1. Name of Character in The World- Gale
2. Name of Real World Player- Matthew West
3. Age- 18/19
4. Class- Long Arm
5. Eye color- Sapphire
6. Hair color- Dark Red
7. Height- 5'10"
8. Clothing- Gale's where's several layers of clothing. The first layer you see is a long black cloak with a hood, that hangs all the way down to his feet. This cloak keeps most of his body concealed and when the hood is up none of his body shows. Over his hands he wears a pair of red, fingerless gloves with a Yin-Yang sign on the back of them.

When he sheds the cloak he wears a simple black, sleeveless shirt with torn seams on the shoulders. His pants are a pair of dark green baggy sweat pants with torn seams at the bottom, the tips hanging down to almost his heels and covering the top half of his shoes. On his head is a red headband that matches his gloves, also having a Yin-Yang symbol. His hair is loose and shaggy, his bangs hanging down over the headband to the tips of his eyebrows.

9. Personality- Matt/Gale retains a relatively happy-go-lucky personality, preferring to make friends with people. He also likes to give them a hard time and is very likable in a buddy kind of way. He treats women with respect and typically tries his best to keep chivalry alive. In fact he usually criticizes those who treat them badly. He has a soft spot for baby grunties within the game, while outside of the game he has the same problem with cats.

Behind his outer personality though, he retains a deep kind of thought and thinks about things more than he lets on. He chooses to not let people see this aspect of him and only brings it out in front of people when it's necessary, or, more often, when he slips up and zones out within his own mind. Finally, his main philosophy is to give everyone a chance, and he garners no grudge against anyone, even if they have wronged him.

10.Weapon/Armor and Skills-
Head – Bandanna (Repth)
Arm – Wristbands (Juk Rom)
Body – Leather Coat (Gan Zot)
Feet – Sandals
Iron Spear (Repulse Cage)

11. "UGGGGHHHH!!! I HATE GOING TO CLASS," shouts Matt as he wipes the sleep from his eyes, slowly shaking off his grogginess. It had been a long night of studying, studying, and, well, more studying. He was taking an exam today in his Geophysics class today and it turned out to be one of those things he put off studying for until the night before. His bad.

He stands up, stretching out his arms with a groan and looks over at his roommate across the room, sleeping like a child. "Lucky bastard," he says jokingly, turning and going to get dressed. He dawns a plain white T-shirt with a Nike logo and throws on a pair of blue jeans, walking out of the dorm room shortly after.

Matt had just started college life and he was almost done with his first semester, this exam being his last. For the first month or so he was excited about it, but he had swiftly gotten bored after exhausting everything on the campus. His parents had sent him a laptop as an early Christmas present and he had just finished setting everything up on it. He figured he needed to find a good game to play on it for recreational purposes, but didn’t really find any that appealed to him. He decided last night, after studying, he would ask his roommate if he knew of any good games. Surely he did since all he ever did in his off time was play games on his own computer.

With a loud groan Matt walks into his class and sits down in his desk. He looks around at everyone studying last minute and rubs his forehead. It seemed he was the last one to show up, as usual. Within a few seconds his professor walks in with a large stack of papers in his hands, smiling broadly, “I hope you’re all ready, because I made sure to put at least 250 questions on there.” His grin still blinding, he walks around and hands out a test to everyone. “You have three hours. You may begin…now,” he says as instantly the sound of pen on paper is heard.

--------------------------------------3 hours later-------------------------------------------

“Oh my God that was the absolute freaking worst hing I have ever had to sit through in my life!” Matt exclaims as he walks back in his dorm.

His roommate, Paul, looked up from his computer with a loud laugh, “Oh come on, it couldn’t have been that bad. I mean, it was all multiple choice, right? Oh dammit, I died,” he said shaking his head.

Matt sighs and sits down, “Yeah-I suppose is could have been worse. So what game are you playing this time bro? I’ve been looking for one to try out on my computer,” he says, looking over Paul’s shoulder onto the computer screen as the words ‘The World’ appears in golden lettering.

Paul looks up at him and laughs, “It’s called ‘The World’, it’s the largest new MMORPG on the market, it totally rocks. Here’s the disk, go ahead and download it,” he exclaims cheerily, tossing the game case to him.

With a sigh Matt nods and begins to download it onto his computer. After what seems around half an hour the game is finally finished downloading and installing. He opens it up and begins the registration, clicking through the Terms of Use boredly, not even reading them. When he gets to the character creation area he goes through it a bit more carefully, creating it with his own personal style. Finally he gets to the area where you name the character.

Username: Gale
Password: ******

“Welcome to ‘The World’”

You've got a couple grammatical errors in your clothing description that ought to be ironed out. For instance, "Yin and Yang symbol" can (and should) be shortened to "Yin-Yang" or "Yin Yang." Watch your sentence tense as well, as it seems to lose consistency at a few points throughout.

Watch out for some colloquialisms, example being the awkward dependent clause, "usually getting on to those who treat them badly." A restructure of that sentence should make it work, though.

You've got a lot of punctuation errors in your story that need fixing.

Proper nouns get capitalized. Like the Nike company...

Watch out for homophones, and try to maintain your verb tense consistently throughout the story.

You missed a T.

Don't...abuse...the elipsis...it feels...sad...depressed...abused...

Typically, we don't call ourselves by our IC names until we're actually IC. For instance, my character's name is Jed, but he plays as Dien. So in the real world I call him Jed, but while in the World, he's Dien.

Fix these up, and maybe consider beefing up your paragraphs a bit. Post again when you've got it fixed, and I'll be happy to look it over again. ^_^

fixed..I think ^_^ sorry about the IC name used..I usually rp with a character named Gale..and well, habit lol

Still got quite a few errors in there, though we're down to mostly just punctuation errors and a couple homophones. Watch out for the elipsis. It's always three dots, never more, never less, and should never have other punctuation around them. Oh, you might want to cut down on using them; try semicolons, colons, and the various dashes instead (it looks more professional when you use a semicolon anyway). ^_^

okay..which homophones am I messin up? I can't find them o.O; As for punctuation, I think I got most of it?

Well, there was one that you got rid of, but there's another one right at the beginning of your clothing description ("where's" actually should be, "wears"). Looking at it, you're still changing tenses a lot, and you've got a couple run-ons, but you're to the point where I think we can let you in.

Welcome to the World!
Please post a copy of your registration in the "User Profiles" section and get to RPing! ^_^