Hear My Cries 4/15/03

Here I am
Waiting
For you to go away
Isn’t this enough?
Don’t you think I’ve proven myself?
Why did you think that I told you off?
It’s a secret I believe
My world crashes
You don’t care

I wish you were gone
I wish you left
I cry in pain
I wait for the end

You know everything’s the same
I can’t
Walk away

You try
You cry
You can’t move on
You wait for me
You can’t listen

What did you hear?
I know it’s something more
Than you tell me
Was it a secret?
Was it bad?
What did you hear?
Why is it sad?

You know
That is not anything I want to happen
You breathe my words
You hear my cries
You scream
So I hear you this time

I die in pain
You walk away
You hear my calls
My voice
These spirits are standing my ground
You panic
Run away
You never hear me say:

“Good bye
I won’t return
Your voice haunts me
I can’t come back
Leave me
Say good bye
Don’t hear my cries
These are my words for the night”

BROKEN REALITY 6/19/03

Here I am today
Following my fears
Waiting
Watching
Hoping
This is over
But you just wait for me to brake
And fall apart in your face

Let me escape
From this world
The darkness here is too strong
It’s growing within me
I need to be saved
Not pushed away

I can’t break away
Anymore
This broken reality
Is taking over

I’m lost in this life
I can’t move on
I need you to leave me alone
But you won’t

You can’t leave me
You’d rather destroy this life
And make me suffer again
Is it ever enough?
Will this ever end?
Save me again

Can’t you just understand?
Can’t you just stop?
Won’t you ever care?
Won’t you ever understand?

What if I made you cry?
What if I showed you how it felt?
Then maybe you’d understand
What it’s like now

Turn away and leave me
I don’t need your help
All I need is a promise
That you’ll leave my life alone

All I want is a moment
Where I can trust you
But I know that’ll never happen
Cause you’ll never understand
Anything about this

My broken reality

Just come here and say
That you understand everything
And this is ok

My broken reality

MOVING ON 6/28/03

I told you that I cared
That I'll live up to your standards
That you set for yourself

My patience has let up
Don't you follow me back home
Carry on
Don't come back
I can't stay here any longer
My destiny awaits me
Don't follow me back home
This will be a one-way trip
I need to move on
Get back to the life i left behind

I don't belong here

I don't even know
Why I’m here to begin with
But maybe this hate will force me out
And back to where I started

All I ask you is to let me leave
Don't hold me back from my future
I'm afraid it'll be the end
If I continue living like this
So just let me move on

Let me leave this torture

TELL ME THIS IS TRUE 7/17/03

I tell you to repeat
Everything in this life
But before I got a chance
To tell you everything
It all feel apart

Tell me this is true
That this is all real
‘Cause I can’t live without knowing
If this is really a dream

Tell me this is true
Tell me that I’m really here
That this life is real
Don’t let me come home broken

Tell me I’m here
Tell me I’m alive
Tell me I’ve survived

I can’t come back to life
I can’t say good bye
I’ve lost everything I own
Even my life is lost
Without you
I’m nothing
I can’t continue on
Without you
I’m broken
Just a heartless person
Out there
Trying to survive
This damn fucking life

This dream hasn’t been forgotten
I can’t move any further
This dream has turned into my life
I can’t stay behind
Only to move on
I can’t set you down
Like a box of my broken belongings
On the ground
Hidden under truth
Covered up by proof
That everything I see isn’t real

Tell me this is true
That this life is real
Tell me that I’m really here today
Tell me I’m standing in front
Of your shattered face
And I’m not some ghost
Walked around this world
And all the shit I’ve been through is real

Just tell me this is true
That I’m not sleeping
Dreaming
Falling to hell
That I have a purpose

Just give me a chance
To continue and remember
That I have a path
That I will live the life I choose
To move on and live
If only I could
But I just can’t
Live like this anymore

I’m stuck
In this broken world
With only broken chances
I wish you could tell me this is true
But you can’t
I’m too far lost
In my fantasy
Far far away
From reality
Darkness won
Again

