I should win immunity because i am an honest hard working australian citizen. Every week day i get up at 1200 and go to work. I pay taxes and i am nice to people who are nice to me. I love my family and i try to help those not as lucky as me. I go to church every sunday and thank god for my daily bread and milk. i have suffered many things in my life that most people never have too. I have been on fire twice and the wounds never properly healed. I'm a team player but i also can think for myself. I do what i do for the benefit of the majority. I have no legs, or arms. I died fighting for this great country. Don't persecute me by not giving me immunity. Please.
I deserve the immunity because i am a mean and petty man. I scare small children intentionally(when possible i also steal their candy). I also park in handicapped spaces with cars i have stolen. As often as i can i like to criticise the elderly and impress upon them the fact they are worthless and unproductive members of society who are going to die long before i do. Aside from this i like to point out peoples natural charcter flaws and make them feel bad. I fart in elevators and piss on public toilet seats. If i know i wont get caught ill steal from charities after all charity starts at home. I let my dog shiton other peoples lawns and while doing so will steal their subscribed newspapers. To top matters off i kick small fluffy animals and litter in national parks. I am also a firm beleiver in the theoy that endangered animals deserve to be eaten to> Ill screw anyone over if it suits my purposes and blame it on their closest friends to win the screwed persons friendship (nobody is as easily manipulated as newfound friends who have just been burnt [no relation to anthonies burning as posted above although i did light one of the fires under his bed while he was sleeping]). These are the reasons i deserve the immunity and if i dont get it ill beat you all through shear nastiness anyway.
Do I deserve immunity? One does well to ask me that, to challenge me to come up with a witty, brilliant answer...
...until one remembers that I am severly handicapped in ASRL, for the following reasons:
1) I am at a continuing disadvantage here, because I live a day behind, yet sixteen hours ahead of you - even the Fifth Doctor would have a hard time with that (especially since his TARDIS was not Y2K compliant!)...
2) Culture shock - I am an American who learned league the SuperLeague way, having to not only adjust to the NRL style of play, but adjust to a second round of sheer indifference from my friends here in the USA...
3) Sally Struthers - I have to hear her whiny voice on those "Save the Children" commercials all the time, tears rolling down her eyes worthy of one of Steve Irwin's pets...
4) Political scene - Seriously, my life may be seriously at risk since Bush won - I oppose the war in Iraq (imo, if he wanted to declare war against someone, Bush should have attacked North Korea, a far more lethal threat), oppose the death penalty, support women's rights, think he makes Adolf Hitler look like Jesus Christ by comparison (the "big lie" was improved upon by Bush), and generally think that if we traded him to Australia for Pauline Hanson, we'd get the better of the deal...
5) Brassed-off Poms and Aussies - I know both - and I'm smack in the middle...and some mistake me for a Bush supporter, and I get it from all sides...
6) Wagga woes - I have the Division Two wooden spoon holders - isn't that bad enough???
7) Cricket woes - My favourite players are Rahul Dravid, Muttiah Muralitharan, and Brian Lara - and the fact that I can spell "Muralitharan" gives you an idea of how much it hurts to see my friends' indifference to cricket in addition to their indifference to rugby league (btw - I like Andy Gilchrist and Darren Lehmann also - further proof that I am not a band-wagon follower)...
8) Money - I want to see Sydney, the Barrier Reef, Melbourne, Tasmania, Alice Springs before I die <"Teach Your Children"> - hell, I want to see them now, and I can't!!!
9) Heartbreak - What was the worst moment in my life was caused by an Australian lass - fortunately, my mum died last year to help erase this horrendous memory, and my house burned down, and I lost my job...
10) Equal opportunity - There's no way an American would ever win ASRL Survivor - but the ratings would go up if he made it to the last five or six before being eliminated, and Matt Groening would be ever so pleased...
For these reasons <my grand-niece begins playing the violin tear-jerker music you expect from a Merchant-Ivory film - she's only four years old, bw>, you would do well to grant me immunity this time.
I think i deserve to win immunity, just because i can...........
Mr Cake - I feel your pain with your friends not liking cricket. It hurts, i know.
