MATCH ONE- Ralph 'The Ice' Burgesson vs. Colossus
Ice slams Colossus. Ice slams Colossus. Back suplex on Colossus. 1 - 2 - shoulder up. Hard legsweep by Ice. 1 - 2 - shoulder up. Colossus gets out the back of a Ralph 'The Ice' Burgesson bodyslam attempt. Colossus slams Ralph 'The Ice' Burgesson. 1 - 2 - kick out. Colossus hits a piledriver on Ralph 'The Ice' Burgesson. Colossus only gets knees on a splash. Ralph 'The Ice' Burgesson brings out a jumping powerbomb to nearly kill Colossus!! That was incredibly brutal, i LOVE that move. Colossus is in trouble. On Ice!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!! Colossus gives a murderous look toward Ralph 'The Ice' Burgesson...and attacks! Ice gets dropped to the canvas, then battered with a barrage of rights and lefts. Colossus picks him up...and launches him over the top rope to the outside. A small measure of revenge has been taken.
WINNER: The Ice by pinfall

The Randy Man comes down to the ring with 'Mumsy' in tow. She settles down in a chair by the ring.

MATCH TWO- The Randy Man vs. Chopstick and Tonto for the Tag Titles
Randy slams Tonto. Randy slams Chopstick down. The Randy Man hits a bulldog off the ropes. 1 - 2 - kick out. Flying shoulder tackle by Randy sends Tonto to the mat. Tonto elbows The Randy Man in the face to break a hammerlock. Tonto \ Chopstick whip Randy into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. Second rope flying axe handle, Randy goes down. Randy takes a rana from Tonto. Chopstick \ Tonto hook up Randy, then hit a double suplex. 1 - 2 - shoulder up. Cool looking suplex on Randy. 1 - 2 - 2.999 The Randy Man hits some punches. Flying elbow from Chopstick. Chopstick \ Tonto whip Randy into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. 1 - 2 - shoulder up. Randy walks into a high dropkick from Tonto. Randy backdrops Tonto out of a piledriver attempt. Chopstick gets taken down out of nowhere. The Randy Man scores with a standing spinebuster. Sir Quincy Penfold III comes running down the aisle with a chair! He pauses momentarily to whack some handcuffs on his beloved 'Mumsy', before running right down to the ring! Tonto goes to irish whip The Randy Man into the ropes. Penfold prepares to swing the chair...but The Randy Man reverses! Penfold accidentally smacks Tonto with a chair to the back! The Randy Man has Tonto down on the canvas. Tonto gets locked in the Tea Bag! Submission victory!
WINNER: The Randy Man by submission

After the match, The Randy Man rushes to Mumsy's aid, and releases her- whilst Sir Quincy Penfold III furiously abuses the referee.

MATCH THREE- Mr Charisma vs. Shadta for the Hardcore Title
Suplex by Charisma. Charisma uses a basement dropkick to the knee. 1 - 2 - kick out. Shadta counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Shadta slams Mr Charisma down. Charisma gets slammed. Shadta throws Charisma into a shopping trolley. Mr Charisma ducks a clothesline attempt. Super frankenthingy on Shadta, who hit hard. Shadta is in trouble. Twist of Fate! 1....2....3. Mr Charisma slides out of the ring to the floor, then turns and leaves through the crowd. He's happy to have the win, and evidently isn't going to hang around for Shadta to get some payback.
WINNER: Mr Charisma by pinfall