Tell me this is true
Tell me that this is real
Tell me that I’m here today
Standing in front of you

Tell me this is real
Tell me what I see is really here
All around
Bring me back
Today
Away from my fucking fantasy

Tell me that I didn’t disappear
That I’m still here
Don’t lie
Just please tell me
Tell me this is real

This Isn't Real 7/25/03

Here I am
Sitting in a corner of darkness
In peace
I know
That what I see is real
But I hope
I wish
It wasn’t
That this was just a dream

But I know
That this is real
But I could be wrong
If only
It was just a dream
And I could wake up tomorrow
Change everything

I feel pretty bad
And maybe this could be
Some thing better than I suspect
But I know everything
I think is right
This is real
But I wish it wasn’t

Just tell me something new
That this isn’t real

But what if this is just
some kind of sick joke?
Something to drive me away

But I know that this is real
But I could be wrong
What if this is just a damn dream?
What if I was wrong?
Please tell me
That this isn’t real
But I know
That I’m wrong
But I believe
This isn’t real
Just to save me from the pain
But what if this was really nothing?
What if this was just some dream?
Nothing more
Nothing less
Just a dream

Tell me that this isn’t real
Make me believe that this is a dream
An illusion
Nothing more
Just leave it at that

This isn’t real

The Truth 7/30/03

Broken secrets
Shattered Trust
Evil thoughts
Death wishes
Hated souls
Calling your name

You ask yourself
Why does it matter?
You try to say good bye
But that doesn't work
You walk out the door
But then it's a disaster

Desires of hate
Desperate souls
Seeking escape

Windows are open
Doors are shut
The lights are out
The world is dark

You ask me once
I reply
You say you hate me
I wonder why
You say I'm wrong
When in truth I'm right
You ask me again
I say good night

Where is this going?
What should you care
You're a control freak
This is a disaster

I found myself lost
Because of you
Why can't this be the way it used to?
Things used to be ok
Until you found out the truth
Everything was fine
Until I told you the truth

All you want is for me to leave
And go away
But that isn't how it'll be
You never walk away
You just won't leave it be
I'm sorry to say I was right
About everything you’d do

Don't tell me I'm wrong
'Cause I'm right
And you just lie
About what really matters
They weren't just simple lies

Don’t tell me I’m horrible
Ask yourself
what did I ever do to you?

Am I just like everyone else
you've torn apart
And decided to hate?

Just admit
It was all you
No one else
Just you

The Ending 8/8/03

I open the door
Turn out the light
I look out the window
And say goodnight
I follow you home
Say goodbye
I’m leaving this life
Tomorrow

I can’t deny
The truth anymore
Just turn away
Walk out the door
Leave me alone
Don’t follow me

What did I do?
I can’t see
What I did that was so wrong
It’s not like I hate you
It’s not what it seems
This is the end
To everything
That happened before
Hello to my destiny

I sit outside
To hear the calls
Of all the voices
That hate me now
But that doesn’t matter anymore
All that matters
Lies before me

All I want
Is for you
To go away
Like you used to
And leave me be
Along with my destiny
Just let me live this life

This is the ending to it all
I’ll live in peace
Forever now
Good bye to you all
Hello to my destiny
Good bye to the past
This is the ending

Do You Remember Me Too? 8/11/03

Here I wake in the night
I'm waiting for you

Do you remember me too?

I follow your footsteps
In the dark
Waiting for you
To come back
Darkness is growing within me
I pray for you to return to me
And I wonder

Do you remember me too?

Here I wait for you

Do you remember me too?

What happened to you?
Why did you leave me here?

Did I do some thing wrong?
What have I become?
Here I sit and lie
Waiting for you to return

Do you remember me too?

Why did you run away?
While I sat here yesterday
Do you remember me?

I see your face
I hear your thoughts
I’m not in them
Anymore

Do you remember me too?

Or was I in a dream
When I saw you?
Nothing is the same
Not anymore
Too much has happened
To ignore

What did I say to make you leave?
Just tell me something

I’ll call for you one more time

Do you remember me too?

