Let's get the card for show three up and ready. So far the only match set in stone is:

Jelly Adams vs. Senor Ding Dong vs. Sir Quincy Penfold III for the ASWF Title

The Randy Man vs. Shadta for the Hardcore Title

Party Boy to clash with pwn

Chopstick vs. MrCharisma

i want to fight anyone for a hardcore match especially MRC!

Randy Man Will Challenge this little piss ant for the Hardcore Motta Foe Title!!!

Party Boy wants to challenge any of the fools who think they are good enough to get in the ring and party down with the man!

(A new wrestler comes to the ring)

Pwn: Party Boy you're weak as wiss! all you do all day is just get drunk and fuck chicks, thats a good lifestyle to lead dont get me wrong, but what business do you have laying down challenges in the ring, so since im 110% fighting machine im the one who will do the challenging, and the one im challenging is you biatch! Whats with all the dancing bro? ill give you some advice leave the dancing for your homosexual nightclubs, because you wont have time to dance in my ring because ill be too busy breaking your fucking skull!

*sigh*
Obscenities are an unnescesary habit of the frustrated. Buy a dictionary and express yourself properly you monkeys! Sir Quincy Penfold the Third will not endure this lewdness any longer. Your souls, akin to your internal organs, are rancid and need to be cleaned. My winning of the official undisputed heavyweight world title on the next episode will finally allow me the stage to embark on a social cleanisng unheard of in this millenium. One by one i will teach you the Quincy way of doing things. You will be not be saved from my wrath nor the scrubbing brush you filthy little urchins.
SQP3-

(higlight reel plays of Chopsticks early wrestling career showing him holding the title belt for the toughly contested IWC's lightweight division as footage cuts we see a microphone hanging 12 feet above the ring Chopstick is seen to be standing ready on the turnbuckle. He makes a mighty leap and grabs the microphone, swinging to the opposite corner of the ring and dropping off to land neatly on the opposite turnbuckle. Microphone lowers and Chopstick grabs it.)

Chopstick: Out of the goodness of my heart i chose to allow my hordes of fans the splendid visions of my past career here tonight. You see back in my younger days i was always a champion. At school i was a champion gymnast, from there i went on to win prizes in every form of athletics event i contested. My first major battle as a wrestler was with my conscience. For my other competitor back then was a poor unfortunate soul by the name of Les the Lepar. As you can se i took him to pices (copstick chuckles to himself). This disgusting decaying peice of flesh was a true highflyer. Old Les had a legdrop that noone could match (Chopstick wails with laughter for a moment, the audience doesnt.) Maybe thats only funny to my more expensive tastes though. Anyway this federation worships my highflying abilities as i chalk up win after win with unerring aruptness and a sense of character unparalelled by even the most distinguished in this federation. What title am i vying for i hear the world ask. None just yet. I am a contender for any title i decide to honour by strapping around my waist. But none yet have looked worthy of someone with superior wrestling ability and my overbearing good looks. So through the kindness of my heart i have decided to offer our CEO MR Walker-Bush the opportunity to create a title thats worthy of me, the highest flying wrestler and most intelligent person this federation has to offer. What i propose is a highflyers championship. It could either be awarded to me directly because as we all know i am the only one who has the ability to take it. Alternatively we could leave it to the audience to vote upon me as the new highflyer champion. If these fail we could have what some would term a contest for the title with me emerging the victor as everyone would predict. I leave it to you to create a title or competition worthy of me. Imagine the honour involved for those i quickly leave in my wake. Play the footage sam.

(Chopstick walks away as more footage plays of him winning with his formerly famous bottom rope moonsault over a variety of competitors mostly Les the Lepar)

Wrestling historian: Chopstick v Les the Lepar = greatest lightweight feud in wrestling history. Small disorientated man v man who is cursed with a habit of losing body parts. Les the Lepars opened his career with a first up loss in a first convulsions match. Many believed he was foolhardy in taking such a match due to his being the only wrestler in THAT federation to suffer from convulsions.

