I hug her to me - tightly - for the first time in over two years

In fact I don't remember hugging her at all in a very long time

but all of that is different now

my daughter just put everything she knows and is on the line to save my sorry ass

I am so grateful and so angry

can I feel that way at the same time?
-----------------------------------------------------


She is incredible my Sydney. I am so glad she is alive and I knew she would come home one day. Its the only thing that kept me alive. Well one of two things.
When a man is worried sick about two women he has a lot of motivation to wake up in the morning.

but to have her see me- in jail - a broken man. bearded and unkempt.

she saw it and instead of being 6 and confused she is old enough to understand.

She loves me and needs me

I went back to my cell punished with the knowledge that she was out there on some god knows what mission - hurting - and I was handcuffed to a bed looking at a wall. They are both out there in the world -in danger and I am here - grounded - like some tenenage hoodlum who stole the family car. My wife is a hellion who can and will do anything to obtain her goals and personal safety be damned.
this exact same information now applies to my daughter.

do either of them know that I live in fear for them 24 hours a day?

who am I kidding I am reactive- not proactive at all
I instigate trouble.

My life happens to me - a chaotic product of their love for me and I am left with the smouldering wreckage that follows.

I tried to develop project Christmas and it cost me my wife and my daughter's future safety

I tried to take care of Hassan in Cuba and instead almost had to shoot my child.

I tried to destroy Irina Derevko and came within a whisper of blowing my daughter into pieces of indistinguishable ash.

I belong in this jail cell.

I deserve to be the fool

I am the fool

maybe they are safer without me trying to fix everyting

but no- they are deciding my life for me again.

Here is the head of the NSC with my release papers - and a look on his face that tells me only that he has had a run in with one of my girls. I have seen that look in my own mirror - the I have been "checkmated" by Sydney or Irina. I recognize that look. I almost feel sorry for Lindsey. Almost. I have lost this battle hundreds of times before and cannot even imagine when I will lose it again.
They love me apparently so I get to keep playing this game. If I ever learn how to win I think I will write a book.

I am to shower, shave and dress in this suit and return to duty immediately.
Apparently I am no longer grounded. I shudder as to what occured to cause this moment of personal happiness for me. I hate to be locked up. I hate to be scruffy
and now I am free.

why?

Becasue my loving daughter threatened to destroy some very valuable intel she gathered while she was rogue. And now she may well take my place in this damned cell- and I cannot let that happen. My baby is in so much trouble she doesn't even know how much. Bob Lindsey may have let her off of the hook today but someday she may fall and there will not be a net. Please lord let there always be a net for her.


So I hold her tightly- if only for a moment. This bundle of raw courage and energy that is my daughter. Does she have any idea how proud I am? Does she know how much I want to yell and scream and jump up and down and force her to play safe? I doubt it? She has been giving me an ulcer from the day she learned to walk.

Sydney does not know how to play safe. Maybe it is what keeps her alive.

Fin

brenda

Well this is just a great as all of your other stories, but I just thought I'd mention how much I loved this one too.

SMASHING!! :rolleyes:
What a great short short. :wave:
B)

:blush01:

thanks guys
i was having fun writing yesterday

:D

More stuff in the works


long live fan fics

brenda