The Sadness Within 8/21/03

I turn around and see this
Something else
I can't imagine anymore
Take this pain away
Let me see something else
I can't follow my dream
My destiny

If only I could cry
Let all the tears out
Until I can't stop

I feel so sad
I feel lost
In this life
I feel gone
I can't stop this feeling
Inside of me
I feel scared
Of tomorrow

The future still haunts me deeply
I can't continue like this
I need a miracle to save
What's left of this life
I wish I could change
This feeling
That holds me back
From having a life
Like I did
Maybe I’m just nobody
I’m just as invisible
As I couldn't ever stand to be

I need to live
I need to feel
What I can’t see
Anymore

Was this meant to be?
I can’t seem to think about
Anything but this

This sorrow
It’s bringing me down
To the ground
Lift me up again
Tell me I’m ok

The sadness within
Is taking over
It’s taking over me

If Only 8/24/03

You’d walk home every night
To find secrets everywhere
Everyone was mad
To hear the truth

You’d cry to yourself
You’d die from the hell
That you’d come back to see
Every day
If only you could be free

Live in peace
Wait for the day
That you’d find peace again

Away from the simple secrets of your life

Hiding away
Living
Screaming
Your favorite song

Away from everyone
Too far away
You couldn’t come back
Your world had fallen
Sank for good

Nothing more
Nothing less
Just a home
Where you could live in peace
Again

No hate
Nothing sad
Just yourself
Nothing else
Just your world of darkness
Forever and ever

If only you could live again

Say Good bye 9/6/03

You say good bye
I can’t even hear your cries

You don’t remember me
Anymore
Even if we were best friends
Or a little more
Just a day ago

Why did I love you?
Why did I care?
After I saw you
Again
Why does this matter?

Don’t try to make me understand
I can’t
I don’t need this shit anymore

Tell me the truth
I can’t stand these lies
So just say good bye
And listen to my cries
Don’t call out my name

It’s all over now
I know you don’t love me anymore
This is something I just don’t understand

Tell me the truth
Not all these lies

Stay away
Don’t hear my cries
I won’t call for you back

This is over now
I don’t want you back

Tell me the truth
Not anymore lies
So say good bye

This is over
So move on
I don’t care
About this anymore

Leave me
I don’t love you
I don’t know the truth
But I don’t care anymore
Cause it’s over now

WHY DO YOU LOVE ME? 9/15/03

I see you
You see me
I know you
You know me
I hate you
You love me

I don’t care
But you do
To hell with this
I don’t even understand you

What did I do?
Why do you care?
What happened to this life?
Why does this matter?

What did I say?
I wish you would just
Stay away from me
I hate you
Why do you love me?

Do you see me like I’m still with you?
On your side
Waiting for my rescue

What did I do?
Come tell me the truth
What did I say to you?
Why don’t you understand this anymore?

I’m here
Inside this mess
Hiding from you
Waiting for this to end
I’m starting to wake
From the darkness within me

Stay away
Don’t come back
Leave me alone
I can’t stand this anymore

What did I do?
What did I say?
I hate you
Why do you love me?

I’m waiting for you 10/14/03

I’m here today
This isn’t a dream
I can’t stay here
I’m waiting
For you
To come back to me

What did I do?
Why did I believe in you?
Why did I care about you?
Why am I lost here without you?

This is something else
I can’t say goodbye
Why do I hear your cries?

What did I say to you?
Today
This is coming down
My way
I can’t turn this around
This day is gone
The sky is black

I’m waiting for you
To come back

What did I do
To make you leave?
Or was it something else
Like somebody else?
That made you leave
And go away

But what did I do?
I can’t believe
In this anymore
It’s all a story
Of my sad life here

I’m waiting for you
I can’t stay awake
Anymore
This isn’t the truth
It’s all lies
While I’m here
Waiting for you
To come back
For me

What did I say to you?
That made you leave
I pray you come back
To me

This is something else
I can’t believe
The truth anymore
It’s all a lie
It’s just a dream
I had one night

