The card for the ASWF's opening show has been announced.

'Cybersex' Chris Maunder vs. Sir Quincy Penfold III
Penfold has made it abundantly clear that he considers the match below him, but will the friendship of honey blonde bombshell, Natalie Gruzlewski, work in Maunder's favour in the card opener?

Marshal Boyd vs. The Randy Man (First Ever Breakdance Match)
Marshal Boyd has sent shockwaves through the ASWF by challenging The Randy Man to the first ever breakdance match. Will Marshal's superior flexibility and agility see him home? Or will The Randy Man defy gravity and score an upset victory?

Wizard1o1 vs. Jelly Adams (Ladder Match)
The oldest of rivals in the ASWF face off in what should be a classic match, as Wizard1o1 and Jelly Adams do battle in a ladder match. Two of the finest high flyers competing for nothing but pride.

Colossus vs. Chopper Read
Chopper made an explosive debut earlier this week, and has made it clear to fans and co-workers alike that he wishes to cause a lot of havoc. Colossus may be big, but can his sheer size match Chopper's appetite for destruction?

Huge Hefner vs. MrCharisma
It is, without a doubt, the biggest clash of egos in ASWF history. Huge Hefner's debut into the ASWF was nothing short of spectacular, but can his fine pedigree match up to the might of the Maltese Rambo, Mr. Charisma? The stage is set for a main event clash the likes of which the ASWF has never seen.

Party Boy vs. Chopstick
The Asian sensation caused widespread chaos today when he stole key ingredients from the costumes from several of his fellow wrestlers, including his opponent, the Party Boy.

The Trojan Warrior vs. Bone Daddy

Shadta vs. Colonel Kurtz

Mr. Big Shot vs. The Ice
The Ice isn't a happy man. Only minutes after arriving on location for his match against Mr. Big Shot, he had to shake Jelly Adams out of his room. The Ice isn't happy. Not at all. Mr. Big Shot just might pay the consequences for Jelly's idiocy.

[u]Outcomes[/u
Outcomes will be decided upon involvement and how much you put into the fed. If you cut a good promo, you're more likely to win. If you and your opponent want to feud, by all means, start a feud and get me interested. The more you put in, the more I'll put in to making you the #1 feud in the ASWF.

No titles will be on the line until the PPV. Until then, we'll be establishing feuds and a pecking order in the ASWF.

Have fun!

Any requests for match styles etc. will be considered. If you want to tag team it up, feel free to lasso a partner and tell me.

I would love mine and naths game to be a ladder match.

Your my bitch nathy boy.

I now understand why i'm being put in the ring with Mr Maunder. Opposites attract money in this backwards sport. I guess where about as opposite as they come. I'm well bred and spoken. Hes not. I'm handsome and have empathy to those below me. He is one crusty fellow and still i can empathise. He smells like that because of his restricted access to clean water and health care. His sickly and sloppy appearence is simply a representation of his malnourishment and non- access to fashion norms. I understand those below me and that is why the educated will overcome the ignorant in this short battle. I won't sillily allow my self become angry and foolhardy for being placed in the ring with this grouch. i'll just calmly overrun with my athleticness and rosy smells.
SQP3-

*Just as Adams finishes his stirring speech, thewizard1o1 run in belting Adams in the back with folded up ladder...*

You want your ladder match?...seeya in the ring baisexual...

*thewizard1o1 continues to walk on his way as the crowd goes wild*

*Cybersex Chris is in the back dancing to YMCA when Natalie Gruzlewski comes in dressed in a sexy outfit*

Chris: ITS FUN TO STAY AT THE Y-M-C...oh hey natalie! man this song is good, come and dance with me.

*Natalie starts to dirty dance with chris*

Chris: thats not how you do the YMCA natalie, dont you know how to do it?

Natalie: huh? oh forget it.

*Chris continues dancing*

Natalie: i just got news you are facing Sir Quincy Penfold III.

Chris: oh yes, i heard him talking about me, i must say he dresses very nice and has a fab moustache, but his wrestling ability leaves a lot to be desired. He may have a snazzy suit, he may have his hair cut by a guy named cecil, he may have top tappin' gucci shoes but when it comes to the ring, the only tappin he will be doing is when i lock on the screen jizz.

Natalie: ok whatever

*Natalie begins to take off a bit of her clothing but Aaron and Trent walk past*

Chris: hey guys wait up!

*Natalie looks confused as chris leaves*

mr c i understand why you are running scared of the breakers management 3 wins to zero for me (RSC, Division 2 and wrestling) you don't want to make it 4 losses for you.

Card has been updated

After wizard1o1s cheap shot on Jelly Adams. Adams has this to say

Jelly: Tha wizard and i have been enemies our whole caree but it hasnt ever really got personal but now it is! I swear i will drop that loser he is dead as can be cause im gonna SMACK DA JELLY ON HIM

*Jelly's music starts and then he walks off with a smirk. Two minutes later we found jelly in wizard1o1's locker room tearing it apart quoting your dead wizard your dead.*


"I like da Jelly, He is the best for me,
I like watching him at breakfast and I like it for tea,
a little each day is a good quantity for me.
The quality's high as the name would imply;
it's made with real strength and might that's one good reason why…
I like da Jelly, the greatest to be.

Ah Chopstick, the cooking utensil of savages who can't manage the subtleties of the four knives, three spoons and three forks required for gentlemenly dining. I find it quite appropriate that a short man from a third world country impoverished by overpopulation and pollution would steal my suspenders. Such a "character" (once again i lose that terminolgy lightly) is a perfect example of the kind of people, poverty creates. Cleptomaniacs who despite emerging from there silly little countries still can't help return to there roots of thievery and stink. Once again i try to fill empathy for these less fotunates breeds of "human". However my generosity can only stretch so far. Not because i have another 28 pairs of suspenders but because i empathise with your pathetic little kind.