SQP3:How interesting. YAWN!! I see the lack of proess and potential has seen young Chopstick distance himself from those of more girth. I find this both invigorating and inspiring. Perhaps we could start a division two in the ASWF for the more useless wrestlers. A B team as such. The first to be demoted to a more suitble destination? Well, Jelly for one and that collection of mucus known a Shadta are obviously out of there league. I guess Mr Charisma and the wobbly Wizard would have to go. Boy Maunder and Big Shot couldnt possibly be counted as A class either. As a matter of fact, i dare say there isnt a one amongst this grouping of mongoloid tians that would stand my test of time. Let them all tussle for a chance to wrestle me. The next and only undisputed ASWF champion of the cosmos!!

SQP3-

hey chris its my other charectar pwn that is taking on party boy

Partyboy: yo yo listen up own with a p in it. I am a 5th degree blackbelt in Aikido so I will happily smack you all over the ring, then pick u up drag your sad ass into the corner and you can watch my smooth moves. So I say bring it on, cos when I finish whooping your ass, and dancing up a storm around the arena for these amazing fans, I will be taking some divas back to my dressing room where it's time to P-A-R-T-Y D-O-W-N! And all you will be doing is picking your sorry beaten ass off the ground, walking back to the loser dressing room, and wishing to hell you had the moves and charisma of such an amazing and good looking wrestler like me. You down? Holla at me player!

Chopstick: Ahh Aikido, the way of the peacefull warrior, the thinking mans martial art. Non confrontational martial arts are for girls. Now Judo is a lot like Aikido but where you throw someone to the floor i break their bones and then throw them to the floor. Did you know that Aikido was designed as a means for stealing an opponents katana after you drop yours. Who would drop their sword in the first place. And just a minor correction Aikido has no smacking, slapping, punching, biting or attacking at all its defensive. In Aikido looking at someone aggressively is against the rules.

Now that i have dispelled the fear around your martial art take your dishevelled quote "good looking" carcass, i quote you here because i personally would never say such a thing about a sewer rat, and grow some testicles before speaking in this federation again. When will the wrestlers in this federation grow the balls to take up my challenge. I will have my highflyers belt recognised. Here are the two belts from my past federations. I propose to create a third belt with my glorious face plastering its facade. Out of the goodness of my heart i have allowed you to use my perfect visage as the backdrop to my perfect title. Walker-bush create the title and i will win it.

Quinfold is right about the lack of potential in this championship. When will i get a title shot. I carry this federation upon my outstanding shoulders. If my title isnt created i want to take on our "hardcore champ in a first into the ambulance match. First person to be beaten senseless and placed into the ambulance with the doors closed wins. And in a final thought could we please have some new rule in joining this fedration. All wrestlers must not be eunuchs prior to entering the federation.

*sigh*
Don't try and kick start your career by dropping my name in to interviews peasant. Though i do suppose an admission to my greatness is a veritable necessity these days when discussing this lop-sided federation. Maybe we should have a light heavyweight division for you small people and a superheavyweight division for the droves of fat slobs throwing on the tights these days in the ASWF like Shazta, Big Snot and jelly. I don't endorse your campaign fully but i do support the notion of seperating me from everyone else. God bless your cholesterol infested, straining little heart, chinaman. Kudo's!! Perhaps you could wrestle one of my many short, possibly blind albino men for the trophy. Perhaps Pigsy or Reginald?
SQP3-

(Different strokes star Gary Coleman is seen flying around the practise mat. In the backround we hear Chopstick barking out orders at the small poorly coordinated man. Camera turns to Chopstick)

Chopstick: Gary ive told you already dont think of your opponent as being twice the size of you, think of him as the the man who stole your platform shoes and made you look short.

Coleman: What you talkin about Chopstick.

Chopstick: If that doesnt work think of him as our hardcore champ, he isnt scary.

(Coleman is picked up and thrown by a wrestler who stands well over twice his height)

Chopstick: Thats right Gary good fall but next time you should try and not land on your head. Good that your getting up though, hey Gary where are you going, dont run away come back watch out for that!

