you can do all sorts of cool stuff, and you just REALLY have to check it out!" Ryan had barely said hello before his friend started rambling. Holding the phone away from his ear, Ryan let the caller finish up before speaking back.

"Dude, CALM DOWN, and speak normally. I can't understand you when you run your mouth like that." Ryan wasn't well known for holding his tongue when he was irritated. Of course, this usually never deterred his friends.

"Okay, fine. I just started playing this AWESOME new MMORPG from Japan." The caller slowed only just enough to be understood.

'And this is impressive... Why?' Ryan thought to himself, but just let the caller continue rambling. Apparently, this game was called 'The World,' and one could almost fully customize one's character. The monthly fees weren't very expensive, either. It was all about killing monsters and dungeon crawling to find treasure. Apparently, there were a whole lot of cool special events and stuff that one could go through as well.

Then came the part that caught Ryan's interest. Apparently, it was considered related, in some way, to the incidents of a short time ago when a large number of players had fallen into comas, and then just mysteriously woke up.

'This sounds like something worth trying out...' Ryan hung up the phone while his friend was in mid-sentence, and placed it back on the charger. He pulled his wallet from his back pocket and looked inside, only to find that he was flat broke. Then he remembered that Thursday was pay-day for him, and decided not to worry about it. He went back to his movie thinking about what kind of game the World might be...

The next day, Thursday, he slept through all but one of his classes (he had a test), and went to work immediately after school. He worked his usual hours from four to eight, and picked up his pay-check as he was clocking out. Before he left the building, he went back to the electronics section and looked around. After a difficult search, he found the last copy of the World left on the shelves. He bought it before anyone else could notice he had it.

"Aww, man... This SUCKS!" At the electronics checkout, Ryan could hear some poor kid whining about how the copy of the World he'd hidden was gone. Ryan laughed a bit to himself, and walked out of the store with a triumphant smirk.

Once home, as opposed to his usual routine, Ryan logged onto the high-end gaming PC he had hand-built in his room. He went through the processes of installing and registering the World, and signed up. From the moment he was able to customize his character, Ryan was hooked on the World, and has been ever since.

(2nd edit.)

For your clothing and personality descriptions, make sure that you're writing out complete sentences. Oh, and red doesn't get capitalized.

Your paragraphs are really short and could stand to be bulked up a little bit. Oh, and some of your sentences are really awkward.

Your story also needs to be longer, but this should be corrected when you beef up your paragraphs. Also, you may want to cut down on dialogue a bit.

Sorry. I do a lot of script-writing, so I tend to have a lot of dialog in my stories. It's a habit that carries over.

I didn't mean to draw you out of your comfort zone by any stretch. The key is trying to find a happy medium between dialogue and narrative. If anything, I would have liked you to keep what dialogue you had and only add more narration in the mix, because what you had was good.

As it stands, you've got a couple run-ons and a couple spacing errors (watch your commas). I'd also like to see the story be a little bit longer. Maybe if you edited some of that dialogue back in, it'd work well. ^_^

Post again once you've edited and I'll have a look.

K'. Second edit has been completed.

Hope you like it. I returned some of my dialog, and tried to do a search and destroy on my other mistakes. I'm not very good at proof-reading, as luck would have it. I never developed the talent to read through something and look for mistakes...

(I don't usually have the concentration, ^_^)

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