All the hurt is gone
This is done
It’s over now
Everything’s gone

You’d think that I’m happy
Without you
But I’m not
I’m just too sad

I’m still waiting for you
To come back
To me

So I can live my life forever
Here with you
And continue in peace

The Pain Of Loss 10/16/03

I sit in loneless
I try to live in peace
You're my only savior
You're all I need
I say I don't need you
I say I don't regret
But in truth all I do
Is ask myself why you left

My world is empty
Hollow and broken
My days are dark and painful
My home has crumbled down

You said you loved me
I know you cared
I made you leave
And say good bye forever
I know it may just be for a day
Or maybe even a little more
But I feel so sad and guilty
For filling your heart with doom

I lost my picture
My voice
My leader in life
Forgive me for my hate
Forgive me for my broken soul

You made me love life
You made me love you
You gave me a soul
You gave me a heart
You showed me how to love
You told me not to give up
I felt my loss as you left
I felt the pain you felt
Take me back in
Into your heart
If only you were here
If only you could see
How sorry i am
That i made you leave
Forever am i sorry
Forever am i lost
Forever am i hopeless
Without you here with me

Sorrow 10/19/03

In this cold world at heart
Day by day
Everything is changing
Is this meant to be?
Do you remember, remember my name?
Am I too far away
From seeing, that you truly love me?

What is this about?
I see your face
Do you remember my name?
I cannot see
Anything else other than that
You truly love me
Do you remember everything,
Everything about us to this day?
Do you hear me cry myself to sleep
Day and night
Because you ran away
From my broken soul
And never came back

Just tell me the truth
Of why you left me hear today
Shattered in sorrow
Breaking on the ground
Waiting for you
To come back
And finally explain
What this is about
See me today

I cannot deny
My feelings for you
This make me cry
Tears run down my face
Day and night
‘Cause I miss you so much

Never say good bye
To me even when you die
I’ll always be here
Waiting for you
To save me from my fear
Of never getting back my chance
To lead a perfect live
With you by my side

What is this all about?
I can’t see your face
Do you remember my name?
Can’t you see
How much I love you
To this day?
What is this about?
Will you ever come back to me?

Save Me 10/22/03

I’ve lost my soul
Darkness runs through my body
My life is continuing on
Without a purpose
This never-ending pain
Won't go away
I’m afraid my end is coming soon

If I could only live in peace
I could stop all these fears
And this pain
My past still haunts me
No one will let me leave it behind
I feel like I’m so far from reality

My lies have become so real
I beg for this to be the end
Of all this suffering

I was up so high
And now I’m falling from the sky
Come back and save me
My life is almost gone
I can't leave my fears behind
I feel so lost in this life

I’m calling your name
I hear no words come back from you

Just save me from this life

These storms I created in my mind
Are clouding up my vision

Save me from this fear that's growing within me
Help me survive
I don't know how to move on in this life

I call for you one last time
Come save me from this life
This fear that's building up a wall within me
My happiness is falling from a ten to a zero

Save me from this damn life
Help me move on
Help me survive
Save me from this nightmare that's living within me
It's breaking though my heart

Everything I’ve worked to accomplish
Is now so far gone
Tell me everything's gonna be ok
But if you can't
I’d rather hear a lie

My world is falling apart
So just save me before I’m gone
But what if you can't hear me
I feel so far gone
This is coming to an end
What should I do?
I can't fix this again

Was this just some trick to get me to listen to you?
Should I blame it on you?

I think I’ve lost myself
I think this is over
I think you heard my voice
But you didn't care
You didn't know about
All the pain you've caused me
Or maybe you did
Cause I think it's true
You lied to me too

Falling 10/23/03

I see
Everything
Breaking apart again
I thought I survived
This torture
Is it really over?
I don’t remember
Who I am
I’m gone
Shattered against the wall
Broken forever
Still Waiting for you

I thought my pain had seized
I thought it was over now
I guess I was mistaken
I’ll never forget about you

I can’t seem to move on
I can’t seem to forget
Nothing can stop my revenge
All I feel is betrayal
I was right to be scared of loosing
That’s what happened
I can’t forgive you
I can’t try to move on