(Gary Coleman who is concussed runs towards the door stumbles into the camera and falls to the ground unconcious. Chopstick notices the camera crew for the first time)

Chopstick: Ahhh finally you guys have arrived. You call the agency and ask for a big star and look what you get. The reason i have chosen to offer Coleman my expertise as a trainer is to dispel the myth about the wrestling ability of short blind albino men. My protege if thats what youd call him wishes to challenge Quimfolds army of albinos. Gary doesnt have any personal problems with them he just thinks theyre kind of weird and unnatural. He also wishes to see them destroyed humanely for their own benefit. I understand if Puncy wishes to keep deformed housepets, but blind albino men is just sick and highly representative of the lower classes. True nobility would keep only the finest specimens of humanity as pets. A man who would keep lowly albinos is not worthy of wearing a belt let alone the title belt. Hang your head in shame. Now if youll excuse me Garyis waking ill show him how this is done.

(chopstick rns at the wrestler on thepractise mat and footage cuts as gary colemans head emerges in front of the camera)

I am willing to release either Reginald or Lewis from my legion of short, possibly- blind army of albino men to fight Gary Coleman. However you should be aware that these men will not fight any pre-night matches under any circumstances. As for your biast jibes at such creatures, i can only wonder what gives you any right to judge anyone whatsoever. I am the only purebreed in this ridiculous association. Am i to take it that you are now Mr Colemans manager as well as trainer? I'd like to make the offer of a gentlemenly wager on the match....if only i could find another gentlemen in this repugnant place.....
SQP3-

As the sound of a bell chimes in the background a dark figure is lurking around the rafters watching in the shadows. This is a mad and twisted man with an extremly large bell on his head and mask covering his eyes, wrapped in a black cape, clasping a fencing foil in his right hand and a whip in his left. As this figure passes through into a slither of light there is glimpse of well oiled pencil thin moustache. With a crack the bell headed man swings through the air on his whip shouting out in a heavy spanish accent
'Im El se·ñor.....' ( The masked man colides with the wall) the sound 'Ding dong' echoes through the arena, as the man slowly pulls him self off the ground and stumbles out of the arena.

*Outraged*
I demand this mysterious clutz be stricken from the federtion. Who is he to sport a moustache? What riches has he been awarded and more importantly who is his barber? Why does he dwell in the rafters? Why does he wear a mask? I will have my answers!!!! Answer me you fool!
SQP3-

Who the hell is this pretender who thinks he can challenge me shadta, for the hardcore title match. his name sounds similar to this old fart from the wwf. haha i guess i should go out and buy a cane for him, as this will be the only weapon he will be using, since he won't be able to bend over to pick any weapons up.

I am going to enjoy myself bashing this senior citizen up and the ref can't help you loser!

sqp3 you better be watching your back when you are fighting i am going to lay you heel down with a last ride. CAN YOU DIG IT!

*sigh*
Can i "dig" what? Poor Shadta. Can you not come up with a single, plausible, sensical english sentence? Perhaps you never went to school. Perhaps you were the infamous lad raised by bears in a cave who has no grasp of civilisation. Are you not used to confining clothes perhaps. Maybe its the soapy cleansers. Do you yearn to run through a forest and talk in some kind of beary garble? English is a difficult language, i know. So why don't you do it Shadta? Why don't you run into the forest and be done with this troublesome language and all its cultures? run free, i say, run free!!!!
SQP3-

We return from the break to see Chopstick, Gary Coleman and Sir Quincy Penfold III arguing in the ring. The arguement begins to esculate and the crowd begins to go wild with the signs of a brawl about to take place. The pair look to clash with Chopstick and Sir Quincy Penfold chest to chest, yelling at one another. Chopstick behind his back pulls out in fact a pair of chopsticks, looking ready to strike. Moments later the arena loses all lighting and the crowd firing up even more.

