I was thinking long and hard about why it could be so that the Cannons have now lost their last three games. That was until last night, when I finally got word from my espionage agents (paid from my own pocket) that roam the field looking for sabotage attempts about how a mysterious man clad entirely in black was seen roaming around underneath the grandstands at our last three games. After firing them for their incompetence which manifested itself in their not telling me sooner I immediately got on the case. When it was also revealed that the 'ninja' was sporting large tufts of coarse, black hair from his costume, Anthony Magro, coach of the Central Coast Falcons was brought in for questioning. Soon, in dark room with mirrored glass we sat down for a little chat.

Kermit: "So Mr Magro. What do you know about the latest goings on at the Cannons?"
Magro: "Mate, I don't know what you are talking about! Let me go!"
K: "No, no Mr Magro. Not until we get to the bottom of this. Now tell me what has been happening at the Cannons! Don't make me cranky. You won't like me when I am cranky."
M: "What are you going to do!?"
K: "Bring in Moule."
M: "Heshgooddabar! Heshgooddabar! Heshgoodabar!"

Moule came in and stood in front of the frightened coach.

K: "Now we all know that you two have history. Are you going to tell me or not?"
M: "OK, I will talk! Just don't let him hit me again! *sob*"
K: "Very well. Go ahead. Take you time."
M: "It was me an' Roger that thought of it first. No Roger thought of it first. It was his idea. We decided that we wanted to make sure that one team at least would relegate to First Division next year. So we could come through."
K: "Three teams are assured relegation Mr Magro."
M: "Yeah I know. But we needed to make sure."
K: "It is assured."
M: "Yeah, I know. But, to make sure."
K: "Right, OK. To make sure."
M: "See. Make sure."
K: "OK. What did you do?"
M: "First we called Jelly, I mean Roger called Jelly. It was his idea. He made me do it. We said, Jelly do you want to help us assure someone to relegate? And he said, 'Why of course Magro. I would love to have anything to do with you. I have always aspired to hang out with someone as cool as you. You are such a great guy, and all the women are after you. Maybe if I was more like you I wouldn't have to settle on Luke for my sex."
K: "He didn't say that Mr Magro, did he?"
M: Well no, but he was thinking it, alright!"

I gestured to Moule and he punched Magro in the stomach.

M: "Mahhhhh! What was that for?! *gasp*"
K: "I grew tired of your lies, Mr Magro. Continue the story."
M: "Mate OK, just pleashe don't hit me again. The memories are just too painful."
K: "Tell the story, Mr Magro."
M: "OK, so me, Jelly and Roger formulated this plan, I mean Roger formulated this plan. We would take on Mission Impossible roles and launch an assualt upon Brookvale Oval. I was the ninja, Roger was the cheerleader and Jelly was the Construction worker."
K: "That sounds like the Village People Mr Magro."
M: "Yes!!! I didn't think anyone would notice my addition. But anyway, We all had our own little roles. Luke was to cut out the power to distract everyone. Roger was to look pretty and dance around keeping an eye on everyting and I was to sneak into the locker rooms and pour powdered 'No Doze' into the teams Powerade keg."
K: "So in broad daylight, you pranced around in a black ninja suit and thought no one would see you?"
M: "No one did."
K: "You were on the big screen for a little while and my daughter took a photo of you from the executive box. You just aren't the smooth cxriminal you though you were, are you Mr Magro?"
M: "Yeah well it worked didn't it? So screw you Krockett!!!"

I gestured again to Moule.

M: "Mahhhhh!!!! Heshgooddabar!!!"
K: "Is that it?"
M: "Yes! I don't know anymore!"
K: "Are you sure?"
M: "OK! We had walkie talkies as well!"

Moule read my mind and gave Magro another shot to the stomach.

M: "Stop it!"

And again. Magro then stood up and tried to fight back, slapping Moule on the chest. Moule cleaned him up with a right cross before laying the boot into him a few times on the ground. Before long Magro gave in,

M: "OK!!! I give up! Me and Roger are having relations.... I mean no!!! That's not what I meant! I meant your team is going to relegate now and there is nothing you can do!!! Moohaha!!"

K: "I've heard enough. Thank you for your time Mr Magro. You are free to go."

M: "Mate really? Mate, you will pay for this! We are having a ladder match at the next origin!"

K: "Wrestling isn't real Mr Magro."

M: "Mate? NO!! I don't belive you you are a liar."

I threw him out soon after that. Satisfied that the blame for the Cannons recent form rests squarely where it belongs I can now prepare for our clash with the Taipans.