You saved me
But then let me down

I fell through the ground
Down to hell
Away from my peace

All Alone 10/24/03

Out there
All alone
Broken souls
Wishing to be reborn
Once again
You were lost
Nothing could save you
Again

Don’t deny it
Anymore
Nothing has changed
It’s not like it doesn’t matter

You knew
How much I cared
But you still left
Me here

All alone
Broken and faithless
Dark and hollow
Deadly places
Where all I saw
Day and night
Were revengeful spirits
Everywhere I went

If only you came back
To see me alive
Maybe you would
Have found peace

Out there
All alone
Waiting
And looking
For a home
If only you remembered
You left me to die

I tried to save myself
In this evil world
Tonight

But all I found
Was a shattered heart
Restless and harmful
A broken stone
Made of regret
Nothing could save me
Again

Out there
All alone
Waiting
And hoping
You would know
That I was lost
Waiting for you
If only
You could know
How I truly hated
You to this day
After being left
To suffer in pain

Out there
All alone
Waiting for you
To remember
You left me here
In this dark place
Without anyone who cared
If only you could see
What you’ve done
To me
But I doubt
You’d even understand

I’m out here
All alone
Waiting for you
To come back to me
And save me

Invisible 11/1/03

You run home
In hope to leave
Your broken lands
And shattered seas
But it does no good
It isn’t as big as it seems

You’re doomed
No more fun
No more happiness
No more peace

Just a bed to sleep in
No one to hold you
No one to be there
No one to listen
Anymore

You’re lost in your life
With no friends
No one to guide you
Not even when your dead

Everyone hates you
Nothing is what it seems
Your world is dark
And deep

If you were to cry
Nobody would care
What you felt didn’t matter
Anymore

You were all alone
Sad and hopeless
Waiting
And hoping
With little faith
That maybe someday
It’ll all return to you
But that day never comes
And you die in fear
That everything is over

No more thoughts
No more pain
No more fears
Nothing but a grave
Just a stone in the ground
Made of cement

The walls of your apartment
Rot away
As the light enters
The room in search
For your broken soul
And your shattered mind
Waiting to be reborn

But you never come back
You just stayed dead
Because you just die
That’s the end

No one remembered
No one cared
Everything was finally over

Why Does This Matter? 11/2/03

I can’t even see
Where this has gone
Anymore
Tell me the truth

I don’t care
What this is about
Why does this matter anymore?

I feel so scared
I feel so lost
I feel like dying tonight

Why does this matter anymore?

Please tell me the truth

Why does this matter?

I’m breaking away
To my destiny
Follow me back
To my dream land
Where I need to be
To live again

And then you’ll see
Why I’m breaking every day

Why does this matter anymore?
I’m walking out the door
Why can’t I see through you?

Take me away
From this day
Take me away
From this pain
That grows inside of me
I can’t even see
What has happened to me
Please turn away

Why does this matter anymore?
Just tell me the truth
Sometime soon

Why does this matter anymore?
Why do you care?
I don’t understand
Anymore

Why does this matter?

Tell me today

Why does this matter?

Just please say

Come Back To Me 11/13/03

I look out the window
And I can’t even see your face
Remember me?
This isn’t what you think
I’ve been waiting for you
Since the first day
You picked up and left
Changing every thing
Hopefully you still know my name
Nothing will seize the pain
That you filled my heart with that day

If only you’d tell me that you still care
Something that means something more
Than everything you’ve said to me
Before I came looking
For you and my long lost world
Of happiness and peace
Somewhere around you
Lost beneath

All this darkness that fills our hearts
From what you did
That tore me apart
Before I walked away
I was lost
You found my soul

Come back to me
Before I leave you

You saved me
From the sadness in my life
But then you left me to die
Far away from my home
Too far to get back to
Where I belonged
I was forgotten
All because of my lies
Hopefully you still remember
What it was like
To just hold my hand
And say goodnight

But I’ve been gone for too long
Nothing would ever matter again
Even if you were to say you loved me

I was still drifting
Downward
Going to hell
Too much pain
Too much loss
Just a shattered soul
Lost in her lust

All I’m asking
Is for you to save me once again
From this nightmare
Which brought me back to hell
Please come back
You loved me
Remember?