MATCH FOUR: Senor Ding-Dong vs. Baron Eric von Crazcke for #1 Contender's Status
Spinny weird kick from Senor Ding-Dong. Baron Erich von Crazcke pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Armbar takedown from Baron Erich von Crazcke, boring me senseless. The referee is out, as he goes down after accidentally getting caught by an elbow to the face. Devastating powerbomb thing ONTO THE NECK very nearly kills Ding Dong. I bow to the coolness of that move. Cover, but there's no one to count for Baron Erich von Crazcke. Ding Dong kicks Baron Erich von Crazcke in the gut to reverse the momentum. Ding Dong uses a basement dropkick to the knee. Baron takes a rana from Senor Ding-Dong. 1 - 2 - no 3 though. Vicious kick to the teeth from Senor Ding-Dong. 1 - 2 - 2.999 Baron Erich von Crazcke pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Ding Dong walks into a lariat. 1 - 2 - almost a 3. Senor Ding-Dong elbows Baron Erich von Crazcke in the face to break a hammerlock. Sir Quincy Penfold III just slid into the ring out of nowhere! Penfold has a chair, and drops Ding Dong and Baron with devastating blows, causing the referee to call for the bell. This match has been ruled a no contest! We have three grapplers in the ring, as Senor Ding-Dong, Baron Erich von Crazcke and Sir Quincy Penfold III look at each other. Before the inevitable brawl erupts, a host of referees hit the ring to keep them apart.
WINNER: No contest through interference

After the carnage has been cleaned up, Chris Walker-Bush hits the ring.

WB: Penfold, get your English ass out here!

Sir Quincy Penfold III, who conveniently recovered from his horrendous injuries in time to interfere in two matches, comes out and stands at the top of the ramp.

WB: I bet you think you're pretty smart, don't you? Eliminating the two #1 contenders because, legally, neither of them won tonight's match for a shot at your belt. I bet you were back there, munching on your scones, and thinking what a good job you did- leaving only The Randy Man to fight. Hell, if you hadn't screwed up, you'd be off tomorrow night at the PPV. No dice! You're not going to take on The Randy Man. You're not even going to take on two opponents. You'll be taking on all three in an elimination match!

That's right. It'll be Senor Ding-Dong vs. The Randy Man vs. The Baron vs. Sir Quincy Penfold III! Don't like it? Call your Mumsy...

In the unrevealed Bell cave Tonto is drinking a bucket full of margarita and patting Isabel who is laying at his side.

Tonto: Isabel my head is hurting and gee im hungry, i some times wish i was you even that Baron would lie down for you or did he mean he would lie down with you i dont know those germans are pretty kinky.

(El se·ñor Ding Dong enters wearing an apron and chefs hat with an extremly large lasagne that looks like it could feed a small village)

El se·ñor Ding Dong: Tonto after this meal we will have to cut down on expenses since we both have not won a fight yet and that gift basket was so expensive we are running out of funds.

(Tonto gulps down a huge slice of lasagne and goes for a second)

Tonto: Dont worry master you know that plan i mentioned earlier it is in motion we will be alright just dont worry.

El se·ñor Ding Dong: I thought your plan Tonto was when you teamed up with that asian maestro of the air chopstick.

(Tonto finishes the second last slice of the lasagne and rubs his hands together slyly)

Tonto: Ah thats only the first step se·ñor thats only the first step.( Tonto sculls the last of margarita then reaches for the last slice of the lasagne)

Chopstick paces the floor in his dressing room obviously furious while Gary Coleman looks on

Coleman: Pacing aint gonna do anything for your mood Choppy

Chopstick: Well ill be damned if listening to you will. You were supposed to stop all outside interference in this match. Thats why you were left in the back you undersized hobbit.

Coleman: I couldnt help it he just went running right by me, im not known for my pace.

Chopstick: Thats absolute crap. Penfold hit Tonto with the same chair you were sitting on. I saw it had the same rip.

Coleman: What you talkin about chopstick?

I happen to know that you gave Penfold the chair. Those handcuffs looked a lot like the ones given to security guards too. Werent you a security guard Gary?

Ahh yeah but this isnt what it looks like. I gave those cuffs and the chair to Penfold right after he saw his Mumsy come out with Randy. I told him to exact revenge on Randy.

Well you idiot, ive got footage of the whole thing happening. Lets just see what went on.

Tv in the dressing room shows Coleman talking with a calm Quinfold.

Well Percy looks like that no hoping pimp is dishonouring your dear old mumsy. What will you do about that.