As for Mr Maunder and his ridiculous charades i can ony imagine that his flattery is the result of some kind of awakening. Like when a small child wakes from his silk sheets and his king sized bed to emerge, to the sounds of proud puffing and neying in the courtyard, to find his first pony. That look in the eyes of adulation is how i expect to be received upon entering the ring at the next event. When he looks up with his one good eye, i'll sadly bow and let the scene speak for itself.

As for Mr Bigshot, i question your pedigree and have deigned your feeble attempts at gentlemenship to be both poorly acted and completely unbelievable. Nothing sadder then a lad pretending to be something he's not. Perhaps you could wrestle my stableboy or something. I'm not sure i want to get my hands greasy on you, perchance of catching the sociopathic failure disease that seems to have gripped both your brain and retina's alike.

MrC: Listen here Chumpy McChump! MrCharisma is not afraid of some Kiwi, beastiality mo fo... listen to me, I don't have a sheep for you to proclaim your love to, but what I have noticed is my goat is walking differently and I'm getting sour feta cheese so would you kindly leave MY FUCKING GOAT ALONE! It isn't interested in a relationship... all it wants is to eat grass and make feta. You may have pulled the wool over my eyes in the past but not anymore. PPV.... you can go ONE ON ONE with MrCharisma and you can bring a friend in Stooge Hefner, we'll have a hardcore tag match.

*Camera's pan backstage where Jelly Adams is tearing apart thewizard1o1's locker room like a bull terrier on heat...*

*Camera cuts to thewizard1o1 who is wearing a Steve Irwin like outfit...*

Wiz: [In a bad mock Irwin voice] Oh just look what we have here, shocking scenes like this can be seen in backyards right across Australia where sexual release starved animal vent all their frustrations on their surroundings. Truly it is one of nature’s greatest gifts...[Back to normal voice] only trouble is their not to bright.

*Thewizard1o1 tears the bit of paper stuck to the door*

**Ad break**

Play-by-Play guy: What is going on back stage? Who's room is Jelly Adams laying waste to?
Colour Comm. Guy: If you would slut the hell up maybe we would find out!

*Commentators commence to slap each other*

*Camera again pans backstage where the thewizard1o1 is walking through the corridor, when he bumps into 'The Ice'*

Thewizard1o1: hey dude there is someone going through all your shit in your locker room.

*The Ice bolts around the corner in the direction of his room*

*Camera pans back to thewizard1o1 who walks away in fits of laughter*

**Ad Break**

*Welcome to the Jungle by Guns and Roses begins to blast into the area, as PJ Marshal the World Champion strolls down to the ring accompanied by his manager Amanda Bynes to the ring and gets a mic*

PJ: Cut the music

*Music Stops*

PJ: Ladies and Gentlemen, the show stopper, PJ Marshal is here, to give all you wonderful people free beer

*From the rafters thousands of beer cans drop and slam into people causing widespread chaos thru the arena*

PJ: Now lets down to business, some lame ass known as the Randy Man wants to challenge me to wrestle

*Amanda laughs, while PJ makes gential actions with his hand coming from his head*

PJ: Well this Randy man aint got shit on me in the ring so im going to change the stipulations, because i am the champ

*crowd cheers*

PJ: Randy i challenge you to the first ever Breakdance match, Breakdance match you say? well its simple each of us perform a 5 minute routine in which the person who get's served loses. This is a no DQ match so any record is albe to be used even ones from the 50's and if you want you can bring your whole crew along to aid you in your pitiful attempt to serve me

*PJ spins on head, while Amanda starts to get horny and take off her clothes*

PJ: Now now Amanda can't you just wait 5 more minutes

*Crowd Cheers*

PJ: So Randy are you man enough to accept my challenge, because when you do get into my ring YOU WILL BE SERVED

*Welcome to the Jungle Cuts in, PJ piggy backs Amanda back into his dressing room where they have wild erotic sex*

Living vicariously through your wrestler, Marshal?

*Some sexy stiring music enters the arena and down srtuts the one the only Randy Man*

"Now listen up my little unloved individuals the Man has entered the arena"

*At this Randy Man who is in a Robe does a stacey kiebler style entrance into the ring showing his lovely studded G-String*

"This Marshall goon wants to break it down with the Randy Man hey? He wants to get it Jiggy with a Niggy like me? Well he's got another thing comming. Not only will it be a "breakdance" tournament. But then I actually want him in the ring no hold's barred. I'm not into this pissy dancing routine, the only dance I like to do is the horizontal mumbo"

*At this point Randy Man drops the mike and starts gesturing to his dick while starting a chant of YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH*

"So theres my challenge to you, you little marshall bitch, you wanna show me how big a man you are, lets flop it out on the pitch!"

*Randy Man leaves the arena but only after robbing his genetailia all over the ringside area even the bell*

Man I should report this thread.... you should have atleast given us a MA15+ rating!

My eyes are soiled

YAWN. You people bore me with Your infernal PPP. For the uneducated mass that constitues the ASRL, i am referring to the high content of Poor People Propoganda being perpetuated by the likes of our useless CEO and the monkeys he hires to act like wrestlers. I guess our mongoloid fans want to see "regular folk" up there in the limelight. So we thrtow them some peanuts and we watch them dance like the clods and trash they are. But why would anyone want a peanut like Jelly, bigshot, maunder or one of the other salty, sweaty retreads running around here when they can have caviar like moi? You booked me first Mr Bush and there within lies your first fatal mistake!! Without me to look forward too those sloppy patrons are going to march out the door. come to think it, i hope none of them try to touch me when i'm leaving the arena. Greasy peons...
SQP3-