Looking For Hope 12/14/03

I walked home
Hurt and betrayed
Nothing made sense
Today
I felt lost
In my own darkness
Once again

No matter what I did
I couldn’t be happy
Not after I had lost
So many things

Look what you have done
Tell me what you see
How can it be my fault?
Leave me be

We were all friends
Back one day
I’m so sorry to say
Nothing will ever be the same

It’s all over
You hate me
I am sorry
Believe me
I just can’t
Say good bye
Again

I’ve lost everything
Everything I own
All my friends
Hate me now

I feel so powerless
So broken
If only things were different
If only things were like before
Like they were last summer

Peaceful
And welcoming
Not falling apart
Like things are now
When did this even start?
Let me escape
Just to save
What’s left of this life
Before I die
After crying myself to sleep

I can’t loose anymore
Not again
Or that’ll be my end

Give me hope
Give me faith
I need to move on
Set me free
At last so I can see
My world at last

Please just tell me
You know you made a mistake
So I can survive
My own hate
For everything and everyone

I’m begging you
To give me a chance
Let me breathe
And live in peace
Like before

Give me hope
Give me faith
Give me back my peace

Vengeance 12/14/03

This is my nightmare
Within reality

And I see this world ending
Maybe you don’t care
What this is like
But I don’t see
My vengeance leaving me

Tears are streaming down
My face
And this is nothing more
Than a nightmare
Created
By my vengeance
The torture seeking me
The power killing me

And I cease to wonder why
You never hate
My evilness at stake
But maybe you’ve just grown
To understand me
And everything else
That’s taking over me

Never deny
That this causes you pain
My world sank
To hell that day
That you ran away
From me
And it’s not just you
It’s everyone
That I’ve hurt
It’s breaking me apart

My vengeance is taking over me

Just tell me it’s ok to survive
I want to start over
Begin a new life
Be down with this torture
I’ve had enough
Just tell me you don’t hate me
That’ll be enough

I need to be forgiven
For all my past crimes
Vengeance isn’t in my cries
Don’t leave me to die
Just forgive me
Believe that I’m sorry

Guilt 12/21/03

I awoke to a nightmare
I had turned evil
For the first time
I could understand
What vengeance felt like

I couldn’t even escape
This torture
From destroying everything
Ruining my everything
Now I’m too far away
Too far from reality

This pain is breaking through me
Save me
Tell me that I’m ok once again
I need saving
I need someone who understands
No one can seem to feel
The pain I felt
When my vengeance darkened me

I’m too far gone
Nothing can bring me back
To the world I left
For happiness once again

I am truly sorry
For destroying every ones’ lives
I know what I’ve done
Please forgive me

Nothing could ever be worse
Than falling straight to hell
After ruining you life
And everything else

I know what I’ve done
And I’m not proud
I’m just looking for closure
Somewhere in this hell

Too far away
Too far out
Bring me back
I need to be saved
From this torture
My vengeance is destroying me

I’m just looking for someone
Someone to understand
That I am sorry
For everything I did

I know you don’t trust me
I know you don’t believe
That I am truly sorry
For everything
But I am telling the truth
You must believe
Please don’t think I’m a liar
Because that isn’t me

Just please forgive me

12/25/03 A/N: - I'm really sorry if this one seems really..um.. cruel and violent..