Rodney: What the fuck is going on?
The Chief: I don't know Rodney but I hope we get power back soon...

Almost at that point the power returns to the arena

The Chief: Welcome back viewers
Rodney: That better not happen again, I feared Cybersex Chris Maunder was going to get me

Gary Colemen, Chopstick and Sir Quincy look blankly around the audience and ringside, looking confussed at what actually happened. After a few moments of looking around the stage, a faint sound is heard around the arena.

Rodney: WHat the fuck is that?

The sound beings to get louder and is distinguished as the sound of a chainsaw. Chopstick is the first to recognise and looks to the audience. Suddenly the chain saw begins to rip through the mat from below. The canvas rips, a slit is made and the chainsaw stops. There is a pause as everyone waits for the entrance, instead the chainsaw begins again and finally MrCharisma leaps from beneth the ring and chases Gary Coleman and Chopstick out from ringside with a crazy gleme in his eye, then drops the chainsaw and disappears into the crowd.

i'll pencil down three wins for the tweeners (bloody hell when did i join this group):
chopstick, heftner, and shadta

Down in the change rooms El se·ñor Ding Dong is seen chatting to a small fat grubby Mexican in a large sombreo and green poncho.[B]

El se·ñor Ding Dong:
Gee, Tonto what are we going to do to that aragant pompus fool Sir Quincy Penfold the 3rd?

Tonto: MMM this tacco is good amigo, i think you should sock that hombrei in the nose.

El se·ñor Ding Dong: No, no my side kick we need to cut that buffoon down to size or even just cut down that mustache..heheh..

Tonto(while munching on the remains of a sloppy tacco): mmmrrmm, sounds good my liege but we should be focusing on moves to finsh off this Heffener character, before we start talking about rattling that snake could i have your tacco if your not going to finish it.

After a short break on ASWF: In Your Face, the show returns to see Natalie Gruzlewski making a cup of coffee. She almost completes the menial chore, however; can't seem to find the milk. Moments later MrCharisma comes to the table

MrCharisma: Need some milk? With a smug look on his face
Natalie: Yah actually Obviously missing the pun

MrCharisma hands the carton of milk to Natalie, she thanks him but MrCharisma slids his hand over hers

MrCharisma: Excuse me, but you have a beep on your nose.
Natalie: What?
MrCharisma: MrCharisma reachs over and gently squeezes her nose Beep!
Natalie: Hahahahah she giggles a little
MrCharisma: They call me "coffee" because I grind so fine. Want to taste my dick?
Natalie: What!?!
MrCharisma: I said "do you want to taste my drink?

Natalie sips MrCharisma's coffee

MrCharisma: Hey Natalie I don't feel too good
Natalie: Why?
MrCharisma: I feel like I have an elephant in my stomach
Natalie: What?
MrCharisma: Looking down I think his trunk is already sticking out Raises his eyebrows a few times. You know you're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.

Natalie giggles some more
MrCharisma: Do you like chocolate?
Natalie: Yah sure, I love chocolate
MrCharisma: Well I've got half a bar grabbing loins of full cream dairy milk

Before Natalie could give a responce, we hear a voice off camera

Cybersex: Chocolate I love chocolate

Cybersex Chris Maunder comes rushing to the coffee stand

Cybersex: Hey do you mind giving me a bit of chocolate
Natalie: Look I'll talk to you later MrCharisma she leaves
Cybersex: What kind of chocolate did you say it was?
MrCharisma: I don't have any chocolate...
Cybersex: shocked So you lied to Natalie... storms off cameras view as MrCharisma just shakes his head and the camera fades out

Sir Quincy Penfold III: *Outraged*
I demand this mysterious clutz be stricken from the federtion. Who is he to sport a moustache? What riches has he been awarded and more importantly who is his barber? Why does he dwell in the rafters? Why does he wear a mask? I will have my answers!!!! Answer me you fool!

El se·ñor Ding Dong:How dare you mock me, you said you wanted another gentleman, now you have got one. Riches you say, whos my barber you say, fool you say, dwell in the rafters!!. Your arrogance enrages me, a fool im not! I challenge you for a duel.

