Got this from another forum im on.. you may have heard them but their still bloody hilarious, especially number 1

A radio station in Australia ran a phone-in competition to find
the most embarrassing moment in listener's lives. The final four
were:

4th Place. "While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler
decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amuck.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of
disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself, right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma I saw you kissing Daddy's willie last night.' After this enlightening
exchange, the silence was deafening. Even the tellers stopped
what they were doing. I mustered the last of my dignity and walked
out of the bank, with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me were screams of laughter."

3rd Place "It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living
at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited
my girlfriend over fora romantic night alone. As we lay in bed
after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I
suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride down to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights
suddenly came on as a whole crowd of people yelled SURPRISE'.
My entire family - parents, and parents, aunts, uncles, cousins as
well as my friends, were standing there. My girlfriend and I were
frozen on the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned any surprise parties.

2nd Place A lady picked up several items at a discount store.
When she finally got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the
items had no price tag. The checkout girl got on the public address
system, which boomed out across the store for everyone to hear,
"Price check for Tampax supersize". But it got worse. Someone
at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word Tampax' for 'Thumbtacks', and replied in a business like tone, his voice
booming over the same public address system:"Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind one you belt in with a hammer?"

1st Place. And the winner is . . . This happened at a major
Australian University, during a biology lecture. A professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young woman raised her hand and asked, "If I understand you correctly, you are saying there is as much glucose in male semen as in sugar?" The professor responded, "yes, that's correct", adding some statistical data to his lecture. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The
poor girl turned bright red, and as she realised exactly what she had
inadvertently said, she picked up her books, and without another
word, walked out of the class - and never turned. However, as
she was heading for the door, the professor's reply was a classic.
Totally straight faced, he answered her question. "It doesn't
taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of
your tongue and not in the back of your throat.

That sounds a bit like a story i was told by the head of a biology tute. When she was working in Sydney the year before they were mounting slides of cells from their cheeks. One girl monted her slide and found something that didnt conforn to what cheek cells were supposed to look like. She asked our tutor what it was and she didnt know. She then went to the head lecturer who placed the slide on his microscope which is connected to a video camera that showed on around 11 tVs through a large laboritory. The head lecturer said hed tell the girl what it was later, she insisted she be told now. He told her she didnt want to know and she began to get loud and said she wanted to know now as she wanted to know what was in her cheek. When half the class had started listenig to what the commotion was he told her it was sperm. The class apparently cracked up and she promptly left the class not even returning for he stuff. She was never seen at the university again.

hahahahahahaha , i love our slutty university!!!