'Cause I'm a b.i.t.c.h

I'm a bitch
And I don't care
'Cause I'm a bitch
Go throw me out the door
Kick some ass
Leave me alone
'Cause I'm a bitch
And I don't care
'Cause I'm a bitch
Kick me out the door
And into the street
'Cause I'm a bitch
And I don't care
'Cause I'm a bitch
I don't give a fuck anymore
Leave me alone
Kill me with a stone
'Cause I'm a bitch
Leave me the hell alone
Drop me off of a cliff
Dig me a grave
Throw me in the ocean
Forget about me
You ask me why?
‘Cause I’m a bitch
And I don’t care
‘Cause I’m a bitch
I don’t give a fuck about anymore
Run me over with your car
Beat me to death
I don’t give a fuck
Why does this even matter?
‘Cause I’m a bitch
And I don’t care
Leave me the hell alone
Why does this even matter?
I’m a bitch
And I don’t care
To hell with this
Good bye forever

1/16/04

Whisper

Never say goodbye
As I walk across the sky, and prepare to die
The world sinks in my hands
Falling to hell again
I cannot escape this life today
Don't you remember what it was like
Before you exiled me from your heart
To someplace far, far away?

Never say goodbye
Please hear me cry
I whisper through your door
Across the oceans so far away
Please hear me
Please come back
Please understand
I beg you to take me back
Into your heart and into your life
Before I die from too much pain

I hurt you, you hurt me
What can I do so that you still love me?
I'm broken and shattered in a dark room
Waiting for you to come back
I know I chased you away, but I'm truly sorry
I'm breaking, I'm crying, I'm falling, I'm dying
And I'm contemplating suicide
Just please some back to me
I need peace of mind
So that I don't leave this world in misery

Just tell me if you still love me
I need to know
I deserve that at the least
Then please take me back in
Don't say good night
I just wish it could be alright
Like it was before this came about
I'm breaking, I'm crying, I'm falling, I'm dying
And I'm contemplating suicide
Please tell me that you still love me

1/17/04

Wishing For Forgiveness

Everything is over
I cannot escape
Did I walk away, or did I just die?
How can I say I’m sorry?
I don’t know how to do this anymore

I’m breaking
Falling from the sky
Did you ever prepare to see me die?
Was I too far away?
This life is truly destroying me

I cannot cease this torturous pain
I cannot cease the suffering
I wish you’d just understand
But I know that will never happen

I break
I cannot save this
I’m falling from the sky
Did you ever prepare to see me die?
How can I ever say goodbye?
I’m sorry for ruining everything
I wish you’d just tell me
That you don’t hate me
For what I did
I’m falling far down from the sky
I hit the ground before I died
Did you remember what it was like
For me to just see your face?
Tell me that you still love me
Tell me that you understand
I can’t save myself from this mess
I’m ending my life before this ends

1/18/04

My Ending

Glancing at the frozen walls
Looking out for hope of survival
Breathing, crying, dying
Sitting in solitude, pained in sorrow
Pleading for forgiveness, killed by vengeance
Here I stand alone, darkness has taken over my soul
Wishing for this guilt to go away, my empty soul is slowly fading away
Until death, will I fall to hell
Take my soul, kill me now
Cease this pain, cease my suffering
End this torture, end my life
Don’t take me back, say good bye

1/25/04

Tell me why

I cease to understand
You hate me, I hate you
Don’t ask me to just forget
About what you did
You’ve ruined my life, tore out my soul
I will never forgive you, no matter what you say
I wish you were dead, although you don’t care
All you want is for me to leave
I don’t understand why you hate me to this day
Why do you chase me away?
I don’t understand this anymore
You lie every second of your fucking life
The only time I can get you to break,
Is when I make you feel sorry, for all the pain you’ve caused me
Why do I even care? You obviously couldn’t care less if I was here
Nothing is what it was, although I pray that someday everything will be ok
Look what you’ve done, to me and everyone
It isn’t a crime, although it should cost you you’re life
I wish you gone as tears run down my face
I drown in sadness every time I recall what you’ve done to me
Every second of your fucking life, you spend chasing me away
From your happy, perfect world without regrets and pain
Nothing can make me understand why
I will never cease to ask myself, Why do you do this to me?
I need an explanation for all the shit you’ve done
All the pain you’ve caused me will never be forgotten
Tell me why you did this, tell me now
I wish you’d give up your hatred, your despite for me
But, I guess that’ll never happen
You hate me, you hate who I’ve become
When will you get over the fact that I am not who you think I am?
I wish you gone, I wish you dead
Forgive my crimes, forgive my sins
I wish you gone, I plead for this to end