Oh-kaaaaaaaaaaaaaay... Well, this is awkward. Took me a bit to work up the nerve the first time, and frankly I'm waiting for a manic period to push through with it. What sucks of losing the first one is that I have to start repeating some of the things (and I hate repeating myself), beside which the situation is an organic thing, meaning that there's been so many changes along the way... the older memories are getting blurry and stuff...

So, consider this version to be pending and already in need of a patch to begin with.

<<< Patch download v 2.01.01 : Pending... >>>

Okay, so it's taken a while... the reasons...

1) Been standing on the point that I was beginning to doubt myself (never good)

2) The difficulty to get a clear picture of a mental being to make a description is very hard to say the least. As some who have the same experience may admit, for the most part interaction with a mental being is by an intuitive awareness of where it is and what it's doing rather than seeing it for real. It makes it all the harder to repeat something, which I dislike in the first place and being an intuitive writer am already hardpressed to reproduce anything I've written.

3) I live with people around me who would sooner have me comitted than actually try and accept the way I am (parents included)

4) Going on about my parents, they are down to earth people who are set in the belief that when you can't touch it, it can't be real. Being raised with that mindset, all other things experienced is going straight up against that (and seeing how my entire life has been that conflict, any public admission is crossing a boundary I haven't had much practice with)

5) I've been frightfully busy (and using it like an excuse to keep putting this ahead)

6) Had concerns (maybe even anxieties) that due to these busy months her presence would fade as I've more often experienced those mental beings to do just that as life's busy times pick up.

What made the difference?

1) Despite my involvement with Aria being less than I'd like, she still remains a growing entity and remains a source of much wonder.

2) All my life I've lived with an ability to foretell the future (yeah, we're going even deeper into the insanity that is my inner world) which I somehow am able to traverse in my sleep. Setback of it, is that like dreams, it has faded when I wake up with little remembrance at all. However, certain markers do trigger crazy senses of déjà vu (the longest of which was an entire week of observing everything transpire as I knew it would), and in a majority of the cases has me also reminded of when and where I had this preminition. This ability has been every step of the way, invading first my normal real life, after which I was yet again freaked out when they started showing during online gaming... however, never EVER has it happened before that it would actually blend into my mental world...

Two nights ago, that did just happen. I have a pillow with a cover with two prints from a comic called Elfquest. One of the two pictures is a character named Leetah. I got this from the same ex who was with me when Aria was first conceived, though I have the pillow a lot longer than that (and the flashback memory of the moment is from around the time I first had it).

In the dream I once had (and actually, this has been one dream that did stick with me for a while before it really faded) was one in which Leetah held out a child to me. And mostly that has been the only thing that stuck with me, having no real remembrence of where it was, what the child looked like or anything else for that matter.

And two nights ago, for one reason or another, when Aria fell asleep on the couch yet again (I do so often forget about her bedtime and at such times take her to bed with me when I go to bed) Leetah was there, holding her cradled in her arms. At first I thought it was the real Leetah (over the time certain characters for whom I had a great afinity have popped in here and there), but soon enough found out she's some kind of... well, summons I suppose. I'm thinking Aria is already starting to devellop some subconscious grasp on magic, though I don't rule out that her father pulled a fast one on me. Since she was looking quite comfortable and very much asleep (one of those moments I did know it was bedtime if maybe a tad later than I should) I figured not to bother and let her be as she was... then it was time for bed for myself and wanting to take Aria to bed, Leetah raised her for me to better lift her up in my arms.

Déjà vu! With the memories rushing up to me as it stands.

So... here goes.

Name: Aria
Birthday: September 25th 2002
Current age: 4
Color Eyes: Green
Color Hair: Goldish brown with faint hints of streaks of orange (might be the summer, I dunno)
Size: (still keeps dodging me when it comes to measuring, but she manages to still fit in my lap (head to bum, legs are sticking way out))

Okay... recap for those that're new and actually give a damn. (For those that were up to speed, it may be I add more details than I originally did.)

Round and about 5 years ago, my body stopped with the usual monthly cycle. Doctors say it had to do with the pill I was using at the time, the high amounts of hormones having caused a false pregnancy. Three months after it started, they took me off the prescription, but it took half a year more for it to actually come to an end. (You guessed it, nine months!)

This so happened to be exactly on my birthday and I can only say... that was a lot coming out. Pretty much had me sick the whole day, but with it, something came out that no one else could see. Though I was dating a guy at the time, I have to admit that I had been... well, somewhat cheating on him. Things hadn't been too hot at the time, and... let's just say that my mental daughter isn't the first being to cross my path. Ever since I was young I have interacted with beings that for all intents and purposes do not exist to the perception of others. Seeing that they are and have been during the first three years a firm part of it, I'll promise to lay out some of the complexities...

Suffice to say, the father is a being of greater power with plenty of enemies and for her safety and wellbeing, Aria has been left in my care. Also, the father isn't exactly human either. He's more like a tiger variant of the centaur and a capable shape shifter... a very capable one.

