It seems only yesterday that Mr. Randell, and Mr. Walker-Bush were at each others throats. Yet since those days the yule season has come and gone and we are yet again faced with another year. And so, I should not like to have my good name tarnished by setting off another 'war'. Far be it from me to ever commit such a nasty act. But this aside I do believe that this place is getting a tad bit boring, and it is time to 'dishevel the corgi' as we say home in Liverpool. So I thought it in the best interests of all involved in the ASRL machine to be made aware of the recents goings on of all the 'gentlemen' of the ASRL board.
ASRL CEO CHRISTOPHER WALKER-BUSH
He would have you told that your best interests are at heart, that you have nothing to fear. But I can assure you that this is not true. Let me tell you a little about ASRL board politics. The CEO is selected from the board members, by the board members. For the last four seasons this position has been rightfully held by Mr. Walker-Bush. Unfortunately, this season, our rightful CEO Mr. Brian Randell has been placed in exile. Walker-Bush committed electoral fraud by ensuring that the votes of key board members did not count. Only those made by his loyalists, Nathan Hoy and Anthony Magro were deemed 'legitamate'. During his third counting of votes, to ensure that the first two counts were incorrect (coming in at six votes to two in favour of Mr. Randell), Mr. Hoy managed (as chief of electional justice) to discern that the votes of Mr. Bossert, Mr. McElroy, Mr. Adams, Mr. Simmonds and Mr. Marskell had been filled out incorrectly as they had failed to vote for Mr. Walker-Bush. To add insult to injury, Mr. Walker-Bush then unjustly (as he does everything) exiled Mr. Randell.
NATHAN HOY (HIS LAP DOG)
Electoral fraud is nothing in comparison to that which this slime ball is capable. His latest doings are spearheaded by a very fiendish plot. Capatilising upon the French's no longer being able to bomb at Muoaroa-Atoll, Hoy has since bought (using Junior Development funds) land throughout the Pacific Islands. This land was then made legal ground for nuclear testing. Why would Nathan Hoy do such an awful thing? The answer is this: due to the recent outflux of stars from the Wellington line up, Hoy had been fearful of losing his fan base to other Pacific Islands based teams. It is this bombing of Tonga's entire squad (53% of their population, and 93% of their land) that forced their backing out of the 2003-2004 ASRL season.
ANTHONY MAGRO (MINISTER IN CHARGE OF MEDIOCRITY)
It would seem that all the Magro's are finally rallying to the one flag. The removal of Michael Magro from the head of Fairfield had nothing to do with poor trade options at all. Inside information has revealed to me that the only reason Michael Magro was at Fairfiled in the first place was so he could use their trading reserves to secure high profile players and then have them follow him to the Central Coast Falcons. This 'Maltese Mafia' has been working very hard (and very patiently) to leech the life (and the Sculthorpe) out of the Fairfield Stallions.
DAVID MCELROY (PUBLIC RELATIONS AND MINISTER OF WARMONGERING)
This buffoon has thought it funny recently to gloat about his first and only success that his second rate team, the North Sydney Newbloods have had over my Cannons. This man is definately to be watched as he carries a very silvery and very forked tongue. He sits and he prods the insecure towards battle and then sits back and laughs before swooping in for the prize, without lifting a hand. Never has there been a person more prone to sitting back and sponging off the dregs of society.
ROGER BOSSERT (SOCIAL RECLUSE)
No one has ever met this man in person. He coaches the Sydney Oilers from inland Queensland, sending out orders to his web of underlings and having them do as he pleases. How then, can you coaches believe that someone incapable of simple human contact has the capacity to empathise with you all and do what is best for you?
JONATHON (J.D.) MARSKELL (YOUTH CO-ORDINATOR)
To begin with, Mr. Marskell voted in favour of diverting 62% of the funds intended for Junior League Development into Hoy's real life game of Monopoly. Worst of all is the fact that he uses the other 38% of the funds to support the import of young Fijian children for use not as young footballing potential, but for slave work. He puts the children to work performing the tedious task of pulling plastic religeous symbols off their sprues in preparation for individual packaging, packaging that they also do.
STEVE "OLD MAN RIVER" SIMMONDS
* Socialist/communist
* Pro-choice
* Green
* Pro Kyoto Protocol
I must stop this list now or Steven will be subject to a public stoning.
DYLAN "JELLY" ADAMS (VILLAGE IDIOT)
Since becoming an active board member a number of season ago Mr. Adams has accomplished many feats not expected of anyone.
* Personally oversaw the demise of many noble ASRL clubs.
* Helping in the introduction of feral animals such as Hardstar into the fragile ASRL ecosystem.
* Caused a public scandel by revealing that he had only 'associated' with disgraced Darwin coach Luke Sharp, to "further his career." He has since discarded Luke's leeched, Peruvian Mummy-like husk.
* Failed to return my calls, with pathetic excuses like, "I don't have any credit."
In closing I suggets these things to remedy our current situation.
1. Fire Walker-Bush and his cohorts.
2. Bring back CEO-in-Exile Brian Randell.
3. Replace Bush, Hoy and Magro with Chris Colombo, MackDaddy and Mark Latham
You, my friend, are a complete twat. It's not my fault you're a shit coach.
St. David is the Patron Saint of Wales. I think that you Mr. McElroy are aptly described by the word: 'Wailes' Coincidence? I think not. You do it all too often when your credibility is challenged.
Haha, that was another classic. Nicely done.
Should I be concerned that your two schizophrenic personalities are arguing?
Chris
I thank you for the vote of confidence my friend and my politicol web is weaving (evil laugh begins and quickly fades) soon with the aid of my noble feinds, sorry i mean friends, no i was right the first time feinds we will run this organisation. wahahahahaha (laughter becomes maniacl and people stop listening.
You dick i didnt have any credit otherwise i would have rang u so u couldnt waste u credit.