My Mumsy is her own woman she obviously wants to be seen to accept the lowyly working classes as equals, and besides it gets boring sometimes discussing your fortunes with dukes and other royalty. I myself once had a girlfriend who was only the step daughter of a baron. That little peasent woman was such fun, but as you know a man of my stature must consider my fine heritage when it comes to marriage and as yet nobody compares with my breeding.

Well to me it just seems like this Randy character and your mum assorting together would make it seem like you and the Randy man were related thus canceling out your noble heritage.

What me a lowly peasant how dare he [COLOR=green]Percy goes red and starts pacing as Coleman hands him the chair and handcuffs.

If you destroy Randy now then you wont have to face him later, dont worry about disqualification the refs as blind as your albinos.

Footage cuts back to the dressing room where Coleman is being beaten with a chair by chopstick.

You arrogant little twerp youve just lost your greatest ally in this federation.

footage cuts.

<The Roundhouse, Sydney University> A sumo wrestling exhibition, where a flushed Baron von Crascjke had just wrestled against American yokozuna Akebono in a spirited match...

...signing autographs along with ASWL superstar Mr. Charisma, von Crascjke was asked how he felt after his abortive match with El se·ñor Ding Dong....

....sipping a pint of Leinenkugel's, the Baron replied, "Well, I should have expected that from that coward Renfield...."

Mr. Charisma gasps in mock horror, "Sir Quincy Penfield the Third - and you forgot to genuflect when you said that!"

"Penfield, Shitpeeled, whatever - I shouldn't have let him sneak up on me like that - but he picked just the right moment, I'll give him that. For a bash on the head, I get a title shot - a fair trade, in my opinion..."

"I think Sir Penfold would disagree," Mr. Charisma replied. "But, who's the wrestler you're most worried about in ASWL, given what you've seen?" Mr. Charisma asked.

Suddenly raising his stein over his head, von Crascjke replied, as he applied the Iron Claw to a stunned and very surprised Sir Quincy Penfold III, head bruised from where the stein bashed his forehead, "Any and every one within the city limits where a match is being held, of course..."

Stepping over the comatose Penfold, removing the cricket bat from his limp hands, he continued, "My glass is empty - would you like another, Mr. Charisma?"

"What a waste of a perfectly good Rahul Dravid autographed bat," Mr. Charisma replied, shaking his head. "I think another pair of autographs would improve its value..."

Signing the bat after Mr. Charisma, then handing it to a very happy 8 year old girl, von Crascjke replied, "Far more than a dent from my skull would, I am certain..."

Segment swings into Ralph's dressing room.

"Ooh. I really never thought that Colossus vould do something like that," grumbles The Ice as he winces, an ice pack being applied by Helga to a large bruise on his forehead.

Sparrow walks in, and shoves the microphone in Ralph's face, "Wow, Ice, that was a fantastic first bout, even if Colossus did get one up on you at the end. What next..."

"All he managed to do vas reveal that he is no better than a caveman. From here I into to get some physical treatment from Helga. That vill put me in peak condition for the next time Colossus tries to cross my path."

"Helga? Ralph, how can Helga do anything the doctors haven't already? Is she qualified?"

"Sure she is, Sparrow. She's a fully qualified Ice-Sculptor, and I trust in her hands."

Backstage after The Randy Man successfully defended his Tag Team Belt.

Randy Man: Macho Macho Man, I am a Macho man, alright Macho Macho Man, I am a friggin big Macho!

Penfold's Mum: On sweety that was absolutley perfect, I love how you defended those titles just for me.

RM: Are you still here? Will you ever piss off you wrinkly old bitch? You were just a vehicle for getting you son. And boy didn't I ride you all night long. Giles remove Grandma from my site.

Giles:With pleasure sir!

Giles picks up a steel bar and smashes Sir Quincy penfolds Mum around the head. He then drags her outside and dumps her in a sulo waste bin.

Giles:Anything else sir?

RM:Yeah has there been any phone calls from you know who?

Giles:Not that I've recieved sir. Shall I get some bitches and some hoes to come around and celebrate with you sir?

RM:Hells yeah, I got a title shot next week dammit, I need all the training I can get. This Penfold wants to play dirty then he's going to get a whole lotta Randy next week.