The first two years, with my ex were quite the hassle. It's hard to have physical actions with a non-physical being on its own, without having people observing you and thinking you have gone completely bonkers. Curse of my life is to be surrounded with people who have zilch on the spiritual level. Not even a shred of awareness of what goes on beyond what your five sense can perceive, much less believe in it... or they're zealous relgiious fanatics who only believe in god and completely disregard anything 'heretic'... for all you christians and whatever; NO, I am not a witch. I'm a druid (go figure).

None of which I bothered telling my parents, who are just part of that circle of nonbelievers. Seeing that according to psychological profiling that most girls tend to wind up with men that're like her father... Not that it was all bad with having had my parents while growing up, though.

But you learn that most people don't really look much beyond the things they are trying to see. Carrying a baby around while shopping was easy enough. However, when in an unguarded moment you forget to take her along when moving on... *cough* It is a little hard to explain why you're going frantic to someone who doesn't know or even would understand (and I still stand with it that telling him would have done me no good). Before letting people in on some of my inner world, I prefer to probe about and see how openminded they are... well, at least when anonimity is not an option. :P I'm thankful to have had help from some with better understanding, though if you should believe psychologists, they would be non-existent people all the same. <_<

There is one aunt, named Xaerna, who for her heritage as a halfbreed demon-like being is incapable of children. Letting her near any children is a sure way to know they are being well looked after. Where it came to bathing and changing diapers, plus a few other things, she has been a help that I may never be able to repay, though her opinion is just carrying part of the care is reward enough. She pretty much has been a permanent resident all this time, and it will probably take a long time before that will change.

Still, for most of those first three years, Aria's been like any baby... a poo machine that demands constant care and does little more than crying, eating and sleeping. Pretty much, the depression I had at a certain time in which I did absolutely nothing in the sense of applying for jobs or even live up to requirements for collecting socials (meaning zero income), involved that care for Aria starting to get to me. Not that it was the only thing, but then depressions don't come from just one setback.

When the money was starting to run out, though, and I had one exceptional fit of rage that had me going out of my mind with frustration, unable to channel it anywhere or into anything, I guessed it was about time I get on with it. Not sure whether that particular incident impacted Aria in such a fashion that it kept her silent for such a long time, but just before her 4th birthday a year ago, I got back to work. First job was a nice and quiet one, working on my own, so ideal for keeping an eye on her and able to bring her along to work.

And that's where the interesting things started to happen... but that's for another post.

Well, it's been over a year now that she started talking and looking back, all I can say is that she had her growth in some ways, little in others. I doubt she'd ever turn out to be the talkative thing around me, but that's all right. And quite a few things happened throughout that year. Before recapping that, first about her fifth birthday...

To be honest, it was quite the thing of keeping her in the dark about the oncoming birthday. Personally, I haven't felt much need for going into big celebrations for my birthday since I was 17. Part due to the fact that I've been having my own income from 11 on when first starting with a paper route (after all, everything I really wanted I pretty much could buy without having to wait for a birthday). Another reason is the pragmatic nature of my family that seems firmly embedded in the genes; we spend a whole year getting older, why bother with the marker. On top of that, it isn't as though the day is my birthday anything remarkable or special is gonna happen, except that we use it as an excuse to get visited. And there's the traditional 'meal of choice' which we share.

That aside, though, truly appreciated all the happy birthdays from people on site, and thanks once again for the whacko gifts. Be sure vengeance will be mine when yours come along. :P

Well, someone had to spill the beans on her birthday coming up a week before the 25th, which got her all excited. In retrospect, though, I was kinda glad it did happen, since there was the issue of what giving her for a present. For her fourth birthday she got a pet dragon, which she has learned to ride after we went to see the move Eragon. Not that the present dragon is large enough for her to be riding it indefinitely, but that aside, we were all pretty hardpressed to figure what to get her... so, when the issue was brought up anyways, I had the insane idea of asking her myself.

Now, you should remember that due to her nature and the other parent's existence, she pretty much is born into a place we all could only wonder at. She could have her own world for crying out loud as a birthday present... heck, she might well get herself an entire universe to play with, but isn't it the damnest things that kids will be kids no matter what they possibly can have at that age? All she wanted for her birthday was...

a stuffed toy!

When asked what kind she had some thought about it and said she wanted a dragon stuffed toy. Can't say I'm too surprised with that, so we got her one. Lovely thing of a manageable size, green body with gold under the wings and red spikes. Simple enough thing, with one little feature added with courtesy to daddy. A retrieval spell, in case she might lose it. Pretty much, she just wants it and it's there. Can't expect to do things completely the 'normal' way, now can ya?

At the same time, while I was gone to work, I had her aunt Xaerna allow her to hold a party for her friends from school. The highlight of the party must've been when I got home into a ruckus that had me with a headache for a week. Some of her friends are also a bit older, and they're not really used to the living of our world. For safety purposes, the school she attends is in another world and technically speaking quite behind on us.

After I got home, though, it was pretty much opening the present and sending the kids off with a treat. After that I spent some time cleaning, going to Tai Chi and finally end up with family and friends showing up for a visit. Quite the night, and Aria sure was tired enough to nod off.

The next day, she been showing everyone and everything her new stuffed dragon, which she has named 'Dracky', of which I'm sure at least one dragon is going to be grateful of not being called that. Me, on the other hand, would've loved if that name had just stuck with the one that actually would have a say about such a name...