In the middle of another snoozefest bewteen Shadta and two short possibly-blind, albino men, the play-by-play jumbotron goes to static. Confused and bewildered (and probably attracted to the flashy colors the way certain bugs are), the wrestlers freeze and move towards the distraction. Slowly the static fades to a lordly image of a very statesly gentlemen. The gentlemen is obviously in high cheer.

SQP3:Greetings to everyone from the ASWF's only rich humanitarian. It is i who bring the truth. To you this is but another cold and desolate night in your mediocre lives as you wait to die hungry and alone. at least you will die knowing that, i, SQP3, am warm, cozy and well nourished in my manor tonight! (crowd boos)

(SQP3 squints towards the camera looking puzzled)
Is that you young shaznuts? It is isn't it? What a pleasent suprise that i should turn my high power broadcasting beacon at the same time as your wrestling another couple of high-flying contenders. Good to see your keeping yourself, well, not completely covered in flab anyway. Joy to the world! Carry on, don't let me interupt...

Shadta yells something at the camera- possibly "shaf foz new zegand cool yah!!"

SPQ3 pulls something from off screen. It is a large cylinder.

SQP3:Do you know what this is Shaznuts???It is a bottle of pure unadulterated sunlight!! I' have harnessed the power of the sun using my ginormous forune!

Shadta looks confused. Suddenly he is attacked by the short, possibly blind, albino men who bite him on the legs and lower torso. 10 other short, possibly blind, albino men also climb out from under the ring attacking Shadta. That bite him like bats!!

SQP3:You want to fight me you sad excuse for a human being??? I saw you yesterday wearing a potato sack for a shirt! Armani V Potato sack? Is that what all these people really want to see?? Fine, so be it!! Eat his precious face my pretties.
No no no Nooo... don't flee!! (The albino's flee the ring into the crowd who squeal with horror at the hideous tiny people) Thats not the SQP3 way! Oh well, you get my message Shadta!! If you want to make it 3 then call that worthless bag of no name minties who calls himself Bigshot along. If i can harness the power of the sun, i should have no trouble crushing your combined stench. To the hills my ugly babies, to the hills!!

The screen fades back to static with SQP3 smiling and his own shoulder...

(Footage opens to reveal Chopstick sitting in a friendly little Australian bar drinking tequila shots with an gorgeous blonde)

Chopstick: So hey Mandy whats a nice place like you doing in a girl like this huh?

Amy: I told you its Amy and im here waiting for my husband!

Chopstick: Ahh so you will admit your waiting for a man then hey?

Amy: No! if you dont go away i have pepper spray and im not afraid to use it little man.

Chopstick: Hey your Momma wasnt so hostile when i asked her to come back to the toilets.

(camera pulls away to reveal Amies embarrassed mother sitting in the next chair)

Mum: you said you needed to know where the mens room was i had no idea you had that in mind.

(Amy slaps Chopstick as in the background a huge man enters the pub sees the slap and quickly goes red)

Redguy (not of former ASRL coaching fame just had to put in Redguy reference): Hey freak what are you doing to my wife.

Chopstick: Nothing yet but if you give me ten more minutes hopefully filming some good stuff.

(Redguy grabs and swings a chair which Chopstick evades, chair hits and knocks out Amy. Chopstick goes nuts and clotheslines man onto pool table. He quickly climbs onto the nearby bar and does a moonsult onto the man on the table and breaks its legs. Amy wakes and sees the damage and lets out a cry. Chopstick looks up and speaks)

Chopstick: You silly girl marrying a man like that. Wife beatings a crime and anyway he cant take a headshot i hate people who cant take headshots.

(Chopstick stands up on pool table and hits his head on the tables light knocking himself out, Amy hits him with pool cue as a bar room brawl kicks off. The camera falls and shatters and only sounds of breaking glass and agonised moans are heard as footage ends)

Silly, filthy little urchin of a man. Your people shouldn't be aloud to breed anymore. You do nothing but devour the precious natural resources of our planet. Though, i find the Jap's to be mildly intelligent and slightly adept at nurturing what little they have, i find the Chinese and Korean forms of life to be completely pointless and overly derogatory to our worlds chances of survival. For example, the eating utensil your so aptly named after. Evey day forests are slaughtered for them. At least the Japanese import there chopsticks so as to extend there own livelihood. The Chinese and Koreans simply go outside with there ax and add to there ever expanding problems, mindlessly bringing closer there inevitble end. Your antics signify well, what little hope there is for your people.
-SQP3