(El se·ñor Ding Dong pulls out a glove from his back pocket and pretends to slap a imaginary Sir Quincy Penfold III a cross the face with glove)

Currently in the Bell cave

El se·ñor Ding Dong: Tonto you fool your spilling the contents of your enchilada all over my bell you supposed to be polishing it you imbecile.

Tonto: Sorry master im just dreaming of how great it would be to compeate with you in a tag team competition.

El se·ñor Ding Dong: Stop dreaming Tonto and when you finish that job you can go feed Isabel my noble steed.

Tonto: That lazy donkey gets fed more often then i do.

El se·ñor Ding Dong: Dont insult my steed wretch, finsh you tasks while i practice some finishing moves for that playboy wanabe Huge Heffner.

Tonto: I think i could pick up more senoritas then that inflated ken doll

El se·ñor Ding Dong: Dream on Tonto

Tonto: Well the only time ive ever seen you riding any thing female is when your exercising that good for nothing donkey.


"DONG" (Tonto's nocked unconcious on the floor from blow of El se·ñor Ding Dong'bell)

El se·ñor Ding Dong: Aww now ive got to get that lazy git to polish my bell again.

(Tonto runs into the bell cave estatic with a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken under his arm)

Tonto: El se·ñor Ding Dong, El se·ñor Ding Dong, I just heard your got your match my lord with that arrogant swine and for the ASWF title as well.

( Tonto finishes off the last peice of chicken and throws away the bucket)

El se·ñor Ding Dong: Yes, about time Tonto about time( rubs hands together slowly with a sly look on his face). Alls going to plan.

Sir Quincy Penfold the third is sitting in the lounge area of a posh hotel. He is reading the paper while sipping on tea and eating a crossoint. Two of his favorite albinos are sitting on beanbags while two more wrestle on the floor. Suddenly Percy, the next ASWF world champions personal moustache groomer bursts into the room.

Percy: Mr Penfold Sir, Mr Penfol-

SQP3:Percy my boy, i'm glad you could free some time in your busy schedule. As you know, a new wrestler has entered the ASWF and he has a moustache. A kind of moustache i have never ever seen. Its slick and sharp and i fear that his moustache might overshadow mine in our three way match on Sunday!! What can we do about this situation Percy? HAVE YOU FOUND OUT WHO DID IT?

Percy: Well Sir, i've been doing some research into Mr Ding Dongs past and i'm afraid i've come up with nothing Sir. Please don't be angry Sir.

SQP3:(throwing his newspaper on the floor)Confound it!! Well what do you propose i do about this issue?

Percy:I'm sorry Sir. I've exhausted my talent and methodry on your current moustache. The well has run dry....

SQP3:No no no no no no!!! This can't be happening. Curses!!

Percy:Well there is one last option sir, along shot, but a possibility. Its extravagent but it might work!

SQP3:Spit it out boy!!! Money is no issue for me.

Percy:Well sir, long have rumours sweeped the moustache world about a colony of monks who live in the hills of France who practice the art of moustachedo. Apparently there work is so pure and revolutionary, they shunned city life for fear there unnatural powers would be used by the wrong people. It is rumoured that a rebel monk was responsible for Adolf Hitlers er pussy tickler in the early fourties. Though the monks in the monastary cannot be bought, it is ruoured that the rebel monk still lives to this day. I put it to you that if we can find this rebelious monk before Sunday, then he will be able to provide you with the cut you desire so as to beat Mr Ding Dong for the world title. In fact, your moustache will be so powerful that both Mr Ding Dong and Mr Jelly will be rendered into such a state that they would become unconscious!!

SQP3:Yes!!We must find this rebelious monk promptly! When i unveil my new moustache on Sunday, no one will ever dare to challenge me again!! Your a genius Percy! (Percy smiles happily) Your bloody well fired but your a genius. This monk shall be my new personal moustache groomer!!

Will post results tonight